I wrote half of this chapter, and then it got deleted, so :)))))))))

sorry if I put some of my anger into the characters.

//

she had such a beautiful mind.
the kind of mind that sparked
my dreams. the kind of mind
that lead my inspiration,
and it was the kind of
inspiration that only the young
at heart could imagine.
{R.M. Drake}

//

"Lexie, why are you here?" Dr. Shetland asked. Me and a few other people with different disorders were sitting in a circle.

I hated stuff like this.

Does it look like I want to tell these people what happened to my mom?

I glanced down at my fidgeting fingers. "Because my dad sent me here."

For no reason.

"Tell us more. Why did he send you here?"

"I don't feel comfortable talking about this, Dr. Shetland." I spoke quietly, keeping my gaze towards the white tiles on the floor.

I started counting the tiles and it helped me to calm down.

One, two, three. Four, five, six. Seven, eight, nine. Ten, eleven, twelve.

"Lexie? Did you even hear a word I said?" Dr. Shetland's voice made me snap out of my counting, and I quickly glanced up at him.

"Huh?"

I think he mumbled a curse word, but I ignored it. That's what people with my disorder do. All we do is frustrate people until they don't want to be around us anymore.

//

SODA SHOOK HIS head. "She didn't do anything... yet, at least. I just wanted to give you that piece of advice."

I gulped and kept my gaze towards the sky, which was now turning pitch black. All of the stars were starting to become visible. Out of all the times of the day, nighttime is my favorite. It's just... more peaceful.

I could start to feel Soda's eyes looking at me. "Well, let me show you another one of my lists." I announced, trying to take his attention away from me.

I handed him a list at random, which was a huge mistake.

"People I hate?" Soda questioned, his eyebrows raised in amusement. "Lexie, you actually hate things?"

I shrugged. "It's all about the mental asylum..." Then it hit me, Soda doesn't need to know anything about that place.

I snatched the piece of paper out of his hands before he could read it and he stared at me, confusion written all over his face. "Lexie, why don't you want me or the gang to know anything about the asylum?"

I hesitated. "B-because I just don't want to talk about it. Alright?"

"Lexie, you know you can tell me anything. You can trust me, you know that right?" Soda questioned.

"You can trust me, Lexie Bug."

My dad's voice whirled throughout my mind. My face hardened. "I can't trust anyone."

Soda's face softened. "Lexie, what happened?"

//

I was laying on my bed, writing in my notebook. At first, I was drawing, but then found myself making a list of the things my parents argued about.

I could hear them all the time, and hear every word they say.

This will not be a positive list.

"You don't understand, Flynn!" My mom screamed. "She doesn't belong in a place like that! She's not violent and it's normal for people to have what she has and not go to a place where they torture her!"

"They don't torture people in mental asylums, Lauren!" My dad yelled back.

They kept arguing back and forth and then out of nowhere, I heard a scream.

It was a different kind of scream.

Like, a painful one.

I shot up from my bed and slowly crept downstairs. I was extremely scared. The living room was pitch black, but there was light coming from the kitchen. I peeked around the corner and peered into the kitchen, my whole body feeling like goo.

There was blood everywhere. On the walls, on the floor, on the table and counters. I walked in and saw my mom lying on the floor, lifeless.

"Mom!" I shrieked and dashed over to her. I started crying and wondered where my dad could be. Did the killer get him too?

Before I could do anything, a pair of hands wrapped around my mouth. "You can trust me, Lexie bug." My dad spoke from behind me, goosebumps forming on my pale skin.

Soon enough, these people in white suits started walking towards me. "No! I'm not leaving mommy!" I screamed, taking a step back each time they inched forward.

My dad put his strong arms on my shoulders and pushed me towards the people, them putting me in handcuffs and duct taping my mouth. "You wanna know where you're going?" One person asked, his voice gruff.

I just whimpered.

"You're going to the mental asylum. Where you belong."

//

ONCE I FINISHED, I took a shaky breath, leaning my head against the back of the porch swing. It's like I forgot to cry again, because I couldn't.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and pull me to their chest. "You're safe with us, okay?" Soda's soothing voice instantly made me feel better.

"I was only ten when that happened. I'm seventeen years old now. I've been in that mental asylum for seven years of my life, almost a decade." I whispered, keeping my head rested on Soda's chest.

"Where's your dad at now?" Soda questioned, keeping his hands wrapped around me protectively.

"He went to jail, but he got out. He escaped. Just like I did from the mental asylum." I replied, but then panic took over.

I sat up and stared at Soda, my eyes wild. "Does that make me like my dad, Soda? Please don't tell me it makes me like my dad!"

He cupped his hands around my cheeks, bringing me closer to him. "You are nothing like your dad, Lexie. Okay? You're a way better person. I'm sure you were just like your mom."

I nodded my head, and he let my face go. I laid my head on his lap and I realized the wedding was going to be in one day tomorrow.

"Soda, what should I wear for your wedding?" I asked.

He went silent for a moment. "Well, Sandy is wearing black. She just wanted to, but I think you should wear white."

"Why?" I knitted my eyebrows in confusion.

"Because it fits your personality. Plus, I think you'd look beautiful in white."

I could start to feel that same feeling in my heart again. Why does my heart always feel like dying when Soda is involved?

I sat up and started taking deep breaths.

"I have to go, Soda. I'll see you at the wedding."

I rushed inside, leaving him sitting on the porch clueless. "What happened out there?" Two-Bit started wiggling his eyebrows and Steve smacked him on his arm.

"Two-Bit, hush. She doesn't even know what that means."

"Steve, I'm starting to feel like I'm dying again." I breathed and held my chest.

"WHAT?!" This time, Two started freaking out.

Steve waved his hand away at Two-Bit. "She's not dying, Two. What did Soda say to you last, Lexie?"

"He told me that I should wear a white dress for his wedding because it fits my personality. Then he said I'd look beautiful in white."

Two started snickering, causing Steve to smack him again. "Lexie, you like Soda. How many times do I have to tell you this? That's why your heart starts beating fast. You like him."

"More like love him." Two-Bit remarked, causing Steve to throw a pillow at his face. "Two-Bit, leave Lexie alone!"

"But I can't like him, Steve. He's marrying my half-sister." I frowned, feeling worried.

"I need to go have a talk with him. You stay and watch Mickey Mouse with Two-Bit." Steve instructed, while walking out to the back porch.

//

Steve

I WENT OUT on the back porch, knowing that Soda would still be out there. I sat beside him and took a deep breath.

"Buddy, you have to stop leading Lexie on."

He looked at me and scoffed. "You think I'm leading her on?"

I nodded my head. "Yes, Soda, I do! Look, it's none of my business to say how Lexie feels about you, but I know she cares about you a lot. She is too sweet to be lead on by you, and then having to sit through a wedding watching her half-sister marry you. It's not fair to her and don't do her like that."

Soda looked at his feet and then back up at me. "I'll stop leading her on then. I promise."

"Good." I replied, getting off of the swing.

//

currently me BECAUSE IF JOSHAYA IS ENDGAME AND RUCAS IS ENDGAME I WILL GO NUTS ALRIGHT???

if you don't know what I'm talking about, just enjoy this GIF of Colton Haynes.