"Paradice Newman, you are soaking wet." Miss Wendy gasps when I walk into class. "And not the good kind." I hear someone at the back of the class whisper loud enough for the whole world to hear. I roll my eyes at the lame attempt of a joke.

"Ranielle, please send your best friend to the nurse. I'm afraid that she'll catch a cold." Ray nods subtly and walk towards me. I grab my bag of clothes before walking out. When we were out of the classroom, she nudges me with her elbow. "Spill." She knows me too well to even lie to her.

I instantly cry out a river. She didn't say anything, just rubs my back soothingly. Currently, she doesn't really care that her clothes are getting wet. "H-He dumped me." I choke out the words. Ray's eyes widen. "When the hell did you start dating? Never mind that. More importantly, who's dick should I chop off? " She sounds determine and so fierce, I was somewhat sure that she has turned into her inner dragon.

"I-It's no biggie." I try to reassure her but I could already see smoke coming out of her nostrils. "No biggie? Par, we've been friends since forever and I've never seen you this sad before." She utters and I mentally agree with her. It feels like a part of me is missing and that part is Austin. "I lost him." I state and wipe away the tears with the back of my hand.

Ray raises her eyebrow. "State the name so it will make the service of killing this guy easier." She says. I sigh as we walk down the stairs. "It's Austin." She gasped in surprise. "Austin? As in Mr. Nike? The guy that I said that he would be the guy of your dreams?" I nod slowly as the tears started to fall again.

"You are dating him?" She asks to confirm it. I shrug as I open the door to the nurse's office. Usually, I come here with Austin but this time, it was with my best friend. "Well, were." I alter the word as the nurse did a quick checkup on me. Then, she gives me a towel so I could dry myself. I thank my lucky star that I bought another pair of extra clothes because of gym class.

I'm waiting for her to tell me 'I told you so' because she was right; I did fell in love with him.

We both thank the nurse and we walk back to class, me dry but Ray still full of annoyance. "How and why did he dum- lose you?" She changes her vocabulary after she cringes at how the word sounds. I shrug again. "He didn't want to ruin me and my parents' relationship. My parents hate him so he didn't want to be in the middle of me and my parents. I think there's more than what meets the eyes." I explain to her as we take a seat on the stairs, not really wanting to go back to Maths class.

She shakes her head in disappointment. "Par, dammit, I really ship you two but seeing that the asshole dum- sorry - left you without any good reason, he can just go to hell. He left the best thing that has happen to him on the streets and that is not cool. If he could leave you like this, that means he doesn't love you enough." She curses him as she lays a comforting hand on my back.

I shrug my shoulders and then lay against the wall. "Maybe I'm just not worth it." I murmur, mainly to myself, feeling pathetic again.

"No. You know well than to drag yourself down with those words, Par." Ray stands up with her hands on her hips and an intense look on her face.

"What?" I raise an eyebrow and look at my best friend. "I said-" She starts but I chirp in.

"I hear you the first time, just why? It's true, though. I am nothing. I'm not as pretty as Cara or any other mini skirt-wearing girls, I'm not as smart as Cara and I am definitely not up on her level." I state, my heart getting lower and lower until it crash into the ground.

"No, fuck her and fuck any other slut wannabes. You are you, Paradice and that's what makes you special." She utters while giving me a look. I roll my eyes. "That's what he said but look at where the hell he is now; long gone from me." I stand up and walk back upstairs, wanting to end this conversation faster than I intended it to be.

I can hear Ray's foot padding up the stairs behind me. "But, c'mon, Par. Rumour has it that he has a bad reputation everywhere. You know that eventually something like this will happen." I roll my eyes again. Not this bullshit again, I said mentally.

My sadness was replaced with anger. "I don't care, Ranielle. That's the problem; I'm so fucking in love with him that I don't give two shits about his bad tempers and shitty attitude." I snap. She knows that I'm dead serious because I used her full name, something that I do only when I'm serious.

Ray frowns. "He has it bad on you. But the only thing I could say is just try to cut him off. This isn't healthy, Par." She advises but I couldn't let them process in me because the only thing that I can't do in this world is to let him go. "I don't want to, though." I confess to my best friend. She sighs. "I know it's going to be hard, Par, but how long can you live like this? It has only been a few hours since you two broke up and yet you look like you haven't got enough sleep for weeks."

"I-I don't know." I stop walking in the middle of the corridor. "I'm just so done with everything. No matter how good I am, I'll never get what I want." I conclude and then as if the world is playing a sick joke on me, someone accidentally bumped into me; it was Austin.

"The fuck? Watch where you are going, Austin." I snarl, having a little memory of him saying the same thing to me before. His eyes widen at the sight of me but then composed himself. "I'm sorry, Par. I am just in a rush." He apologises. He didn't move immediately like I hoped for and I am still shooting daggers at him mentally.

I almost forgot that Ray was there until she clears her throat. "Please go, Austin before I do some illegal things to you." She threatens him. I could see that he wanted to question me about it but when I turn away from his sight, he sighs and walks away.

After a few minutes of silence, Ray breaks it. "You know I hate to say that I am wrong and shit like that but I think Austin still have feelings for you." She says with a frown on her face. I shrug and continue walking. "Well," I mutter as I glance at the direction that Austin walks away to. "The feeling is mutual."

~~~

Day nineteenth.

Nineteen whole days without him.

It has been hell for me because it feels like I've lost half of me. I barely got any sleep at all and food was my best friend at the moment. The bags under my eyes got blacker and my friends start to worry about me. Zach actually brought up the suggestion of bringing me to a hospital to get a check-up because he thought I was having some sort of sickness. Everyone is careful with their mouths when their around me because they are scared that they will mention his name to me and that will only make me worse.

Katie and Kendall told me that Aus- I mean he who shall not be named, I can't even say his name without feeling the hollowness in my heart - that he has been asking them about me. They said that he has been worried about my health and he said that I didn't look as cheery as I was before.

He could go and fuck himself for all I care. If he really did care, he could've ask me himself, and maybe, just maybe, I could be normal again. For this whole nineteen days, he has never make the effort to even talk to me and that is when I know that we were really over. I hear people say that if you stay friends with your ex, it's either because you both still love each other or you've never had feelings for each other. I guess, in my case, I was the only one in this relationship who loved the other with all of her heart.

Mum asked me what was wrong and I told her that I'm just stressed. She seemed to buy it but she still worries about me. She checks on me everyday after dinner even though I told her that I was fine. On the third day, I was this close on telling her about me and Aus- shit, I mean the asshole - 's breakup but I knew better than to tell her because she would probably murder him. Dad is very worried about me; every time he comes back from work, the first thing that he'll ask me is, "are you feeling better?". I know that they mean well but sometimes I just need space of my own.

I always try to take my mind off of him but somehow, everything just reminds me of him; playing badminton, sewing the beads that fell off from the dress that I wore to his brother's birthday, cleaning my bracelet which has the Eiffel Tower charm on it, going to Garden Hills Mall, and last but certainly not least, walking pass the school garden - the place where this whole mess happened.

I always find myself sketching his eyes and his irresistible smile. I try so hard to push him out of my mind but he constantly comes back which is very annoying at times. The memories of us chatting, calling and hanging out together keep popping in my mind and sometimes, tears will join in the fun.

I know I'm really sad about our breakup because I've started to realise that all of Taylor Swift's songs make sense now.

My effort on making everyone around me not worried wasn't working like I hoped it would. If it's doing anything, it's making everyone more concerned. I didn't mean to be more sadder than I intend myself to be but it's not my fault. I just lost something so huge in my life which makes me feel so empty, like a body which lost its soul.

But maybe this is for the best. Maybe I'll find someone more better, someone who will love me enough to let me stay in his life forever, and there's a little part of me, deep, deep down, hoping that the person would be him because to be honest, the only person who can put the broken pieces together again is the person who broke it.

How fucked up can love be? When I signed up for this, I didn't know that things would get this complicated and that it would fucking ruin your life.

So this is the reason why people say love is hard; it literally damages you. And the worst part of all, you think that you still have hope with the person who broke you.

Loving someone you can't have is worser than suicide. You immediately feel numb after suicidal but you can still feel everything you felt before if you love someone that you can't have. I want more, I want more with him. He is the only one who could make my heart beat as fast as a bullet train and he is the only one right for me. I don't give a rat ass about what other people think about him. The only thing that matters is that I love him.

But I guess even that doesn't matter anymore right now.