"Ms. Caverly. You may go in now." The secretary smiled and told me.

I get out of my seat in the waiting room and enter the office. "Heaven, my love, it's good to see you," Mr. Halifax said. "Please, please have a seat."

I walked up to his desk and took a seat directly across from him. I smiled at his old, welcoming face.

"Okay, love, let's get started. How have you been?" See this was routine for us. I go to therapy every month and he always asks that same question first. I remember when I was little I asked him why he always asked me that question, and he told me "One day you might actually tell me what's wrong, instead of hiding it and trying to be strong." Ever since then I always try and be honest and open up to him.

"Thank you for asking Mr. Halifax I'm doing..okay I guess. There are some things that have been bothering me. For instance, a boy. He's becoming more distant with me and I'm trying to help him and-"

"Ms. Caverly, slow down my love. We have two hours starting now. Okay let's start off with telling me what his name and the role he plays in your life." Mr. Halifax said while leaning back in his seat and intertwining his fingers together. "His name is Justin Bieber. I meet him the first day he came to the university. He meet my friends and even then he was a recluse. Dark and mysterious. He lured me in like a light to a stranger. I broke down his walls. He started talking to me a little about himself and saying he would come to church with me. And two wonderful weeks went by until the day he went to church with me. Even when we were on our way he was acting very.....odd. It's like he wasn't scared or nervous it was more like he was determined. The look in his eyes said something I couldn't comprehend. After that day though he never went inside. One moment he was there the next he was gone. I didn't hear from him for two whole days. Nothing. Silence is its own language and that's what we were speaking. And then our confrontation, also two days ago, wasn't good. He said some hurtful things and I don't know why. It's like he's different, changed. He used to try to be good and now he doesn't even care." My voice cracked at the end, making Mr. Halifax lean over his desk and grab my hand.

"Unfortunately, my love, we can't help people that don't want to be helped. He lured you in, why? What made you want to be the water in his desert? What attracted you to him?" I fidgeted in my seat. "Well he seemed like he needed help. I felt like God was leading me to him. When I saw him I saw this dark light around him and I felt someone telling me to go and help him." He leaned closer to my face. "How did you know it was God? A dark light doesn't seen 'Godly' to me. You said 'lured' I don't think that God would lure someone that would end up hurting you. Dark and mysterious are some adjectives you used too. Honestly I think you were attracted to him for all the unfamiliar reasons. You've always been a clean cut kid, your parents are pastors, and your involved in the church. I believe you were attracted to him because he was foreign to you and you wanted to 'fix' him. My dear, everyone can't be 'fixed'.

"Mr. Halifax, all those reasons aren't true. Yes I saw a dark light surrounding him. I saw that, though, because he was damaged, destroyed, and used. I didn't see the dark light just to see the darkness, I saw it to help him. To confirm my theory that he needed help. He's a damned soul and he needs me. I-I-I love him. I want to help him. Even if he's damaged and lost I want to be his compass on his journey. I want to help him find himself and be with him through it all. I can't, I won't give up on him. No one believes in him but me. Wouldn't you want someone to fight for you?"

"No, I wouldn't. I fight my own battles. That's what he needs, he doesn't need for you to hover. Give him time, Heaven, before you push him away. Let him breathe. Let him find himself. It's all about the journey and if you make it or not. He has to be without you to find himself. First, though, he has to want to change to be better and no matter how hard you try you can't change someone's mindset." I leaned further in my seat letting out a sigh. In many ways Mr. Halifax was right. "I believe why you cling to him so much is because you are scared of losing him like you did everything in your life. Like your birth parents and six month year old brother, they died in a car wreck when you were only eight. And your fiancé died when you were only nineteen. I think you hold on for dear life to the people you love because you are afraid you will lose them like you did most things in your life.

"Mr. Halifax I miss my birth parents and my little brother so much. I was in that car too! Why could've I died with them too!" My voice cracking at the end. "And then after all that the love of my life, my dear fiancé had to die too! We were going to get married the next day! Do you know how that feels, having to tell the catering businesses that you don't need them. And telling all your family that traveled miles and miles to not come because he's dead! And do you want to know the last thing I said to him was! I told him to go to
Hell and never come back. I didn't expect for him to never return! I didn't even mean it. I was just pissed at him. And the last time I saw him he was walking out of the door. Sometimes I feel like he died because of me." I looked down at my feet, tears streaming down my face. I've never talked about him. Not even in therapy. I never talked about my perished fiancé because it hurt to much to talk about him. He was the love of my life and I will never find someone that makes me feel whole, like he did.

Mr. Halifax got up from his chair and walked about his desk. He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me in a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you dear, for finally talking about him. You always tell me about your birth parents, but never about him. I'm so happy you finally told me how you feel about his death. Heaven, his death will never be your fault. He died of a brain aneurysm. He would've died anyway, no matter what, he would've died. Even if y'all never got in that argument he still would've died. It's not your fault, none of this is. He loved you and you know that. He knows you didn't mean it. And as for your birth parents, you didn't die because God has a purpose for you. Your parents and six month year old brother already fulfilled their purpose, now it's time for you to
fulfill yours." I cried in his arms for a good five minutes until I finally got ahold of myself. Sometimes it's
good to cry and have a pity party.

"Okay, my dear, sadly our session is over but I will see you next month on the thirteenth." He smiled helping me out of my seat and wiping my tears. "Thank you. And see you again." I walked out of his office refreshed and relieved. I thanked the secretary and gave her a warm smile. She smiled back and told me that someone was waiting for me outside. I looked to see James with a bouquet of roses and an umbrella over his head leaning against his car. He flashed me a fifty watt smile. I smiled back pulling my hood over my head and dashing outside. James always picks me up from my therapy meetings and yet he always surprises me with something. He, of course, knows when all of my therapy meetings are because Mr. Halifax is his dad.

James hurriedly opens the car door for me in the pelting rain. He hops in and we speed off. "Hello Beautiful. How did everything go?" He said not keeping his eyes off the road but somehow grabbing my hand in the process. "It went perfect. I talked about him." I looked down at my feet but only to find myself gazing in his chocolate brown eyes. "I'm proud of you, baby. If you ever need or want to talk I'm always here. You know that, right?" I smiled at him my cheeks warming up at the pet name he calls me. "Yeah I know. So where are we off to?" He started pulling in a driveway. "My house of course. Mom misses you. She wants you to stay over for dinner and dad will be here soon. Meanwhile it's just going to be us for a while because mom is getting the groceries to cook dinner." He grabs the umbrella out of the back seat. "On the count of three we are going to
run to the door. Ready? 1-2-3." We jump out of the car into the hard, cold and windy rain. Even with the umbrella the wind accomplishes it's goal of getting us soaked.

We walk in the house shivering and laughing like little kids. "That was fun but I'm freezing cold." James grabs my hand and smiles, "Let's go warm up then." We walk in the laundry room and James turns the dryer on. He throws some towels in there and then we both lay on top of it. It was our little thing. I've known James since I was a kid. He's always been there for me, even the death of my parents. When I went to live with my grandmother an hour away he would still visit me along with his parents. They were like my family. Always have and always will be. James is my person. I don't even know how to explain it but he just is. We have this little thing where every time we are cold we lay on his dryer. His dryer tends to overheat so bad that the dryer itself starts to get hot.

We laid on the dryer for about twenty minutes until we felt like the towels should be warm. He pulled out the towels and gave me one. "Here. There are so extra clothes for you in the bathroom. You change in there. I will be in my room." He turns and starts walking up the stairs. I go in the bathroom and change into some black leggings and a long teal ivory Ella shirt. I dry my hair with the blow dryer. And pull it up into a lose ponytail. After I'm finished getting ready I head up the stairs to find James.

I walked into James's room to find him with his back turned to me shirtless. "Hey. Sorry I just barged in without knocking." I laughed nervously. "It's okay. I was just putting my shirt on and was going to head up back stairs and-" i grabbed his shoulders and spun him around, his back facing me yet again. "James! You got a tattoo! It's great. Wait, what does it say? It looks like Chinese or something." I traced my finger along his shoulder blade. "It says 'Heaven' in Korean." He turned to me, lifting up my chin with his finger. "It says that because that's all I care about, is you." He grabbed me waist firmly and kissed me. He kissed me with so much passion it was insane. I quickly pulled away, though. "James this is all wrong. I don't feel that way about you. I'm trying to work on me and Justin's relationship or whatever we have. I can't do this with you." I turned away from him about to leave his room, until I was pulled back by a firm grip.

"He doesn't even want you! He basically said you were another piece of ass to him. Heaven I love you. I always have even when we were kids! I wanted you to be mine. I love everything about you. And it seems like I can never have you. Do you think I liked to see you fall in love with my cousin, your now dead fiancé. Do you think I loved watching him hold you when I wanted so badly wanted to do that! I loved you with all my heart and I was just starting to get over you and be genuinely happy for you and my cousin, Kai. And then he died! Heaven he died. And you needed me and I found myself falling back in love with you, when I was just getting over you. For three years he's been dead and I have been there for you no matter what. Of course I don't like Justin, he's using you and you don't see it! Everything about Justin screams sin but of course you would like that, huh, he's your sinful decision. Baby I would love you forever I would never hurt you. I mean have I ever hurt you? Please tell me if I have because I sure as hell cant remember it. Please baby choose me, choose me. I'm not like these little boys out here that don't know how to treat a woman. I'm a man, that knows how to treat a lady right." I looked up at James with tears running down my eyes.

"I-I-I can't. I'm sorry." I run down the stairs only to have James hot in my trail. He somehow manages to get in front of me and he blocks me from going out the front door. "Wait. Baby please listen to me. You don't have to love me back I will wait for you forever. Just please don't leave me," His voice cracking at the end. "You can't leave me. You said you'll always be there." He said tears streaming down his eyes. He slid down the wall pulling his knees to his chest rocking himself back and forth. "You said you'll always be there. You can't leave me. Please don't leave me. Please." He looked at me with these big, beautiful brown eyes. He looked so heartbroken.

"I'm sorry." And with that I walked out of the door. All I could picture was his face. The face of the broken-hearted. I loved James with all my heart, but I don't love him like that. I love him like a friend and I wasn't willing to lose twenty two years of friendship just because he has developed a small crush on me. I wasn't willing to make my best friend my boyfriend. Right now Justin needed me more than ever. I know that something is off about Justin. He's not like everyone else. And I need to help him before he destroys himself beyond repair. James has his parents but Justin has no one. James is my person but right now I needed to be Justin's. And of course Justin might push me away, but I want to prove to him that no matter how far he pushes me I will always be there.

I found myself in front of Justin's dorm. It was raining so hard I was beyond soaked. I wasn't just soaked in rain but in my own tears. I cried about everything on my long walk from James's house to Justin's dorm. I cried about my parents, baby brother, and know dead fiancé. I realized that I've been strong for too long. I've held everything in, and never told anyone how I feel. Right now I needed Justin more than he needed me. I realized though that the reason why I want Justin is because he's something I can't have. He's my tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden. Forbidden, sinful, and banned. Change is coming. I don't know what it is but I have a feeling that everything is going to change. Little did I know, though, that everything would change when I knocked on his door. Little did I know, though, everything was already changed and forever will be. I never knew that just a small, simple knock on the door could change the future forever.

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How do you feel about James?

Do you like James better now or do you still feel the same way about him?

How do you feel about Heaven?

Who do you want Heaven to end up with?

What do you think the big change is going to be?

A/n James is played by Dave Franco if you've forgotten.

Thanks for reading. ❤️