Irene has always been the type of girl who loves skinship. She initiates every single touch and would sneakily invade your personal space before you can even say 'no'. She thinks it's a blessing and she's really not complaining. What is NOT a blessing though is losing that ability when she is around the person she has some deepest feelings for, and she just so happened to find that out the hard way. You see, she never had problems being all over anyone - not even Seulgi. She'd been attacking the girl from any which way she could because she loves how Seulgi would jump everytime she tackles her with a hug or how the latter thinks no one can see the subtle smile everytime Irene holds her hands. To be fair, she just simply loves being around Seulgi. They're best friends, right?
But slowly, she started to think twice before holding the younger girl's hands because she feels like there's a zap every time their skin touches. She finds it hard to hug the bear without getting the overwhelming sensation of wanting to have more. Irene admits that it feels good - too good even. Too good that it scared the leader.
When Irene thought it couldn't get any worse than that, it did. She started to feel a dull pain in her chest everytime other people get handsy with Seulgi. The pain intensified when Wendy came into the picture. Oh, don't even start with Wendy. Irene feels like the girl knows something and it drives her crazy because she doesn't have the courage to open up to her. The first time she felt... hurt the most, was when she saw Wendy kissed Seulgi's forehead during an awards' night. She felt her heart crack a bit for some unexplainable reason. She tried to shrug it off by telling herself that it was her fault for not being around Seulgi more often; but that just worsened the pain. She started getting paranoid because Seulgi wasn't talking to her, and then there was the thought of Wendy replacing her as Seulgi's best friend. She was on the brink of losing it when she felt hands on her hips. She jumped a little but relaxed the moment she realised it was Seulgi. A touch. That's all it takes to brush all the worries away. Again, it scared Irene.
When Seulgi's face gets pretty close to hers, she feels an invisible magnet between her eyes and Seulgi's lips, and then a force just sucks her in. Two times they almost kissed. Two times she scolded herself for getting carried away. Two times she almost gave in. Two times she regret the decision of not doing so. That's two additional times to when Irene got scared, yet again.
Everytime she says I love you to Seulgi, it felt like she's exposing herself. So each and everytime she says she loves the girl, she follows it up with the word best friend - more to convince herself than anyone else. Why, you ask? Because she's scared.
She's scared to know the answers to her questions: Why does she feel that way? Does that mean she wanted to be with Seulgi romantically? Does that make her gay? Does Seulgi feel the same way?
She's scared of what the people will think. She's scared she'll bring the whole group down. She's scared she's going crazy because she keeps all of these to herself. She needed someone to talk to - and then she saw Taeyeon walk into the SM building with her hands latched to Tiffany. She saw how they were about to part ways when Taeyeon pulled Tiffany by the wrist and kissed her. On. The. Lips. That's when she approached Taeyeon and broke down in her arms.
It took a lot of talking with SNSD's kid leader before Irene finally mustered the courage to talk to Seulgi.
The one time Irene wasn't scared, her heart got broken. She admits it was partly her fault for not being straight to the point, but can you really blame her for taking baby steps? It's hard to confess your feelings to your best friend because it puts you in a make or break situation; it's even harder for a person who took ages to accept those feelings.
She thought she had a chance because Seulgi doesn't get touchy with anyone BUT her. She's not blind to see that Seulgi gives her just a little pinch of special treatment. Seulgi actually broke her walls down to let Irene in. But then it wasn't Irene who Seulgi kissed. It wasn't Irene that Seulgi's flirting with. It wasn't her who has her arms on Seulgi's waist. It wasn't her who has her forehead leaning on Seulgi's. It's Wendy. That's when she started to think that she just overanalyzed things. Maybe she didn't have any chance at all from the start.
Irene realised that you never know what love is until you get hurt. Irene also realised that love is bittersweet and that life is one hell of a bitch.
-
Seulgi and Wendy were left to clean up after dinner when Irene went back in her room. It took more time that they think they would because Seulgi just keeps zoning out.
"So, are you ever gonna talk to her about it?", Wendy asked as she sets the last plate on the plate holder to dry.
"About what? It's over. She likes someone else", Seulgi said as she was leaned on the kitchen counter.
"How do you know?"
"She said she's not sure if I know them so I'm out of the picture. Besides, she's always with Minho-oppa so I'm pretty sure it's him."
"No wonder people call you dumb bear", Wendy said as she stood opposite Seulgi.
The latter scrunched her eyebrows, "Excuse me? I'm just being realistic while you, on the other hand, are just overanalyzing things".
"Whatever. You just don't have the ability to see what I see, or to think what I think. Maybe if we like press our foreheads together, it'll work", Wendy said, feeling proud of her idea while the girl opposite her had her mouth hanging open at the ridiculousness of her friend.
"Wait you're actually serious?", Seulgi said as she felt herself getting pulled by the wrist.
Wendy wrapped her arms on Seulgi's waist and the latter did the same and they touch their foreheads together.
After a few seconds, Seulgi lifted her head up, "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?", Wendy said looking around.
"Nothing", Seulgi said shaking her head, letting go of Wendy's waist and moving to her previous position on the counter.
"Well, that didn't work did it?", Wendy said with a small pout.
Seulgi raised her eyebrows, "You really expected it to work?" She scoffed then said as she made her way to their room, "And people THINK I'm the dumb one."
-
They had just finished rehearsing for their new single and everyone's either packing their things or lying on the ground trying to get a bit of a rest before they head back to the dorm.
"So", Wendy started as she was busy putting her towel back in her bag "since there was a change of schedule and we will be free for Saturday and Sunday, Yeri, Joy, and I are staying overnight at my aunt's beach house. It's like an hour drive from here. Irene-unnie and Seulgi, did you wanna come with us?"
Irene and Seulgi looked at each other briefly before Irene looked away and said, "Sorry, I've got plans for Saturday."
"Have you got a date?", Joy asked and got elbowed by Wendy. "Ow!"
"Uh.. No. I mean maybe."
"With who?" Everyone turned their heads to Seulgi whose sudden question created some tension in the room.
"Well..." Irene said with hesitance "Minho-oppa asked if I was free."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
There was a few seconds of awkward silence until Wendy decided to break it, "So Seulgi, are you coming?"
The latter shook her head, "No. We can't leave Irene-unnie by herself so I'll stay."
"You don't have to", Irene disagreed.
"It's okay. Really", Seulgi said then turned to the Canadian member, "Besides, I don't feel like swimming. You guys enjoy though."
Wendy gave her a sad smile.
-
Saturday came rolling by and the three girls who were going to go swimming had finished packing their things. Joy and Yeri were loading their bags in the car with the driver and Seulgi helping while Wendy was running around the dorm to check if they had brought everything. Irene was watching her with an amused expression on her face.
"You're really like the mother of the group", the latter said. "Funny 'cause I'm the leader of the group." It was the first time they were together without the other members around after the infamous 'kitchen incident'. Irene thanked the heavens that Wendy handles awkwardness like a pro because Irene, as everyone knows, is awkwardness came to life.
"Nah. We all know you are a good leader. I just act like a mom but you act as a mother, father, sister, brother, nurse, basically everything", Wendy answered as she fixed her dress, looking ready to go.
The pair were on their way to the parking lot when Wendy stopped in her tracks.
Irene stopped too and looked at her, waiting to say something.
"Irene-unnie, I know you're older than me but please listen to what I am about to say", Wendy started as she took a deep breath to continue "This is your chance okay? This is yet another, but could also be your last, chance so please don't, excuse my language, fuck it up. I know it's easier said than done but at least be honest not only to Seulgi but to yourself. We both know she could be naive and dumb sometimes so just step it up a bit. If you like her, or love her, like the way I think you do, show it to her. You're the only person who can break her walls. She wouldn't believe me, but she'll believe you."
Irene doesn't know what to say. Wendy was right. If she was only brave enough before, things could be very different now. But she still had one more concern though, "What about the people?"
"Fuck the people", Wendy said with a shrug. "Besides, I'm pretty sure they love you too much to judge you anyway", she continued and gave the leader a small smile.
Irene ran up to Wendy and gave her  tight hug. "Thank you so much. You don't know how much those words mean to me."
Wendy hugged her back, "It's okay. I knew you needed that. Now let's go before the maknaes leave me. We both know they WILL do that if they get tired of waiting."
Irene chuckled and grabbed Wendy's hand as they continued their way to the car.
The three girls said their goodbyes each giving Seulgi and Irene a hug. Wendy gave Seulgi a hug longer than Irene would've appreciated.
Wendy walked towards the leader and also gave her a hug then whispered in her ear, "Unnie, make sure you get your girl this time. Otherwise, I'll make sure I get her."
Irene abruptly broke the hug and looked at Wendy like she'd grown another head but the latter just winked at her and got on the car.
-
Seulgi and Irene were on the elevator, on their way up, back to their dorm. Seulgi kept fidgeting and Irene kept glancing at her.
"Uh.. What time are you supposed to meet with Minho-oppa", Seulgi started her eyes looking anywhere but the girl next to her.
"6PM. Wh-"
"Don't go."
"..."
*Ding*