AN: Here's another PDA chapter for you! I hope you're enjoying it so far!

~

Travis was rock hard and his body was so alive with sensations and emotions that he felt like he'd been electrocuted but he managed to get to the bed and sit on the edge nervously until Jared came up to him.

Standing in front of him, Jared pushed his loosened jeans off of his body and kicked them aside. His boxers, tented in Travis' face, was both gratifying and terrifying at the same time. But Jared took Travis by the shoulders and gently pushed him down until he was flat on the bed, Jared on top of him.

Their lips met again and that calmed Travis a little. Then Jared started tugging at his pants, pulling them down and his stomach clenched with nerves again.

Travis realized that he actually didn't know much about gay sex. Why hadn't he looked this shit up? Instructional videos or porn or anything...

His heart was pounding so hard that his head felt light but he could do this. He could be good to Jared.

Jared slipped down his body then, tugging Travis' pants and boxers all the way off of his feet before draping over him, rubbing a hand up his thigh, licking a stripe up his length.

Travis' eyes rolled back.

"I thought I was supposed to be doing that," he gasped.

Jared grinned up at him.

"You can have a turn later," he said playfully and went back to Travis' cock, sucking it into his mouth until Travis was arching off the bed, gasping for more.

And then Jared stopped.

Before Travis could ask, Jared was crawling back up his body. He kissed him hard, leaving him breathless and then lifted up long enough to pull their shirts off.

When he came back down this time, his hand slipped between Travis' legs, past his cock.

Travis tensed. His whole body went rigid despite himself as Jared's finger tips found his hole.

Jared kissed him again and as usual all brain function ceased and Travis found himself relaxing despite the fingers rubbing gentle circles around his opening.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jared asked against his neck.

Travis nodded.

"I want to make it up to you."

It took a moment for Travis to realize that Jared had stopped moving. Eventually, Jared lifted his head, frowning down at Travis, annoyance clear in his eyes.

"Are you seriously trying to get me to forgive you with sex?" he asked.

Shit.

"No--I mean--well--"

Jared pulled his hand away from his hole, which was admittedly a huge relief but when he started to roll away the relief turned to panic. Travis gripped onto him before he could get too far.

"I just want to make you happy!" he said.

Jared sighed.

And then, with a groan, he dropped his face into Travis' neck.

And then he laughed.

Oh shit. He'd officially broken him.

When Jared lifted his head again, amusement glinted in his eyes.

"The fact that you're willing to do any of this already makes me happy," he said warmly. "We don't need to do anything you're not comfortable with."

Travis frowned. He had to look away to keep the disappointment from being obvious in his eyes. This was the same old story again. Jared was always making sure Travis was taken care of. He wanted to do the same back.

"I want to be a good boyfriend," Travis said quietly. "Can't we still do it?"

He looked up at Jared hoping he would agree but instead, his friend just watched him in shock.

"Boyfriend?" he repeated.

Travis flushed, suddenly understanding Jared's reaction. They hadn't actually said anything official like that. They'd just sort of skipped most of the talking stage--which was always their problem.

"I thought that's what we were going for," Travis managed to say. "If you want to--"

"Yeah--I just--" Jared continued to stare at him. "I guess I thought you wanted to make up but not--I didn't think you'd come out for me."

Travis shrugged. The awkwardness of the situation suddenly became increasingly obvious. Jared was on top of him with a boner digging into his stomach, he was naked and the two of them were just laying there chatting.

"Or--wait, you weren't wanting to keep it a secret, were you?"

"Do we have to talk about this now?" Travis asked uneasily.

Jared nodded.

"Yes," he said, still watching Travis with wide, unblinking eyes. "You realize what you're saying right?"

Travis nodded but Jared didn't seem to believe him.

"That means that everyone will know; all your friends, family, random strangers--"

"Yeah I know what "coming out" means, thanks," Travis snapped. "And I already told our parents."

"You what?"

"And I told Lana too."

Jared's jaw dropped.

"Look, I never had an issue with the whole gay or bi thing," Travis said. He wanted to cross his arms but Jared was on top of him and there was only about six inches between their faces to begin with so instead, he just wiggled awkwardly and looked away.

"Then what was it?" Jared asked incredulously.

Travis sighed.

Now that Jared seemed to have forgiven him, the list of things he'd wanted to say seemed even more impossible. How was he supposed to say such embarrassing things out loud?

Jared slipped a hand against Travis' cheek, tilting his face back to look at him. He looked confused and Travis remembered what his mom had said about being honest and thought, what the hell.

"I didn't like kissing you before," he said, "because we were friends, you know?"

When he opened his eyes again, Jared was watching him with a soft frown. He shook his head.

"I don't get it, actually," he said.

Travis swallowed, searching for the words. He was terrible with them to begin with, let alone when trying to explain something that he could barely understand.

"Everyone I dated or did stuff with before--I didn't like them. I didn't even care who they were. But with you, we were friends and it felt like it was a bigger deal..."

"Because you actually care about me," Jared supplied, understanding in his voice.

Travis nodded, even though he couldn't bring himself to look at Jared and tried to go on.

"And then--I kind of wanted to push you away because of that too."

"Because you care about me?" Jared repeated, kind of like he was trying to get Travis to say it.

Travis bit his lip.

"Yeah," he said. "But mostly because you're a guy."

Jared chuckled, the puff of air warming Travis' skin.

"Trav," he said. "That's the same as the gay thing."

Travis shook his head, annoyed that Jared didn't just get it.

"It's not because you're a guy," he insisted. He looked at Jared and was relieved to see that his friend wasn't laughing anymore. Instead, he was listening intently, eyes forever searching Travis' face. "It's because of guys, period."

Jared's eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Travis sighed. He thought through all of the men that influenced his life and knew that he was absolutely right on this one, even if Jared didn't see it yet.

"Okay," Travis started, eager to make him understand. "Do you remember Mr. Slater?"

Jared raised a brow but nodded.

"In sixth grade he made me miss track and field to write lines because I was talking in class."

The example didn't seem to really help. Jared tilted his head, looking even more confused.

Travis shut his eyes, brain whirring through explanations, but this was the best he could come up with.

"Mr. Anderson; in fifth grade he called in my mom to talk because I colored in a whale orange and he thought I wasn't taking class seriously."

"Okay..."

"In middle school, the entire time I was on the basketball team the coach made me run laps nearly every day even if the others were goofing around too."

He looked at Jared meaningfully but Jared was watching him with a bemused frown.

"I'm not gonna lie," he said, a smile tugging at his lips. "These sound like totally unrelated stories."

"They're not," Travis said, feeling stupid. He could feel his cheeks heating, stomach squirming with embarrassment.

He pushed at Jared's shoulder but his friend stayed put.

"Get off," he muttered.

"No," Jared said. He took Travis' hand where it was pressing his arm and held it between them. "You came here to talk," he said. "Just explain what you mean. I'm trying to understand."

Jared slipped his other hand into Travis' hair, stroking it comfortingly.

"Go on," he said and Travis took a deep breath wishing he could just explain things the way he wanted to from the start. How Jared's dad was literally the only decent man he'd ever known and even then, he didn't really trust that it would last.

"I guess, I just feel like men dismiss me," he finally said.

Jared frowned at that.

"But those are just random teachers," he said. "I've had loads of teachers like that."

"What about my dad then?" Travis asked hesitantly.

For a moment, Jared looked dumbfounded but then the look of understanding that landed on his face with a gasp had Travis cringe.

Of course. All this time and all these muddled feelings and all he'd ever had to say was that. It all seemed so obvious now that Travis felt like a fool. Just like that, with one stupid line he was that lost eight year old all over again.

"Travis," Jared said, voice heavy with emotions. "I'm not going to leave you."

Travis shut his eyes. He tried to pull away but Jared wouldn't let him. Instead, Travis laughed, a dry, humorless laugh.

"It's fine," he said. "I already know what I'm getting myself into."

"No, Travis, please."

He pulled on Travis' face until he finally succumbed and faced him.

Jared leaned down and pressed their foreheads together, looking him squarely in the eyes.

"I'm not going to leave you," he said. "I love you."

Travis lay there, shocked by the admission. He knew already but somehow, hearing it from Jared's own lips made it more real.

His fingers squeezed into Jared's sides fighting to find something to grasp and he felt his throat close again, stopping him from talking as he attempted with all his might to hold back tears. It didn't work though and everything went blurry and when he shut his eyes to block the sight they spilled freely down his cheeks.

He could hear Jared's ragged breaths above him.

This conversation didn't feel like such a good idea after all. Travis regretted every moment of it because suddenly, it wasn't just about himself and Jared, it was about his whole miserable life and Travis didn't want to face it. 

"My dad loved me," he choked. "I know he did and he still left me without even saying anything."

He was just making things worse. Why would Jared ever want to be with someone who was such a mess?

"Listen to me," Jared said. "Listen."

He held Travis' face gently but firmly between his warm hands and waited until Travis' eyes were opened, watching him warily.

"I'm nothing like your dad," he said. "I've been in love with you since the moment we met."

Travis laughed shakily, and shook his head.

"We were eight when we met," he reminded him.

"Yeah," Jared agreed. "And you had a scrape on both knees and a bag of candies in your hand. You invited me over to play in your blanket fort and you gave me all of your sour keys because you said they were your favorites."

Travis blinked up at Jared, shocked and Jared leaned down, kissing him softly, different to their other kisses, just a little peck to let him know that he was there and it made Travis' heart skip with embarrassing ease.

"So I've loved you for ten years already," he said gently. "And your dad left when you were eight. So if I was anything like him, I'd have given up on you two years ago, right?"

Travis shrugged. He didn't really know how this all worked but either way, Jared's words made him feel the slightest bit better, except for one thing.

He smiled up at Jared softly. Reached a hand up to push the light strands of his hair back. He hoped that Jared knew he didn't blame him.

"You're already leaving though," he reminded him. "You're starting school in September and you'll be hours away."

Jared looked like he'd been hit.

"Shit," he muttered. And really, judging by the curse words falling from his mouth, he was spending too much time with Travis anyway.

"I'm not going," Jared suddenly said.

Travis' jaw dropped.

"What?" he asked panicked.

Jared shook his head and reached up, holding Travis' hand to his cheek.

"I've been waiting for this for ten years," he said. "I'm not just going to walk away as soon as we have it."

Travis stared up at Jared, shocked beyond words. He'd been so sure, from the moment the letters arrived that Jared was going to be gone. He hadn't considered that Jared would stay for him.

"But--"

"We can figure something out," Jared said. "I'll defer it or go somewhere closer or wait for you to decide what you want to do..."

When Travis was still lost for words, Jared smiled and kissed him, another one of those heart stopping kisses.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said and somehow, Travis believed him.

He nodded silently and wrapped his arms around Jared again and this time, they just held each other.

After a while, Travis laughed.

"I guess we're not having sex right now?"

Jared grinned against his neck and lifted up again, eyeing Travis thoughtfully. He leaned his elbow on the pillow, head resting in his hand as he played with Travis' hair.

"You said you'd do anything, right?" he asked hesitantly.

Travis nodded nervously. He'd thought sex was the biggest offer he could make but the way Jared asked the question made it clear that there was something he was thinking that hadn't even crossed Travis' mind yet.

"We've done everything your way from the start," he said, "This time, I want to do it my way."

Travis swallowed.

"Your way?" he asked.

Jared nodded and finally rolled off of Travis, leaving him cold in the bed, missing his weight already. 

He tossed Travis his jeans, then his boxers and shirt.

Confused, Travis didn't say anything as they got dressed. Fully clothed, he stood there, awkwardly as Jared took a breath and faced him.

"Do you wanna go see a movie or something?" he asked.

"A movie?" Travis asked, caught off guard. And then he laughed. "What, you want to wine and dine me?"

Jared fixed him with a sure gaze.

"Yes," he said firmly. "We never did any of that stuff. That's what I want to do."

Travis was torn between laughing and turning tomato red. Clearly the latter won because Travis felt the smile slip right off his lips and his entire body get hot.

"You want to go on a date with me?" Travis asked slowly.

Jared nodded awkwardly but didn't back down.

"Yeah," he said. "I want to do this right."