Twenty Three: 'Twas The Night Before Christmas

Suddenly, it was Christmas and all the hectic preparation, the stream of parties, carol services and other events were over. The weather was bitterly cold and there was snow every day but Hiccup was grateful that he wouldn't be travelling. Not that he had any family to travel to visit, since his parents were dead, he had no siblings and he and his Uncle were estranged, though he got on reasonably with Snotlout. However, he suspected his cousin wouldn't be the most relaxing of holiday guests-especially if Astrid was there.

There had been a flurry of activity with the release of Frozen II and Hiccup and Astrid had needed to visit the movie theatre three times to satisfy Hanna, as well as purchasing the soundtrack and spending an evening learning the words to the new songs. The movie had also prompted an extra special list being sent to Lord Odin and Santa Claus for Snoggletog and Christmas 'in case they didn't know about the new film," Hanna had whispered conspiratorially as they let the little folded paper go in the strong winds to carry it to the North Pole.

But Hiccup had faltered when it came to preparing for the big day-because Heather had loved Christmas and she had been the cook, the mother, the home-maker. He had been in a frenzy of present buying and had spent evenings wrapping them and hiding them under the tree. He had a turkey crown and some vegetables as well as a trifle-because Hanna didn't like Christmas Pudding ('Daddy-why is this food full of flies?')-but he had little idea of how he was going to cook it so she would eat it. But he was going to anyway because he couldn't ask Astrid to forego her Christmas with her family. She had been overseas for the previous three years and this was her first holiday home...but he knew he was going to miss her like crazy and the day would be very empty without Heather.

But he said nothing as they prepared for the big day, putting the final touches and lighting the Advent Candle for the final time. Hanna sat on the couch, her eyes round with wonder as the flames burned the last nub of candle down to the decorated plate. They had a small yak roast for tea-the traditional Berkian meal for Snoggletog-and Astrid had ensured they were all fed and happy, sitting in front of the television and watching some Disney Christmas film while she cleaned up and finished the Christmas trifle. And Hiccup felt his daughter snuggle into him, her eyes heavy as she forced herself to stay awake to the end. He kissed the top of your head.

"You tired, Princess?" he murmured.

"No," she said stubbornly. "I wanna see Santa. And the Reindeers. Especially Rudolf." He chuckled.

"You know that if you're awake, Santa can't come?" he asked her as she frowned.

"Why not?"

"Because Santa is magical and if you see him, the magic doesn't work," he told her seriously. "So he can only visit children who are asleep-meaning if you stay awake, there will be no presents, missy!" She looked upset.

"Mommy said Santa visited all good children," she argued as he sighed.

"She did-but staying awake and trying to see Santa isn't what a good child does," he replied gently. "Only bad children try to see Santa." Hanna chewed her lip and looked stubborn.

"But I wanted to see him," she said and then her eyes shone. "I wanted to ask him if he could bring me back a special present." Hiccup rested his hands gently on her shoulders.

"What present, Princess?" he asked her softly. She swallowed.

"Bring my Mommy back," she whispered, tears shining in her eyes. He felt his throat clog up with emotion at the little plea, the desperation of a small child who was clinging onto her last hope that she could regain the mother she loved by asking the most powerful, magical and trusted figure she knew. Fiercely, he wrapped her in a comforting hug, feeling her cuddle into his chest and her tears soaking his sweater. "Daddy-please can you ask him to bring my Mommy back?"

He closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry, Princess," he whispered. "I have already asked Lord Odin and Thor and everyone and no one can. I can pray to Santa as well...but he won't."

"Why?" Hanna asked softly.

"Because Mommy was so poorly that she couldn't stay," Astrid said from the doorway, her voice gentle. "If it was at all possible, she would have stayed. But it was her time. The Norns decreed it. So she is staying with Lord Odin, watching over you and waiting for you to join her after a long and happy life. Remember, you want lots of happy memories to tell her about when you finally see her?" Reluctantly, Hanna nodded.'

"But I thought Santa was so magical he could do anything," she mumbled. Astrid smiled kindly.

"Santa is very magical for Christmas things but he doesn't have any magic for other things," she explained. "He can travel round the whole entire world in one night and give lots and lots of presents for millions of children. He can fly through the sky in a sleigh pulled by reindeers! But he can't heal the sick or bring the dead back to life-even your Mommy-because his magic doesn't work like that." Hiccup sighed and took a shuddering breath.

"'kay..." Hanna mumbled into his chest, her voice reluctant. Hiccup nodded.

"Now...before you go to bed, do you want to help me put out the mince pie and drink for Santa and the carrot for Rudolf?" Astrid asked. The little girl looked up and nodded, her expression still serious.

"Yes please, Astrid," she murmured and pulled away from her father, scrambling down and taking her Nanny's hand. "Can we choose a nice big carrot for Rudolf in case he wants to share with the other reindeers?" Smiling, Astrid nodded.

"Okay...now can you remember the names of the other reindeer?" she asked. Hanna paused, thinking.

"Well, there's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen and Donna and Blitzen and Cupid and..." she said as they vanished into the kitchen. Hiccup took a shuddering breath and swiped his eyes. His chest felt empty, his body cold as he stared at the image of Heather, feeling her loss so keenly-and feeling like an utter failure. He couldn't even comfort his child and had needed Astrid to step in, to rescue him from his own misery. Wracked with misery and self-loathing for his own selfish indulgence of his grief when he should be supporting Hanna and making her feel happy, he gently touched Heather's image.

"I'm sorry, my love," he murmured. "I'm just missing you so much. But I promise...that she won't have any less happy a Christmas for that. No matter what, she'll have a great day." But for himself, the pain of the upcoming day was far worse than he had felt for months, the absence so much painful-he had no idea how he could move forward when he felt so bereft.

Standing up, he took another shuddering breath and forced himself to walk into the kitchen, smiling as he saw Hanna carefully writing a note for Santa.

"...LOVE...HANNA..." she said as she wrote the letters carefully, her tongue sticking out. Then they moved the tray with the letter, a small glass of mead, a beautiful mince pie on a plate and a washed and scrubbed carrot to sit by the fireplace, so Santa could see it when he came down the chimney.

"Okay-bedtime," Astrid murmured. "One short story only, Missy! Do you want me or Daddy to read your story?"

"You!" Hanna said immediately. "You do better voices!" Azure eyes flicked up-to see Hiccup looking relieved and he nodded.

"It's true," he commented. "Your voices are so much better than mine!" Then he dropped to his knees and Hanna ran into his arms. "Goodnight, Princess. Sleep well!"

oOo

"She's asleep," Astrid announced quietly as she returned to the living room, finding Hiccup sitting staring absently at the fire. She handed him a cup of coffee and he looked up, smiling his thanks.

"Is she okay?" he asked hoarsely and she nodded, sitting at the other end of the couch.

"Ten minutes of story and she was asleep," she reassured him, sipping her own coffee. "I heard." He looked up guiltily.

"I think it's getting better-and then she breaks me like that," he sighed.

"She's fine," Astrid reassured her. "Kids are very resilient. But it was natural for her to hope, to think that Santa could bring her the best present ever."

"I'd already asked, though I know it won't happen," he sighed and stared at the flames. "I'll be fine. Best face on, happy Christmas all round, no need to worry..."

"Of course I worry," Astrid told him softly. "You're my friend as well as my boss and I wish I could do something to make things better. But I know these things have to take their course. You will grieve at your own pace and in your own time...until you finally reach a place where you can go on." She smiled again. "And I am here for you, as long as you need me..."

"Thanks," he sighed. "So you're heading to your family tomorrow?"

"I think my Mom is roasting an entire yak-and the whole family will be round," Astrid confessed, sounding less than enthusiastic. "The whole Hofferson Clan. And every single one of them will be expecting me to have a boyfriend and be wanting to 'get a proper job'." She sighed.

"You mean you're not doing a proper job?" Hiccup asked her in a teasing voice. She sipped her coffee and smiled.

"I'm doing a very proper job of being a Nanny," she told him tartly-and then she sighed. "No-the Hofferson Clan would consider working as a secretary in Uncle Garston's typing pool as a proper job! Instead of playing with Hanna which clearly isn't real work..."

"Damn," Hiccup chuckled. "I must be paying you too much..." Astrid glared at him.

"And then every time I phone Mom, she tells me about some other member of the male species that she thinks would be perfect for me," she huffed. "The last one she suggested was Aunt Floribunda's plumber, Gudjon. The same plumber that Aunt Foribunda has complained about to me about being lazy, lecherous and completely self-absorbed. I would kill him within five minutes!"

"I don't doubt that," he soothed her. "And you can always come back here and hide with Hanna and I...though you may need to assume an Olaf disguise to throw them off the scent..."

"At least you didn't suggest Sven," Astrid quipped as he eyed her up and down.

"I don't know, I could really see you as a reindeer..." he began as she grabbed and threw a cushion at him. He parried but felt his face stretch in a smile. He had noticed ever since she arrived that she had this effect on him: when he was feeling down, she was able to lift his spirits and remind him that there was something worth going on for.

"Actually, I was looking forward to being Rudolf," she told him and gestured to the little tray by the fire. "You wanna be Santa?" He stared at her and then he sighed.

"Heather always used to be Santa," he told her, for once not feeling pain at her mention. "She used to race in and eat the mince pie. I always got the carrot!"

"To be honest, I prefer the carrot," she told him honestly. "Not a huge fan of mincemeat. I'm with Hanna about the 'flies'!" Hiccup chuckled.

"I guess I may be closer to the 'Santa' demographic," he smiled, rubbing his stubble. She pouted, her eyes twinkling.

"And Santa can't be a woman?" she asked his dryly, rising to grab the carrot and take a bite. "Mmm..."

"Well, Santa is traditionally portrayed as an older chap rather than a beautiful and sexy woman," he sassed back. "Though I defer to your beard-growing abilities..." She tossed the mince pie over to him and he caught it deftly. Smiling, he took a bite and hummed. "And this is excellent," he murmured. "Definitely some of your best work. Pastry is delicious, the mincemeat..." He sighed. "This is wonderful." Pointedly, she chewed her carrot.

"What's up, Hiccup?" she replied, mimicking Bugs Bunny. He burst out laughing, then slapped his hand over his mouth. "Don't worry-she's out like a light," she reassured him, moving to the doorway and listening. "Complete silence," she murmured.

"Do you want the mead?" Hiccup asked, eyeing the little glass with distaste. They had bought a very small bottle so that they could supply Santa on his journey but Hiccup hated the stuff. His father and Gobber had quaffed the stuff by the gallon at every possible family occasion but Hiccup had the alcohol tolerance of a gnat and rarely drank. Astrid smirked.

"You wanted to be Santa," she reminded him, crunching her carrot pointedly. "Most people in Berk would kill for the mead."

"I'm not most people," Hiccup confessed, sighing. "I mean, I know all this raw Vikingness may fool you but in reality, I'm a lightweight. My Dad was the mead drinker-and Gobber, of course." He grimaced and downed the mead in one swallow, grimacing again as he swallowed.

"Not keen on mead myself-but then I barely drank at all while I was a professional and never really got the taste for it," Astrid confessed, taking the glass and putting it back on the tray, along with some crumbs and half the carrot. "That was a good carrot." Then she looked into Hiccup's eyes and smiled. "It's all going to be fine, Hiccup,' she reassured him. "No matter what, I am here for you and Hanna." He reached out and grasped her hand with a small smile.

"Thank you," he said sincerely, staring into her azure eyes. "That means more than you can believe to me." She gave his hand a squeeze and smiled.

"Whatever you need, I'm here,' she said and then turned to the door. "Now let's get these parcels out ready for Hanna when she wakes..."