EXTRA - PART TWO
!!! Warning !!!
This chapter is extremely dark and contains an elaborate description of a murder from the murderer's POV. It also contains domestic violence.
!!! Do not read it if you're uncomfortable with this !!!
If you do not wish to read the chapter but still want to know who did it and why, you may PM me instead and I'll let you know.
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It was the middle of the night when he was woken up by the sound of a door slamming shut in the hallway. It was completely dark in his room.
He shifted around in his covers uncomfortably. Tentatively, he extended his hand towards his bedside table, unconsciously searching around for his cellphone. When he encountered it, he pressed the main button and was momentarily blinded by the light, but then he squinted his eyes and made out the time that was brightly displayed on the screen.
1:24AM.
He sighed. Who on earth thought it was acceptable to make so much noise in the middle of the night? And how dared they wake him up? It was already a miracle that he had been asleep.
Truth is, he hadn't slept much these last few weeks.
He had too much thoughts. Thoughts of the trouble he was having writing new songs, thoughts of the pressure he had to dance better, thoughts of days getting colder and of the warmth he used to feel slowly fading away. Too often lately had he been laying in his bed in the dark, eyes wide open and staring into nothingness. He laid there, thinking and thinking and thinking until he couldn't feel anything but his ever-consuming emptiness.
It all came back to the fact that he didn't know who he was, he didn't know what his life, this life, was.
Bangtan Sonyeondan.
It used to be his dream, a few years ago. It used to keep him up at night, thinking of success, thinking of climbing the charts, thinking of how standing in front of millions of people looking at him would feel. It was supposed to be gratifying, energizing, empowering. It was supposed to be what he wanted, what he needed.
But it wasn't.
He wasn't sure how it came to him, the realization that this wasn't what his life should be.
He only remembered laying down in his bed, one late night, with Hoseok laying not too far away from him on the other side of the bed. He was staring at Hoseok's back facing him, the boy shirtless and asleep.
He had been free to let his eyes wander slowly over Hoseok's soft skin and slightly curved spine. Hoseok had a small mole right in the middle of his back, resting in the spot where he would put his hand when they would kiss.
He remembered thinking, perhaps this is what my life is meant to be. Perhaps this skin, this spine, this mole, are why I'm here, why I'm doing all of this.
He had hung on to that idea like a fish to a worm ever since.
His everyday life was blurry. The days went by one after the other, they came and passed by like the wind that came from the sea. It was an ever-ending, warm but intrusive wind that made him feel like no matter where he went, he wouldn't be able to escape it. It kept blowing and pushing him further away on the shore, and he kept fighting and fighting to stay near the sea.
Yet fighting was tiring when you wouldn't know why you're doing it.
But then he'd see Hoseok. And he'd remember that the wind could be bearable, just as long as he didn't stood alone against it. He'd remember he could endure the wind if it meant hanging onto someone else, hanging on for dear life and hoping they'd never let him fall.
He had yet to fall.
So he kept fighting.
In the mornings, Hoseok would yawn as he greeted him, and he would remember that emptiness could only fill the void if you allowed it too. From across the dining table, Hoseok would smile at him, and for a brief moment he would remember what happiness used to feel like. And late at night, Hoseok would put his arms around him and hold him close, and he'd remember that this, this love, was why he managed to still stand strong against the wind.
Rubbing his hands over his eyes, he took a deep breath and noticed how dry his throat was.
Slowly, he stood up from his bed and made his way to his bedroom door, thinking that a glass of water, or maybe one of whiskey, would definitely help him fall asleep again.
He silently opened the door and stepped into the hallway. He quickly looked around, but didn't notice anyone. The hallway was completely dark, with the exception of a faint light coming from under the bedroom door in front of his.
He softly smiled to himself. Hadn't Jimin gone out tonight? And Hoseok was seemingly still awake.
Perhaps that was what he needed right now. Hoseok's arms wrapped around him, Hoseok's skin brushing against his own, reminding him that he wasn't alone, that he would never be alone. Perhaps he needed Hoseok's soft lips kissing his earlobes, whispering words of love and words of forever. Words that would somehow make him feel alive again, just for a little while, just long enough for him to last until tomorrow.
It didn't take long before he diverted towards the door facing his and softly knocked on it.
It was only a few seconds before Hoseok opened the door, raising his eyebrows in surprise as he met his eyes. Hoseok seemed somewhat surprised to see him. Which was curious because he often knocked on Hoseok's door in the middle of the night. He did so at least once a week, looking for warmth, looking for self-reassurance, looking for someone to tell him that they cared.
So he pushed away Hoseok's strange reaction to the back of his mind as he smiled at him. Hoseok just frowned in response.
"Hyung? You're still up?" he asked, tone strangely clear for this time of the night.
"Yeah... Can I come in?" he whispered, still smiling softly and looking up at Hoseok from under his eyelashes.
Hoseok didn't answer but moved aside, allowing him to enter the room. He softly shut the door behind him and turned to face him.
He reached out with his right hand and grabbed Hoseok's soft fingers. The loneliness that weighted on his heart instantly felt lighter.
"Can't sleep either?" Hoseok whispered in a flat voice, eyes looking slightly to the side.
He took a step forward as he nodded.
"Yeah... I was missing you." He put his other hand on Hoseok's waist, caressing it like it was the most precious thing in the world.
Hoseok was supposed to smile at him and stare into his eyes. Hoseok was supposed to say that he had missed him, too. Hoseok was supposed to get closer and hug him tighter than he ever thought was possible. Hoseok was supposed to gather the pieces of him and glue them back together so he could make it through the night.
But Hoseok did none of that. Rather, Hoseok shifted on his feet. Hoseok looked away from him. Hoseok took a step back and let his hands fall halfway between them.
"It's a good thing that you're here, actually. I think we should talk."
And with that said, Hoseok pulled even further away from him.
The fear he felt at that moment, the fear he felt the moment Hoseok pulled away from him, would be something he'd remember for eternity. The way his heart sank as he felt the emptiness surrounding him, the way his hands reached for something that was now too far away to touch, the way his soul turned to dust as Hoseok parted his lips and said words that should have been left unsaid.
The strange thing was, he didn't hear much of what Hoseok actually said. Of course, he heard bits of it here and there, but his whole was so consumed by raw fear that it was like the whole thing happened to someone else.
"I think we should end this."
Hoseok spoke, and the wind that blew strong from the sea suddenly got colder and colder.
"I like you, I really do, but I'm not sure it's what I want anymore."
The wind turned icy and froze him down to his core. He wanted to move, wanted to fight, wanted to scream, wanted to do anything so he wouldn't have to stay here and be the witness to his own destruction.
"There's someone else I like."
The wind pushed him to the ground, and he couldn't do anything to resist it. The dust of his soul had turn to ashes and Hoseok, who used to be the one gathering the pieces, was now the one throwing them on the ground and setting them of fire.
"I don't know, there's something about him."
He couldn't move anymore, couldn't do anything but stay there and burn for eternity. He briefly wondered how long could one endure the pain of destruction before they would explode. How long could one's agony lasts before it turned into a inevitable storm?
"I wanna try it, see where it could go."
They say no fear is greater than the fear of loneliness. That loneliness, when mixed with emptiness, can destroy every remaining part of you. That being empty can be bearable just as long as there's someone around you to make you blind to your own ever-consuming void. But once that person is gone, and once only desolation remains, the bitter taste of treason is the only thing you have left.
"I love you, Hyung, but not... not enough."
Every word that Hoseok said was a bigger nail being pushed deeper into his heart. The words held so much hurt in them and made so little sense that they tore his skin apart and ate at his flesh.
"I'm gonna tell him yes, and see where it can go. I'm sorry."
It was a nightmare. It hurt so bad, and he wanted to make it go away, make it all go away. The idea that Hoseok didn't love him, the idea that Hoseok loved someone else, the idea that Hoseok wanted to be with this other person and would be with this other person. He'd be alone, left there to burn all by himself, but Hoseok wouldn't. Hoseok would have someone, someone that wasn't him, and he'd have to witness that every single day for the rest of his life.
"You should go now, I'm going to bed."
And then, as the last part of him that still lived was one of denial, the only thing he managed to do was to look down. Down to the floor, where he could avoid Hoseok's dark, determined pupils, where he wouldn't have to face the reality of him being alone now, the reality of Hoseok being in love with someone else. He looked down, and all he saw then was Hoseok's belt that was thrown carelessly on the floor.
And as he stared at it, he remembered the words his mother had told him, back when he was young and trusting and hopeful about the world around him. She had said, "sometimes, Yoongi, being alone is better than having bad company."
He didn't want to see Hoseok with another person, not now, not ever. He wouldn't be able to survive the sight of it, the reality that Hoseok loved someone else.
Being alone would be better.
And as Hoseok turned around to retreat back to his bed, he lowered himself to the ground, all the way down until the belt was within the reach of his shaking hand.
Hoseok didn't notice, of course he didn't. He never noticed, because Hoseok only cared about himself. Hoseok used to care about him, but that was over now. Hoseok had turned away from him and he had left him alone. Hoseok had left him so he could love someone else. And all Hoseok deserved now was to be alone, too.
He grabbed the belt and slowly stood up again, eyes fixated on Hoseok's form moving away from him, looking away and not paying attention to the storm that was forming behind him.
He himself could be alone. He could manage that, right? He had been alone for a long time, before he had met Hoseok. And now, he could be alone too, just as long as he didn't have there Hoseok in his life, reminding him every single day of what he had lost. He'd be alone, just like he was alone before Hoseok.
He took a few steps forward, and with a single movement he put the belt around Hoseok's neck. A small gasp escaped Hoseok, and his hands came to the belt that surrounded his neck, but it was too late. He held onto it, squeezing and squeezing, tighter and tighter, until no air could come in or out, until no painful words could escape Hoseok and stab at his heart again.
And when there wasn't a sound left in the room, when it first dawned on him that perhaps he truly was alone now, he still didn't stop squeezing. He squeezed for what felt like forever, not quite realizing that this would be the last time he'd get to hold Hoseok in his arms. And finally, when he felt the loneliness creeping back in, when his denial turned into desolation, he loosened the belt from around the neck of the boy he loved.
Hoseok fell to the floor and never moved again. Mechanically, he threw the belt back on the floor, right by Hoseok's side, eyes looking away as to avoid the reality of what he had done. Slowly, he turned away and retreated back to his room. It was only a few steps across the hallway, but it felt like the longest path he'd ever taken.
He wondered, did the Devil pave his own way to Hell? Did he get lost on his way to paradise and ended up there by mistake, or was he thrown into its misery by someone he thought would love him forever? Was he blinded by hate, or was the scent of his own blood pouring out too nauseous for him to see the destruction he'd create?
And when he ended his path within the confined walls of his room, a lonely room that he hoped could hide his despair and shelter his wounds, he knew that perhaps now was the end.
He laid down on his bed, his eyes finding the frame that stood to the side. It was a picture of Hoseok and himself, both smiling at the camera, eyes twinkling. At the bottom of it, he had written something, a long time ago.
Forever.
Wasn't that all that mattered? That the two of them could be together forever. Yet Hoseok was now gone, he wouldn't be there to witness their forever, just like he wouldn't be there to destroy it. And he knew then that, with Hoseok gone, he'd soon follow. And then, it would be the two of them forever, once again.
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A/N - Thoughts?
Fun fact: if you go and re-read Yoongi's POV chapter (FIVE), you'll think to yourself "sh-t, how did I not see that?" multiples times ;) However please be careful not to comment back on that chapter (or any chapter other than the extras) with things that could spoil the story for others <3
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