I'm back bitches

Millie's pov

It's spring break.

Everyone has just been mostly hanging out with one another, Finn and I a lot.

I decided I wasn't going to do the treatment, because I don't want to put myself through that pain, when I'm just going to end up dying anyway.

I haven't told Finn yet. I don't know how to tell him.

We are all hanging out today, not really sure what we are doing. I heard that we were just hanging out at Finns house.

Oh, I can already feel the symptoms, too.

Weakness is a big one. Sometimes loss of appetite.

I've lost over 8 pounds. And I was already 99 pounds.

Well, atleast my hair hasn't fallen out yet.

I walked to Finns house and knocked on the door, and he opened it, smiling as soon as he saw me.

"Hey Mills," He said, and opening the door more to let me in.

I walked in to see everyone was here already, sitting on the couch.

I haven't told them about the tumor yet. I need to. Like, soon.

I sat down on a couch, and Finn sat down next to me, putting an arm around me, and I leaned my head into him.

I also get tired very easily. Like, when your eyes can easily close. But, I have sleeping issues, so I can't fall asleep.

It's been a weird couple of days.

I don't want Finn to worry about me that much. All I've told him is that I've lost two pounds. I don't want him to get worried.

"So what do you guys wanna do?" Gaten asked.

"I say we go downtown and walk around and look in the shops. Then we can swim when it gets dark." Sadie said, and everyone agreed.

"Let's carpool!" Noah said, running outside. I guess we are taking his car.

-

I sat in the back with Finn, looking at everyone.

The music was blasting, so nobody could hear other people's conversations.

"You know, you look cute with your glasses on." Finn said, and I looked at him and smiled.

"You're cute." I said, and he smiled back. He looked down, and I followed his gaze, to see him connecting our hands together.

Sometimes I have spurs of energy, and sometimes I have full days of them.

Today is kinda on and off. I guess you could say.

"Mills, are you okay?" He asked, and I looked at him. His face was filled with worry, and another emotion I don't know.

"I'm just tired, that's all." I said, looking down to the floor of the car, and leaning my head against his shoulder.

I felt him kiss the top of my head, and I closed my eyes, focusing on his physical touch on me currently.

-

We were all walking around, some going into stores, some splitting up and going a different direction.

Finn stayed with me, never let go of my hand, until I made him so I could look around by myself.

I went into a little shop, just looking at everything in it.

I wish I enjoyed life more. I feel like my whole life was just me living in constant fear or sadness. The only place my happiness comes from is from Finn nowadays. Family too, but Finn makes me happy all the time.

I just don't know how I'm supposed to tell him about not doing the treatment. He knows I'm dying, he knows it.

I haven't told anyone else yet.

I looked directly ahead of me and saw Finn looking at something, interested in it. He looked up and met my eyes, and we both smiled.

-

We were outside by the fire, and we were just talking. It was late now, the moon was out. It was pretty warm, but started a fire anyway.

"I say we all go in the pool." Gaten said.

"With our clothes on?" Sadie asked.

"I'm so down." Noah said, excitedly. I smiled.

Gaten, Caleb and Noah stood up and ran into the pool, along with Sadie. I smiled, and looked over to Finn. He was already looking at me.

"Are you gonna go in?" He asked me.

"I'm kind of tired right now, so probably not. You can go if you want." I said, and he nodded. We both got up and he jumped in, and I sat down with my legs dangling over the side of the pool.

"Millie you should come in," Gaten said.

"I'm good. Thanks though." Millie said, and I noticed Noah wasn't in the water.

I felt two arms pick me up, and I look at Noah who's going to throw me in the water.

"Noah don't," I said, and he smiled.

"sorry mills." Noah said, and threw me in.

I went underwater, finding it quite hard to breathe. I accidentally took a breath in, and felt two hands go to my waist and pull me up, and I coughed a bunch of water out of my mouth.

"Noah what the hell," Finn said, looking to Noah.

"They told me to." Noah said. I rested my forehead on Finns lower shoulder, and I felt one of his arms moving on my lower back.

"I'm sorry Millie," Noah said.

"It's okay." I said, and I smiled at him. He smiled back.

"Do you want to get out?" Finn asked me. I looked up to him, and he was looking at me, concerned.

"No, I'll stay." I said and smiled. He smiled too, and we started hanging out with everyone.

-

Everyone left, it was just Finn and I. I told my mom I'm sleeping over, because I am.

I got out of the shower and put on pajamas, a T-shirt and shorts. Finn was in his bed, and was laying on his side, face half smushed into the pillow, eyes closed. I lightly smiled, and walked over to the bed and laid down on my side facing him, and looked at him.

I want to remember every detail of him I can. I love his freckles, his lips, his eyes, his smile, his eyebrows. His nose. Literally everything.

He slowly opened his eyes and realized I was staring at him. He smiled and furrowed his eyebrows.

"why were you staring at me?" He asked, and I laughed a tiny bit.

"You looked cute." I said, and he smiled and looked at me, then down to my lips, then back up to my eyes.

I smiled at him, and I got closer to him, pushing him so that his back is against the bed, and slowly crawled on top of him, his hands making his way around my waist, basically hugging it.

I looked down to his lips, then slowly leaned in and connected ours, as he immediately kissed back.

His lips felt soft. And this kiss felt like something. Something more. (haha get it reference to the sequel of benefits go read that if ya haven't)

Butterflies erupted in my stomach as one of his hands laid gently on the side of my face, and we didn't let go of our kiss.

We heard noise from downstairs, signaling his parents getting home, and we stopped. I leaned my forehead against his, and he smiled at me.

I got off of him and laid down next to him, putting an arm around him, and feeling the presence of his arm around me, his hand on my arm, tracing his thumb back and forth.

"Night Mills." Finn told me. I smiled.

"Goodnight, Finn."

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Okay I'm so sorry I haven't updated in forever it's just I've been super busy with school and softball and work and I got no time to update but hopefully this makes up for it???

Might not be an update tomorrow, it depends?