Here's one last chapter for this story before I start rewriting it, enjoy!

Not checked before I published this, and It's old. Sorryyyyyy

Chapter Nine. Alexander's POV.

I limped into my room and closed it behind me. I dragged myself to my bed and laid down. Careful of my backside. I curled myself up into a small ball and cried into my pillows.

It was already pretty late. And I'm too fat to deserve anything to eat. And I don't want to do anything. So I just stayed like that.

And I'm pretty sure that I cried the whole night. Because my alarm clock just went off signaling that it is five am. Which means today is the beginning of classes. Great...

I sat up and stretched my arms above my head. But soon hissed in pain and clutched my side. John beat the shit out of me yesterday after he used me.

I talked back and he didn't like that. It was my fault though. I should know not to talk back by now. He only does it so I listen. And because he loves me.

I swung my legs off the side of my bed very carefully. I slowly stood up and winced from the pain leading down my back.

I got some new clothes and carefully walked to the bathroom and walked in. I closed the door behind me and looked in the mirror.

Jesus. Will the bags under my eyes ever disappear? Not if I continue to not eat or sleep.

I sighed and took a quick shower. After I stepped out and dried my hair, I was left staring in the mirror at my disgusting body.

Too many curves. Larger chest than real men. Too high of voice. Feminine. So very feminine. Can't even pass off as a boy.

Ugly. No one will ever love you. So ugly. Not even pretty as a girl. Ugly no matter what.

Too much like a girl. No guy will ever love you as a boy. You would be better off dead. Not even John loves you. Just uses you. For you feminine body. Your fat, gross, used up body.

You deserve so much pain. For being alive and existing. Ruining everyones lives. Just kill yourself!

When I came back to reality. It's seems that in my frantic state of shock, I had no idea what I was doing as I searched the bathroom for a razor and cut my left wrist. Fourteen times...

I hissed in pain as I ran delicate fingers over the new cuts. I stood up and washed off the blood from my arm and the razor. I put the razor back away in my lock box and put on my clothes.

I first pulled on my binder and adjusted it so it made my chest look flat. Ignoring the pain that ran through my ribs and the tightening in my chest as I did so. Then my boxers.

I wore a black long sleeved shirt under a red, long sleeved, plaid, button up shirt over top. Leaving it unbuttoned. With a pair of black, ripped up jeans. True goth over here.

I stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the kitchen. I saw Jefferson in the kitchen standing by the coffee machine.

"Look! The sluts awake!" He said with a smirk. I frowned and turned back to walk to my room. He growled at me and before I could get back to the hallway, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

I gasped in pain. With the cuts being fresh and all - they really hurt. And the slightest bit of contact caused a burning sensation to run up my arm. I whimpered and yanked my arm away. I held my wrist and rubbed it with shaky hands.

I looked up at Jefferson who was giving me the weirdest look.

"What the fuck was that?" He asked. I shook my head and bit my lip. Turning and walking back to my room. With only a slight limp.

I heard Jefferson grumble something, but paid no attention to him.

What a great way to start off the morning!

I sighed and grabbed my bag with my laptop and some random notebooks to take notes with. I put on a pair of my burgundy vans shoes before tying my hair back into a ponytail. I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text to Laf asking if they and Herc would wanna meet up at the new coffee place on campus.

They agreed so I hurried out of the door so I wouldn't have to talk to Jefferson in case he questioned me on what happened earlier.

I walked the ten minutes it took to get to the coffee shop and stepped inside. I sat at a table and checked the weather on my phone while I waited for Laf and Herc to arrive.

It was seven. Classes start at eight so when they get here we have a little while to talk. I looked up when I heard the door open. I smiled when I saw Laf and Herc holding hands walking up to me.

'Hey guys!' I signed.

"Hey Alex!" Laf said cheerily as Herc groaned.

'What's wrong with him?' I signed gesturing to Herc. Laf was about to answer till they were interrupted by Herc.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you two? How can you both be so awake right now! It's seven in the morning!" Whined Herc as he sat down. I chuckled and looked up to Laf who seemed frustrated with Herc's morning attitude.

"Mon amour, we all have classes at eight. It was your choice to get drunk the night before classes today. Now you have to deal with your hangover!" Laf said to Herc taking the seat next to him. Herc groaned and leaned his head on Laf's shoulder.

"But still..." Herc said. Laf rolled their eyes and turned back to me.

"Sorry mon petite. He has a massive hangover." Laf said. I nodded and we talked about what classes we have as we ordered our coffee's.

I got a black coffee. No sugar or creamer. Just black. Laf ordered a frappuccino with a shot of espresso with chocolate sauce drizzled on top. Herc got a water for his headache.

We all talked as we finished our drinks. And when it was a quarter to eight we went our different ways.

I started walking and pulled out my schedule to see if I was going to the correct class. Since it was Monday, I have my Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.

8:00 - 9:30 : Creative Writing -

9:30 - 10:30 : Journalism -

10:30 - 11:30 : Critical Thinking -

11:30 - 12:30 : Political Science -

12:30 - 1:10 : Break/Free Period

1:15 - 2:00 : French Classes -

2:05 - 2:30 : Spanish Classes -

My Tuesday and Thursday schedule went something like this-

11:30 - 12:30 : American History-

12:30 - 1:10 : Break/Free Period

1:10 - 2:00 : Personal Finance -

2:05 - 3:00 : Latin Classes -

3:05 - 4:00 : American Sign Language Classes -

4:05 - 5:00 : Personal Writing -

So I have a pretty busy day. Seems like most of my classes are based off of writing. No surprise there. I got a scholarship for my writing.

I arrived to class five minutes early. There were already some people in there so I took a seat at the very back of the room. I pulled out my laptop and began working on my novel. I heard the classroom fill with chatter from more people entering. I only looked up when I heard someone curse.

"Fuck no. Hamilton?!" A southern voice hissed from in front of me. I sighed and looked over my laptop at the one and only asshat.

I only gave him a glance before looking back down.

"You know I have to sit next to you right?" He said pulling out a chair next to me. I looked around the room to see the only two seats free were the two next to me. I sighed with a slight frown.

Of course. Just like high school. Everyone avoids me...or chooses to sit with their friends. Which I have none of in this class.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and continued to write, paying no attention to Jefferson and his nonsense. I heard someone in the other seat next to me. I did a quick glance up to see the oldest Schuyler sister looking down at me.

"Hello Alexander..." She said in a honey like voice. She looked past me and to Jefferson who gulped when receiving the glare from Angelica.

"Jefferson." She hissed. Jefferson nodded and looked back down at his phone. I smiled at her.

'You didn't have to do that...' I signed. She laughed.

"Yes I did. To make him know he can't mess with you while I'm here." She said slapping my shoulder. I rolled my eyes.

'Angelica. No matter what people are gonna mess with me. It's just the way of the world.' I signed. She frowned and was about to reply, when the professor walked in. Who was my father.

That's right, George teaches this class along with political science. So he teaches two of my classes. Cool.

I turned my attention away from Angelica and shut my laptop. I listened to the short lecture about what we'll be learning and some of the projects we'll do in this class. Boring stuff like that.

After the lecture, there was still twenty minutes of class left. I used that time to write another ten pages in my novel. Rough drafts. But still useful.

"C'mon Alex. It's time to leave." Angelica said standing up and stretching. I nodded and closed my laptop. I slipped it back into my bag and stood up. Me and Angelica walked together till she had to make a different turn than me. I waved goodbye to her and continued walking to my next class. I sat down at a sit in the back. Again. I just like being alone. People give me anxiety. And it seems like this class I'll be left alone.

No one chose to sit next to me, which I didn't mind. At all. I was able to take notes on what the professor said and start my first project for the class. I've always been used to loneliness anyways.

After class, I went straight to the next one. Not talking to anyone. Just keeping my gaze on the floor. I walked into the classroom to see I was the first one there. I walked up to the left back corner and took a seat.

I took out a notebook and started doing doodles in the back of the book. Some of people and some flowers and trees.
I heard people walk into the classroom and some girls screaming about having their friends in the class.

"Hey Hamilslut." A familar voice said sitting next to me. I already knew it was Jefferson so I didn't bother looking up.

"What? Really not even gonna look at me? Little shit..." He grumbled. I rolled my eyes and continued to doodle. That is till someone called my "name."

"Alexa?!" John said. I froze and cursed under my breath before looking up. Yep. That was John. He just loves to misgender me.

He walked up to me and put a hand on the back of my neck. He brought me into a deep, passionate kiss.

I was surprised to say the least but leaned into it knowing the punishment. I heard Thomas mumble something under his breath. Something that was eerily similar to 'fags.' Which hurt too but I tried not to show any emotion on it.

John bit down on my lip before pulling away. He was glaring past me. So he was most likely glaring at Jefferson.

He took the seat to my left. Jefferson gave him a weird look but soon looked back down at his phone. Texting somebody.

"What the fuck are you doing sitting next to him?!" John hissed in my ear. I felt my heartbeat start to quicken as I tried to think of an answer.

"I-I-I-" I tried but he cut me off.

"Shut up! I have told you on multiple occasions not to be near him! Your mine. Other people can't have you, because your mine! So if you want to spread your legs for any guy you meet then you shouldn't have a problem saying no to me-"

"J-John, you know th-that's n-not tr-true. I m-mean it wh-when I s-say n-no..." I mumbled. John glared daggers at me.

"But when little girls like you say it, it means you want it, right baby girl?" John cooed in my ear. I could feel his breath on my neck. It sent chills down my spine.

I nodded weakly to John, knowing it's what he wants.

"That's what I thought..." He said. I bit my lip and nodded once more. More for myself than for John. John sighed and sat back in his seat. His hand clamped over mine.

"I only act this strict because I love you." He said. Not even looking at me. I nodded and kept my gaze on my lap.

"I'm going to sit next to Charles. If I find out anything-"

"You w-won't..." I said. He scowled at me before pecking my lips.

"I love you." He said. I nodded.

"You t-too." I mumbled back. He smiled and walked towards the front of the room where Charles sat.

I laid my head on the desk and scratched at my wrists under the table.

Girl. He says he loves me and yet he calls me his "good girl" and a slut. Why? Because that's what I am. I'm John's slut. I'm his "girlfriend." But then again, I'm not. I never loved him. Never agreed with anything he ever did to me. I was just forced into a relationship. And I stayed. Because I'm a slut.

"Hamilton?" Jefferson's voice brought me out of my inner monologue. I sat up and looked over to the other man. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you...okay?" He asked. I sucked in a breath.

I nodded to Thomas and looked back down at my lap.

"Hamilton...are you sure? I could of sworn I heard him call you a...slut..." He said quietly. I shot him a look.

"Y-you c-call me a sl-slut all th-the t-time!" I hissed at him. He frowned but turned back to the front of the room. Silent.

I don't like silence. It leaves me alone with my thoughts and consumes me.