LIFE / WATTPAD UPDATE

Saving Annalise is such a personal story to me; 100% more personal than Purely Arrogance and I've decided that, once the epilogue / extra chapters / character analyses etc of Saving Annalise have been published, I'll be taking a break from Wattpad. Maybe permanently.

When I began writing Purely Arrogant I was fourteen years old. Which is madness to me. I was in year 10 and now I'm doing creative writing in my first year of University.

Being in my creative writing / English lessons have really taught me one thing. I'm finished with wattpad. I am in love and obsessed with romantic novels and cliche and high school romances, but a couple of things made me want to stop.

The biggest one, I think, is that Saving Annalise is so personal it feels like a part of me is in that book. I don't think I could write a wattpad book in the same way I do without making it as personal or as good as that one. None of them will ever be that meaningful.

Another one is that I've outgrown it, I think. Not mentally, but definitely in terms of age. I'm older than Juliette, Levi, Chase, Annalise. That's so strange to me. It's so strange to write stories about characters that I've outgrown.

The final one is that I know what I want to write next, and I don't want it to start on wattpad. What I want to write next is going to be documentary / Canterbury Tales / Autobiography / Fiction of my life and my background. I want to write less about white characters and cliche love, and more about diversity and beauty in my culture and background whilst simultaneously criticising the world we live in. I want it to be full of feminism and anger and happiness and everything that means something to me that I couldn't fit in a wattpad book. I have no idea how I'll do it, but I know I'll probably find it easier to start without wattpad.

LEO AND ROSIE'S STORY

I know that so many of you are holding onto the hope that I finish Rosie and Leo's story, and a huge huge huge part of me wishes that I did. I got so far into the book I just didn't know where I was going with it. My plan was always to revisit it after Saving Annalise but that story took so much out of me and so much time to write that I could never get around to Fatally Attracted. That was the name of the book, by the way.

I wish more than anything I finished it. I got so far into it. I just didn't know what was happening.

Would you be up for reading what I had written, even despite knowing that it would never be finished? Or would you rather just stay in the dark? Let me know.

SAVING ANNALISE

Finally. To those of you who have made it this far. Here's the first chapter of Saving Annalise to maybe entice some of you to read the book. Please give it a try.

"Somewhere along the lines, we stopped seeing eye to eye."

unum.

Initium

existing or occurring at the beginning

════════

Annalise's P.O.V

I GIGGLED AS NATHANIAL'S SOFT LIPS WERE PLACED ON MY NECK, TRAILING UP AND DOWN THE SIDE OF IT.

He trailed his kisses up to my jaw and initiated chaste kisses alongside it before reaching my lips. Every time his soft and sweet lips moulded against my skin, I felt myself gasp for air. It felt as if each kiss was accompanied by an electric shock, sending chills down my spine. My arms wrapped around his neck as his hands were grasping the back of my clothed thigh, under my skirt, but on top of my black tights. My fingers pulled his soft curls as he groaned before pushing me backwards. The sudden movement caused me to tumble slightly, my hands dropping from around him and slamming on the piano keys.

A loud screeching sound erupted from the large instrument, causing the two of us to spring apart. My heart slammed against my ribcage in shock as I stared at Nathanial. A moment went by and the two of us were able to process exactly what had happened, causing us to burst out into laughter. "That's the last time we make out in a music room!" I scolded the grinning boy in front of me as he smiled sheepishly. I was still breathing heavily from the earlier make out session.

He laughed, "you're so paranoid it's so cute."

I pouted slightly, "I'm not paranoid, I just have to practice," I explained.

"Uh huh," he chuckled, "come on babe, Monday fourth period is the only time we have a free period at the same time, and you don't even want to spend it with me. You'd rather be playing your music."

"It's practicing, and I want to do at least one hour a week, this is the only time the practice rooms are free," I explained. "Besides you don't have a free period, you have Biology."

"Come on, Mr Duncan doesn't even realise we're out of lesson, he doesn't care."

"I know," I murmured, standing on my tiptoes and pressing my lips against his, "but you need to do well in it if you want to get into UCL."

"Why don't you miss a psychology lesson and spend a free period with me?" He asked me quietly.

"I can't, I can't miss any lessons. If I miss a lesson I might-" I began before Nathanial interrupted me.

"You might miss content, and if you miss content you might not get an A in your A Levels and if you don't get three A's you might not be accepted into Oxford University," he filled in for me.

"Exactly," I nodded. "I need to practice."

"Come on babe, what's the point in practicing if you won't even perform?" He asked, advancing towards me if that was still even physically possible. He leaned towards me and slipped the strap of my top down, passed my shoulders, removing my cardigan slightly with it as he began to kiss the uncovered skin.

"I'm doing it for myself," I giggled, attempting to ignore his lips on my skin. "I like playing and that's all that matters," I rambled trying to think about anything other than the feeling this boy was giving me. "You have to go to your lesson and I need to practice!" I scolded as I felt his lips detach from my skin.

I sighed, pulling my strap up and wearing my cardigan properly.

"Then practice," he instructed, "I won't distract you I promise."

"Your mere presence is distracting now go," I laughed.

He stood there staring at me as I looked back at him out of curiosity. "What?" I laughed nervously.

"You're going to have boys falling at your feet in Oxford," he stated.

I shook my head, "I won't even get in, let alone having boys falling at my feet. I'm not anything special," I said honestly and it was true. I wasn't ugly but my looks never mattered to me. For me, my defining trait was, is and will always be my intelligence. Although I was aware that I didn't turn heads, I knew that I was okay with it because there was so much more to me than just looks.

I was short and skinny, almost childlike so I knew that I didn't turn heads. My hair was straight, black and long, falling around waist length. It was naturally curled but I always straightened it because I was uncomfortable with anything besides straight hair. Despite my height, or lack thereof, I had long legs always accompanied by heels in order to appear taller. They were probably too skinny, that was most likely the most unappealing aspect of me physically, my weight in general.

Perhaps the one good thing about looking average, or not being the girl who turns heads, is that I knew that when someone liked me it was because of more than just my looks. I knew that if somebody ever had a crush on me it was because of who I was and not because of my looks.

I'd say that's a pretty big win.

"You don't see what I do," Nathanial whispered as I shook my head.

"You need to go," I instructed bashfully.

"This would all be so much easier if we weren't broken up," he sighed as my heart skipped a beat slightly, anxiety formulating in my stomach.

I bit my lip, attempting to stop myself from feeling anything. It hurt to be reminded that we were broken up, even if we hadn't been together for three months now. "I know," I said quietly. "But we can't be together, we shouldn't even be doing this," I confessed.

"I can't help it," he sighed, "I love you."

I felt tears pool in my eyes before I blinked them away, "I love you too," I nodded.

"We could always-" he began before I interrupted him.

"We can't, Nathanial," I denied, shaking my head. "We're powerless. This isn't just about us, this is about your dad's reputation, your family's company, your future."

"This is bullshit," he scoffed. "This isn't about my future or the company, this is because he doesn't think you're good enough for me."

I placed my hand on his chest, sending him a small smile, "he's right." Nathan opened his mouth to contradict me but I stopped him before he could. "He's right at the moment. I'm poor and your family's business is much bigger than me. It's bigger than us."

He shook his head, "no it's not."

I placed my hand on his cheek, "look at me," I instructed as his eyes fixated onto mine. "It's bigger than we are right now. Right now, I'm a girl who does English, history and psychology. You're a teenage boy who does all chemistry, biology and maths. We're heading in different directions. But I promise you, my love, I will become a successful lawyer and I will be good enough for you one day. We pick our battles, this isn't one we face today."

He grabbed my hand with his as he looked into my eyes, "I love you. Don't think for a second, because of what's happened, that I don't."

I nodded, "I know."

He bent down to place a long kiss on my lips before heading out. I watched him leave as I took a seat on the stool in front of the piano. My fingers hovered above the black and white keys on the instrument in front of me as I tried to focus on something other than the sense of unease in my stomach. I was in love with Nathanial Black. I couldn't be with him.

The pain was unbearable.

I practiced for the remainder of my hour, pouring my entire soul into my music and my singing in a futile attempt to distract myself from Nathanial. It was all easier said than done considering everything reminded me of him.

Just as it got to 1:25pm and the bell for lunch rang, I placed my backpack on, gathering all of my sheet music and hugging it across my chest before stepping out of the small practice room. Typically, the entire hallway was crowded with kids when it got to lunch but luckily the art and music department was usually the most empty part of the school.

Exiting from the practice rooms, I literally took three steps forwards before a blurred figure in a red flannel shirt crashed into me from the side, causing me to lose my balance and fall, my sheet music flying in the air and scattering in different directions across the smooth floor.

"Shit, I'm so sorry," the figure apologised as I pushed my hair out of my eyes.

I sighed, seeing as the sheet music was sprawled all across the floor. The figure crouched down, helping me gather the sheets. I was about to tell him that it was okay, until I realised who I was dealing with. "Does a day pass where you don't attempt to terrorise me, Chase, or is this just a part of our daily routine?" I asked the boy in exasperation as he chuckled at me.

"Just a happy coincidence Fall," he smirked referring to me using my last name, scanning his eyes up and down my body.

"Don't you have a girlfriend to check out?" I asked defiantly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Don't flatter yourself," he scoffed. "And nope. Still no girlfriend, but I'll keep you updated," he winked.

"If that's your subtle way of telling me you're not into me, excuse me whilst I go and thank the Lord," I bit back.

"You don't have to pretend like you're not offended, I know you're burning on the inside sweetheart," he commented smugly.

"That feeling is called relief, sweetheart," I mimicked him. "Relief that I won't fall victim to your futile and, quite frankly, disturbing attempts of flirting."

"You would fall at my feet if I flirted with you," he stared arrogantly as I rolled my eyes.

"You wouldn't have a chance with me if you tried," I scoffed as his gazed softened slightly.

He was staring down at me, but I couldn't tell exactly where he was looking. "You're right about that, I wouldn't stand a chance with you," he nodded as I stared at him questioningly. "I thought you and Nate broke up?" He questioned as my eyes widened.

My heartbeat increased slightly as my vision blurred, "Nathanial-Nate and I-we-I um," I paused, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath in to pace my stuttering. "We did break up," I said calmly.

The boy in front of me stared at me blankly, clearly unconvinced. "And those hickeys are just a fashion statement?" He asked sarcastically as my hand shot up to cover up the so-called hickeys my neck. Damn Nathan. "Not to mention you still call him by his full name," he added. I opened my mouth to give him my go-to excuse but he interrupted me, "and don't give me any of the bullshit 'I burnt myself curling my hair' thing, I see through you."

"Do you ever shut up?" I snapped. "One, I call him by his full name because it's a habit." I said through gritted teeth, "two, I don't curl my hair, I straighten it you imbecile and three, how do you know these hickeys aren't from someone else?"

Chase handed me all the papers that he had gathered before standing up and extending his hand, offering it to me. I looked up at his hand and sent him a small and grateful smile before shaking my head. The raven haired boy nodded understandingly and retracted his arm as I stood up by myself.

As I stood up, I began walking down the music corridor, heading towards the main stairs as Chase walked with me. "I know the hickeys aren't from someone else, wanna know how?"

"Not particularly," I shrugged.

He ignored my latest remark and continued speaking, "I know because I know you. You couldn't even touch my hand and not because you were being feisty, but because you don't like being touched."

I tensed at the topic of conversation.

"It's been three months-" I began.

"-and you're going to tell me that three months is enough time for you to move on. Yeah, maybe it is. But not for you. Nate's my best friend remember? It took him three months just to kiss you, there's no way you're hooking up with a guy in the practice room three months after you broke up with the love of your life," Chase scoffed as I bit my lip.

"We weren't hooking up, hooking up implies-" I began before getting cut off.

"-sex" he finished for me as I cringed slightly. "Yes I know, Little Miss 'I'm so innocent I don't even understand dirty jokes' but you know what I meant."

"I don't understand dirty jokes because my mind doesn't work in the same way as yours does!" I defended myself quietly.

He leaned forward as I stepped back instinctively. "I would doubt your innocence except nobody can fake being that oblivious. Not even you."

"My friends are waiting for me downstairs," I muttered after a moment of silence.

"So are mine, I'll walk you," he smirked.

I groaned.

"Wanna know what else I'm aware of?"

"Not even remotely," I quickly responded.

"I know that he's in love with you, but he's taking that breakup very lightly," he continued anyway.

"Maybe he's moved on," I suggested as we reached the staircase.

"Maybe," Chase nodded, "except that doesn't sound like Nate either. What was annoying about the two of you was just how in love you both were. He wouldn't have gotten over you and moved on in three months. My boy is beaming and he's only this happy when he has you in his life."

Walking down the stairs, I bit my lip and processed everything Chase had just said to me, a pang of guilt overwhelming me as I realised that not only had I been hiding the relationship from my best friends, but Nathanial was hiding it from his. My thoughts were interrupted however by a group of around six year 11 boys, all of whom almost smashed into me because they were running down the stairs. This is what I get for staying in my sixth form, instead of going to a college like most of the kids my age.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Chase shouted as them, "what the fuck guys. Can't you see there's a lady descending the stairs? What if she fell?" All six of the boys stopped, turning to face Chase in fear before apologising to me and continuing down the steps.

I rolled my eyes and how easily Chase could control the kids in the school, "thank you."

"Anytime," he nodded earnestly, "now back to the matter at hand. If for five minutes you could stop denying that you're still seeing my best friend, I have some advice for you."

I sighed, "fine. What is it?"

"Tell Anastasia," he instructed as my heart stopped for a second. The last thing I wanted to hear was Chase Parker instructing me to confess to my best friend that I was still seeing Nathanial. "Tell her before she finds out, trust me, it's not fun finding out your best friend is still seeing their ex without you even knowing. Hurts a little, you know?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. He was right. "You're right," I agreed. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you Chase, I was scared and heartbroken it just-"

"You don't have to explain, Lise," he nodded. "I get it, you're still in love with him. That's not a bad thing, the two of you were perfect together and you were forced to break up. I would be surprised if you weren't seeing each other. Tell Anastasia. It's the right thing to do."

"Thank you," I said quietly, "you're a good friend to him. You're still a prick in general but you're a good friend to Nathanial."

"You shouldn't expect anything better, Annalise" he smirked before heading in the opposite direction, sending me flirty wink before disappearing into a group of teenage boys.

26/01/19