Fuck this shit, I ain't gonna indent anymore. Sorry if any of you guys have OCD.

Although he was usually cool as a cucumber, Byleth was pissed off. Because why wouldn't he be when he's trying to teach an online class that is full of madlads?

"Sylvian, quit your flirting! Hilda, stop trying to pressure your classmates into flirting for you! And Leonie no one likes you so just shut up!" Byleth snapped (clarification, I barely know anything about Three Houses, it's just that my friends on Discord hate Leonie so this is for them :p And I apologize for any OOCness. Actually, I don't, its a crackfic).

In an instant, everyone stopped talking. Byleth gasped and buried his hands in face.

"Sorry, it's just that quarantine, being a professor and Smash is stressing me out." He muttered as he looked up.

His students mumbled responses, a mix of apologies, questions about Byleth's life in Smash and Leonie checking if people really do hate her. Which they probably do. Fuck you, Leonie.

"Anyways, let's get back on topic. Who knows the answer to question ten?" Byleth asked out loud.

Ferdinand stood up and cleared his throat. "Of course, I Ferdinand von Aeiger knows the answer! I am magnificent! Allow me to answer the question like a true nobleman!" He boasted

As soon as he said that, everyone other than Byleth started yelling at him. Byleth stood up and picked up the airhorn Shulk had him hold on for him. Why? Who knows, that Homs kid is on something.

hONK! (Yes, this is how I'm gonna write all sound effects)

Once again, everyone shut up. Huh, that really was more effective than he thought. Maybe he should use the airhorn more often?

"Thank you Ferdinand. I understand you are quite intelligent, but perhaps you should give someone else a turn?" Byleth suggested as he sat down.

Well that's one way to cause a panic. Because everyone's eyes widened as soon as those words left Byleth's mouth and they started shouted random things out- in fact someone shouted something about the ice cream truck arriving, although Byleth couldn't tell who thanks to the chaos. Anyways, who would get ice cream from some sketchy truck when a fatal virus is going around?

Byleth facepalmed. Clearly, no asides Ferdinand bothered working on the assignment. Was there even any point trying to continue teaching this class? Well, at least it couldn't get any worse.

Or so he thought. Because the icing on the cake happened. 

TELL ME HOW YOU'RE SLEEPING EASY 

HOW YOU'RE ONLY THINKING OF YOURSELF 

SHOW ME HOW YOU JUSTIFY 

TELLING ALL YOUR LIES LIKE SECOND NATURE (this format is killing me curse you Wattpad asdfghj-)

Oh.

My.

Sothis.

There was only one person in the entire mansion who would blast edgy trash in the middle of a lesson (Its not actually trash at all, I love Set It Off). Well, they probably didn't know about Byleth teaching class in the first place, but he was already frustrated so they were about to face his wrath. Byleth disconnected from the Google Meet - which his students were probably happy about - pulled a mask over his face, slapped some gloves on his hands and grabbed a bottle of Lysol before stepping out.

Byleth stormed towards his "victim's" door which had a piece of paper taped to it which read "Don't you dare kick my door down".

Needless to say, Byleth practically High Jumped Kicked the door down. Never piss off a teacher if you wanna see the next day, my children. Dark Pit jumped ten feet in the air as soon as Byleth did. "Dude, what the fuck?!" He exclaimed.

Byleth simply glared at him and walked in. "Explain," He boomed.

Dark Pit looked back at his door. "Are you like Pit or something? Because you clearly can't read." He said nonchalantly.

LISTEN, MARK MY WORDS, ONE DAY

YOU WILL PAY, YOU WILL-

Byleth yanked the speaker out of the outlet and yeeted it out the window (YEET).

"The Hell is wrong with you?!" Dark Pit yelled. "Lucina gave me that for my birthday!"

"I. don't. care. Listen edgelord, why would you blast your garbage when I'm trying to teach a bunch of sarcastic toddlers combat?" (Got inspiration from my Grade 9 English teacher :D) Byleth demanded

"Edgy? Now you're insulting me?" The dark angel shot back.

Byleth rolled his eyes. "You are edgy. Exhibit A: your taste in music. Exhibit B: your taste in fashion," he said, mentioning to the leather jacket and ripped jeans Dark Pit had on. "Exhibit C: your behavior. And Exhibit D, your room." He finished, pointing at the heavy metal posters, thick black curtains and black bed sheets. "I rest my case."

Dark Pit blushed and looked away. "Alright fine. But what gives you the right to burst into my room and damage my property?" He pressed.

"Oh, I don't know. What gives you the right to play music on max volume when I'm teaching an online class?" Byleth calmly shot back.

"You think I knew you were busy?! Anyways, why not wear some headphones if your so bothered?!"

"I don't have headphones! And even if I did, they still wouldn't block out the background sound."

"Okay, who cares about school in the first place?! The pandemic is a lot more important than that!"

"Speaking of which, aren't you supposed to be class right now-"

fArT!

The two men stopped arguing to see Wario standing in the doorway with a wheelbarrow of toilet paper.

"Toilet paper! Get your toilet paper! Only for $39.99!" He exclaimed with a burp.

Byleth and Dark Pit were stunned. Was this guy seriously going around selling paper for forty bucks?

"Stop him!" A voice cried. Wario yelped and ran away with his wheel barrow. Stepping in the hall, the two saw Pit and Roy running after the fat Italian salesperson with a megaphone. The light angel and the prince stopped in front of the professor and dark angel to catch their breath.

"Hey babe, what happened?" Dark Pit asked Pit, kissing his cheek (I'M SHIPPING MY OTP IN THIS YOU CAN'T STOP ME-)

"Wario happened! He shoplifted those rolls!" Pit exclaimed.

"A-and if we don't stop him, he'll sell them for twenty times the price! People are dying and all he cares about is becoming rich!" Roy added.

Byleth and Dark Pit glanced at each other before nodding.

"Lead the way, we'll stop him together." Byleth declared.

So the four of them ran after Wario who was blasting the Coronavirus song -the Hatsune Miku one to be specific- ignoring Mario's cries of pain.

"Huh, those lasers are more effective than I thought," Samus muttered as she took a bite of her lasagna.