The next day started early. Davis returned to the room and took Tati, Mareno, and Lillian out to search for jobs that they may be interested in and well-suited to. The rest of the group was left in the room to their own devices, although they had permission from Davis to wander where permitted. Felicity and Zephyr stepped out and walked down to the hospice room, where Kiui and Huan still were. They spoke for a short while, then walked out and down the hallway where they hadn't been before. Nothing interesting seemed to be there, besides a few Personnell Only doors with the stink of minerals like sulfur, so they walked back down the cave in the other direction in hopes of going outside. They both agreed that the cold, fresh air would be good for them. The hallway was long, though, and the two conversed casually as they walked.

Unexpectedly, continuing their conversation from the night before, Felicity asked, "Does Tati like me?"

"Why are you suddenly so concerned about her?"

"Oh, I'm not sure," Felicity actually felt flushed or red in the face at the question; undoubtedly, her experience being coddled by Tatiana had changed her perception of the girl, and she was eager to learn more. She was also feeling down with the concept of someone hating her; she yearned to gain the respect of Tati. Zephyr was her brother and knew a lot about her, and so of course Felicity would ask him.

"Want honesty?"

"Always."

"Tati likes you okay. She's just cold-hearted. She doesn't really act like she likes anybody."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm not sure why I expected anything to change."

"You could just ask her yourself. She might be willing to listen."

"It's Tati we're talking about."

He chuckled, "Well, fair. But you don't know her like I do. She can be gentle if she likes you. You could at least ask."

"I guess. It sounds stupid to me, but you're never wrong."

He laughed, "I don't know about all that."

And she laughed, too, "Got a perfect track record."

He shrugged half-sarcastically, "Fair enough."

"That's something I like about you, actually," Felicity continued. "I can always trust you. Even if you were wrong, you'd always tell me what you believe to be true, even if it's hurtful, you'd always be honest with me... Right?"

"If it's hurtful I'd be hesitant, but if that's what you want..."

"That is what I want. Honesty is important to me, you know? I tell you everything. You're so much older than me and more experienced, I look up to you for advice."

"I don't think you have to. You're pretty mature on your own, Felicity... Even if you do look like you're 10." He made a pretend disgusted face.

"Hey! Rude!"

"Really though, how old are you? Like.. 11?"

She smacked him on the arm playfully, "No... I'm 14... I think... I haven't been keeping track of the days."

"Yeah. Actually, I mean what I said. Don't grow up too fast, though, Felicity... Especially now that we can relax. But it's impressive how you rose to the task once out on the water. You've helped us in a lot of ways."

With buzzing glee, she smiled proudly, "Why, thank you, Zephyr."

"Anytime... When's your birthday?"

"Late winter, December 12. Yours was early spring, right?"

"Yep... It's weird to be 18 for so long... I feel much younger. Feel more like your age, you know?"

"Well... You are a little immature," she joked.

"Uh-huh." And he laughed gently, too. When he laughed, all of his imperfect teeth showed, his cheeks lifted fully, a dazzling brown under the white sunlight, and his eyes crinkled harshly at the corners, narrowing so they appeared closed. His wide nose flared out as he laughed. His laugh could make others feel at ease, and made him easy to love and trust. Felicity felt a sudden pang of emotion for him, and also wondered if this is what Tati looked like when she smiled, too. Their faces were remarkably similar in shape and size, soft at the edges and warm and welcoming. Tatiana's expression, though, was vastly different from Zephyr's. Zephyr's eyes were always open completely, wide and twinkling, the threat of a smile always on his face, his cheeks always raised in welcome, comfort, and glee. His sister kept her eyes low to the ground, giving a narrowed, aggressive look, and Felicity was uncertain that she'd ever seen her smile without it being sarcastic or passive-aggressive.

The outdoor air hit the two gradually as there was no block or door in the entrance of the mine. It wasn't much colder than the cave's air, about 50-60 degrees Fahrenheit, but the wind was relentless and sharp. The wind hit Felicity's legs, sparking a shiver as it ran through her clothes as if they weren't there.

Zephyr wrapped his arms around himself, giving a comical, "Brr!" And Felicity laughed. The light that ran down the hallway from the entrance was white. The sky was white, clouded but white and bright and cold. Felicity could see browned leaves drifting from the trees at the top of the hills down to the water where they rested on the dark, reflective, moving surface.

"It's pretty, isn't it?" Zephyr said, following her gaze to the shimmering, contrasted water, and then side-eyeing her with tenderness.

"Yeah, but I'd rather it be warm."

"Amen to that."

Felicity's eyes drifted to the edge of the roaring flooded river, where some adults stood, fishing poles in hand, wearing warm, thick overalls and rainboots to stand in the water some ways.

And she suggested, "Want to go talk to them? Despite the cold, with those winter clothes I wouldn't mind being a fisher."

"Yeah, that sounds good. Let's go down there." The way down was steep and crumbly, so the two decided to board the large unused elevator platform. Zephyr took Felicity's hand to help her up into it, then pressed one of the two buttons available to make their way down to the riverbed. There, he helped her off of the platform just as politely, and she thanked him with a warm smile, stepping onto the rocky, muddy shore. They wandered up to one of the fisherwoman, who seemed a bit bored yet eyed the water with interest.

Felicity spoke first just as she tended to do now, a slight rattle to her voice due to the cold, "Excuse me."

"Oh, hey hon. What's up? You new?"

"Yup, both are. We're just checking things out today. Job searching, I guess... You like fishing? Is it hard?"

"I love fishing," she laughed, a bright, older smile, "It's calming, you know? Watching the water. Boring at times, of course, but it helps to know that food is essential for building our society. Its also interesting biologically, because we have no idea what animals floated down here from the floods, everything being connected now. Its fresh water, not brackish, but it turns brackish at the entrance of the valley with a sharp line. We're getting trout, salmon, cod... we're getting fish we don't normally see here this time of year, and some types we can't even identify. Not to mention all the fish farms are open-range now," and then she laughed again. Her laugh was bright and genuine but hoarse with age and from clear abuse to her lungs. Still, she felt calming to Felicity, and Felciity listened to her, highly interested in learning about the new environment of the new world.

Felicity and the woman conversed for a while, making theories about the new ecosystem and how things would evolve, talking about fishing and water. Zephyr joined the conversation to talk about fishing, water currents, and what he knew about boats. From there, the older woman excitedly suggested he see the sailors, talking on and on about how important it was they utilised new drivers. He mentioned Tati, and the woman suggested that they both find a job as a sailor. He asked about fuel, and she said they had hefty reserves and were working on mining to produce more. She said that fuel goes bad fairly quickly, however, and so that is why it was so important to have sailors to drive the boats to explore, collect goods, search, map, and learn while the fuel could still power them.Felicity and Zephyr both thanked her and then walked along the moving shore to where the docked boats and a few other persons stood.

Zephyr led the conversation this time, Felicity less interested and instead sitting at the edge of the dock, feet hanging close to the water, watching out as birds cirvled, as water rushed, as fish glimmered beneath the surface and as the high trees swayed in the wind and shed their dying leaves. Zephyr stood and talked to the boat drivers and managers for a while. Felicity understood little about the mechanical and driving aspects they talked about, but she listened intently to them behind her irregardless as Zephyr's excited and optimistic voice soothed her and interested her. They spent about half an hour this way, Zephyr talking and Felicity listening as she admired the cold and changing scenery, the new ecosystem to this new world. Then, Zephyr thanked the persons he talked to, promising to talk to Davis about getting a job with them as they said he seemed intelligent and wanted him on board. He then walked over to where Felicity sat at the edge of the dock, sitting beside her to watch the water and explain to her about how excited he was about the job and why. She felt joy for him, bright, hopeful joy, but also a slight pang of sadness as if she missed him, or as if she would miss him once he started working, especially since it would likely be a different profession than what she would do. She explained this, and he calmly said that they would still get plenty of time together.

Felicity's mind hyperfocused on this, on the fear of being alone and without him, and with watery eyes she said shakily, "But what about when we all get new houses?"

And with confidence, he promised, "I'll stay with you, live with you. I'm not leaving you, and our works will be close to each other even if they are different." He took her cold thin hands, looking at her with warmth and ease and confidence, soothing her, "I promise, Felicity, I'm not going anywhere." And she sighed with a relief, leaning against him. He wrapped a warming arm around her and held her as they watched the water in tranquil silence. Felicity wasn't sure of when, but there with his warmth in the cold, she fell asleep quickly, and only awoke mid-afternoon as he carried her bridal-style onto the elevator platform.

Her eyes fluttered open drowsily, and with a slur of her words, she breathed, "Where are we?"

He held her close against him as he leaned and used a free finger to push the up button on the platform, "We're on the elevator. It's time for lunch."

"Where?" Her voice was quiet and sleepy, and she made no attempt to stand, so he continued to hold her.

"Up in the cave, in our room. Davis is bringing us each a meal. We all get the same thing. Fish and canned sweet carrots tonight."

"Sounds amazing," she murmured.

"It does, will be the first fresh meal we've had in a while. I'm excited." The elevator took a stop at the cave entrance, and he tenderly stepped onto the ground and into the cave where the wind was blocked but the sun was shadowed. Zephyr carefully carried her all the way to the room. Nobody else was there yet, so he glanced down the hallway to see if they were close. No sign of them. He walked back around and gently laid Felicity on the floor in a pile of comforters and pillows, saying, "It seems like we're early. I'll close the door so the torches make it warmer in here, okay?"

"Okay... thank you..." she curled up on the plush blankets, pulling one over her. Zephyr quietly clicked the door shut, then walked over and laid down beside the sleepy Felicity.

"You want to be a fisher?"

"Yeah, it sounds relaxing..."

"I'll be a sailor for as long as the fuel lasts, as long as we can get more. I'm excited."

"I'm excited for you, too. You'll really love that."

"Yeah, I will. I'm sure you'll love fishing and learning about the water. Maybe sometimes you can come with me."

"I'd like that," she inched closer to him, head in his lap, and he ran a hand through her hair. Felicity was struck at the sensation, reminding her of when Tati had done the same.

"Felicity, are you going back to sleep while we wait for the others to arrive? They said about noon... should be here soon."

"No, but I'll relax."

"Okay... Anything to talk about, let me know."

"Okay." She glanced up to meet his gaze, feeling comfortable with him just as she always had. The two always felt safe together, and Felicity was convinced that they were destined to meet each other. The entire floods could have happened just to bring the two of them together, and she would be cruelly okay with that.

He was thinking about her at the time, too, though in a mildly different manner, and asked with the strong suit of middle-school humour, "Felicity, you ever kissed anybody before?"

And she laughed, finding the question ridiculous, "No, no. I never got close with anybody like that, you know? A few crushes, but it was never reciprocated. I was so focused on trying to survive in my abusive family that nothing ever went anywhere."

"That makes sense."

"You like kissing people?"

And he laughed, too, "Yeah, yeah, I'd say so. It's intimate and warm, you know? Comforting, like hugs, but obviously more romantic."

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

Then, hesitantly, and with an edge of identifiable nervousness, he asked softly, "You want to try to?" Felicity was curious and intrigued in a childish manner, and so she sat up with a quizzical and cheeky look, hiding a smile, and he was holding back a dumb laugh, too. And then they both laughed out loud at his ridiculous question, though both intrigued by it in an immature way, in the same way two kids try and fail at a kiss just for the heck of it, just because, and not for romantic nor otherwise reasonings.

Felicity, rather promptly, sat up with a humorous air of excitement, saying, "Okay, let's try it. Right here, right now."

He laughed, "You don't have to."

"No, no, I wanna. I don't trust anyone more than I trust you. Plus, I wanna try it. Everyone else had their first kisses in the third grade."

He laughed at this, "Okay, okay. Lean forward." Practically in his lap, she did so, leaning forward, and softly closing her eyes as if in preparation. Then, to her squealing delight, Zephyr placed a peck on her cheek. She giggled, feeling like a middle schooler again, and then relaxing beside him. He was smiling, too, then he said, "I lied earlier. You're so immature!"

And she laughed, "Uh-huh, like you aren't."

"Oh, no, I'm an adult you know. I'm the maturest of the mature."

"Sure, sure, not what you said earlier." And they both laughed again.

Finally, the two's conversation was interrupted by Tati's appearance, a pale, stricken look creased across her face as she swung open the door to barge in.

Immediately from Zephyr, "What's wrong?"

"Huan and Davis are fighting... It's Marina." Zephyr helped Felicity up, who had begun to soak in Tatiana's fear and mimic her sharp, worried expression.

"What's wrong with Marina?" Felicity asked, panic in her voice, Tati leading them out of the door and speed-walking down the makeshift hallway. "You went to job-search... How is she involved?"

"She's not doing well, and the doctor is suggesting we put her down."

"She's not a fucking dog," Zephyr spat, and Felicity eyed him. She had never seen him so angry before. She had never seen Tatiana so scared. She had never seen them in each other's shoes before. It was terrifying, as if they had swapped places. Felicity ached with the knowing that something important was happening out of reach to her. With their quick pace, they reached the room that held Marina fairly quickly. Zephyr swung open the door with force, not bothering to stop and listen to the clear ruckus of shouting inside. He was much less cautious than Felicity would have been; Felicity, however, was driven by relentless fear, curiousity, and the selfish desire to be perceived as good-hearted; Zephyr, being truly good-hearted, was driven by pure, agonising rage in the protection of a loved one. He stormed into the room, dragging a hurricane forcefield of emotion behind him, enough to make everyone in the room stop arguing and only turn to look at him in tense, stunned silence. Zephyr was trembling physically, his strict shoulders rising and falling at a quickened pace, his arms straight and tense at his sides, fists balled at his hips.

Despite the overwhelming anger in him, he stayed cool and collected, slowly turning to Davis with cold, slanted eyes, saying, "You will do whatever it takes to save her, understand?"

"Now," Davis started with a calm, gentle approach, trying to keep the horse from rearing and bucking, "Now, we have to consider- we have to consider that we have limited resources, unfortunately, we cannot save everybody that comes in, we have to ration the medicines-" Though his words were strung together tightly with no spaces in between, quick and panicked and desperate.

Zephyr spat louder now as if they hadn't heard him before, "Do you understand?"

"But-"

"If we have lost our humanity, then what is the point of continuing?" Zephyr growled, "You will do everything you can to save her. We can find more medicines or make more." Felicity knew this feeling all too well. She gently walked towards Zephyr, wrapping her arms around one of his like a child feeling ill clinging to a parent. She was solemn. Marina could not offer them enough to be worth being saved. She would be crippled forever. She was worthless to the whole now. Felicity considered being in her position, and she also considered how the group would perceive her if she could bring a miracle to them.

Felicity lifted her head and said, "Save Marina instead of me."

Davis, "What?"

"You save Marina now, you do whatever it takes. When I come back ill or with injury, don't medicate me, don't try to save me. Use anything that you would use for me for her now instead." Davis and the nurse glanced at each other with curiousity.

"Felicity, no," Zephyr said.

"I'll just be careful," she said, "I won't get hurt, it's okay."

Tatiana, fear overcome with her familiar anger now, pushed to the front of the crowd and hissed, "No, this is ridiculous. Why?"

"Marina has more worth than I do," Felicity said with confidence, "I've never had anything to offer any of you, so now, I'm offering this."

"No," Zephyr said, "How can you say that? That isn't true. You've offered us so much."

"I haven't," Felicity said, "I haven't offered anything."

"You've offered us you, you've joined our group, we care about you and you care about us, that is enough, Felicity, you are enough!" Zephyr seemed desperate now as the rest of the group stood silent. It was a loosing battle, and the nurse had accepted Felicity's offer without saying it out loud. Felicity had not offered herself out of selflessness, nor love, nor pity, but out of pure self-disgust, out of a strong need to be accepted and loved and validated by others. She secretly hoped that she would die, for that is what she seemed to deserve.

Felicity had pondered over her entanglement of desires and feelings for as long as she could remember, but with the dire circumstances they had began to come to light in the form of decisions. She had helped the group and she had saved others. Right from the very beginning she was a rescuer and a hero. She fought crocodiles, she fished, she dove underwater twice for supplies to the benefit of the whole. Still, it was never enough. She needed to give her life for somebody before she could believe that she was worthy of the respect and affection of others. Felicity was never selfless, never caring for strangers; but now, she did so without hesitation in an effort to get in the good graces of those around her, in an effort to bring something to the table and be wanted, cared for, and loved. She tried to be perfect never for herself but for others in an effort to make herself feel better. It was really quite the entanglement of selfishness vs selflessness; she was kind to others (selfless) in order to make herself feel better (selfish). In this sense, it was all very confusing. Felicity could not deny that she was not a good-hearted person; but her actions seemed to prove to others that she was, and in this moment, that confused her.

It seemed to play in her mind on repeat, am I a good person, and do I deserve love? But nobody, not even oneself can answer such a black and white question. It assumes things like good and evil have placement in the world. The world is grey; not a mix of black and white, not a mix of good and evil nor yin and yang, but a blending of the two, a product of the two, something not evil and not good entirely. The combination of two colours does not produce the two colours but mixed; it produces a third, unique colour. Two parents do not produce a mix, but they produce a new identity, a new entity entirely. The world was of this. Good and evil were morally and perspectively influenced with no definitions set in stone. Labels such as bad and good were out of date, especially when living in such a foreign, flooded earth. Felicity couldn't place that she was neither good nor bad; she could only place that everyone around her seemed to be good, and that she could not see herself in that same light. She wondered if she appeared hideous in the light of the sun, if her smile made others cringe, and if she could ever be cast a loving gaze.

It was her parents that has instilled this permanent infliction upon her; their taunts, their words, their coldness dragging her like stone and pummeling into her. She would never, ever believe that she was good enough to be loved, and once there, she could only kill herself with the guilt.

Truth is, Felicity had grown to enjoy the company of her little, odd group. She found herself feeling things for them that she had never known before, feelings that had never been able to make themselves found past all of the fear and resentment. She found herself deeply in love with everyone she met, with the lady who was fishing, with the nurse struggling to save Marina's life, with Tatiana and all of her anger, and Kiui and all of her stupid but cute moments. She found herself falling in love with the new world itself: the water as it rippled and reflected light, the people that grew out of anxiety-ridden individuals from before the floods began. The floods, really, had proposed a new beginning to everyone on Earth. Those incapable and unwilling died; those surviving blossomed. Felicity had shed her insignificant shell and become an extroverted, hard-working individual. She had become someone new entirely, but now, as society reclaimed its rightful place and began to rebuild, her new person, her better, more real person, was threatened to wilt. And she did so, the powerful emotions sweeping her from her feet and causing her to crash to the floor on her knees with an aching, burning sob. She had always intended to give her life to somebody, to lay down and die for somebody. But that would not be giving a life; it would be giving a death, and for her, a selfish one at that, as if dying for someone else could cure her low self-esteem. But then, she gave her life for the group that consoled her. She gave her life for Marina, she gave her living, breathing self to their needs. She would forget herself in the process, just as she had already begun to do so. With her fake perceived perfect personality, with her express and desire to care and help others in exchange for their kind words, validation, and companionship, she had lost herself. Felicity focused heavily on her outward actions and how others perceived her, and whether or not she was liked. Everything else was drowned out.

Her favourite colour was blue. The kind of blue that was pale and silvery, it edged clouds and gleamed off of the surface of ocean water when white sunlight hit it. It was the blue in pastel China, in skies crying with rain, in ice cubes against a blue-grey backdrop. Zephyr helped her to her feet, comforting her, thanking her, showering her with validation that ran in that same sorrowful blue. He helped her to their room, and the group followed as the conflict seemed resolved and came to a close, the curtains dropping.

Her favourite song was called Ultimately. It was slow with a reverb, lo-fi beat, delicate stringed instruments and chimes and bird twitters in the background. The lyrics were soft and gentle, speaking of love, of last chances, of trees that blossomed pink by riverbeds.

Zephyr sat her down in the room and Tati, who had taken over her twin's faded rage, began to shout, "Felicity, how could you do that?" This shocked Felicity beyond belief, and she crumpled under the weight of their expectations, under the weight of their perceived hate, as if all she had worked so hard to prove to them had been undone with a single scolding. "Felicity, how could you? What happens next time someone gets hurt, huh? We barter with our fucking lives, now? Is that it? Who else are you all willing to lose!?"

Felicity's favourite type of clothing were actually dresses. She loved the idealised cottagecore life, with mushrooms, finely trimmed white lace, and that elegant victorian, fairy-tale blue. And of course, a handful of calico cats to accompany her.

Huan shouted now, "We aren't losing Marina! We aren't losing anybody! Felicity made her choice for us, she saved Marina's life! How can you be mad?! Felicity likely won't even get hurt- how are you mad? You never gave a damn for her, how are you mad?"

"I'm mad, I'm mad we didn't stand up more!"

"You weren't standing up! You're all talk but once there you made your brother save you, you gave him your voice and he could do what you never could!"

"I am just as good as my brother!" Felicity recognised the trembling defiance in her tone, and in fact, it resonated within her. She struggled to compete, as well.

"Yeah, that's why you wanted him to die, right? Not because you felt threatened by his leadership? You are so focused on fighting back against this place that has offered us so much; you can't stand to be out of control, you can't stand to work under authority, so just leave! Leave already! From the very beginning, you've done nothing but control us! Zephyr has guided us!" Zephyr seemed shocked and hurt equal amounts by his words.

Felicity turned to him, ignoring her own issues as per usual, holding him on the cold floor, saying, "It's okay. It's okay. I've got you. She didn't mean it, you know. She just gets angry."

Felicity's favourite game to play was Payday. It was simple and short, so she could go to bed early on nights that they played it. Her siblings always enjoyed it as well, and seeing the look on their faces when playing meant a lot to Felicity. Felicity suggested they play the game; seeing her suggestion approved by family held a lot of weight. It felt validating, and she craved that feeling. Her family used to have game nights once a week. After Felicity came out about her sexual identity, she was no longer allowed to play with them. She went to bed early every night. The hate from her family began long before that, though. Felicity would never conform to them, never be perfect for them, never wear what they wanted her to wear, never like the people they wanted her to like. She desperately wanted them to like her, and eventually had to give up who she was for it, just as she had done so, and unnecessarily, for her found family.

Tati reared back as if she was going to punch Huan, but was stopped, oddly, by herself. She froze, panting, then took a deep breath or two. Her face was still creased with anger, but she was stiffly controlling it this time. She turned and leaned down to face Zephyr, and then said something that nobody had ever expected her to say.

"I'm sorry."