NAZIA TURNS AROUND, expecting to wake up to an empty bed. Instead, she wakes up with Kabir beside her. All the memories from last night come rushing back and her heads starts to sway with all of this knowledge. She almost died last night by the hands of Bella. After that encounter, Nazia has become even more worried about Kabir. At least Nazia knows that last night was an one off encounter - Kabir had to deal with that woman for two long miserable years.

She brushed a strand of Kabir's hair off his cheek. The sunlight is pouring into their room. She tears her gaze away from Kabir to check the time and she realizes it's now 12.30. Nazia takes one long look at Kabir and then starts to climb out of bed, until Kabir tugs her hand.

"Don't go," he murmurs against the bed. She climbs back in and he wraps an arm around her body. He snuggles his nose against her collarbone and Nazia laughs, her heart filled with familiarity and love once again.

"Kabir, it's 12.30," she says. "We should both get up."

"What's the point of getting up?" he quizzes. He opens his soft brown eyes to Nazia's gaze. He tucks a strand of her loose hair behind her ear. "Stay with me. It's been too long."

Before, they would lie down in bed during Sunday mornings. They would sometimes cancel all their plans before 12.30, and spend the entire morning in bed. There, they'll kiss and talk about all their outgoings in the previous week in a snug warm bed. During summer, they'll switch the warm bed for the balconey and some tea. It was a rather lazy event, but Kabir always told Nazia that they deserved a break from adulthood and responsibilities just for at least one morning.

"Kabir?" Nazia says, trying to see if Kabir has nodded off to sleep again or is still awake. When he moves his head, she starts to speak again. "You need to go to a therapist."

Kabir laughs. "Nothing better to start off a morning than someone telling you you're a nutjob."

"It's the afternoon now," Nazia points out. She's laughing too, but her tone is serious. "Harnaam told me you haven't attended a single one of your appointments. I'm worried, Kabir. You can't do this to yourself."

Kabir stiffens. "I just hate doing it. I know talking things out would help, but I'll rather go home and sleep than spend a hour analysing my life and what went wrong."

Nazia sighs. "Therapy tells you how to deal with your problems too," Nazia points out. She holds onto his hand and starts to rub circles with her fingers. "Kabir, you've been through so much - It's so important you talk about this to a professional. After my parents died, I went to a therapist for two years."

The room went silent. Nazia's parents is an off limit subject. Occasionally Nazia would mention them when she discusses her past, but it'll always be in a positive manner. She'll never act as if they were dead, that there was a full stop to their life and they'll never hold their grandchild in their arms or attend her wedding. She would recount her memories with them in laughter and act as if tommorow they'll pop in for a surprise visit to their only child, who is so lonely in this world without a sibling or another family member to speak of.

"Kabir, you're all I have left," Nazia tells him. Her eyes are starting to swell up in tears and Kabir suddenly feels guilty. "I can't loose you too. Please, for me - try to get better."

He sighs, his heart filling itself with sorrow. "Why do you even love me?" he asks. He moves out of her grasp and sits up so he's leaning against the headboard of their bed. He runs a hand through his messy hair. "Nazia, I'm a screw up - I'm a monster."

Nazia leans up to sit against the headboard and takes his hand into her hands again. "Are you listening to yourself? Kabir, you are not a monster!" she says. "You love and care for people so much."

He tries not to look her in the eyes. If he did, she might see the guilt hidden in his eyes. "I tried to kill someone," he says. She suddenly remembers the night Kabir went missing to return hours later with scars. He told her that he tried to kill Bella, that he was a monster and he doesn't want her to be with a murderer.

"That was self defense, Kabir. You were just protecting yourself."

He shakes his head. He climbs out of the bed, unwilling to sit beside Nazia and her perfume when he reeks of evil. Nazia calls out his name again, summoning his gaze towards her once again. "What if I was you that night? What if you weren't protecting yourself - but you were protecting someone you loved? Would you think of yourself as a monster then, too?"

Kabir's eyes fall to the ground. If Nazia went through the same things he did that night, he doesn't know what he would've done. Would he have killed a defenseless Bella? Would he have felt the same hatred and disgust at Bella if he didn't have his equation with Bella, and rather Nazia did? The bitter truth is that if the only way to protect Nazia was to harm Bella, Kabir would protected Nazia in a heartbeat.

"Bella was so cruel to you," Nazia says. "She was your abuser and she even tried to kill me yesterday. Just because you thought of one terrible thing to do to a terrible person doesn't mean you are a monster."

Kabir bites his lip. He could see what she was saying, but his heart was disagreeing. It still felt guilty and disgusted with itself do even thinking of death. It was strange how Nazia was simplifying it all to a thought - Kabir always felt guiltier, as if he was only inches away from taking away a life when in reality, it was a mere thought.

Nazia runs a hand through her hair. "I love you," Nazia claims. "I want you to get better. I want you to look after yourself like you protect the people you love. You're going through a tough time Kabir, and you need to talk this through before you go crazy."

She climbs out of the bed and walks over to Kabir. She kisses him on the cheek and starts to walk away, but Kabir holds her wrist. He pulls her into a hug until all Nazia could smell and see was him. "I love you too," he murmurs against her hair. "I promise I'll go to the next appointment."

Nazia smiles against his chest. It was a small baby step for Kabir and her relationship, but it meant the world for Nazia that he was trying to get better. Maybe one day they'll return to the love they once had for each other.

□

MEGHA SLAMS HER FISTS ON ABEER'S DOOR, her mind spinning with the last text Abeer sent her last night from the airport. Harnaam had forced Megha to stay over at her apartment and they sat, awaiting for a text to ensue that Kabir was safe. Even when the text arrived, Harnaam told Megha it was too late to go out again and for her to sleep in Kabir's bed instead of running home. Although Megha was aching to run to Abeer's home and to scream her lungs out, she was tired and decided to wait until this morning to go to Abeer's home.

A shiver runs down her past as she slams the hardwood door again, drawing attention from Abeer's neighbors. Finally the door opens and Abeer looks at Megha with a raised eyebrow. All he wears is low rise jeans that have been hastily put on. As a substitute for a shirt, Abeer has a towel thrown over his shoulder. His black hair is messy and gleams with water droplets.

"I just started my shower," he snaps, sighing as if Megha is a huge inconvenience to him. He opens the door more, letting Megha see more of his apartment and of his bare chest. He ushers Megha in and then pops his head through the door to look at his neighbors. "I highly suggest you guys start moving soon - you look like you've seen Mudusa instead of my girlfriend."

As soon as Abeer shuts the door and looks back at Megha, Megha folds her arms over. Abeer raises a thick eyebrow and then starts walking over to his couch to grab a shirt as if Megha's presence was nothing. "I'm not your girlfriend," Megha says, her voice a steely tone that Abeer has never heard.

He almost bursts out laughing at her tough facade in the middle of patting his hair dry. He turns back to Megha, his eyes gleaming with amusement that sinks at the sight of Megha's sharp eyes.

Oh God, she's serious. That means Abeer has to bargain with her, which is something he doesn't want to do when all he wants is a shower. Convincing Megha takes a lot of pretending to agree with her and then adding 'suggestions' until she agrees with you. Or, the easier way is to threaten her but Abeer is a bit too cheerful today to do that.

Well, as cheerful as it gets.

"True. I can't still believe you cheated on me," Abeer sighs dramatically, his tone heavily sarcastic. He slips on a white shirt. "Anyways, why are you here? You didn't even text me and you rudely interrupted my shower session. Well, that is unless you want to join me."

Megha takes a step forward, her eyebrows knitting them together as she raises her palm. Anger and fury burn inside of her chest; the flames licking her head and controlling her actions. How can Abeer so causally shrug a pickup line at her after breaking her heart -- and forcing her to break her brother's relationship? How can he be so cheerful after telling her that he knows who Bella is, and he'll use Kabir's ex-abuser to hurt him more?

She raises her palm higher until it's right next to Abeer's gloating face who hasn't seen it rising. Megha slaps him hard, until he's moved his face along with her palm and the rings that clad it. There will be a purple bruise there tommorow along with the lines of Megha's sliver rings.

"How dare you?" she hisses, her tone deadly quiet as Abeer moves back to his usual height. He looks at her with disbelief. "That came from me - for you using me like I'm an object, manipulating me until I was forced to break my brother's heart, for all the nights I cried out of sheer fear you'll do something awful to my sibling and I wouldn't be able to say a thing."

Abeer's expression doesn't move, his cheek turning red from the force of Megha's hand. His lower lip is held agape and his eyes are wide. "I pray every single day, hoping that you'll use that intellegent mind of yours for anything besides hurting people. Why do you think it's okay to reintroduce Kabir's ex-abuser when he's already suffering depression again? Why are you so determined to hurt someone who has done nothing to you at all?!"

She straightens her back. "You know what you are? You're a fucking monster. You have no heart! You don't give a shit about anyone else. It'll be wrong to call you a human - you're just a fucking monster."

Finally, Abeer starts to move, grabbing her wrist tightly. His eyes are a dark shade of brown and his cheek is bright red with the force of Megha's palm. Her words ring in his head and he tries his best to hide his vulnerability.

"Hey! I wasn't done talking -" Megha complains, her long black hair moving along with her wrist that Abeer harshly pulls. Abeer opens the door quickly, pushing Megha out of the door and locking it quickly. Megha spins around the door, her palms slapping in the door again as her anger rises in her stomach again.

"Abeer! You can lock me out of your house but hear the truth at least!" Megha yells, her tone loud over the sound of her hands thumping against the wall. "No one will ever love you. This game of yours is going to end with you alone. I feel bad for your parents for creating such a monster!"

Again, a bunch of neighbors start to raise eyebrows and watch Megha with worried glances. She quickly flicks away the tears of anger away from her eyes. Megha straightens her shirt and starts to walk away from the door with whatever dignity she had left.

Inside the close doors, Abeer's mind paces. He can't stop thinking; his heart is racing and his mind is speaking a dozen words at once. They speak of words of the past, of parents that should be ashamed of creating such a monster according to Megha.

Abeer sinks down to the floor, his heartbeat racing as he gently touches his cheek. All his mind can see is his father, and the lack of his mother.

All he could see is his father yelling at him, screaming at him that he'll never get another meal until he stops questioning about where is his beloved mother. He couldn't stop thinking of the sting of his red check and his bruised arm from where his father had grabbed him and forced him into his room. All he could feel was the hunger clawing at his stomach from the lack of food he's eaten and the question of where is his mother. He always wondered why his parents never loved him; why one abandoned him to a sadistic man who found joy in torture.

That question still remains today -- but the desire of the answer has died out by his father and his palm.

There is this terrible pain that overcomes Abeer. He tries not to think of how lonely his room was. He tried not to think of the worn out books on his bookshelves, the same books he used to stare at all day long without processing a single word because he was just so damn hungry. All he knew was hunger and grief. It was all he could think of as he stared at black and white pages.

He tried not to think of what was outside that room either. He tried to not think of his mother's screams, the sound of plates breaking, tables breaking, his mother's arm breaking and the sound of his own heart shattering at eight years old. He tried not to think of the sound of an engine revving at the middle of the night, the sound of a mother leaving her eight year old son to to devil himself.

Suddenly Abeer was puking everything he's eaten in the last hour over the hardwood floor, a reminder of the fear that crawls in his stomach. He doesn't want to think of the past, of all the loneliness that had been his life or the pain he went through. It was so strange to think of how much Megha's words had impacted his poor, dead heart.

Abeer pushes himself off the floor, his eyes glancing over the pile of bile towards the mirror on the other side of the room. He staggers towards it, his eyes solely on himself and his dark eyes.

Megha doesn't know what a monster is. She's barely seen the devil himself yet. She's never faced a day of pain in her privileged life - everything was handle on a silver platter. She's never had to work a day in her life for love and for human connection.

What does Megha know? Has she ever sat on a hardwood floor in the dark, hearing the screams of a parent? Has she ever placed a fist in her mouth to conceal the sobs hidden in her chest? Has anyone hated her enough to give her physical and emotional scars? She barely knows what a monster looks like. Does she know that a monster looks like Abeer's father, a man with glasses, wealth and charm? How would she know that a man with a brief case and thick black glasses went home to scream at his wife over the lack of salt in his food?

Abeer looks at himself. His brown eyes are glimmering with tears. His eyebrows are dark, his lips are downturned and his black hair shines with dew drops. Is this was a monster looks like?

With a sour taste to his mouth, Abeer touches the mirror and wonders if he's just as bad as his father was. Has he truly hurt everyone he's ever loved as much as his father did? Abeer had a tendency to loose the people he loves. His mother walked out on him when he was eight, he left Nazia for Sahibha and Sahibha soon left him too. He doesn't know what to do with love and he's beginning to wonder if he's a monster. It would explain why the people in his life have a tendency to leave.

He can't help what he's doing. Nazia was the only one who loved him and the only one who taught him what love is. How can he let go of her? She stood by him despite his cheating ways. She loved him unconditionally and Abeer needs that love in his life again. He needs consistent love, not a love that leaves him in the middle of the night or a love that sleeps with another man in his absence. Consistant and unconditional love would make him happy, so should it even matter if it comes at the cost of someone elses' happiness?

Wanting to be loved doesn't make Abeer a monster, right?

□

hey! how was the chapter?

thoughts on Kabir trying to get better and abeer's past? i was originally planning to do a seperate chapter to reveal Abeer's past and family problems, but I decided the monster parallels were interesting so I placed the ideas together and viola!

how are you guys? how is life treating all of you?

vote?

- love
maya.