longing

for endless summer nights

when the sun disappears

and leaves the world cold and alone

somehow its comforting to know

that even though i am a stranger to everybody else

even the world drowns in the dark every twelve hours

that even if im left alone

even the world gets left

and for twenty one nights or so

that thought would sing me to sleep

until i realized

whenever the sun leaves the sky

it gets replaced by the moon

a new kind of light

glistening in front of my window

a new kind of light pulling the world in its tight hug

as soon as the sun lets go

maybe thats what im jealous of,

what im longing for after all

oh, to be held like that,

unconditionally,

peacefully violent,

oh, to be held like that

and to be held even if youre left

and to be held

every day and every night and every second of your life

being held by that warm, gloomy light

that melds away the coldness, the darkness of it all

oh, to be held like that,

i think,

whenever i feel left

whenever the loneliness surrounds me like fog surrounds a river in the morning

whenever the fog starts to feel like my normal,

maybe i got used to it blurring my vision,

maybe that lonely river finds comfort in the misty white

because in all that chaos it knows that the fog will come,

repeatedly

and comforting

burrying it

maybe thats what i long for,

oh, to be in charge,

oh, to have that control

like the world has over the moon and the sun never leaving its side

like the river has over the fog, visiting it every night

control

control

control

i lost it

i think i lost it all

and i know i have to move, move on and move away

and find a better place to be

but all i can do

is starring at the cealing, thinking,

oh, to be held like that

and in all that hopelessness

i never came to think that

maybe the sun rises not for the world, but for everything alive,

for the lonely walkers and the early birds and the hopeless romantics

and maybe the moon rises for me and you and everybody else,

for the glowing windows and the restless souls and for the world

but maybe its not that deep

maybe im romanticising

maybe they rise and shine and die twice a day

not out of will

but out of force

maybe an outer power is holding them tight

somehow its comforting to know im not the only one out of control

when even the moon and the sun and the earth cant be free

when the sun gets forced to rise everyday

and the moon gets forced to die everyday

maybe the world is lonely after all

maybe their hug is poisonious

maybe its not a hug but a fight

even if thats true

all i can think is

oh, to be held like that

unconditionally.