My precious Exalt, you are too good for this world. Your blue hair and eyes remind me of the ocean. Your scent is of a spring morning. Your voice has the sound of a songbird. I watch almost every hour and now I have even more time to do so thanks to quarantine. I have memorized your schedule dawn to dusk. I have an entire album full of photos of your elegance. I also possess a shrine of your possessions. You don't mind my dear, do you? Oh, I want to lock you up in a bird cage so no one can put a finger on you. I want to exterminate every fiend who looks at you ugtydardebjdkgbwli-

What's with the random letters, you ask? Well, that was Corrin's reaction to someone knocking her door, slamming her head on the keyboard in surprise. Yes, it's 2020 so no one writes love letters by hand anymore. Corrin took a deep breath and saved her progress before hurrying to the door to reveal Red standing at the entrance.

"Can I help you? I'm in the middle of something. And seven feet please." Corrin said.

Red rose an eyebrow before stepping back and holding out a familiar notebook. "Is this yours? It has your name on it." He asked.

Corrin yelped and snatched the notebook from him. "H-how much did you read?! She stuttered.

"No... why would I?" Red asked in confusion.

"No reason, thanks for returning this, bye!" Corrin exclaimed before slamming the door on his face.

"What the heck was that..." Red muttered as he left, since he's too innocent to say fuck or Hell.

Corrin flopped on her bed in relief. Good thing Red didn't read her journal containing her feelings for Lucina, as well as some of her murderous thoughts. If he did though, Corrin might have to "punish" him later on...

Shaking her head, the dragon princess shoved her journal in her desk drawer and went back to writing her stalkerish letter. When she was done, she turned into a dragon, flew out the window to Lucina's window and slipped the letter through it. She waited for the princess to arrive. Finally around lunch, Lucina walked into her room, shouting something about Wario offering her overpriced toilet paper, only to pause and notice the folded piece of paper near her window still. Corrin gasped and quickly flew out of view and took a peak to see Lucina reading the letter. When Lucina started her face was neutral, then she smiled, then she frowned and finally smiled again.

Did she think it was cute or was she freaked out? Corrin couldn't tell because of her facial expressions. Well, she smiled quite a bit. That was a good sign, right? Corrin kept watching Lucina, who was doing nothing other than texting. Unfortunately, Corrin couldn't read her texts from her window. Sighing, the Manakete returned to her room. Suddenly, she was hit by a thought.

"IS LUCINA EVEN LESBO?!" She cried out loud (Gay or European-).

Silence.

But it was an important question. Was her beloved even gay? If she's straight, that would make this a thousand times harder. How do you force some to change their sexuality? Maybe some "bonding time" would help...

knOcK knOcK

Corrin jumped up and opened the door only for her heart to skip a beat when she saw who was at the door.

Yep, it was the Princess of Edginess, Lucina Lowell. Shit, did she figure out Corrin wrote the letter?

"Have you seen Robin? We're going to get groceries for those who are to scared to step outside." Lucina asked.

At that moment, Corrin's heart cracked.

Robin?

Robin?!

ROBIN?!

Why would Lucina go out with Robin instead of her?! They aren't together, are they?

Corrin pinched herself to prevent going all psycho and faked a smile. "Y-yeah. I saw him on the rooftop. Drinking tea or something." She answered.

Lucina nodded. "Thank you, Lady Corrin." She said as she left.

Corrin waved before grabbing Yato and heading down the hall. As much as she hated lying to her crush, she had to get her far away from Robin as possible who was probably in his room reading. Corrin kicked down the door, startling Robin and causing him to roll into his blanket, turning himself into a burrito blanket (I love burrito blankets).

"Corrin?! Why'd you do-"

thUMP

Before he could finish his sentence, Corrin smacked the back of his head with a trophy. She dragged his body all the way to the basement. No one questioned it, because they probably thought Robin passed out drunk or something. When she finally got to the basement, she tied Robin's hands and feet together before splashing water on him.

"Blublublublblub- Corrin what the fuck?!" He exclaimed as he sputtered water only to gulp when he saw Corrin's murderous expression.

"Why is Lucina going out with you instead of me?" She asked calmly.

Robin shrugged. "Because I'm her best friend...?" He asked only to yelp when Corrin stabbed Yato a few centimeters away from him.

"Lucina's mine. NO. ONE. CAN. HAVE. HER." She gritted through her teeth (snap mode am I right?). "I should be her best friend... no her lover."

"Whoa whoa whoa, when did I say I liked Luci?"

"You're calling her "Luci" now?"

"I always did, what's your problem?"

"My problem? My problem?!" Corrin snapped. "It's that you like her and are going to confess to her soon! I just know it!"

"Someone plays too much Yandere Simulator..." Robin muttered under his breath.

"So since you're in the way, I must eliminate you. Well, time to die. Any last words?" Corrin hissed.

"Yeah... you do realize Luci is right behind you right?" He answered.

Corrin gasped and turned around to see Lucina with her arms crossed. "L-lucina! I-it's not what it looks like I-I swear!" Corrin stuttered.

Lucina rolled eyes. "Yeah, I totally didn't hear the entire conversation. You know, the one about you murdering Rob?" She said nonchalantly.

Corrin was at a loss for words. "How did you find me...?" She slowly asked.

Lucina shrugged. "He wasn't on the roof and Bowser was complaining about tripping over "drunk mage being dragged downstairs by dragon lady" or something." She explained air quoting the Koopa (Bowser best boy by the way. Actually no, Robin is).

That snitch!

"So if you heard the whole conversation, you heard the part about me liking you?" Corrin muttered in shame.

Lucina nodded. "I'm surprised you feel that way about me Corrin. I-"

"Hate me?" Corrin interrupted. "So you're going to break my heart and go out with him?!" She sobbed.

"What? No I was going to-"

Before Lucina could finish her sentence, Corrin pinned her to the wall with her swordpoint to the bluette's neck. "If I can't have you, then no one can. Guess that means I'll have to kill you both."

Lucina frowned. "I'm going to presume you wrote the letter. Well, typed. No one uses paper anymore." She half joked. "But before you kill us off, can you drop the flaming-chainsaw for a second? There's something I'd like to tell you first." Lucina asked (Get it, cause that's what Yato literally is).

Confused, Corrin threw Yato aside. What could she possibly have to say? "Okay, so now wha- mmf?!" This time, Lucina was the one to cut Corrin off. By pressing her lip's against Corrin's (aka a KISS you crackheads).

At that moment, Corrin started mentally freaking out. And fangirling. But what the Hell?! Did that mean she- nah, it was probably just to buy time. Well all the Manakete could do during the situation was kiss back. She mewled in reaction, causing herself to become even more flustered (a mewl is basically a tiny moan, like a whimper).

When Lucina finally pulled away, Corrin could barely find her words. Lucina chuckled and patted her head. "I like you too, Lady Corrin, but you didn't have to do all this." She said, mentioning to Robin.

"B-but you're straight!" Corrin stuttered.

"Bisexual. I like guys and girls." She corrected.

Oh. She didn't think about that. Never presume someone's sexuality, my dudes.

"Okay, now that you two confessed to each other, could you please untie me? There's something I have to clear up!" Robin called.

Corrin sighed and cut open the ropes. Robin jumped up and pointed accusingly to Corrin.

"First, never do that to me ever again. Second, how can I like Lucina if I'm gay?!" He demanded.

What?

Robin shook his head. "Honestly, I thought you guys knew that this story is an excuse for the author's ships to come together," He muttered.

Lucina laughed. "Oh yeah, the author is a braindead fangirl with nothing better to do. ANYWAYS, you guys wanna burn every copy of Fortnite in the mansion? We can have a big indoor bonfire." Lucina suggested.

"Yes!" Corrin exclaimed happily, clinging onto Lucina's arm.

Lucina smiled and started to leave the basement only for-

bUrP

Wario dashed downstairs with his wheelbarrow. "Hide me, they're coming- oh my fat ass!

Too late, Roy, Pit and Dark Pit tackled him, causing the wheelbarrow to crash into the wall. Byleth picked up the megaphone Pit dropped and pulled the trigger.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him." Byleth said with a smirk.