This chapter isn't mature and is unedited. The diary entries has errors on purpose. Btw there is scene referencing FKT, let's see if you are able to find it. Enjoy ❤️

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10 years old Meerab:

I got nightmares for months, I thought a lot in those months, about everything. Mumma Baba left me alone, all by myself. I had nobody except for Billu (teddybear), at nights I got similar dreams of the two of you leaving me.. Baba I wish that day I was with you in the car, now I am all alone with strangers.

_

It's been a few months since I last wrote to you, now whenever I get nightmares, I wake up and go to Murtasim's study room. Murtasim is Shahnawaz chacha's son since you forget names easily. He is too quiet, we are one three years apart and our height are almost the same. But still he acts like an old man, he wouldn't talk unless I annoy him. His eyes would narrow into slits and he would call my name, "Meerab" in a warning tone. I would smile and make him chase around me, and I would finally get his attention. I liked it when his eyes are on me. Baba I have decided to marry Murtasim when I am older.

_

Today I fell while he was chasing me around for his favourite book, it had a cover of a young boy with unruly hair and round spectacles, and for some reason he is riding on a broom. My knee was bleeding when I fell, he tore a piece of his kurta and tied it around my knee. Then he murmered a word, "Episkey", as he waved around the paper wand. I asked him what was he doing, he replied, "Magic". He asked me to keep a secret- he was a wizard, he told me he would leave for Hogwarts soon. Somehow Maa Begum found out my injury and he got scolded by her. That day I went to his study, knowing the next day he would leave but I heard something that broke my heart.

He hated me. The paper plane I had made for him, crushed under my palm and I cried the entire night. That night I realised I had no one. I was truly alone.

__

16 years old Meerab:

You can't get pregnant by kissing, my friend told me. I had recently gotten my periods and craved chocolate. I craved attention for an entire week, sometimes I would watch Murtasim working at the hall for hours. I wanted approach him but knew how my presence was an absolute nuisance for him. I wanted him to like me, so I tried to become like him. I wouldn't move from the study table until it was late at night. And before sleeping I would check whether Murtasim was still working.

__

He was now taller than me, his face had gotten chiseled and he developed a great fashion sense. He love black colour, it suited him.

I think I have a crush on him. A big, fat, juicy crush. The kind of crush that makes you do stupid things, like write his name all over your notebook, or stalk his social media, or imagine scenarios where he confesses his love to you.

I love everything about him. I love the way he talks, the way he walks, the way he laughs. I love the way he looks at me, the way he caresses my head, the way he kisses me.

Wait, what? He kisses me? No, he doesn't. He has never kissed me. He has never even hugged me. He has only kissed me in my dreams, and in my fantasies. He has only hugged me in my imagination, and in my hopes.

But I wish he would. I wish he would kiss me for real. I wish he would hug me for real. I wish he would love me for real.

But he doesn't. He doesn't even know I like him. He doesn't even notice me. He doesn't even care.

He doesn't see me at all.

And I can't tell him. I can't tell him how I feel. I can't tell him what I want. I can't tell him what I need.

Because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of humiliation. I'm afraid of losing him.

And because I'm not allowed. I'm not allowed to like him. I'm not allowed to be with him. I'm not allowed to have him.

Maa Begum says so. She says Murtasim and I are too young to have feelings. She says we are too different to be compatible. She says I have to forget him.

I can't forget him.

He was my favourite person, he is my crush and my role model.

He is my everything.

And I can't have him.

18 years old:

Maa Begum was against our proximity. She wanted me to stay far away from Murtasim. That's why I had always hoped to find a man like Murtasim. And I did, the man at the masquerade was just like Murtasim.

I want to marry him. I wish I had asked for his identity, I wish I had asked his actual name. He had the passion, that I craved, he embraced me in a way I wanted to be. His touch made my skin tingle, I felt the butterflies in my stomach, and he kissed me like a lover would, as if he had craved to do that for a long time.

I think I am in love once again, this time with a man who is just like him.

____

Murtasim couldn't help but laugh, laugh at the irony, laugh at the coincidence, laugh at the fate. He had been hiding his feelings for her, and she had been hiding hers for him, all along.

He decided to end this game, this charade, this lie. He decided to tell her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. He decided to confess his love, his identity, and his intentions.

But he wanted to do it in a special way, a romantic way, a memorable way. He wanted to surprise her, to delight her, to make her happy.

So he sneaked into her room at night, and hid her diary in the laundry bag that was beside the study table. He hoped she would think it had fallen inside, and not suspect anything. He hoped she would read it again, and remember everything.

Murtasim wanted Meerab to figure out on her own, so he played another game with her.

At breakfast he approached her, "Last night there was a call from a masquerade organising company and they said you were looking for someone.. were you?" He asked her his tone soft Meerab sighed and nodded.

She needed to find that man and now it seemed Murtasim had the information she was seeking. She had connected with the manager but they were extremely professional and weren't ready to reveal the names of their guest.

"Yes.. I met this man at the masquerade, he was really nice. Murtasim I want to marry him", she said the last sentence in one breath, Murtasim who was holding his laugh looked at his shoes and asked, "So you don't like Yusuf?"

"Ofcourse not"

"That man lives in Hyderabad if you want I can take you there...", he said meeting her eyes now, she couldn't believe this at all. For a moment he transformed into the young boy she had fallen for.

He extended his hand towards her, his palm open and inviting. In that moment, time seemed to stand still. Her gaze locked onto his hand, her mind flooded with a myriad of emotions.

A single tear trickled down her cheek as she reached out, her trembling hand finding its place within his. As their fingers intertwined, she felt an electric current surge through her, as if the touch of their hands ignited a flame deep within her soul.

"Thank you, Murtasim".

___

As the miles stretched between them and Hyderabad, Meerab's excitement bubbled over. "I can't wait to meet him," she exclaimed, gazing out the window, a sparkle in her eyes.

Murtasim glanced at her, a mix of amusement and curiosity in his eyes. "You plan to marry someone you just met for a few hours?" he chuckled. "Love at first sight, huh?"

"Love is strange, Murtasim," Meerab replied with a playful grin. "One day, you'll understand." She saw the faint sadness in his eyes and noticed him pull out a photo from his wallet. He kissed it gently, a tenderness that didn't escape her notice. She realised he loved someone.

They were stuck in traffic and when they finally escaped it, it started raining heavily, and to add to their bad luck the car broke down but they found a hotel nearby, the manager's words about having only one room left for a couple made Meerab improvise. "Haan bhai, ye mere shauhar hai," she declared, pulling Murtasim close, surprising him.

Chuckling as they entered the room, she teased, "You should thank me. I saved you from sleeping in the car."

"Ji, shukriya," Murtasim replied, his voice laced with sarcasm, earning a laugh from Meerab.

The night wore on, conversations weaving through dreams, life stories, and unspoken fears. Meerab confessed her hesitation about returning home due to Maa Begum's oppressive presence, revealing her love for stargazing. But underneath her laughter, she felt a tinge of melancholy, realizing this might be their last encounter.

As they prepared for sleep, a blanket served as a makeshift partition between their beds. A silent moment passed before Meerab peered through the gap, pleading, "Murtasim, smile for me?"

In the quiet of the room, Murtasim's lips curled into a smile that seemed to illuminate the darkness. His eyes sparkled with an inexplicable warmth that made Meerab's heart flutter. She longed to tell him about the beauty of his smile, about how it echoed in her mind long after it faded.

The night wore on, the storm outside matching the turmoil within Meerab's subconscious. Images of her past tormented her dreams, flashes of the accident, the crash, and the haunting sound of thunder blending with her cries.

Suddenly, she jolted awake, disoriented and breathless, the echo of her screams still ringing in her ears. Murtasim reacted swiftly, his arms enveloping her in a comforting embrace, offering solace in the midst of her distress.

As her sobs began to soften, Meerab slowly became aware of the tender way Murtasim held her, his touch a source of unexpected comfort. She found herself falling asleep as he caressed her head softly, calminh down in his embrace.

The rain drummed a soothing rhythm on the window woke Meerab, she found Murtasim asleep his hand entwined with hers and he sat on the ground in an uncomfortable position. She couldn't help but notice the subtle rise and fall of his chest, the way his eyelashes delicately brushed against his cheeks, and how his lips formed a gentle curve.

Memories flooded her mind - the shared moments, the stolen glances, and the unspoken connections that she had missed. Her other hand instinctively found its place atop his, fingers tracing the lines of his palm, as if seeking reassurance in the reality of this moment.

In the hushed tranquility of the room, she studied his features, each detail etched into her heart. She reached for his wallet, feeling a mix of curiousity, she had her doubts, how could two men look exactly the same, the mask concealed half of his face but Obaid was a lot like Murtasim.

She discovered the photo, a soft gasp escaped her lips, realizing her own image. Alongside it, the masquerade ticket.

With a tender hesitance, she lifted her hand, using it as a mask to cover his face and Meerab could see the similarity. The realization crashed over her like a wave, overwhelming yet freeing.

In an impulsive moment, Meerab leaned in, her lips meeting his in a sudden, electrifying touch. Murtasim startled awake, eyes wide with surprise, almost losing his balance. "Meerab... what were you doing?" he questioned, confusion lacing his voice.

A playful smile danced on her lips as she murmured softly, "I found that man, I was looking for." Closing the distance between them, she whispered, "He wasn't just like you; but you . Why didn't I realize that?"

Their eyes met, in that intimate moment, time seemed to stand still. The rain continued its symphony outside, mirroring the emotions swirling within, as they found themselves lost in the depth of each other's gaze.

"I was checking if your lips tasted the same," she said as she pulled him closer, her hands touching his neck.

It felt too real.

His eyes on her dazed as her body wrapped around his, she was basically sitting on his lap.

"And I'm not finished here," she stated, quickly crossing the distance between them. His body was tense and he resisted her at first, but after a few seconds, he melted into the kiss. His shoulders sagged and his hands came up to hold her gently. Her heart raced with the excitement of vindication.

She slowly turned her body and he turned with her, connected at the lips. She was pretty sure she was ready to go as far as he would take this.

One hand caressed her thighs while the other held her face close. Her hands slipped under his t-shirt and felt the tensing and relaxing of his back muscles. She started to wiggle away, trying to move then all the way onto the bed. But no sooner had she released his lips than Murtasim straightened up and backed away.

Their silent exchange was filled with an unspoken tension, each trying to decipher the other's thoughts. Meerab's desire to touch his face, the face she had fallen for not once but twice, intensified with each passing moment.

He, the man who captured her heart long before she consciously acknowledged it, had been a beacon of authenticity in her life. Amidst the facade of prestige and stringent rules, Murtasim stood as a genuine presence, unfiltered and sincere.

"Can I ask a question?" she broke the stillness, her voice laced with vulnerability. "Sure, go ahead," he replied.

"If I hadn't figured it out myself, would you ever have told me?" Her voice carried a hint of fragility, a mix of curiosity and resentment.

Murtasim shook his head, "No, I wouldn't have."

"Why, Murtasim?" Her anger flared. How could he withhold such crucial information?

"Because... I wanted you to figure it out here."

"You could've just told me straight."

"And would you have believed?"

Meerab paused, contemplating his words. No, she probably wouldn't have.

Meerab grappled with conflicting emotions, feeling a surge of frustration at the complexity of their unspoken bond. Murtasim's cryptic answers only added to her turmoil.

"But why keep it hidden, Murtasim? Why not reveal the truth and save us both this confusion?" Her voice quivered with a mix of exasperation and a lingering sense of longing.

Murtasim's gaze softened as he reached out, gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Because, Meerab, some things are meant to be felt, not told. I wanted you to realize it on your own, to understand the depth without any external influence or explanation."

His touch sent shivers down her spine, a rush of conflicting emotions swirling within her. Meerab felt torn between the need to understand his enigmatic approach and the longing for a straightforward revelation.

She looked into his eyes, searching for clarity amidst the swirling emotions. "But what if I never realized it? What if I remained oblivious?"

Murtasim's expression softened, a faint smile playing on his lips. "Then, perhaps, some feelings are meant to reside in the corners of our hearts."

She sighed and asked, "Would you like to dance with me like that night?" They dance really slow, her toes on his shoes and their faces close.

She asks, "When did you realize your feelings?"

"After your first fiance. And after that, I threatened all of your fiances to break the engagement."

Meerab gets a little offended, "So it was you? I thought they rejected me." Murtasim laughs, "You think any man in their right state of mind would do that?"

They laugh and he pulls her closer, kissing her eyes. His grip around her waist, the heat around her body, everything feels right as they lean against each other, travelling back to the time they were Saba and Obaid. He says heavily, "I want to marry you..."

Meerab laughs and connects their lips, "I want to be Khan's Wife."

The hardwood is smooth and warm under her bare feet. He leads her with ease and her body responds instinctively to his subtle cues. The hand at her back applies gentle pressure pulling her closer. Her breath is warm at his neck as their thighs brush with each swaying step. He moves a muscled leg between hers as they roll their hips toward one another.

A familiar ache begins in her center as she feels his desire pressing against her. She lifts her face to his and runs her tongue over her lips wetting them before parting their pink fullness in invitation.

Their eyes lock. Any distance that remained between them vanishes as he takes her mouth.

She runs her hands up his back to his shoulders as she rises on her toes to meet his kiss. Tongues exploring...tasting...savoring. The hand that once held hers moves to tangle in her hair. His teeth catch her bottom lip and her nipples harden beneath the flimsy lace of her bra...visible through the thin fabric of her kurti.

He presses his lips to hers urgently...deepening their kiss as his hands wander...eager for every inch of her, sliding up her sides, cupping her breast, his thumb teasing her nipple. His fingers grip her kurti urging it upward revealing the smooth skin of her thighs.

A small moan escapes her throat as she pulls at his t-shirt...near desperate to feel his skin under her fingers. She touches him lightly at first but her nails bite his back when he pushes his thigh against her heat. He trails hot kisses across her jaw, over the tender skin of her throat. Unable to resist any longer, she reaches for the buttons of his crisply ironed shirt.

He covers her hands, stills them, and steps back. His gaze holds her in place as his fingers deftly release the buttons one by one. Her full breasts rise and fall with each breath and she is certain he can hear her heart pounding. He slips the shirt from his shoulders and tosses it aside.

He ran his right hand from her thigh to her tight little butt and pulled it closer to him, nestling his penis between her thighs, and furiously grinding against her entrance. As he occupied her lower body, his left hand caressed her delicate neck before kneading with enthusiast her soft breasts.

Her brain went offline, her whole body was on fire and she couldn’t put any resistance against his wild and fierce handling. She tightly gripped his shoulders. He licked her lips, trailing down his tongue until he could kiss and suck her neck, leaving behind glaring hickeys.

She moves toward him and reaches for his belt.
Unbuckling...unbuttoning...unzipping...she hooks her thumbs in the waistband of his pants and pushes them over his hips letting them fall to the floor. Stepping back she admires his form - broad shoulders, muscled chest , strong legs - the body of an active man.

She ran her hands over his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin, the strength of his muscles. Her fingers trace the lines of his abs, feeling the ridges and dips of his body. She can't help but let out a soft sigh of pleasure as she takes in the sight of him standing before her, completely exposed and vulnerable.

He narrowed his eyes, staring at her well developed and bouncing white breasts. His body felt the heat of lust and her enticing moaned fanned his desire further. He lowered his head and kissed her swaying peaks.

The kisses turned into bites, slowly moving to that dark red protuberance to which he nibbled blithely. His lips and tongue revolved repeatedly around her nipples, sucking on it until they were bright red and swollen, but even then, he didn’t stop tormenting her nipples.

As his lust rose, he suddenly lowered his head and strongly sucked on her nipple, making wet noise, venting his surging desire.

He fondly caressed her body, making her tremble from pleasure. His hand ran down to her genitals and slowly touched her labia, trailed along it, feeling how soaked in love they were.

His fingers gently parted the labia. Her love juice overflowed from her vagina, soaking his fingers. Her legs softened and trembled, making her unable to stand.

“Darling, you are so wet.”

She feels his hardness pressed against her and a shiver runs through her. She wants him, needs him, and she knows he wants her just as much. In a moment of pure desire, she pushes him onto the bed and straddles him, her hands roaming over his chest, his stomach, his thighs.

She kissed his lips, loving the feel of his moustache tickling her. He was watching her as she moved her body so that his penis grazed ger vagina. She wss teasing him, and it was painful to hold himself back. Meerab kissed his neck and then went down, leaving hickies on his neck, marking the man as hers. And kissing it, admiring the marks he had, she touched his chest, then his toned stomach and stopped. Their eyes met and Murtasim growled, losing all the self control he flipped them, so he was on top. 

His fingers caressed her vagina and then he inserted his long finger in.

She was shocked. Although the invasion wasn’t too deep, she had an incongruous feeling of fullness that was far from being uncomfortable. It made her want him to dig her out more ruthlessly, soothing the itching deep in her, filling the emptiness of her insides. She craved for something big to cram into her.

She leaned her limbed body on him, feeling his shameless probing in her vagina.

At this moment, her face could only be described as so beautiful that it overshadowed the moon and shame the flowers. Her soft and little mouth slightly part to let out charming moans. He was consumed by lust, his face was completely flushed. He speeded up his finger thrusts, going deeper with each penetration, putting in more strength, making her reach the highest peak of pleasure.

"Ah.. I think I am gonna... die".

She frowned, unable to endure any longer his strong enthusiasm, on the verge of orgasm. Murtasim fascinated by her obscene and beautiful body. His index once again trusted into her flexible, tight and soaking wet vagina. He quickly added in another finger.

Her fleshy walls tightly wrapped around his two fingers, making him feel how tight she was. “Oh~! No, don’t…I-I’m dying… Cannot anymore…” His actions persisted, making her feel faint.

"I cannot anymore- Can’t-!” She could barely endure his fierce demands. The walls inside her vagina have begun to contract.

“In a moment, you will be able to…” He picked up the speed of his fingers thrusts, using more strength as he plunged into her tight hole, rotating his two fingers to open a path of her continuously constricting vagina. Her insides were rubbed and poked at different places, heightening her sensitivity.

She endured the repeated finger thrusts, the rotating probes, the digging. Her genitals secreted out a huge amount of fluid, soaking his fingers and palm. Her pleasure kept rising without stopping.

Her lower body started to spasm as she reached the climax, her voice couldn’t be held back as she let out a scream.

He opened her thighs. The suddenness caused her to encircle his neck. Her white and soft legs wrapped around his strong waist.

He wasn’t full of bulging muscles. His body was strong, leaning more toward the graceful body type with well-defined muscles, sculpted through years of military campaigns. Each part of his body hid explosive power.

"Bear with it for a second, I will relieve you soon", he whispered in her ear and bit it making her moan in pain.

Meerab still hadn’t recovered from her previous orgasm and was too late to respond when Murtasim moved his hips forward, each part of his body tensed as he broke into her narrow entrance.

Shit! This hurts!’ In the erotic novels she read, it didn’t seem as painful as the real thing! Perhaps, her body was too sensitive which made her feel not only more pleasure but more pain.

If Meerab was in pain, Murtasim wasn’t much better. He couldn’t completely enter her. His glans barely passed through her entrance and was already tightly wrapped by her soft insides. ‘It feels good!’ It felt as if 1,000 little mouths were sucking every millimeter of his glans. The pleasure was killing him!

Overwhelmed by pleasure, he lowered his head and gave her a kiss, stirring her to respond to him.

The pain made Meerab so uncomfortable that she didn’t want to kiss him back, even her legs around his waist had stiffened from the pain. The only thing in her mind was to get that thing out of her vagina.

Her hands reached his shoulders and tried to push him away. This only result in him biting her lips, prying her mouth opened and snaking his silky tongue inside. He overbearingly sucked on her tongue and continuously distracted her while taking a big whiff of her sweet scent. Her thighs were completely locked in place by his big hands and she couldn’t move at all, nailed to the bed by him.

Sensing her struggle, how could he allow her to deprive him of the pleasure?

"Darling, just a second, bear with it"

“Urgh…” Murtasim raised his head and let out a moan, satisfied. He was able to completely enter her and the sensation he felt as her vagina tightly wrapped around his penis was beyond words. Once entered, he discovered that her insides moved in such a way that it created a suction so pleasurable that his arousal grew even bigger.

His considerations for the fairer sex had long flown out of the window. He grabbed her buttocks with one hand and kneaded her soft breast with the other.

He couldn’t stop even if he wanted to, swaying his hip like a madman, pounding deep into her over and over again, unable to extricate his mind from the pleasure of her tightness and the satiny sensation on his penis as he glided in.

Her moan came out as he stormed her insides, ramming into her like he wanted to nail her to the bed. He was grinding her G-spot with endless energy, adding more and more strength with each stab.

He reached new unexplored areas causing Meerab to let out shrill moans as she sensed another climax creep in closer.

“Oh! Oh, no!!” She screamed from his rough and crude manipulation. He stopped pestling her and pulled out his penis.

The passion between them had long caused her eyes to glister and make her out of breath. She lightly bit her lips under his watchful eyes. She felt empty and limp. His hard sex, that was drenched by her, became even more firm and big.

This discovery made her nervous, but more than that, she was excited. She felt her inside once again probed by his scorching glans, then came the grinding that made her shudder from head to toes. Murtasim held her hands. His grip was hot and powerful.

"Hmmm" A new round awaited her as his burning penis pushed in and out, draining her from any strength. Her face was flushed and her sweat pearled into water beads, falling down with small plic-plop sounds.

"Urgh… Slow down… Slow down…” Sounds of wet flesh colliding together were heard following the quick cadence of his movements.

His arousal was fully enjoying the tightness of her vagina. His black eyes squinted, staring at her swaying white breast. He couldn’t resist the temptation and grabbed one of them, and knead it along with his humping.

The soft and bouncy sensation of her breast in his hand made him reluctant to release it.

He played with her chest until her fair skin turned red.

“Oh~! Hmmmm…” Her damped hair was scattered on her white skin. She nibbled her lips, at each thrust, droplets splashed all over their abdomen, causing a thin film of liquid to form on their skin.

Their pleasure heightened as time passed. After a few more thrusts, her breathing hurried, and her insides tightened even more.

"I-I will die! I’m dying- Aah~!” Her sweet moans couldn’t be repressed, and she shuddered from the orgasm, her white skin becoming a captivating red.

When she climaxed, her insides fiercely squeezed his penis.

As they reach the peak of their passion, she throws her head back and cries out his name, "Murtasim", She flung back her head and whimpered. Her body tensed from the pleasure. She could no longer tell if she was overcome by excitement or fear.

"My darling...", he smoothered her face with kisses.

"Will you accompany me in hell?"