The Director sighed.

"Where was Tron's last whereabouts?"

He stood on the ceiling, staring up at the computer screen located technically below him but was actually up. Multiple agents sitting upside down in their office chairs on the ceiling tapped away at their keyboards, misspelling everything because of the awkward placement.

"Hokkaido, Japan." One male agent responded. "6353, Juan Tabo, Cave 6."

The Director confirmed the address, finding two separate locations. One in a small village called Nakatomamu, Japan, the other in Albuquerque, New Mexico. "And his vitals?"

"Uhh, I think he's dead, sir."

Suddenly, the Director widened his eyes and gasped. "Impossible! Agent Dunce is the main character! He's in the cover, title, synopsis, and the end banners! He's supposed to die in chapter 50. What chapter are we on?"

"Chapter 9, sir."

"Ludicrous! There must be a mistake, Tron can't die this early!"

The Director had a coffee mug that he threw upwards towards the ground above him. "I want a name and visual of his murderer. Track him down!"

As he said it, a kangaroo hopped beside him on the ceiling carrying a mop. It cleaned the coffee stains and removed the broken shards of glass.

"Director Cuntfield, we believe we have the name of the Pioneer who killed our top agent." One agent spoke, looking up at the Director who was actually below him but was upside down alongside him.

The agent pulled up hacked security camera footage from inside the Pioneer headquarters, showing Tron's murder. An AI scanner pulled the database on the guard who pulled the trigger.

"Name is Ben Dover, his brother who magnanimously died in a motorcycle explosion was named Han Dover. Ben is a Pioneer guard working for the big boss Ebony McJackson. Continued footage shows Tron being given to two lab associates. One Jax Hoff, and one Nova Gina."

Director Cuntfield scratched the side of his grey stubbled face. "Very perverted names. That's how you can tell this was written by a young man who's too horny but is single so he has to take it out on his books."

"I agree, I think every female reading this should date the author and have children with him." The agent said wisely.

"Unfortunately, there aren't any women reading this. Females prefer reading erotica instead. They like to imagine the action rather than watching porn, the maniacs. Or they'd rather read books with other female leads so they can feel empowerment."

"If there were any women reading this, I think you just offended them enough to stop reading, Director."

Director Cuntfield facepalmed. "We need to find a way to bring back the female audience so the author can finally get laid and stop writing perverted jokes and names!"

The agent nodded. "I've got it! We'll switch the chapter back to Nova cause she seems to be the only logical character women can relate to."

"Excellent idea, Agent Hugh Mungus!" The Director pointed down at him in approval, or was it up? "But first, let's progress the plot somehow to keep everyone, including both male and female readers engaged in the story!"

"Of course, we can't forget the action elements." Agent Hugh responded. "We'll send a team of top specialists to Japan and recover Tron's body. There will be lots of action, dueling, intensity and explosions."

The Director agreed. "Yes, recover Tron so we can introduce the readers to the bullshit plot device that will keep the story interesting... our secret project that I call, the 'Time Machine'. It's a machine capable of bringing the dead back to life. It does not travel through time. We're still working on the name."

Unfortunately, Agent Hugh couldn't react to that. He got bitten by a 10 ft long toxic spider. Then his body caught on fire and fell upwards to the ground that's actually above them but is still below them.

Cuntfield sighed in disappointment. Australia is a dangerous place to live in. Too many random spiders, wildfires and non-functional gravity. Even the kangaroo janitor got into a fight with another agent and kicked him through the floor below to fall into the sky.

He walked out of the main compound, entering a narrow futuristic-themed hallway. Turning towards one electronic door, he entered his credentials and stepped inside. This doorway led him into a far more spacious room, devoid of any light.

On the wall was a light switch. Upon turning it on, the massive room began illuminating. The sounds of 'chunk' after 'chunk' of light turning on echoed throughout the place. Director Cuntfield smiled as he witnessed the full scale of his invading force.

50,000 specially trained and armed agents, ready to be deployed on standby. Each one of them was dressed in a typical fancy black suit and wearing sunglasses.

It was a vast army of spies, ready to infiltrate the Pioneer headquarters and officially start a war.

Each spy shared Tron's strength and agility. Every single one of them was exactly like him, only differing in appearance.

Given they don't stupidly get shot in the head, this would be more than enough to eradicate the Pioneers. However, he was missing something.

Cuntfield reached for his cellphone, dialing a certain number. He waited a few seconds before there was an answer.

"Mystery person who I shall not name at this moment to keep the plot suspenseful; are you available?" The Director spoke first.

He or she sighed in response. "What's the mission?"

"Well, you remember Tron, right?"

"What does that asshole want now?" The mystery person immediately became annoyed upon hearing the agent's name.

Cuntfield continued. "He's dead."

There was a brief moment of silence on the phone, until the person on the other end spoke up. "About damn time."

"No! He wasn't supposed to die! Listen to me you random side-character and potential main antagonist; we need your assistance. Recover Tron's body so we can bring the main character back to life."

"And if I refuse?"

The Director cursed to himself. "This is very important, you can't back down now. Trust me there's a ton of named characters already for you to meet, you'll be famous."

"Not interested, comedy isn't my cup of tea to begin with."

"I know you've had your differences with Agent Tron in the past, but this is vital to our operation! We're talking about an upcoming war."

He/she or it scoffed. "It's not like you to start a war."

"I'm not starting it, I'm getting revenge."

"I say good riddance to Tron." They said. "If you want me to assassinate someone or obtain something valuable, just say so. But if it's about Tron, I could care less about him."

That's when the Director suddenly remembered it. "Yes of course! Never mind Tron, we can get him. But first, you'll need to clear a path. There are other objectives you must complete. There's some sort of Pioneer base in Japan I'll tell you more about in person. We'll need you to get rid of one Ebony McJackson and find a lethal capsule containing a virus."

"Ebony McJackson, you said?" The voice on the other end seemed to recognize the name. "What's the location?"

The Director raised an eyebrow. "I don't speak Japanese so I couldn't memorize the name. But yeah, it's someplace north of Japan in Hokkaido. Called Baka, Naka, Daka-Fucking-Dormammu I've come to bargain or something like that. It's a long name."

There was a long pause on the phone. Cuntfield was about to clear his throat to avoid the awkwardness when the other voice spoke first. "So let me get this straight. You sent Tron, the most reckless agent in the Division to infiltrate the Pioneers, assassinate Ebony of all people and secure a lethal virus to bring back here? You really thought he would get the job done?"

"I thought it'd be funny to see all the crazy things he'd do to get it done, I didn't think he'd just die on me halfway! What kind of writer kills his own lead character like that?"

A small period of silence ensued as no one dared speak. The Director breathed in several times to calm down until finally, he heard a reply from the other end.

"Tron is yours to deal with. As for the rest, I'm on my way."

"Good, but first, we must meet in person. You remember your way to base, right?"

The other person responded with a simple "mhmm."

"See you soon then." The Director ended the call, turning off his cellphone in the process.

Finally, now there's an actual plot developing!

I'm proud of you Director, thanks for making this story more interesting now.

"Of course, it's my pleasure mate." Cuntfield said happily to absolutely nobody.

He took one last glance at his army of agents before leaving.

I was gonna think of something cool to end this chapter with, like a one-liner that I usually do; but I don't know what to say. Uh...

Oh I've got it. Check this out for a cliffhanger.

Suddenly, Director Cuntfield stepped on a Lego brick and cried out in pain.

Oh the agony, or misery; or whatever term authors use.

Fuck you.