Chapter 20

I was done with giving Kyle space. He had been hiding and keeping to himself for so long that if I didn't do anything, he may start to resent me.

Kyle was laying on his bed while typing on his phone. I stood by the doorframe, waiting for him to notice me. I wasn't sure if he was ignoring me on purpose or if he really was oblivious to my presence. My knuckles lightly tapped against the doorframe and he glanced in my direction.

"What is it?" His voice was muffled by the pillow he had pressed up to his face.

"I want to talk." I walked over to his bed and sat next to him. His body tensed and he turned off his phone immediately.

"What's there to talk about?" He seemed defensive.

My mouth formed a tight line at his actions. "I want to talk about you."

"Why?"

"Because I care about you." I replied as quickly as he asked. He bit his lip, not saying anything for a few moments.

"Okay."

I frowned to myself, unsure on how to get Kyle to open up. I sat there quietly, thinking to myself for some time before clearing my throat.

"Look, Kyle. I tried to give you space since I know you've been having a really hard time lately but at this point, I'm getting really worried for you that I can't help but to intervene. I really do care for you and I don't want you to be stuck in a low place forever. So... I've signed you up for therapy."

"What?" Kyle's response was muffled and I could hear a hint of disbelief in it.

"I've signed you up for therapy." I cleared my throat again. "I've been saving up money for you to get therapy actually. It's just... ever since I lost... your Papa, I didn't want to see anyone go through that sort of struggle alone ever again." I carefully put a hand on his head and rubbed it gently. He didn't flinch or try to push my hand off but instead relaxed a little.

"Papa struggled?" Kyle turned his head to look at me and I gave an absentminded nod.

"He did. He struggled till the very end." I took a shaky breath. "I know I haven't been the best parent, but I do want you to have things better than what your Papa and I had."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I... sometimes, I get really scary dreams." He mumbled the words like he was ashamed to say it out loud. He looked to me to scanned my expression for any judgement but I just nodded.

"What about?"

"I imagine that I'm on this really tall building and I'm crying. I have... a phone in my hand and I was calling someone. It felt... so weird."

My eyebrows furrowed as the situation sounded familiar to me. Way too familiar. "Did you know what you were saying in the call?"

"I said... I couldn't live like this any longer and not to stop me." His eyes began to water and he wiped them away with the back of his sleeve.

My mind wandered to that night. I didn't think of it on purpose but... I couldn't help but think about it. It was like I was living through that traumatic night again.

It was a normal night. It was quiet. I wanted to come back home to spend time with Caleb as I noticed he was acting off the past few weeks. I was walking outside and shivered every so often as I didn't realize it would get that cold so fast. I honestly should've worn a thicker jacket. That was when I got a phone call from Caleb.

"Josh."

His voice was partially obstructed by the static but I could still tell that he was in distress.

"Caleb, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"I just wanted to call you."

At the time I wasn't sure what exactly was on Caleb's mind or why he actually wanted to talk. It was a windy night, but it didn't register in my mind at the time that he was outside as well.

"I'll be getting home soon. Do you need anything at the store?" I adjusted the phone in my hand.

"I don't need anything. Josh–"

"Are you sure you're alright? You sound like you've been crying." Something didn't feel right at the time and he didn't want to admit anything.

Caleb didn't say anything for a few moments and I could hear his ragged breathing from the other side of the phone.

"Josh, I want to say goodbye."

"Goodbye? What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry."

The call dropped and I stared at my phone in confusion. By the time I came home and had found his note detailing everything, it was already too late.

I slowly pulled my mind away from the sad memories of the distant past to focus on Kyle. He was currently looking down at his hands and struggling to find the words to articulate his thoughts.

"When I was falling... I was so scared. I had last minute doubts. I wished..." His voice trailed off.

"Hey, come here." I opened my arms for a hug and Kyle begrudgingly put his head on my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around him. "You don't have to go through this alone. I'm here for you. Don't push me away, okay?"

"Okay..."

It seemed Kyle did remember being Caleb. The fact escaped me at times but Caleb was part of the past now.