And that's the end of our story.

I write the last 7 words, wishing that there is still more to write about us but there is none.

"Done." I announce to myself as I close the precious book filled with memories. I stare at the red cover as tears start to fill my eyes once more.

It's his favourite colour, I thought with a smile.

Don't worry, Par. You wrote this book just to make you leave all the memories of him behind, I tell myself over and over again. You are just taking everything out, forgetting him; leaving him in your past.

One by one, the tears start to fall as I feel the pain again on that dreadful day again.

It has been almost half a year now, why are the tears still in me?

Face it, Paradice.

He was your first love and you hoped that he'll be your last but turns out, he wasn't. I guess Ray was wrong when she said that Mr Nike would be the guy that I spend 'forever' with.

After he dumped me, we didn't talk like we used to. A few comments were exchanged here and there at first but slowly, it became words. On some days, only silence fill between us.

We are strangers again but of course there are memories between us. Apparently we weren't friends nor enemies, just strangers with some memories.

Well for me the memories are still fresh in my mind, I don't know about him though.

I lost count of the times I've cried because of him. It was painful as hell, like I killed myself but I'm still alive. I broke down 2 times at school just because I suddenly thought of him and that's when it hit me:

He's gone from my life.

I place the book in between my favourite novels. I sigh as I look at the book which was once an empty notebook, but now filled with memories of him.

Austin Lawson.

I take out the book again and decided to write his name on the front page as it was too empty.

I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand and smile as I remember the good things that he has given to me.

The first boy to gives me compliments, the first boy to tell me he loved me, the first boy to be my boyfriend, the first boy to hold my hand, the first boy who made my world complete...

The first boy to take my heart away.

Maybe we'll meet again when we are older and our minds are less hectic, and I'll be the one for him and he'll be the one for me. But right now, I am chaos to his thoughts and he is poison to my heart.

I remember how we promised each other that we'll travel to Europe together and the fact that he mentioned marriage a few times but that's just my imagination now. I need a damn miracle for it to happen.

Oh well, it is what it is.

Sometimes, you just don't get what you want.

If the times I had with him are just dreams, I don't want to wake up forever because then, I can continue to be with him and all of the bullshits will never happen.

But maybe, with a little time and faith, me and Austin will be together again in the future.

Just like how it was suppose to be.

Because I know deep in my heart, we had a pure attraction towards each other. We were each other's first and nothing can ever change that.

"Par?" I quickly shove the book into the bookshelf, preventing my mother from seeing it.

"Oh hey mum." I turn to look at her and notice that she is holding a letter with a rose.

I raise an eyebrow. "What's up?" I ask and eye the letter and the red flower suspiciously, wondering whether it is for me. I notice that there was a little note stuck to it which raise my suspicion even more.

She walks towards me and hands me the letter. Apparently my suspicion was right. "A letter for you." Then, she hands me the flower. "The person left a flower for you too." She puts it on my desk. I see that the words ' I love you ' written on it.

I know that handwriting even if I was blind.

"Who are these from?" I question her while looking at the letter, just to make sure that my mind isn't playing tricks on me. She shrugs and then leaves me alone with the letter on my hands and the rose on my desk.

I notice that the letter has the words ' Paradice Newman ' written on the front. It was the same handwriting on the note which was stuck on the rose. I quickly opened the letter and start to read it.

Dear Par,

I bet you weren't expecting this but I guess that's why today is the best time to give you this letter. Today is the 6th of October. If I am not mistaken, it would be our 7-month anniversary if we didn't breakup a few months ago.

To be honest, you never left my mind. I know we didn't talk much in these couple of months and sometimes when you walk past me, my heart ache and I just want to slap myself for letting you go.

Technically, I didn't want to let you go. The truth behind our break up is that your parents came to my house a few days after our date and told me to end things with you. I tried to deny it and said that we were only good friends but they said and I quote, "we're not idiots, we can see you through like glass". So, there was no point in lying at that point.

I told your parents that it was impossible for me to do it but they insist on me doing it within two weeks. They started to fill my head with things like 'you aren't good for her', 'you should let her go for her sake' and such. Because of my insecureness - yes, I admit I have insecureness when it comes to you - I agreed with them and broke up with you. I'm sorry, Par. I didn't really have a choice because I respect people who are older than me and the fact that those are your parents just tops it all off.

But I faced them.

If you are reading this letter, that means I've already met them. They wanted to kill me at first but then I plead them to hear me out because I was really desperate. I've talked to them about this and they know that you are sad because of our breakup and they really thought that you would be happier with time but they see now that you didn't heal at all. I don't want to see you suffer because let's face it, we are both suffering due to our lost.

I remembered how you once told me that if someone likes you, you want them to show their love by giving you a rose with a note stuck with it. I hope you got my rose. I specially handpicked it for you because somehow the redness of the flower reminds me of your cheeks when you get embarrassed or when you are about to cry.

Trust me Par, if I can undo one mistake in my life, I will go back to the day we were at the school garden. Instead of letting you go, I will hold you so tight that your bones will be crushed and our bodies will become one. Then, I'll pull back and kiss you until you lose your breath and mine.

I'm sorry that I was such an idiot and let someone as amazing as you go. It was the worst mistake that I've ever made in my life and I regretted every inch of it. I started thinking about our old conversations and remembered how we both really wanted to go to Europe -mainly Paris for me and London for you- and just travel together.

And let's not forget the fact that me and my brother mentioned marriage a few times. When I say I am planning on it, I am not kidding.

So if you may, please give me a second chance.

In the envelope, you will find a ticket to London; next Wednesday night's flight. I bought it for you and for me so we can accomplish our dream together. We should both take a chance and just go with what ever is thrown at us.

I've told your parents about this too. They told me that if you choose to come with me on this once in a lifetime journey, they are okay with it because at the end of the day, it is your choice.

I'm not forcing you, Par. I really am not.

But of course I can't lie; I really love you and I really try my hardest to find a second chance to be with you. I know that you won't want to be hurt by the same guy twice and honestly, I promise that I won't let you down this time.

I really love you and I hope that you can make it. If you won't come to my house right after you see this letter to tell me that you'll come with me, I won't blame you. Like I said before, at the end of the day, it is your choice.

I know I messed up big time and I don't deserve you but I hope that you can give me a chance to make up for the horrible mistake that I've made.

If you didn't rip this letter into pieces and actually read it until the end, thank you. If you ripped this letter into shreds, well I can't blame you either.

I love you.

From,

An asshole who fucked up pretty bad

I wipe away the tears that escaped from my eyes and look into the envelope. Sure enough, there is a ticket in there with my name on it. I take it out and examine it.

I put it down and reread the letter 2 more times.

Goddammit, I know Austin hates writing so he must have used so much effort on writing this letter.

But something still lingers on my mind; the fact that my parents were the reason behind my breakup is painful but it made me realise that Austin is really the one for me and he didn't really give up on me. I guess he did break us up for an acceptable reason.

Suddenly, there is a knock on my door. "So are you going?" I look up and see my mum there. She gives me a smile but I know it was forced.

"I don't know, mum." I say honestly. "I don't know what to do." I cry out and sat on my bed.

She sits beside me and pats my knee. "Do you love him, Par?" She asks with those motherly look in her eyes. She asks me that question over and over again but I always lie saying that I don't. I sigh and break eye contact with her.

"Yeah." I say, finally admitting it to her myself.

"Then go after him." I snap my head towards her and raise an eyebrow. "But mum, you hate him. You and dad went to his house and told him to breakup with me even though you know that it would ruin me." She shrugs and then gives me a smile, this time it is a real one.

"At first, I thought that boy was a boy who only thought about himself and that he only wanted you for his own needs but when I saw that boy again I knew he had guts and when he told me and your father about his dreams and particularly when he said you are a part of his future, I knew that he is a good guy.

That boy was brave enough to face me and your father because he wanted to get back with you. It wasn't the smartest choice but it's surely the bravest. Every mother wants their child to be with a person who can stand up to them and protect their child when they are in danger but most of all, parents want their child to be with a person who can support them.

Paradice, I think you should go to Europe with him. I bless it because it seems to me that you love each other very very much." She smiles and I couldn't help but pull her into a hug.

After awhile, we pull away from our mother-daughter hug. "So what is it going to be, Par? Are you going to Europe with your first and probably only love or are you going to sit here and weep through your days because you missed your second and probably your last chance with Austin?" She asks and stands up.

I stare at the letter and then the ticket. Then, I turn to look at the rose that is still laying on my desk.

I smile to myself, knowing that the answer to the question will be an epic life-changer and to be quite honest with you, I am ready for it.