The atmosphere was calm and quiet as they drove. Alana was focused on the road, turning whenever the GPS instructed her to. Mitsy was lying in her lap, sleeping soundly. It was far too quiet though, and it took her a while to realize it was because Laurent wasn't talking. She had to check on Laurent a few times to see if he was okay. Laurent kept his gaze out the window, his eyes scanning every building or house they passed. The hum of the engine relaxed him just enough and he caught himself drifting off at random moments. The radio played quietly in the background, and it was a song he knew. It was called idfc by blackbear.

The lyrics to the song didn't help him or his state of mind. He felt himself getting lost in his thoughts, his mind going right back to his brother. He never really thought about him much until now, and it hurt when he did. It was weird for him to think of him at a time like this, when everything was going good for him. He just couldn't seem to shake them off.

Would you tell me pretty lies, look me in my face
Tell me that you love me even though it's fucking fake
I don't fucking care at all

Those words got to him the most. He felt like that described Larry in so many ways. Even if Larry lied to him, he'd still want to be close to him and lean on him. He didn't care if he said something just to make him happy, he'd prefer that over the painful truth. A part of him knew that Larry loved him, but then again he didn't. He switched back and forth and that was the worst part about it. Larry was confusing, but Laurent still loved him. Larry proved to him that his love was fake every time they were around anyone. It didn't matter who it was, or where they were, he was just a completely different person, but he didn't care. That was his brother and if he had to go through hell and back just to earn his affection, he'd do it without a second thought.

"Laurent?"

Laurent blinked hard as he was snapped away from his thoughts and he looked at Alana, clearing his throat.

"Yes, baby?"

"What's wrong?"

Laurent shook his head and he ran a hand over his face, exhaling through his nose. "It don't matter, Alana. Nothing I can do to fix it."

"Just tell me," she pressed. "You look really upset right now."

"I can't stop thinking about my brother," he sighed. "I do not know why, but I just.. I can't."

Alana didn't reply and she looked at him briefly, looking back at the road afterwards.

"I guess I just want answers," he said quietly. "I want a reason from him. Why he did what he did, and why he only love me when no one was around. It's too late now, though. I hurt him bad so I can't get my answer."

"Laurent -"

"What was so bad about me?" He said, directing the question to himself. "I do nothing to mama, papa, or Larry. I do what they want me to. I clean, I stay home, I don't be next to them in public, so why?"

"You didn't do anything, Laurent -"

"So why they did this?" He asked, looking directly at her. "Everything I am is because of them. First, I had the hurt, then the anger was there, now... what? I'm going to go to depression? I just want a reason. Even if they lie, I just want one. Maybe they was go through something and they take it out on me. Or maybe they just don't like me, but I don't know why. That is all I want to know."

Alana didn't know what to say at that point. She couldn't give him the answer he wanted. She wasn't the one who put him through those things. She didn't make his life a living hell all those years, so she couldn't give him the closure he needed.

"Maybe," she started, wondering if she should even say what she wanted to.

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe... he's... alive?"

Laurent scoffed and he shook his head, picking at his nails, the habit he picked up from Alana. He never even considered that, given that fact that he slit his brother's throat. Then again, he didn't stay to see if he ever stopped bleeding or if his body went limp. Either way, it was impossible.

"No," Laurent said. "He's not alive. He's dead."

"I know, but I just figured -"

"Well don't figure stuff, okay?! He's dead! Leave it like that!"

The car fell silent and Alana swallowed nervously, focusing back on the road. Laurent buried his face in his hands and he tried to swallow the lump that formed in his throat. His eyes burned with tears and he held them back as much he as he could, but they still slipped out, but he kept his face hidden. He didn't mean to yell at her like he did. It was just getting too much for him. If his brother was alive, and that's a big if, he wouldn't know how to react. His first instinct would be to hug him as tight as he could, and apologize to him for hurting him like that. Even though Larry never apologized for anything he did to him, Laurent would still be the first one to beg for forgiveness. His second instinct would be to yell at him. To explain to him what kind of effect his torment had on him, and how many people he hurt simply because he was angry at the people he loved most, and how he still had yet to get an answer.

He silently hoped that he was alive anyway, but he didn't say anything about it. He just sat still with his face in his hands, letting his tears soak into them while his mind raced with irrational scenarios of seeing his brother again.

☯

It was five o'clock now and Alana could feel her eyes slowly closing due to the tiredness washing over her. They were driving through a rural town now, and everything was just road. They stopped for gas about thirty minutes ago and they picked up some snacks for Mitsy and themselves. Alana hadn't said a word to Laurent when they made their stop, and Laurent didn't attempt to make conversation. There was nothing either of them could say. They topic they left off on had an impact on both of them, and Alana didn't even know the guy. She knew of him solely based off of what Laurent told her. She didn't know what to say to him, or how to say it. She could see how empty he was just by looking at his face. He avoided looking at her for the majority of the ride, although she could tell he'd been crying.

Alana yawned slowly and she ran a hand through her hair. She didn't get enough sleep last night because she kept playing out different scenarios in her head, wondering which one was bound to happen when she sees her mother. Laurent could sense that she was tired and he picked his head up, looking over at her briefly.

"Stop the car," he said, catching her off guard.

"I'm fine," she replied, switching hands on the wheel. "I'm just tired."

"Exactly, you need rest. Pull the car over."

"Don't worry about me, Laurent."

"Alana, please," he sighed, leaning his head against the seat. "Just pull it over."

Alana rolled her eyes and she pulled over on the side of the road, but out of the way of any passing cars. She shut the car off and she took off her seatbelt, shifting her body until she had her back facing him. Laurent huffed noticeably and he grabbed her arm, turning her body towards him.

"We not doing this, Alana."

"We're not doing anything," she muttered, snatching her arm away from him. He sighed and he took his seatbelt off, opening his car door. Alana frowned in confusion but she didn't move as he slammed the door shut. It was quiet for a few seconds and she began to think that he left until her door was yanked open. She almost fell out of the car but Laurent caught her quickly. Mitsy jumped out of her lap and into the passenger seat as Alana was pulled out of the car.

"Laurent, what -"

"Stop."

Alana scoffed as he opened the back door of the car, and she crossed her arms, looking up at him angrily.

"No," she said. "What is your issue? You don't just pull someone out of their fucking car -"

"Get. In."

Alana's mouth shut quickly and she crawled into the back of the car, Laurent following behind her. He closed the door and Mitsy looked at both of them from the front curiously, tilting her head.

"What's the point of this?" She asked, leaning her head against the seat.

"Just come here," he said. When she looked over at him, she could see that he was on the verge of tears, but he was holding them back the best he could. Without a word, she scooted over to him and she laid her head in his lap, her hands coming up to his thigh. He was wearing a pair of black sweatpants that provided more of a pillow than she expected.

"I'm sorry for yell at you before," he said, breaking the silence. "I didn't mean to hurt you feelings."

"I know you didn't," she responded. "I was pestering you too much when I shouldn't have."

He chuckled a little, looking out the tinted window slightly. "You do nothing, princess. I just did not want to think of Larry being alive. If he was here.. I don't know what I will do. I will want to hug him, and say sorry for hurt him, but I will also want to scream at him and beg him to tell me why he did what he did."

"Nothing I can say will ever make up for what he did," Alana started. "But I know you didn't deserve it."

"Thank you, baby," he smiled. Alana smiled as well, although he couldn't see it. A few minutes went by and Laurent's hand moved up to her side. She was sleeping now; he could tell by how her breathing was steadied and how relaxed her body was.

Laurent looked down at her and he felt the tears starting to form again. He truly didn't know how bad he would be if she wasn't here. He'd probably be in a facility with guards at his door 24/7, watching his every move. Making sure that he never went off by himself. He'd be so angry that he'd go insane because he wouldn't be able to get his hands on anyone or anything around him. He'd be craving the feeling of blood on his hands, and the screams in his ears.

Not anymore, though. Even the mere thought of causing anyone pain disgusted him. He didn't want to put anyone else through anything anymore. He's come to realize that the only issues he had was with his family, but they weren't there for him to torment, so he used other people to distract himself from it. The reason he changed was all because of Alana. She was everything that he needed in his life. She was his back bone as he was hers, she stood by him during all of his darkest moments. He's only been in love with her for a little while now, but it felt like he's known her for years. He couldn't even count the number of times he said he loves her, plus the times he's thought of it.

Part of him was still processing the fact that she was really his now. She was his to hold, to love, and to cherish. The lips she had would be the ones he'd love to kiss every night. Her hands were the ones he'd hold when she needed his grasp. Her hair would be the thing he'd run his fingers through while she slept on his chest. Her eyes would be the only ones to see him for who he was on the inside. To see him go through all of his darkest moments, and the lightest ones. And her arms... her arms would be the only arms he felt safe in. He felt protected when he was with her. He felt as if nothing could ever hurt him, or her. God knows that if anyone hurt her, he'll take care of it. With her, he was himself. The old Laurent. The Laurent he knew before that night. The Laurent that loved with all his heart. The one that cared so much so that he forgot to care about himself. The one who would still go above and beyond for the people who hated him, even though he didn't know why.

He was the Laurent that would stay by Alan's side through everything, and he would never put anything above her. Anything that he desired he could get while he was with her, and the happiness they both felt when they were with each other was going to stay there for good, no matter how bad it got.

☯

okay I'm an emotional bitch I know. I apologize for having two emotional chapters back to back, but I hope you enjoyed it ❤ x Rose

what do you guys want to see in the next one ? comment ⬇⬇⬇⬇