Chapter Twenty-Two | Top & Bottom

                     The leaves beneath my feet crunch audibly, the wind that blows past me tickles my skin leaving goosebumps in its wake, the sound of animals cause my ears to perk up as I take in the sounds and allow my eyes to roam around the empty and bare woods that I walk through. Sliding the sleeves up on my navy blue hoodie, I stuff my hands into the pockets of my black jogger shorts and take in the earthy smell. I stop walking and crane my head back to look at the two people who I was stuck patrolling the territory with.

"Wasn't Kaylee supposed to be with us as well?" I ask the two boys who are crouched in front of a tree, guzzling down an entire thirty ounce water bottle.

Hunter stops drinking the water, water trickles down his chin as he wipes at his chin with his arm and looks up at me from where he sits. "She was but Alpha Killian set her up to patrol with Archer, Aiden, and Xavier along the west side instead."

Of course she's patrolling with Archer right now except rather than actually patrolling I have the feeling — and it's totally just a hunch — that they are doing everything but patrolling the west side of the territory. How did I know? It's Archer and Kaylee that were talking about right now for fucks sake.

They could keep their hands off each other, most of that I attribute to Archer who was like a parasite. I don't what it is with me and comparing thing to a parasite but it was the best analogy I could come up with. I didn't dislike Archer or anything, she just had a bold ass personality that was so contrasting with Kaylee's personality so sometimes I wondered how the hell the two of them even work out.

Is there relationship just built on the physical or is there something deeper between the two of them? Not like I cared all that much, I just didn't want my poor sister to be wrapped with Archer solely because of the mate bond. The two of them didn't even get along before they found out that they were mates.

The outspoken Archer used to rub Kaylee the wrong way as she'd be reckless out her mouth, saying shit that would always annoy Kaylee. Archers way of thinking didn't mirror my sisters so it really made me think that this mate bond shit is really just some kind of magic. When you think about it, that's what it feels like.

I lean my back against the tree I stand in front of and look up at the cloudy skies above me.

Would it be so far fetched to believe that mate bonds were just magical spells that the Moon Goddess casted on all us from birth? Spells that would make us suddenly attracted to the opposite sex, spells that would make us gravitate towards people we would've never even given a double look to, spells that would attach our souls to another wolf like handcuffs being bonded to an inmate who was going to face his impenetrable demise.

A demise he has no control over, cannot stop, cannot change, and cannot run away from. But isn't that what fate is? It's our fate to wound up with certain people, some we would've never expected, and develop something with them that we would've done before if not for the mate bond.

An optimist would tell me that that's a good thing. What was wrong with being mated with someone you least expect? That's the fun of being mated to someone, where the thrill and joy comes from. You wouldn't originally go for certain kinds of people, but being fated to be together with said person you originally had interest in made it ... spicy.

It makes you think outside of the box and maybe even realize that the people you used to go for are not actually meant for you at all. The Moon Goddess is doing us all a favor by playing matchmaker for us. For helping us to save time by dating around only to eventually pick the wrong person time and time again.

Mates are definite.

There are no mistakes with mates, they're that perfect person for you. We should all get on our damn knees and thank the Moon Goddess for blessing us with this priceless gift.

I'd sooner stab my eyeballs out.

I hate to take on the role of a pessimist — though it looks so damn good on me and I wore it confidently like a well tailored suit — but there was just so much that was wrong with mates and mate bonds.

Instead of being able to freely chose who the hell we want to be with, we're stuck with someone who our souls were tied to since fucking birth. No consent. No Moon Goddess popping up in our dreams to say, 'hey, I just binded your soul together with insert random person names, just to let you know. That cool with you?' No ability to change or alert what has been done in anyway. Nothing. We're stuck.

How can mate bonds and mates that are together right this minute and who are desperately wanting and fighting to be together even the least bit genuine? Where the hell is genuineness in being with someone solely because the mate bond urges you to do so. It's so hard for me to believe that any of it was real. That any of it is coming from the pure desire and will of the human parts of us. I can't be the only one who thinks like this, I can't be the only one who finds it hard to understand I'm supposed to just accept something like this.

How am I supposed to accept a fucking Moon angel determining who the hell I should be with without even knowing me or considering what I would want.

I sigh aloud as I rub a hand down my face.

I feel like I'm always internally ranting about my disdain for mate bonds, so much so that it's just become redundant. It feels repetitive even for me, I don't know why I was ranting about it yet again. Oh wait, yes I do. It's because I have to remind myself to remain strong, I'm wavering too much right now and I have no one else to blame but Xander King for it.

When I came here I was so sure of myself, I was so confident that I'd be able to reject him and that would be it. I thought that he'd be okay with it considering the fact that he enjoyed being with women, chasing them, sleeping with them. I tried to ignore the way my heart clenched painfully at that. Somehow, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Xander didn't just say 'hell yeah, reject the shit out of me right now so I can continue to do whatever the hell I wanna do!' nor did he feel like I was doing him a favor by even suggesting it. No, that's not how it went at all. Xander was hurt.

In that moment, it had felt like I shot a bullet right through his heart and left him bleeding out on the floor. The way he looked at me, the pain in that expression of his is one that I will never forget. Maybe I was truly just an idiot as everyone kept telling me — thanks Kaylee and Gnashton — or just desperate to not have to deal with what would happen if someone like me and Xander were mates. We were good friends, but mates? That was territory that I'm too scared to embark on. Uncharted, unfamiliar, unrealistic. I wasn't able to imagine it at all...until last night.

That's why I'm freaking out twenty-four seven as I desperately try to constantly remind myself of why I started to run away from him in the first place. Of why I fled three years ago just to avoid having to be mates with him. Of why I even made the decision to try and reject him. Of why we absolutely do not mix together well romantically.

We're like water and oil, an even worse combination than Archer and Kaylee, an even more chaotic combination than gasoline and fire, an unstable mess that would result in so much turmoil.

I slam the back of my head repeatedly against the tree, the sounds of Hunter and Gnashton conversation drifting into my ears but it was incoherent background noise.

That's what I thought, I thought it would be horrible to even think about looking at my best friend in that way, to be drawn to him. I was so wrong that it physically hurt. The harder I tried to run away from him, the more I just end up being led to him anyway. It was like I was running in complete circles, each time Xander would be at the finish line time and time again. I couldn't escape it.

A rock is thrown at my head, felt more like a damn boulder though. I rub the side of my head, that shit really hurt and it didn't take Albert E. nor did it take rocket science — I wasn't good at that either — to figure out which asshole did it.

"Are you going to continue dazing off into a Lala land called, 'Xander' or are you going to follow us back to the pack house?" Gnashton asked, grunting as he stood up.

"I was not thinking about Xander." I deny.

Hunter has disbelief written all over his face but he doesn't say anything, he just stands and begins to crack the bones on his arms and neck. Gnashton on the other hand makes it known that he doesn't believe me. He allows a sarcastic chuckle to fall past those lips of his that only spewed venom, his words always laced with shit that would either annoy or irritate the shit out of me.

"Yeah?" He cracks his neck. "And I'm actually just wearing platforms inside my shoes to make me taller."

"Suddenly everything makes sense." I mock gasp. "I could've guessed."

Gnashton smiles at me, a smile that was the fakest I've ever seen. "I thought we were bullshitting each other right now. Kind of like how you bullshitted yourself into believe that you'd be a top between you and Xander."

Flabbergasted and livid that he'd even insinuate that I'd be a fucking bottom, I march after him as Hunter and Gnashton have turned around and began to start walking in the direction of the pack house. I jog up until I'm in front of him. Walking backwards, I glare at him.

"Are you trying to say that I'd be a bottom?" I arch an eyebrow.

Gnashton chuckles, shaking his head as his eyes depict just how amused he is. "Is that even a real question?"

"I am not a damn bottom, Nash. I'd never be a bottom so shut the fuck up." I snap.

"I'll ask Niklaus to give you some tips on how to prevent ass soreness the next day." Gnashton smirks.

I want to choke him, I want to choke him so fucking bad right now. Just turn around and ignore him, he doesn't know what the hell he's saying right now. Me? A bottom? I almost laughed out loud. If doing ...the do was even on the table — which, it totally is not — I would be top, not Xander.

This is just another reason why Xander and I are so incompatible. Xander would want to be top, there is no way that he'd ever want to bottom but I don't want to bottom either. I'll be damned if I'm on the bottom, taking his ...taking his thing inside me. I shiver. The fact that I was even thinking about this made me feel like my resolve was slowing becoming completely and utterly nonexistent.

"You know he's a bottom, right?" I hear Gnashton whisper behind me.

"...yeah." Hunter responded after a few moments of silence.

"I'm going to fucking kill you." I seethe as I whip around and reach out to strangle Gnashton.

He's faster, diving under my arms quickly  as he laughs his ass off and begins to run ahead of us. I knew that he was doing this to get a rise out of me, to get a reaction and I was playing into his hand but I didn't care. Just one punch across his face is all I need I tell myself as I chase after him. Maybe even a broken nose, a broken nose would be nice as well.

I can already imagine Hunter behind us shaking his head at our childish behavior, not like he could talk when he cooed and baby talked with Hazel like they were babies interacting with each other. If he thought we didn't notice and that he was slick enough to not get caught doing that shit even behind closed doors, he was sorely mistaken.

I think Archer has a video of it. A video that was apart of the 'Cursed Video's Archive' that she made with a plethora of other videos lined up in the collection. I don't know why she has that kind of video amongst her other very...interesting videos but that wasn't my business.

What is my business are my fingers that are itching to wrap around Gnashtons thick ass neck, and my fists that are aching to break that perfect nose of his. Gnashton flies through the entrance doors like a damn bird, I quickly follow after as I dive through the doors.

I'm stopped in my tracks, my eyes growing wide as my lips become ajar at the sight before me.

A smiley Rosaline and a grinning Jeremy stand in the foyer.

My ability to think has been compromised significantly as I'm unable to comprehend what the hell is going on right now. I don't even have the time to attempt to form a single thought as Jeremy approaches me and wraps me in a tight hug.

What the fuck?