XI

For the first few days after he had told Sirius his secret, James couldn't help but worry. He trusted Sirius, of course he did, but having a secret as big as being a spy for a supposedly dead Order was dangerous. Really dangerous. And even though Sirius had proved time and again his hatred of his parents ideals, James had been strictly told by Dumbledore to trust no one. He couldn't believe he'd only lasted two months before spilling his guts.

They, of course, told Pete a few days later about James' extra curricular activities. At first, James wasn't so sure he should tell Pete, wanting to keep the number of people who knew about him to a minimum. It was actually Sirius who convinced James to tell their other friend.

"He's trustworthy," Sirius had said. "Come on, Potter. You know Pete! He loves you, buddy. Anyway, Peter could be useful! No one notices him at all, who better to ask if you need something done?" Even James couldn't argue with that. He knew he needed some allies.

Strangely enough, Pete had taken it more calmly than Sirius had. James almost felt the need to throttle him just to make sure he actually was aware of the dangers that came with knowing James was an Order spy. But Peter believed him, trusted him, and promised that he wouldn't tell a soul. Peter didn't speak to anyone but the two boys anyway, and had already proven that he was brilliant at keeping secrets, so James knew that he'd made the right decision to trust him.

But as the days slowly slipped into December, and the weather turned cold and bitter, James became more concerned not with his friends revealing his secret, but more with Sirius getting killed for his secret. It seemed that Sirius didn't care about his own safety at all and regularly would push the professors to their limits. If he was honest with himself, James wasn't much better. He and Sirius would play pranks and question the teachers on everything they said just to prove the point that they weren't conforming to their regime. But even they were quickly silenced by a nasty stinging charm or a langlock jinx. Once, Professor Flint got so furious at James' consistent pranks, she stopped him breathing for an entire minute as a punishment. Never in his life had James been so scared, but once he was released from the curse, it only made him more determined than ever to make every professor's life hell for their dark beliefs.

The thing was, James was more than willing to put himself at risk. It was what he had signed up for, what he had expected and what he definitely was getting. Even if he was tortured by Headmaster Rosier himself, he was confident that he'd never say a thing about the Order. But what he had slowly come to realise was he'd also put Sirius and Peter at risk. And although Sirius had passionately declared he'd never betray James, and Peter had sworn to secrecy, it didn't make James feel any less guilty knowing he would be responsible if either of his friends got hurt.

The other person on James' mind was Lily Evans. Ever since meeting the redhead down in the dungeons, all he wanted to do was talk to her. That was easier said than done. Lily didn't seem to like him very much. James was starting to think that even if she wasn't in a prison, she still wouldn't like him. He'd tried everything to get her to talk to him but she still refused. That didn't mean James was going to stop. Lily Evans was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen and by Merlin was he going to marry her one day.

James had told Remus so when he and the boys had gone down to visit him and Lily, wrapped up together in the invisibility cloak. Lily was asleep when they got there but that didn't stop Remus from bursting into laughter as soon as James told him. "You're saying to me that you're in love with Lily?" he chuckled. "Merlin's beard, Potter. You are an idiot."

"It's not funny!" James exclaimed. "I'm serious!"

"No, I'm Sirius," Sirius replied with a cackle.

"Have you been drinking a love potion, mate?" Peter giggled.

"No!" James said. "I'm in love with her!"

"Oh James," Remus said, wiping his eyes free from tears as he laughed. "Don't ever tell her that! She'll murder you on the spot even if she is behind bars."

"Well, one day she won't be behind bars and she'll definitely murder you then," Sirius said, holding his sides as if they were splitting. "Merlin, Potter, you're a dead man."

"Well, I don't think it's funny," James said, crossing his arms and turning away from the three boys. It only seemed to make them laugh even harder.

"Look at him pouting!" Peter cried and both Sirius and Remus collapsed into themselves.

If anyone was looking, it must have been a strange sight to see. Four boys, three dressed in fine robes, one in rags. Three outside of a cell, one inside. Three learning magic, one denied that chance. And yet, they fell into a friendship that James knew even then was as tough as iron.

There was himself, the unofficial leader and mother hen of the group. There was Sirius, the fun-loving wild one with a fierce protective streak. There was Pete who was lovable and kept them all sane when they needed comfort. And then there was Remus, the smart, intelligent, unimaginably kind one. They fit together like a puzzle. Or they would do if the bars between them and Remus didn't block their way.

"We should probably get going, lads," James said, glancing at his watch and seeing the late time. "The professors will be making their rounds soon and we don't want to get caught." Remus' smile faded and the light died from his eyes at the words. But he put on a brave face and nodded.

"Of course," he said. "Be safe, you guys."

"We'll be back tomorrow," Sirius promised quickly.

"Yeah!" Peter agreed eagerly. "Mum's meant to be sending me some chocolate cookies tomorrow! Home baked and everything! I'll bring them down and we can all share." Remus' lower lip wobbled slightly and James wanted more than anything to throw himself through the bars and wrap his arms around the boy. Giving Pete a tight smile, Remus nodded.

"Save some for Lily too," he said. "She's had a tough time recently. Some chocolate might do her some good."

"Any food might do her some good," Sirius growled, glaring daggers at the empty wooden plate that sat in Lily's cell. This is what James had been talking about said Sirius was being reckless.

"We'll bring extra food," James promised, rising to his feet and making his way towards the false stone with the invisibility cloak folded over his arm. The other two boys followed him. Sirius flashed Remus a smile as he got up but Remus didn't return it. Instead, the werewolf pursed his lips together and looked across the corridor at Lily's sleeping form.

"Oh, before you go," Remus said tentatively, looking down at his hands which fidgeted in his lap. "I...um...I wanted to ask if you'd do something for me." James glanced at Sirius who seemed completely fixated on Remus. His friend's eyes were sharp and alight with the fact that Remus had actually requested something.

"Anything, Rem," said Sirius. 

"Well...this is a bit awkward to say." Remus scratched the back of his neck, his cheeks glowing a flush pink. "It's just...it's going to be Christmas soon. And Lily...Lily hasn't had a Christmas away from her family yet. She's really sad and upset about it. So I was just wondering if...um...if you could maybe think up of something nice for her? It doesn't have to be big or anything, just something a little Christmassy." James blinked. Christmas. After everything that had happened in the last few months alone, he had completely forgotten that soon they'd all be going home for the Christmas holidays. He'd be home with his parents and their loving embrace in just a couple of weeks. Had it really been that long since he had boarded the train in September?

His mind snapped back to Lily and Remus, the latter staring up at him with big, chocolate eyes wide with apprehension. Merlin, he'd never even thought about the fact Remus had seen at least two birthdays, two Easters, two summers, two New Years and two Christmases go past locked away by the Death Eaters. And he wasn't even asking for anything for himself, he was asking for Lily who had only been away from home for a few months but still was suffering for it. James was struck once again by just how bad it was down here, how lucky he was and how much he'd taken for granted.

To his left, Sirius and Peter seemed to be in just as much shock as he was. It was clear they hadn't considered the idea of Christmas either for Lily and Remus either. Sirius particularly looked almost heartbroken at the thought.

"We'll make a Christmas for you, Rem," he said, his voice cracking. "You and Lily will both have presents and food and the full works."

"I don't need anything, Sirius," Remus said, shaking his head. "I'm over Christmas by now. But just something for Lily. Please."

"You're both getting something," James said firmly. "It'll be earlier than usual, but I reckon we can rustle up something, can't we lads?" He stared at the other two boys with a gaze of such ferocity Peter almost melted beneath it.

"Sure, definitely," Pete squeaked. "We'll come up with loads of ideas before we go home for the holidays."

"I swear it," Sirius declared. "You and Lily are gonna have a Christmas, Remus. Nothing is going to stop me!"

"Shh, keep it down!" Remus hissed, glancing nervously down the corridor. "If you're gonna do this, just promise me it won't be anything too loud and suspicious." Sirius grinned wickedly.

"I can't promise anything," he smirked. Remus put his head in his hands.

"I'm going to regret this," he groaned. James smiled his famous mischief smile.

"Oh, I solemnly swear it."

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