The last thing I wanted to do was spend Friday night perched on the top step of my best friend's front porch, watching passively as teens poured in and out of the building.

Half of the senior class was in the front yard before me, a few of the football players tossing a ball back and forth. Two or three couples making out without a care in the world. There was even a few people I couldn't help but relate to. They stood in front of the long line of cars, facing the house, faces buried in their phones, black solo cups in their free hands. They looked as if they didn't know where they belonged. Inside or out.

That's how I'd ended up in between.

I loved my best friend more than I loved myself. He and my family were my entire world, especially after Vanessa died. Jordan had been all I had in the warzone my house had become. If it wasn't my parents arguing, it was Vic acting out and running away, leaving us all on a hunt to find him before the cold front came in.

It was Jordan who loved me inside and out, and through all of my bitchiness and mood swings.

But there was no way in hell that I belonged at a high school party full of jocks and cheerleaders, and the annoying little pests of the student council. I wasn't popular, nor did I have any desire to me. I was here because I had to be. I was also the one that had to get my hungover best friend up the next morning to clean before his parents got back home.

"You look so lonely." A quiet voice broke through my thoughts. I didn't bother to look up, but kept my eyes trained on the football players tackling one another, barely able to keep themselves upright for longer than a few seconds.

"I don't understand you, Ronnie." The girl didn't get the hint and sat on the stair beside me, tugging at the bottom of her dress as she did so, crossing her legs so none of the horny high school boys around us would get the wrong idea. "You could be like this. Like us. You know everyone, everyone knows you. Everyone likes you, even if you are occasionally like a giant bitch. But you choose this. Being alone."

I finally pried my eyes from the idiots before me as they toppled over on top of one another, deflating once I took in the girl beside me.

Chelsea Fernandez had been popular since kindergarten. She'd starred in the school play and everyone had loved her. It was hard not to. She was beautiful, even back then. With her long, silk black hair and piercing blue eyes. She wasn't just beautiful though; she somehow was able to radiate the beauty. Though she had braces in middle school, she'd still found a way to rock those, and of course had finally grown into her gorgeous looks in high school. She was one of the few cheerleaders I talked to, as she was just a kind person. She accepted each person for who they were, never tried to start rumors or talk shit. She was just a genuinely beautiful person inside and out.

I had questioned why Jordan nor Chase had ever made a move to ask her out, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. She was far to focused on school and cheerleading to be dealing with the ignorance of young males.

"It's better this way." I shrugged. "No drama. No petty fights over boys. No getting blackout drunk."

She frowned. "You literally have two of the hottest guys in school at your fingertips and you want nothing to do with them. Why?"

I shot her a look. "I could ask you the same thing."

She smiled a little, messing with a loose thread on her royal blue dress.

"I tried with Puck. Didn't work. He was an arrogant asshole." She sighed. "Not that he is anymore. I don't even know who he is anymore. But you, girl, you have this whole god that is so in love with you he can't see straight, but you ignore it."

"Because I'm not like you." I nodded toward her dress. "I can't girl to save my life. I'm broken too. I've got issues. I don't want to drag Jordan into them."

"But you allow yourself to be dragged into Pucks?" she looked genuinely confused. "The Ronnie Harper I remember despised the very ground he walked on. What happened to her?"

It must have been the alcohol in my system that was allowing me to be so open with her.

"I don't know. He's not. . . he's not Puck anymore if that makes sense. I see it, I know you see it, and all his fake ass teammates see it. He's actually a person now, not the image of one."

She nodded, understanding. "Just be careful. I'm not saying I believe the rumors that Tyler and all the other asshats are spreading around school, but he's obviously not ok, Ronnie."

As if the mention of his name made him appear, Tyler Stevens stepped into the doorway, looking between the two of us with a suggestive look. I was a thousand percent sure I didn't want to know what was going on in his head, but I did wish to know why he had turned into such an ass toward Chase.

They'd been best friends almost as long as Jordan and I had, done everything together. They'd been inseparable. Where Chase had always been the heartthrob of the two, Tyler with all his lankiness and boyish grins had always just seemed to complete the duo. That being said, the moment I'd spotted Tyler the Monday after the news revealed what happened, he sat at his lunch table acting as if Chase had never existed in his world at all.

"Hey, and Ronnie?" Chelsea stopped a few feet in front of Tyler, casting a look over her shoulder down at me.

"Yeah?"

"I think maybe you should talk to Jordan. Maybe give him a chance. Coming from someone who understands you far more than you realize, you won't know what you had until it's slipped from between your fingers."

With a flip of her dark hair and a shove toward the boy blocking the entry, Chelsea stalked completely out of sight, leaving me to reel in the reality of her words after her.

What happens when you get a very emotional Veronica Harper drunk? You end up with a horrible mess of a girl in her wake.

I had started drinking hoping it'd help me clear my head and thoughts, then it had been to get away from those thoughts, and when I finally didn't have those thoughts in my head, new, unwelcome ones entered.

"You're drunk." Tyler stated matter of factly upon seeing me hunched over the kitchen sink as the party started to die down.

I turned around, hugging my arms around my stomach. "If you don't leave me alone I'll throw up all over you."

He only laughed the threat off. We stared at each other for a few minutes, him slowly starting to double in my line of sight, a clear sign I really needed to go lay down.

"How is he?" It took me way longer than it should of to realize he was asking about Chase.

"Huh?" I muttered. "I don't know? I haven't talked to him for a few days. He avoids me."

Tyler rubbed his forehead. "That's because he doesn't want you getting too close."

"What do you mean?"

"Every time he's let people in, they either walk or end up hurt." Tyler answered. "He probably appreciates you, Ronnie."

"Why the hell are you even talking about him to me?" I snapped. "Last time I checked you guys have sat and beat the poor boy down, both mentally and physically."

Tyler turned away. "He was my best friend."

"No friend would abandon another when they need them most." I tried to move but the room started to spin. I grasped the counter, watching cautiously as Tyler edged closer to me. "Not only did you toss him aside, but every day you make him wish he'd succeeded in his attempt."

"You'd never understand, Ronnie." He touched my arm. "Come on, we need to get you to Jordan before you pass out and hurt yourself."

I shook him off. "You are exactly what I hate about athletes, jocks, popular kids. You all are so worried about your precious reputations that you lose what matters to you most. None of those little shits are going to be there for you, Tyler. When your at your lowest and contemplating what Chase does, nobody is going to come to talk you down. Nobody is going to hold you and tell you it's going to be ok. Because nobody gives two shits about you."

He recoiled, clenching his jaw. A few of his teammates and Chelsea had crowded around to see what all the commotion was about.

"That goes for all of you. Nobody cares about you. They all worship and care for the image you represent. Just like you all praised and loved Chase for Puck. None of you gave a shit about him until it was too late." My hand slipped from the counter and I would have fallen face first if Tyler hadn't jumped forward to catch my shoulder. "And once you realized you were too late, you thought it'd be better to just save your image, face, and reputation, and leave him in the dirt like he wasn't worth saving anymore. Like he didn't deserve to be alive."

I made the stupidest decision possible and shoved Tyler away from me. This caused me to fall forward, my face nearly hitting the marble tile. I could tell by the familiar warmth and scent of the hand, and body, that replaced Tyler's that Jordan had finally decided to join the party.

"Vera, let's go." I tried to shake my head, but it only made me more nauseous. When he realized there was no chance in hell I'd be able to walk in a straight line, even with his help, he picked me up off the floor.

Before Jordan could carry me out of sight, I met Tyler's eyes one last time.

"Just know, if he snaps and tries again, it will be on your hands. All the abuse, bullying, rumors, it's only a matter of time before he gives up his desire to live when it's already hanging by a thread."

Jordan sat at the edge of his bed for so long I thought it was possible he wasn't going to go back down to his own party. When he caught my eyes on him, he sighed.

"Why did you do this to yourself?"

I buried my face in the soft pillow. "I don't know what you mean. I have just as much of a right to drink as you do."

"I'm not talking about the drinking, Veronica."

Him saying my full name was all it took for me to turn my entire body in his direction. He looked exhausted, and even a little drunk himself.

"What do you mean then?"

"You don't cut yourself, no. You don't burn yourself, no. But you are self-inflicting wounds on yourself."

"I don't follow." I whispered, afraid if I raised my voice even in the slightest my head would explode.

He closed the distance between us and ran a hand through my hair. "You told Tyler downstairs if Puck tries again that the blood will be on his hands. What about you, Vera? What happens to you when he does it again? You've allowed yourself to become attached to something that isn't a for sure thing."

If asked tomorrow I wouldn't be able to answer if it was the alcohol in my system that fueled my response.

"I'm not attached." I whispered. "I don't care what happens to, Chase.

Jordan leaned forward and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me. I was sure I was going to throw up the moment fluttering started in the pit of my stomach.

What the actual hell is wrong with my body?

"Mi amor, I wish that was the truth." He kissed my temple and headed for the door, a sad smile on his face. "But then we'd both be believing a lie. And that isn't going to get us anywhere. Get some rest, I'll come check on you in a bit."

I waited until the door was shut and the room was completely dark to turn to my phone vibrating on the nightstand. If it were either of my parents or Vic they'd call Jordan if they couldn't get a hold of me. Anyone else could wait. Rather than pick up the phone and answer, I set it on Do Not Disturb and set it back on the nightstand, pulling the blanket over my face to shield out the light, and my thoughts, entirely.

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Hope you all enjoyed! Book is going to continue to be updated and will be a fairly long book! Hope you enjoy! 

~ChasingMadness24 (Kyra)