Waking up to what felt like heavenly clouds was one way to start the day. It was the most comfortable sleep I'd ever had in my life. It was so good that when I first opened my eyes, I was disoriented. Like a dream, or the effect of drugs, everything felt surreal and unfamiliar. As my eyes adjusted and the blur vanished from my eyes, I scanned the room like a confused and curious newborn.

This was not the bed I was used to sleeping in. It wasn't small and made for one person. The warm body of my best friend was not squeezed next to me. I had so much room I could stretch out all of my limbs and not have a single body part stick out from the sheets.

Slowly, I remembered everything. I sat up straight and looked around the room some more. My things were still on the floor from where I thought about unpacking a few things. But before I did that, I rolled to the other side of the bed and picked up my phone from the nightstand that I left charging overnight.

Holy shit, I thought as soon as I saw the time. It was one in the afternoon.

Was it rude that I overslept while staying in someone else's apartment? For some reason it made me nervous and awkward. I wanted to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and shower, but I'd run into Jin, right? We had a fun time just hanging out and getting to know each other, and it was great that he was so open and inviting, but the thought of being a horrible roommate or making things uncomfortable for everyone made me want to shut myself in and never open the bedroom door.

"Stupid," I muttered to myself.

Yeah, I was stupid. My thoughts were stupid. My feelings were stupid.

Then again, I'd understand my situation if I was looking from the outside in. These were all new people to me. And I included Cedric and Elijah in that. They were all new in my life and I was scared to do the wrong thing. I had lingering fear from being kidnapped. Overthinking was going to be my new inner-struggle that I'd never get over. The truth was . . . I didn't know any of these people. I was scared.

I forced myself to get out of bed and sat on the floor with my legs crossed. I hunched over my things, opened my suitcase, and took out the bag that held my bathroom essentials. While I fished out some clothes, I thought about how to ask Jin for a towel.

A few things dropped from my hands as I piled random shit on top of the bed to organize them. Jin must have heard it because a few seconds later, I heard a light knock. The door opened just enough for a pair of lips to peek through.

"You awake?" Jin whispered.

That made me laugh, and it also made me less tense.

"Yeah."

"Okay, good," he said, kicking the door open without even asking if he could come in. "We have one problem."

Jin was shirtless and wearing these small black shorts that showed off his long legs, enhancing how tall he already looked. He leaned against the door and sighed, closing his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked, nerves coming right back.

"There's no food in the fridge and I'm starving."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

Nerves flushed back out, again.

"Is your sister the one that does your grocery?" I asked him.

He made a funny noise through his lips and shook his head. "No. I take care of myself."

"Do you need money?"

He squinted his eyes at me. "Wait, is my sister making you pay for rent?"

"Nobody told me anything about anything. I just kinda got dropped at your doorstep."

He crossed his arms over his bare chest and flashed me a smile. "Okay, good. Don't worry about paying for rent or groceries — we're good here."

"Are you asking me to do groceries for you?" I really couldn't figure out what he was hinting at.

"No, I actually just want to go across the street. There's a burger joint and I wanted to know if you'd like to come."

"Yeah, I just need a bit. I want to take a shower, brush my teeth, unpack a few things . . . you know?"

"Heck yeah. Need anything?"

"A towel, soap, shampoo — I kind of accidentally left a few things back at the sketchy motel."

He winked and pointed a finger at me before leaving me. I wasn't sure how to take that.

He came back a minute later while I was folding a few clothes and putting them on top of the bed. He was carrying a towel with a few things on top of it. One was a box of soap, a brand new toothbrush, a razer stick with a shaving cream bottle, and a clear bottle that I thought was hand sanitizer, until he passed them to me and I flipped it over and saw that it was lube.

"Uh, thanks."

"No problemo. I don't have extra shampoo, so you'll just have to use mine. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"If you need anything, we're living in the same place and I don't go out because my siblings will kill me if I do, so . . . just scream or whatever."

"W-Why did you give me . . ." I picked up the bottle and wiggled it.

He shrugged in the most nonchalant way. "You never know when you'll need it. I would have given you some condoms too, but nobody wants to have sex with me so I don't have any."

I couldn't help the awkward laugh that came out of my mouth.

"Thanks, Jin. This is good enough."

"I'll leave you to it. Don't take too long, remember, I am hungies," he said, singing the last word.

Once he was out of sight, I took the towel and a few of the other items, and went straight to the bathroom. I began undressing immediately as I examined how clean the bathroom was. He told no lie, it was quite spotless. I was impressed.

I laid my clothes by the door and hung the dry towel on the hanger. I turned around and stared at myself in the mirror. I stared a little too long, wondering why people liked me so much. I couldn't lie, but my thoughts were starting to bother me. I always found myself to be a basic-looking guy. And yeah, putting yourself down wasn't cool, but I wasn't strong enough to not let the thoughts bother me.

Cedric and Elijah genuinely liked me. Two different guys liked me. Me. But why? My personality wasn't exciting or unique. My looks definitely weren't. So why did everyone like me so much? Was I actually attractive and was my mind playing with me? If I was, then why couldn't I see what they were seeing?

I leaned over the counter and avoided my own eyes for a moment. I thought about how much Cedric and Elijah were risking themselves by protecting me. Why was I worth the trouble? They could get killed for God's sake. I was not worth dying for.

For a moment, I believed my kindness drew them in . . . but I wasn't exactly out here trying to get a Nobel Prize. All I wanted was to be a decent person and not be a fucking asshole. So what the fuck did they see in me?

Sighing, I let the thoughts go for now. I stepped into the shower, turned it on, and was attacked by a burst of cold water. I winced like a baby and quickly turned up the temperature of the water.

I let my mind go numb under the warm water, letting it wash away all of my problems. For a while it worked. I completely zoned out from bliss.

The only reason I didn't spend an hour in the shower was because I could imagine Jin's stomach causing an earthquake. Just more wandering thoughts about avoiding being the worst roommate. Once I was done, I turned off the shower, dried a bit, and wrapped my towel around my naked body.

When I looked out the door, I saw Jin in the corner with his back facing me. He was playing on his computer, giving me the privacy I needed to quietly tip-toe back to my room.

I made sure to lock the door this time so I wouldn't have any unwanted visitors suddenly bust through the door and get a full view of my naked body. I tossed my used clothes in the empty hamper in the corner and pulled up my towel to continue drying my hair. I started thinking about cutting my hair soon, but I wasn't sure who to go to or who I could trust. I had a little secret back there that I needed to keep covered, so maybe it wasn't such a great idea, even though I desperately wanted a haircut.

Remembering what Jin said, I definitely wouldn't tell him this. He seemed to be the type that would kill me because of the lack of representation for long haired men.

It wasn't that long, to be honest. Not as long as Jin's. My hair was still what Dorian called pretty boy hair, but the thought of having to take care of long hair annoyed my lazy-self. I'd still get a cut that kept it pretty for Dorian's sake, but it would be nice not to worry about the increasing length.

After my body was entirely dry and clothes were on me, I stepped out and walked to Jin who was currently talking to a few people through his computer. He was also dressed and ready to go.

"Do you guys have heavy ammo?" he said.

"I'm done," I told him as I snuck up behind him.

"Oh, hey!" he said, adjusting his headset so one ear was out. "Guys, I gotta go after this game."

I moved to the couch and just watched him play. There seemed to be three others with him judging by what I was looking at the screen and what I was hearing.

He clicked his tongue, annoyed. "I told you already, that's my new roommate."

Did they hear me? Maybe I should have been more quiet.

"Sorry," I whispered to him.

He suddenly spun on his chair, facing me straight. "Do you have Instagram? They want to know what you look like."

I gave a little awkward smile at that. "No, sorry."

"He doesn't," he said, spinning back to face his monitor. "Can you stop being annoying now?" He went quiet for a second, and then his jaw dropped. "What the fuck, Isaac? What the fuck, Mimi? No, I will not do that."

I was confused at what the hell was going on in that call. It just looked like normal banter between friends. I wouldn't know what that felt like, Dorian had been my only friend until I came here, but I could relate about friends annoying you or trying to embarrass you.

I let a few chuckles escape through my mouth while I worked on my phone, listening to him yelling at his friends and begging them to focus on the game. I downloaded Instagram and created an account. I was never interested in this app since I never took pictures of myself and I had no friends to share anything with. But I was living a new life, so it was the perfect time to start one.

"I made an account," I told him as he slouched on his chair after losing his game.

"You what?" he said, turning to face me. "You made an Instagram account?"

I nodded. "It's time, I guess."

His eyes lit up. "Holy shit. Are you about to take and post your first selfie? In my presence?"

"Yeah . . . I just have no idea what kind of picture to take."

"It's his first picture, why the fuck should I be in it?" he said into the microphone. "That's weird."

"I don't mind," I said, wondering if they could hear me or were just hearing his responses to me.

He sighed. "Fine. Give me a minute, dumbasses." He put down his headset and moved to the couch, dropping next to me. We were extremely close to each other, and he took it another level by wrapping an arm around my shoulders and doing a peace sign with his free hand.

I held up the phone and took a picture of us. I thought it was going to feel awkward, but it turned out to be a nice first post. I almost looked like I had a normal social life. Then I started wondering if anyone from my high school was going to find me and follow me, so after I posted the picture, I made my account private.

Knowing them, they'd find me and find ways to keep harassing me even after leaving that miserable town. This was the reason Dorian's friends were either way older than us or were from another town. I never cared to go that far to make friends when I already had the best one.

It was strangely nice having so many new friends, especially because they were all chill as fuck and that was all I could ask for.

Eh, besides the murdering part.

But I wasn't supposed to think about that.

He grabbed my hand holding the phone and brought it to his face so he could see my username, then pulled out his phone and requested to follow me. Once I accepted him, he liked the picture and commented: We look so good.

"Do I have your permission to give my friends your info?" he asked me while his eyes were glued to mine, as if checking for any hesitation. I just nodded without a word. He picked himself up and went over to his computer, hunched over his keyboard, and typed in my username into the chat.

I received three new follow requests and checked them as I stood up and followed Jin outside of the apartment after he let them know we were going out. A fourth one came later, and I stalked each one before accepting them.

The one named Isaac had a rainbow flag in his bio, while the other guys looked stereotypically heterosexual. One of them even had a photo of him holding a fish. The girl was Mimi, and she was a cute girl with pink aesthetics all over her profile.

"Are they saying anything?" he asked as we stepped into the elevator.

"Uh, Isaac said "What the fuck, you're hot?" and Mimi spammed me with hearts."

The elevator dinged when it reached the bottom floor. Jin stepped out first, rolling his eyes playfully as he scanned the comments with his own phone.

"If they bother you, just block them."

"It's okay."

When we stepped out, I pulled up my hoodie and went mysterious mode. Cedric and Elijah warned me to keep my head down, and though we were only going across the street, I still wanted to be smart and stay out of sight.

The fast food restaurant was one I'd never heard of, but that could be due to the fact that I lived on the other side of this country. It wasn't all too flashy, and it also wasn't big, but the massive line outside meant that it didn't matter. The food had to be insane for this many people to be out here.

"I was gonna say how convenient it is to live this close to a fast food place, but are the lines always this big?" I asked him as we approached the end.

"Just weekend things," he said.

We actually weren't in line for too long despite the crazy amount of people gathered here. Some weren't even in line, they were just enjoying themselves outside on the many tables with big flags in the center. As we inched closer, Jin asked me to find us an empty table and hold it till he came back with the food. He asked me what I liked and if I was allergic to anything. I only told him I was open to anything. Everyone had their picky moments, but I could enjoy something new, especially when it came to burgers.

Nobody shot me a look as I snaked around the crowd to find an empty table in a corner, near the less busy side of the establishment. I thought about how many times people looked at me whenever Dorian and I hung out at popular areas in town. It was always the judgmental eyes making me uneasy and forcing me to visit these places less. They did it so openly too, unafraid of their bigotry and ignorance. I hated them so much. If I hadn't dealt with their bullshit, I could have been more friendly and outgoing, but I learned to do the opposite because of them.

When Jin arrived, I couldn't help the confused look on my face when he carefully put down the cardboard box on the table. There were four stupidly large burgers wrapped in this cool black and red paper, two drinks, and two sides of curly fries covered in a cheese sauce with meat and other vegetables.

"I got two extras in case we get hungry later," he said, proudly smiling to himself.

Before sitting down, he passed me my food and drink, looked at our table and decided to sit next to me instead of across. He wasted no time, opened up the wrapper and took the first bite, moaning as the flavors hit his tongue.

"You really were starving," I said, chuckling as I watched him chew like nobody was watching.

"I am always hungry."

I joined him and took my first bite of the burger, experiencing the same satisfaction he had. It was great, and I could say I'd never had anything like it before. It was delicious and tasted nothing like a fast food place. I grabbed a few fries and ate them quietly, afraid to open my mouth and also let out a moan.

I wondered if Cedric would approve of them. I never got to taste his burgers, so I have nothing to compare them to. They were so good I wanted to savor every bite.

We hung out for a bit longer after we finished eating, but eventually decided to go after more people started appearing and we didn't want to hog a table from anyone. We walked slowly, letting our stomachs be comfortable as we headed back home.

When we were back inside, I took off my hoodie before it got too hot. I wouldn't be able to wear it anymore soon since summer was creeping up, which meant I needed a new way to keep my face hidden.

"So what do you do all day if your siblings don't let you go out?" I asked Jin when we were settled back in his living room.

"I am a hardcore gamer, so that's pretty much it," he said, proudly touching his desk. "Sometimes I stream, sometimes I go to the gym we have in the building, but that's about it."

"Are you not allowed to go to college or anything?"

He snorted at that. "No. Once I join one of them, that's gonna be my only occupation."

"That sucks."

"Did you go to school before you came here?"

"No, I am poor."

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah, I'm not sure if I'd even be able to go to school if I had the option. We didn't have a lot of money growing up. We're okay now, but at what cost, you know?"

I completely understood him. I thought about how Cedric and Elijah made their money. This gang stuff was much more than just . . . gangs. It felt like a whole new territory of business — still murdery and illegal, but all business. Yet the dangers were still there and all the same. They made money, but were their lives worth it? As an American that wasn't born into wealth or any kind of talent . . . I'd say so.

I'd even go as far and say it was survival.

"At least you're not alone," I said, trying to lighten the mood with some positivity.

He smiled a little. "Yeah, I have you! Soon I'll join one and we can be newbies together."

"Hey, that's not fair," I said, using my sarcastic voice. "Your siblings gave you a head start — I don't know anything about any of this. You obviously know a lot more than me."

He pursed his lips, shaking his head. "Don't worry, I'll teach you everything I know."

"Promise?"

"I promise, gang buddy."

"Gang buddy . . ." I repeated in disbelief, and slight disappointment, but I wanted to laugh.

He gasped suddenly. "Do you think they'll pair us up as partners?"

I opened my mouth, about to answer, but closed it as I realized this was him saying he was going to pick Devilian. If this was true, would this cause Ziven to go crazy mad? I had no clue what kind of person they were . . . there was no way he'd know about me, right? Amani definitely told Jin he wasn't supposed to tell Ziven that I was here. I mean . . . it was obvious even if she hadn't. They weren't supposed to interfere and that would give Amani away so easily.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.

You know what? Devilian didn't seem so bad. Yeah, it was weird and theatrical, but I haven't heard of anyone murdering others. Lords on the other hand? I had a front row seat at what kind of people they were. Maybe this was a good way for Jin to be safe. I knew Amani would probably be so happy if she knew I inadvertently helped him join her.

Wait another fucking minute. I just accidentally insulted Elijah as well . . . he was the one that killed that guy! And how many more others? Fuck my life.

"Gang buds!" I said with forced joy.

Jin scratched his head. "Maybe not. Why would they pair two new guys? That just seems like a messy time."

"I love messy."

He pressed his lips together and tried not to laugh.

"Speaking of messy," he said, sounding stressed.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm gonna have to give you a job for Monday."

"If I'm gonna be living here without paying for anything, go ahead and tell me what you need me to do."

"Don't tell Amani, just in case I don't finish in time . . . but I have a project due on Monday, and I haven't done . . . a single bit of it."

"I am not good at school," I said, almost admitting about the time I was close to failing a grade.

"No, I don't need your help. I'm gonna spend all day tomorrow working on it."

"Alright, what do you need?"

"It would be really nice if you could do some groceries on Monday for us while I'm in school, and I'd let you borrow my car, but I need you to pick me up when I'm out."

"Sure, I guess."

"I'm so close to being done with high school," he said, rubbing his temples with his eyes closed. "I can't wait to never have to think about homework ever again."

"It's nice."

"Yeah, and even though I don't need to go to school, Amani won't let me be lazy. She expects me to do a good job because no one knows what will happen." I noticed he swallowed and looked uncomfortable after saying this. "I think she's just worried that if she and Ziven die, I'll be alone. She wants me to have the bare minimum of education . . . just in case."

That was so fucking dark. The room got quiet after that. In the little time I knew Jin, I knew that he needed someone to talk to desperately. How lonely was he? Being stuck here twenty-four seven, not being able to leave or be social. And I didn't even have to ask, I knew that his friends online weren't allowed to know about any of this. He was keeping it all in.

His siblings weren't even okay with each other visiting him. They were hurting him, thinking they were doing what's best for him. But soon he'd make his decision and hopefully that gave him more freedom to do what he wanted.

Again, I knew him for a short time, but I could see he had such a kind and exciting soul. I'd love to be newbie gang buddies with him.

_____________________

[Author's Message]: I'm BACK (from the dead) with a new update. Took me forever. This chapter was so boring to me, mostly because I KNOW what's coming around the corner and I just want to get to it ASAP. *WE* HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 3 YEARS. *Sobbing* Either way, sorry for the wait. I hope you're enjoying getting to know Jin. Also . . . I kinda miss Dorian :'(

(Leave me comments or I'm gonna cry from loneliness)

(also pls follow my new twitter, it's in my bio. it's my safe for work twitter, and i post about my trauma with writing. and when i'm close to finishing new chapters.)