18: damned if i do ya (damned if i don't) - all time low

sTORY TIME

right so my dad was saying loads of sexual innuendos and he gets to blowjobs and my mom was like ((to me)) 'i didnt even know what a blowjob was when i was your age, i remember rob ((my uncle, her brother)) came home talking about them once and i had no idea what they were' so i'm standing there whilst my mom rambles on about blowjobs and then she goes 'why r they even called blowjobs you don't blow do you you suck' so i was like 'how would i know' and my parents just looked at me, like that look ((u know what im talkin bout))

ive never even kissed anyone let alone had a boyfriend or sucked someone off or anything like that. im flattered mom but no

so that's the story of how my parents think i go round sucking people's dicks bye

-

©assidy

After I'd explained everything Calum hadn't to the boys, I let them go off and do whatever they wanted (give each other blowjobs, probably). Then I remembered that I left my bike outside the gym, so I walked back there to collect it. I decided I didn't want to go home and I couldn't go to Calum's after he'd made it quite clear he wanted to be alone, so I started cycling to the skate park.

I opened the familiar rusty gate and did a few laps before doing what I always did; getting up onto the highest ramp, turning on my music and admiring the view. After twenty minutes of being up there I contemplated coming down but stopped myself when I saw Ashton wander through the gates. I waved and he ran up the ramp.

"Hey, Cas," he smiled and sat down beside me.

I switched my music off. "Hey, Ash."

"You know about Michael and Luke?" he asked casually.

I stared at him. "You knew?!"

He smirked. "Yup. Ashton Irwin knows everyone's secrets."

I rolled my eyes before smirking. "Do you want to know my secret?"

His face lit up and he nodded, scooting closer. "Yeah!"

I played it cool, pretending to be indecisive before putting my lips as close to his ear as possible. "Calum Hood is a fucktard."

Ashton stared at me. "No, that's not right. You have a crush on him, you can't think he's a fucktard."

"Excuse me?" I said, moving away from Ashton.

"Oh come on, Cassidy, you two so like each other! One of you is gonna have to admit your feelings before he goes to America."

"How do you know about America?" I asked, confused.

"I have a phone, Cassy," he said sarcastically. "On which I can text people on."

"Don't call me Cassy," I yelled, exasperated.

I didn't have a crush on Calum. Me and Calum were friends. Maybe best friends. I didn't have a crush on him, I didn't. Oh, who the fuck am I kidding. He's the sweetest nicest hottest boy that's ever spoken to me, of course I fancy him, who wouldn't fancy him.

"I don't like him," I lied, playing with the thread on my trousers.

"Shut the fuck up, I know you do. We're best friends, I know these things," he winked.

Best friends made me feel all warm inside. Rachel was pretty much my only friend before I met the boys. I knew one neighbour from my mum's who was my age, and I had all my old school friends on Facebook, but we never spoke. Ashton was a real life friend, someone who admitted they liked me and wanted to be associated with me.

"Listen," Ashton began. "Calum's gonna have to get a visa, which will take time. You'll have a couple of months with him; make the most of it. Tell him you like him; I know he likes you. I mean, who wouldn't, you're hot as hell and if Calum hadn't already unknowingly called dibs I'd make a move on you."

I blushed, rolling my eyes and looking at the ground. "Calum is my best friend, Ashton. I don't want to wreck what I have with him. And I've never liked anyone before."

"You've never had a crush?" Ashton yelled. "Seriously, never?"

I shook my head. "I'm fucking home schooled, Ash, who am I gonna crush on? The robot that reads out my test questions?"

Ashton laughed and checked his phone. "Shit, I need to go. But seriously, Calum likes you. Ask him out. It'd be good for both of you."

As he walked away, I realised I completely forgot about telling him about moving.

-

"Cassidy," dad was just dishing up dinner when I arrived home. "Perfect timing."

I smiled weakly and grabbed myself a plate from the pile. I noticed my dad was smiling, which was odd, considering the mood he'd been in at boxing.

"What's gotten you so happy?" I asked, grabbing some cutlery from the drawer.

Dad grinned. "Julia's coming home soon! She's in Japan for a couple of months but then she'll be here, spending time with us!"

I blinked. "Wow dad, that's great."

I took a seat beside Rachel at the table. Dad dished up the fish pie we seemed to be having and Rachel tucked in, eating hers quickly. When she'd finished she wiped her mouth and ran upstairs. I was about to do the same when I finished but dad stopped me.

"Give her some space, Cassy," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "She's still trying to get her head around you leaving."

"What?" I was confused. "She's annoyed with me?"

"No, I just think maybe she doesn't want to talk to you," he said, trying to be tactful. I realised then that she had been oddly quiet at dinner. I sighed and pushed my chair back.

"Ok, I'll leave her alone," I said, managing to get out of the kitchen before my lip started trembling and my eyes began to drip. I ran into my room and slammed the door.

If never felt so utterly shit in my life, not ever. Everyone seemed to hate me, or be avoiding me. I threw my phone down on my bed and then threw myself on it too. I wanted to sob and scream and cry until I couldn't cry anymore, but it just wasn't happening. I felt so sad that I couldn't cry.

I didn't want to go to live with mum, couldn't Rachel see that? Maybe it was because i'd been spending time with my friends instead of her. I started to worry then, because she was my sister and I didn't want her to feel like I was neglecting her. By the time it was time to go to bed I was an anxious mess. I didn't even bother to change as I pulled the covers over me and buried my head in the pillow.

I texted Calum but he didn't reply and it was beginning to bug me because I just wanted to help. I plugged my phone into the charger and lay down and tried to get comfortable. I couldn't, so I went to the toilet to see if that was the problem.

I stared down. Mother Nature had cursed me once again. Sighing when I realised I had no tampons, I walked to Rachel's room and was about to knock on her door when I remembered what dad said about giving her space. Was this invading her 'space?' Probably.

I tiptoed downstairs and out of the door. Like usual, I hadn't put my bike away and it wasn't too far to the local 24 hour convenience store so I jumped on and began to peddle. I took a shortcut through the estate because i was tired as hell and didn't want to end up falling asleep whilst cycling.

I went past Calum's house and noticed all the lights were still on. I slowed down and saw his shadow in the upstairs window, playing the guitar. I thought about catching his attention but decided against it, building up speed again and eventually reaching the shop.

I went in, got what I needed to get, and made my way back. As I approached Calum's house again, I noticed he was no longer upstairs but sitting in his living room. That was the only room with the light on, and he looked asleep (he was sitting very still if not) so I got off my bike and peeked through the window. However, I tripped on the curb and banged into it instead. He woke up and locked eyes with me.

Seconds later he was outside, standing at the door.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he hissed.

"Good evening to you too, Calum," I said sarcastically.

"Seriously, Cassidy, why are you banging on my window at night? You scared me."

"I went to the shop to get... girl things and on the way back I saw you were in your living room so I went to look through your window at you because I'm creepy and I wondered what you were doing and I tripped on the curb and fell into it instead," I rambled.

He rolled his eyes. "Mum and Rick are doing things upstairs that is rather not hear," he shuddered.

"Gross," I smirked.

"Yeah," he paused. "Do you want to come in?"

After a few moments I looked around. "Do you want to come... out?"

"What?"

"Come on," I nudged him. "come to the skate park with me."

Calum tried to hide his smile. "Okay."

-

hey guys

i haven't edited this so it might have a few mistakes but whatever.

((self promo timeeee)) if you're looking for a one shot book to read i just posted one where i base the one shots off songs so...???? if you want to read that please do cos it has like 4 reads.

im gonna start with vote goals because over the holidays i could update whenever but now schools starting i don't have the time so

2k reads, 180 votes or 40 comments for an update ((the reason im setting it so high is bc im not gonna have the time to update regularly))

-cx