Elliot's POV

I sit in the back on the porch, soaking in the sun as I think about being home for the first time since three months ago when Courtney and I came to visit with Michael.

Now here I am without both of them and with no promises or being close with either of them again.

Life is one fucked up game that I wish I kept the instructions for. Is someone were to tell me, the last time I had been home, that all of this was going to happen, I would have told them that they needed to get admitted into the looney bin. And yet here I am.

The late afternoon sun feels good against the breeze and I think about sitting out here all night.

I hear the back door open and I smile as I turn and see my mom coming outside, my dad right behind her as they come out on to the porch. They close to door and both of them come over to sit in the chairs beside mine as we look over the garden my mom has been working on since I was a kid. I remember summers where Mike and I would wake up early with her and help her and even though we complained, we would both be up bright and early with big smiles on our faces.

"Hey, son." Me dad greets with a warm smile and I smiles at him and my mom.

All my teenage life and into my adulthood, I also thought that my parents shared my views on being gay. While I had never went against it being comfortable with it was something that I wasn't. Until the most ironic fucked up shit in the world happened to me.

I was scared as all hell when I came home that night, getting out of the taxi to walk up to my parents house. But when I knocked on the door and it was opened, the floodgates and my mouth opened and they didn't close until I had gotten everything out that had happened these past few weeks. And thankfully my parents didn't care.

They cared that I was hurt. They cared that Bambi, the girl they new would end up their daughter, wouldn't be, and they cared that I had to get away.

But between the both of them, they couldn't scrounge up a single fuck about me being with a man.

Turns out I may have been projection the homophobia for years. Not something I am proud of but I'm glad that it was all in my head. My mom hands me some sweet tea, the best drink here in the south. You can't get it like this up north.

"Have you called anyone?" Mom asks me softly as she has been for the past few days and I sigh as I shake my head.

"You can't run away from your problems forever." My dad warns me and I smile at little bit as I turn my head towards them.

"I know. But the choice was taken away from me to think things out when it first happened. It's nice to have my own thoughts and feelings in my head and not worry about everyone else's." I tell them and my mom nods at me before she speaks up once more.

"Now go take a shower. You still smell like outside." She tells me and I laugh as I get up, kissing her on the cheek before I make my way inside the house or go do just that.

This morning I mowed the grass before I went for a run, the time outside helping clear my mind. Not going to school on campus coupled with the fact that I work almost everyday has left me missing being out in the air.

I took my art pad with me outside and I allowed myself so sketch. I didn't make any new masterpieces and I didn't draw anything that's worthy of being on the wall, but I drew the feelings that have been choking me for these past few weeks. I expressed the hurt and the anger and the reluctance of all that's happened. But on the second piece, I showed the things I was grateful for during the experience. The lines were soft and loving and happy.

Just like my work, I feel like my mind is caught but two sides.

I want to still feel angry and I want to hold on to my pain and hurt because it's been invalidated for way too long for me to allow me to do it to myself. But I also just want to find Zay and beg him to believe me so I can try this again, at my own pace, on my own time.

But the likelihood of that happening is slim to none and I'm not one to let myself get caught up on false hope.

At least I wasn't.

I close the door to my room and I take off my shorts and my white beater, scrunching my face up at the fact that I do stink. Once I'm undressed, I take a towel and put it around my waist before heading into the hall to the bathroom.

Closing the door behind me, I place my towel on the toilet and turn on the shower, hoping in as soon as the water stops running cold.

Grabbing the soap, I let my body get rained on, the hot water soothing my sore muscles from the run I had this morning. I pour some soap in my hand before I lather them up, spreading the suds along my body lazily.

Once my shower it done, I get out and turn off the water, quickly drying my self off so I'm not dripping on the floor before I wrap the towel back around my waist. After I'm sure I'm secure and that I won't scare my mom like I did that one time Junior year. We didn't talk for a week after that. I walk back into my room and close the door behind me, placing my towel on the bed before I grab the lotion.

I moisturize my body, but I can't help the way that my mind keeps drifting off to those green eyes.

Those stupid green eyes that made me always feel safe and soft, even when the owner of them made me want to his him. I miss those eyes, seeing all the emotions and thoughts in them even when he thought he was hiding them.

I miss waking up in the morning and seeing them peeking at me as I pull his half sleep body closer.

I miss him.

But I don't know if I'm ready to face him again after what he accused me of. After he didn't listen to me and screamed in my face, ignoring any attempts I made of telling him that I didn't exactly what he wanted, what he made me promise him whether or not I was ready.

Even though I miss him, I'm not so sure I'm ready to see those green eyes again.

I sigh to myself as I search my closet for some clothes and smile when I find some grey sweat pants and an old t-shirt from the tenth grade that somehow still fits.

I'm just finding socks to put on when I hear my mom call my name from downstairs.

"Elliot!" She calls and I polk my head out of the door, hoping that I don't have to go all the ay downstairs.

"Yes?"

"Come here please." She tells me and I grumble to myself as I pick up my towel to put back in the bathroom as I finish putting on my socks. Once I'm finished I go downstairs, trying to remember what's in the fridge so that I can make myself something to eat before I lay down for a nap.

I walk down the stairs and turn into the living yawning as I answer. "Yeah, mom?"

But when I open my eyes to look at her, I'm met with green eyes and a scared smile.

"Hey, Elliot." He tells me as he wrings his hands nervously.

"Zayvion."

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whewwww is anyone else scared? I actually have no clue how this conversation is going to go so I'm pretty anxious about it. This is not how I thought this book would go but I'm very happy with the direction I took it in. I'm so excited for these I halfway want to post tonight but I won't.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Who is your favorite spongebob character?