Fifth day of the Selection

As the ceremony ends and the crowd disperses, I stand still, the key in my hand pinning me to the ground.

This key does not belong to me. It belongs to Morgan, and I've stolen their fate.

Do they hate me for this?

I cannot bring myself to look at them. I only dare glance in their direction when the rest of the cadet class starts to leave. Their once proud stance at the start of the ceremony is now an uncharacteristic hunch. The jagged edge of the key digs deeper into my palm.

Their steps halter, and for a moment, I wonder if they'll turn around and look at me. Instead, they turn to Ryan, who is approaching them.

A firm hand grabs my shoulder, pulling my attention away from the pair. It's General Caelum. She's wearing her usual calm smile, as if the results are no surprise to her. As if they are exactly what she expected.

"Congratulations, Lara. Very well done on your performance over the past few days."

My eyes dart to Morgan again. They are still talking to Ryan. "But I don't deserve it, General. I... I didn't win."

General Caelum scoffs. "Nonsense. You might not have won technically, but you are objectively the better candidate. That Ground Earth dweller has a cyberarm; everyone can see that their win was a fluke. Not to mention, given their background and their records, it would be foolish for the Board to choose them over you."

I want to argue against that, but my voice has left me. The key pierces further into me.

"Anyway, enjoy yourself in NovaTopia, Lara," General Caelum continues, tucking a strand of auburn hair behind her ears. "Once you're up there, I've hit my quota and will be able to join you soon."

My head snaps up to her. Her smile widens as she gives me one last pat on the shoulder and walks away.

I frown. Quota? Was I part of a quota she has to hit before she can return to NovaTopia? Was that why she was so happy about the result? But... General Caelum was from NovaTopia—like all the other generals except Ryan—so she could have returned whenever she wanted, quota or not, right? I assumed she stayed in the Tower because she genuinely wanted to serve as a general. Once again, my assumption is wrong.

Everything I know is wrong.

I turn to find Morgan, but they're gone. Everyone's gone. The only person that remains in the stadium is Ryan.

"Hey, Lara," he says, extending his arms out as he walks towards me.

Something about the familiarity of his voice and the gentleness of his smile makes me collapse into his arms. He pulls me into an embrace. His uniform is stiff from lack of use, but his warmth envelops me and makes my eyelids heavy. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a child again.

For the first time, all I want is my brother.

"I don't want to go to NovaTopia," the words spill from my lips. Past me would've been appalled by this statement. But past me is unrecognizable now.

"Why not?" Ryan smoothes the back of my head. "Don't feel guilty, Lara. It's not your fault that the directors chose you instead of Morgan. And you are a qualified candidate too. You've worked so hard for this. You deserve this too."

The way he says it actually makes me believe him. The knot in my stomach loosens a little, but the key clenched in my fist is still a painful reminder about how wrong this all is. I close my eyes. "Do you really think I should go? To NovaTopia?"

"Of course," he answers without the hesitation I expected.

"Then why did you leave?"

Ryan rests his hands on my shoulder while guiding me out of the hug. My eyes flutter open and meet his. Behind his smile, there is a glimmer of sadness.

"My decision to leave NovaTopia had nothing to do with the place. It truly is a paradise. I would've stayed if not for..." he trails off as his hands fall to his side.

"If not for them kicking you out?"

Ryan looks as if I just slapped him. He blinks rapidly before averting his gaze. "Did she tell you that?"

"Is it true?" I press, but Ryan's reaction alone answered the question.

He stuffs his hands in his pockets. "You know me. I'm a mess. How- How could NovaTopia keep someone like me?"

"You weren't a mess before. If you were, they wouldn't even have picked you."

Ryan lets out a long sigh. "Anyway, I need to go to Ground Earth again for a mission now, so I don't think I can send you off when you board the spaceship to NovaTopia. But I'll try to visit you—"

"No!" I grab his hand to keep him from leaving. All warmth from his hug is now a cold gust of wind. "You don't get to leave me without giving me an answer again!"

The anger triggers my memories: I was angry at Ryan before the Selection for this same reason. I was so preoccupied with the Selection that I forgot. I forgot about finding out that I'm not from the Tower. I forgot about Ryan refusing to tell me where we're from. Refusing to tell me anything.

And I refuse to let him avoid my questions again.

"Why did NovaTopia kick you out?" I demand, tightening my hold on him. "And where am I from? Where are we from?"

Ryan sighs. "Where we're from doesn't matter, Lara," he draws out his words, as if he's carefully choosing them. "We are... lucky that the Board of Directors gave us a clean slate, and we should... not think too much about the past, alright?"

A clean slate? That the directors gave us? Dread fills my heart. "Are you not allowed to tell me? Did the directors order you not to... because..." My mind whirs, but something clicks within me. The puzzle pieces fall into place. "Wait... are we... from Ground Earth?"

Ryan's expression contorts, but I can't read if that means I'm right or not. He shrugs. "Technically, we're all from Ground Earth."

"You know what I mean, Ryan!"

He averts his gaze. "Focus on the present, Lara. And your future. I mean, you're going to a paradise. You'll love it there." He looks at me again and pushes out a smile. "Please, be happy, Lara."

And then, he disappears.

The once bustling stadium is now empty except for a few cleaning bots. The floor becomes sparkling clean as they roll over it. The strong scent of bleach fills the air.

Be happy. But there's no way I would be happy in NovaTopia. How can I, knowing it's a stolen fate?

One of the cleaning bots bumps into me as if trying to shoo me away, so I trudge out of the stadium and into the elevator. The mechanical hum in the background is louder than usual. I close my eyes, not wanting to see any more of the dull whiteness. Why is that the color scheme of everything here? Why can't it be more like Ground Earth?

When I first went to Ground Earth, Morgan was surprised I liked it. They expected me to hate it as much as General Caelum. Maybe it was because I was from Ground Earth. Maybe I still remembered my days on Ground Earth subconsciously. And maybe Ryan was kicked out of NovaTopia because he was from Ground Earth and never disclosed it. It all makes sense now.

The elevator stops at my floor. I step out hesitantly. Instead of heading back to my living unit, I find myself walking towards Morgan's. I have to talk to them somehow.

Approaching their living unit, I hear loud music blaring from inside. Their door is wide open. I inch closer and realize that the room, as tiny as mine, is packed to the brim with my entire cadet class. All furniture, including the bed, is removed to fit more people in the room. Vibrant strobing lights decorate the wall, and a banner in the center reads, "Congratulations future shuttle residents!" This is the most colorful and joyful any place in the Tower has looked.

People are chatting while holding drinks. Kim is dancing with three other classmates in the middle of the room, their bodies dangerously close to one another. Morgan is talking with someone and laughing at their joke. Seeing their cheerfulness gives me a mix of both relief and dread.

They might be too busy to talk to me. I should leave for now.

I gaze at the key in my hand. The edges seem to be a little charred, strangely, and the once golden sheen has faded.

"Hey, Lara."

Morgan's voice sends a tingle through my body. I lift my head. They're smirking at me—the same smirk they always give me after every practice session. It's as if the entire Selection didn't happen and we're back to our old rivalry.

"I was just about to go find you." They gesture at my open palm. "Is that the key for the spaceship to NovaTopia? Looks fancy."

I glance at it. Then, I raise it to them. "Take it."

Morgan's jaw drops. "What?"

"Take my place. You won the Selection. You should be the one going there."

"They chose you, Lara." They fold their arms across their chest. "Besides, I can't just take your place like that. Everyone knows I'm not the one chosen. The entire thing was broadcasted."

"If it was broadcasted, then everyone will know you are the one who won the Selection and deserves to go to NovaTopia."

Morgan sighs. "Why are you doing this? Isn't this your dream?"

"Is it my dream?" I push back. "Or is it just a dream sold to me?"

The more I speak, the more I realize. I... don't want to go to NovaTopia.

Why would I, when they are the ones who ignored the entire Selection process and chose me over Morgan? They are also the ones giving the commands to NovaTopian soldiers and making Ryan go to Ground Earth and destroy markets. They are probably the ones stopping Ryan from telling me about my past too, kicking him out, giving us a 'clean slate', and making my entire life a fraud. Why would I want to go to a place like that?

The only reason I will still go is because of that conversation with Morgan back on Ground Earth—when we talked about how we can change things once we go up there. But even so, the one making a change should be someone who lived through the hardships. It should be Morgan.

It should always have been Morgan.

"Lara," Morgan says, yanking me out of my thoughts. "Listen, I know it was a shock to learn about the results, and I was shocked too, initially. But, seriously, I am super happy that you're going to NovaTopia. You don't have to feel bad about it." They push out a smile. "And I'm pretty excited for the New Research Shuttle. In fact, we're all excited and celebrating our new shuttle residencies now. That's what this party is for. Come in and join us."

I look inside the living unit. The chatter has subsided, and people are now casting curious glances at us. I've trained alongside these classmates for years, yet I've never bothered to get to know them. I hadn't really talked to Romero or Kim until our matches. There's no way anybody here would want to celebrate my new residency—especially when it's a fate stolen from their friend.

All these years, I've been so focused on my one goal, neglecting everything and everyone else. But that goal is useless to me now.

"No, I'm... I'm going back to my living unit," I mutter.

Morgan's face falls. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm tired. Um, you should stay though. And... keep celebrating."

"Okay, um..." They turn to their friends and then back to me. "I'll find you soon, okay?"

I squeeze out a smile. "Take your time." Then, I spin around and leave.

My decision is clear now. I know what I want to do.

Once I am back in my living unit, I put on Rea one last time and record a message. I place both Rea and the faded golden key back onto the table. Then, I return to the elevator.

My dream used to be going up, but now, I am more interested in going down.

***

End of Part I: The Selection