It started out small. Casual mentions of going out to meet someone, asking for a second phone, mentioning a full family to her few friends. Sans waved it off. He waved off a lot of things she said or did. It was Bean, after all. She did a lot of weird things. Somehow she even managed to start a religion with her as the god. No, he was serious, it had become a problem. So Bean doing weird things was quite normal for her. 

Though Sans started noticing things following him. Windows open when he closed them. Something moving in the corner of his vision. A sudden cold spot of air. The moment he noticed these things, he went immediately to Bean and asked if she summoned a demon or evil spirit with her friends using that weird board.

He just had to make sure. Just had to make sure. 

Bean sometimes still came in and watched him sleep from night to night. It was freaky at first, but he grew detached after so many years of it. Now he could sleep right through someone watching him. Bean said she just liked it, liked knowing he was sleeping, so he let her do whatever. Sans had to tolerate a lot of things being her parent. She didn’t lunge at strangers with her teeth anymore, so he called it a win, honestly. 

So when he felt someone watching him, he was used to it. Even felt a brush of a claw against his skull, with some murmured muttering. Softened voices. Saying things about him. Sans didn’t bother to process it. Just rolled over and told Bean, sleepily, to go have a sleepover with her friends without involving them in her usual stalking habit. 

After that incident, Bean suddenly started to pry into Sans’ love life. Asked him his preferences in people. If he went on any dates lately. Was this a hint to show how single he was? Ouch. Harsh, but yeah, he hadn’t gone on a date since the one nighter that made Bean, so he wasn’t exactly fond of bouncing back into that scene again.

But then Bean started to get persistent. Real persistent. And she was never really hidden about her intentions, either. 

“I think you should date a certain type,” Bean said. 

“Hm?” Sans asked, spaghetti halfway scooped onto his fork. 

“A clown type,” Bean said, blinking to try and feign innocence. “A clown type that’s tall and wears grey. That you had sex with seveteen years ago and kills people. That type.” She blinked again. “Or something like that.”

She was decent at hiding herself from her classmates, but lying to Sans did not come naturally to her. She tried, sure, but it was painfully obvious. 

“Did you meet him?” Sans asked slowly. 

She looked to the side. “Noooo…”

Sans sighed. Honestly, he had long since anticipated this. When your kid is as crazy as a serial killer, and her parent was one, it’d make sense either she or he would try to find one another. 

“When did you guys meet?” Sans asked. 

“A month ago…” Bean pressed her teeth together, folding a piece of candy between her fingers. 

“How come you want me to meet him so bad?” Sans asked. 

Having lived with her, Sans was long since dulled to the idea of being with a serial killer. A sad but true fact. Hearing another might be coming into his life wasn’t very shocking. 

“I want another Dad,” Bean said, “He makes candy just like me and can go into his own little world just like me as well! Dad, he’s awesome, and he kills people and -”

“Bean.”

“ - And it’s wrong -” Bean quickly corrected herself from slipping, sticking up a finger. “Butttttt… everyone needs a full family. Jeff! Liu!”

The two teenage boys burst into the kitchen, having been hiding inside of the living room the entire dinner. Oh lord, what were they up to this time?

Bean used her magic to create a blue bowtie, moving to stand in front of the projector the boys were setting up. 

“You made a presentation to why I should date the serial killer?” Sans asked, leaning back on his arms. 

“Yup!” Bean said. 

“So you made this instead of doing yer english project.”

Bean frowned at him. “Shut up, Dad, I’ll do it!”

Grades were not her strong suit. At best, Bean went through her courses with a C. Once an A in math, though Sans had a suspicion she might have blackmailed her teacher. Or plain threatened her. Honestly, Sans failed English as well, couldn’t blame her. He had points taken off for his essay font, even though the font was literally his handwriting? Gaster had a field day complaining about that, threatening for the Royal Scientist to withdraw the Kingdom’s funding for the school unless the grade was corrected. Good times. 

“Do you really want me to meet your other Dad that much?” Sans asked. 

“Yeah,” Bean admitted.

“Then fine.”

Bean blinked a few times, tilting her head to the side. “You’re actually going to do it? Do something that I want?” Bean asked to clarify. 

“I already gave birth to a little serial killer, might as well deal with another.”

Bean giggled, happily, then glanced over at the two boys, who had set up her presentation. “Aw man, I actually did something for once and now there’s no point! I could have just killed -”

“Bean.”

“Baked cookies for people!” Bean saved herself, cupping her hands together. 

“Do you wanna show your presentation anyway?”

“Yes please.”

And so, Sans agreed to meet the Dad.

Of course Bean went behind his back and met him. Anything that had to do with murder she was interested inside of. Bean was surely chaotic for a teenager. 

He wasn’t told when he was going to meet him, though, as Bean apparently took it upon herself. By bringing him home while Sans was asleep. So Sans woke up, groggy and tired, to see two clown face staring at him from only inches away. 

“Hi Dad!” Bean had said, “I brought my other Dad back!”

“... great,” Sans muttered, rolling over. “Wake me up in ten minutes.”

When he was awake for real, he met the man, who was just like how Sans remembered. Tall, loud, creepy with an odd sort of attraction that drew Sans in. He was a lot like Bean. Killy, psychotic, obsessed with candy. But he was still as hot as Sans remembered. They talked for the day, and gradually got to know one another. 

Laughing Jack didn’t leave. At all. Probably because he was a serial killer and didn’t have anywhere to go. Or maybe because Bean was threatening him. Both were very plausible options given their circumstances. Gaster had walked in to find Laughing Jack, so hiding him wasn’t really an option. Sans had to explain to his family and friends, with the clown lingering behind him, what was going on. Bean wanted a full family, so they were going to date for awhile and see how it went. And yes, that meant living with a serial killer. As if he hadn’t already. 

Everyone was surprisingly okay with this. After all, they dealt with Bean for her entire life, so adding another only made sense. The clown mad was an odd addition, but one that was nice. He acted like Bean’s Father, packing her lunch, hanging out with her, simple things parents did. He and Sans got along rather nicely, it didn’t take long before Sans remembered why he wanted a one nighter with this guy. 

He was weird. A nice weird, though. Insane, but Sans was well past knowing that. And hey, Laughing Jack helped deal with Bean, and anyone who did that was worth at least one date. One date turned to two, then three, then four. They ended up chilling on the couch together, sometimes flirted, and once even slept in the same bed together. 

Sans didn’t mind involving the Dad inside of their life. Honestly, he was a big help, and took a lot of stress from Sans’ back. He was kinda hot, too, so Sans had some eye candy to enjoy. Definitely hot in an unusual clown way. 

They started to make out a few times. The first time on the couch. No too much, just tongue, until Bean had walked in and said, loudly, “Finally!” that made Sans push back with a blush.

They became a family. Granted, a weird one, but a family anyway. Laughing Jack connected to Sans, calling him his little potato and snuggling with him. They ate dinner as a family, played games, and generally hung out. It was nice. As nice as it could get. When Sans woke up one night, he found both Laughing Jack and Bean watching him sleep. Huh. So that’s where she got it from. 

Time pressed on, and Sans officially started dating the serial killer with the agreement he wouldn't kill people unless needed. A family, just as Bean wanted.

“I’m going out!” Bean called, Jeff and Liu greeting Sans and Jack before they went to leave. 

“Okay, bye kiddo!” Sans said, one of Jack’s arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“While I’m gone, can you guys make me a little sister?” Bean asked. 

Without thinking, Sans hummed out a “Sure thing” before the door closed. Only after it shut did Sans realize what she had asked, looking over at Jack with a blush as the clown wiggled his eyebrows.

“Well, let’s get to it!” He giggled. 

Oh lord, not again.