SPENCER

I'd caught her speechless, which said something when it came to Davina Harlow. She was usually so quick to respond. Outspoken, defensive when she needed to be, always something clever on the tip of her tongue. But now, she had nothing.

As for me, those three words had never been easier to say out loud. I'd been in love with her for as long as I could remember.

I released a deep breath, treating my eyes to a slow journey over her face. Sleep lingered in her gray irises, and a touch of melancholy tilted her perfect mouth. Her hair was a mess, but she'd never looked so pretty to me.

When my gaze traveled to the side of her head, reality nagged at my composure, the state of Davina's temple making my stomach turn a bit. Dried blood matted into her hair, clung to her skin. The wound needed to be properly tended to. For fuck's sake, how was it the next morning and we hadn't handled that already?

Thinking too hard about how she got hurt only made my own blood boil. The fury I felt toward Alex was still alive and well, but even as the thought of vengeance nestled into the fibers of my being, I was hit once again by the ever-present reminder that I'd already gotten it.

Fuck.

Lifting my hand, I tried to keep it from shaking as I made contact, memories of that killshot going off like an explosion in my ear. I breathed through it, and combed some of Davina's hair out of the way to get a closer look at her injuries.

If the pain bothered her, she gave nothing away as my fingers brushed gently along the abrasion. She only kept her eyes forward, right on me. I felt the warmth of her gaze like a fire radiating through my entire body. I wondered what she saw when she looked at me.

"This needs to be cleaned up," I muttered, my eyes shifting to meet hers. "Do you want the shower first?"

"No." She shook her head and looked down at her lap. When she spoke again, her voice was a shaky whisper. "You go ahead. I need a minute."

"Okay." I nodded, lowering my hand to her shoulder and lingering there beside her as the moment settled between us.

When she stayed quiet and didn't look back up, I could tell her mind was still busy. Maybe I shouldn't have blurted those three words like I had, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it. That wouldn't change anything, wouldn't help anything.

Trying to force more conversation wouldn't help either, so I stood up and headed down the hall. My body moved through the bedroom on autopilot, digging through the closet for some of my dad's old clothes to put on before going into the bathroom.

The water pressure in the shower was a joke, but it got hotter than I expected, and I was grateful for it. Facing the shower wall, I leaned forward and let the spray pour down my back, hoping it would wash away some of my troubles. It had been a rough twenty-four hours.

It was hard to believe that just yesterday morning, Davina woke up in my bed. I'd been so short with her, irritated beyond belief with the back and forth, but none of that mattered anymore. The last twelve hours had changed everything.

Most of what got us here was a blur. All I could remember was the text, her face, the fear in her eyes. All I could think about was making it better. And here we were. A man was dead, but she was safe.

I'd never be the same. But she was safe.

Davina was safe. Dante was handling everything at her house and speaking with his boss about the next steps regarding Alex's brother to ensure her continued safety. I hated being on the outs, but since I had no access to Mr. Amato myself, there was nothing to do but wait until I heard from Dante.

As the water poured down on me, my mind cleared out most everything but the here and now. It was useless to focus on anything else.

The bathroom door opened, followed by the soft tap of Davina's feet on the tile. Through the frosted glass shower door, I could feel her eyes on me, but resisted the urge to turn around and look back at her. After the weight of our exchange in the living room, I had to stick to some kind of strategy.

I wanted to call out to her, haul her into the shower with me, let her presence properly invade me in the way only she could. But I couldn't do any of that. Not yet. Now that I'd put it all out there, I needed her to come to me.

The seconds passed slowly, too slowly for comfort as the water continued in a steady flow down my back, no longer bringing me comfort.

I could sense movement in the room, maybe a bit of rustling around, but she could have been doing a number of other things. I never expected the shower door to slide open a moment later.

Spinning to face her, I willed my eyes to stay up, a task that came easier than it usually did. The sight of Davina's naked form was something I'd gone without for weeks, but the vulnerability written on her face took center stage as she stepped into the shower with me.

It felt like a lifetime that we stood there staring each other down, neither saying a word or moving a muscle. But when she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, I sprung into action. In the small shower, the distance between us was closed in only one step.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and switched our places, making sure the water stayed on her back in a steady stream of warmth. My hands stayed on her, shifting down to her arms and rubbing along her skin for added friction.

Davina looked down at the shower floor, a deep breath vibrating through her body before she lifted her head again.

"You said you love me," she muttered, blinking a few times as tears filled her eyes. The familiar gray shone in them like rare gemstones. She almost never cried.

"Yeah, I did." I nodded.

"You made it sound so easy."

"It was."

Her breathing picked up a few notches, her eyes drifting closed. I wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but I let her feel what she was feeling with no extra interference beyond my hands continuing their steady, comforting pace over her arms.

"I'm sorry," she said after a long moment, her voice cracking with a wave of emotion. "I'm so sorry, Spence."

I stepped closer, we were skin to skin, sharing the water and the pain as everything started to come down.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, lifting her chin to look up at me. The redness in her eyes and the sight of her tears nearly did me in.

"Because you're the best person I've ever known," she cried, her chest heaving as she sobbed, "And I feel everything for you. But I don't know how to do this, and I'm so fucking scared."

My heart started racing at the first half of what she said, but the sorrow enveloping her kept my focus on the other half.

"You don't have to be scared," I told her, the same way I'd been telling her for months because her safety was my priority. I promised I'd keep her safe and I did.

"But I am, Spence," she insisted. "I know we're safe here. I know that my body is safe from harm in this safe house, with you. But..." Looking up at the ceiling, she shook her head, her voice manic as she continued. "My mind an-and my heart. They don't feel safe. Every time I close my eyes, I can see Alex's body and Dalton's last smile. I can hear my father's gun going off and my mother's cries. Nothing has felt right in years."

Her words stopped me short, locking up any response I might've had, shutting down all my opinions and ideas on what it meant to keep a person safe.

In my own head, it always seemed like such an easy thing. Protect from harm. Shield from physical pain. I could do that. It's what I'd been trained to do.

I did it when I protected her from Alex.

It was easy to toss Davina's fears aside when I was certain of being able to quell them. But in the world I was raised and operated in, matters of the heart and mind were rarely at the forefront. She was scared on more levels than the ones I understood best.

My secrets hadn't helped. Her family hadn't helped either. When I thought about it more critically, it was easy to see that she hadn't felt safe for the better part of a decade. Or like anyone had her back. She'd been trained to believe that nothing lasts, no one stays. That the other shoe is always ready to drop.

That was no way to live.

"You're safe, Davina," I said softly, doing my best to reassure her of that truth.

Her bottom lip trembled and more tears came as she stared up at me, slowly taking my words in.

"You're safe," I said again, wrapping my arms around her in a physical rendering of the words she needed to feel and hear and believe.

Her shoulders shook as she broke down, leaning forward and pressing her forehead against my chest, her tears mixing with the water that fell over us.

"You're safe," I said, again. Because maybe she needed to hear it as many times as possible. "Every part of you."

When she looked up at me, I dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Baby, every single part of you is safe with me," I repeated. I would tell her until she believed it. I would show her until she was never scared again.

If I was certain of my love for her, which was probably the only thing I'd ever been sure of in my life, it was time to make sure I wasn't merely keeping her safe, but that she also felt that way.

Hesitation swirled in her eyes, alongside a million things she wanted to say. But when she finally spoke, all she said was, "I'm a mess."

"And I'm here," I assured her right away. "Let me help you through it."

Nodding slowly, she bit the inside of her cheek. She looked up at the ceiling and then down at the floor. Back at me with a new sense of resolve in her eyes.

"I miss my dad and I miss Dalton," she started softly. The vulnerability in her voice tore at my insides. "And I'm so scared that Dante will be next. Sometimes it feels like he's already gone because he's so deep in this shit with Amato. He's not who he used to be and my mom keeps getting worse. It's like this world just takes...it's taking everyone." She paused, swallowed hard. "If it takes you too, I won't survive, Spence."

In that moment, something inside me broke, and I felt like I was seeing the real Davina for the first time in years. No deflection or mask of indifference. No tough exterior to keep her from giving anything away. From feeling anything.

"I'm right here," I reminded her. "I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded, her hands coming up to swipe the wetness from her eyes. It was a futile attempt, considering we were both still standing naked under the shower spray. The water was starting to get cold, so I cranked the temperature all the way up to salvage what we could, before grabbing the bar of soap I'd found in the cabinet.

I slathered it onto a washcloth. "Come on," I muttered, guiding her gently under the water to properly soak her hair and let it loosen some of the dried blood along the side of her face. "Let's get you cleaned up."

She complied without a word, staying perfectly still and letting me take care of her, something she didn't usually allow. I watched the steady rise and fall of her shoulders, her whole body relaxing more with each minute that passed.

After all the time she'd spent putting distance between us, those minutes felt monumental. I'd never take a single one for granted.

Shifting to stand behind her, I reached for the shampoo and poured some in my hands, enjoying her soft exhale of breath when my fingers started moving through her hair. Slow and carefully, hoping to wash away some of her fears with the blood and grime of our day.

For once, the silence wasn't noisy. It was peaceful and calm, full of promise. I couldn't even begin to describe what it was like to stand so close to her, in such an intimate position, and bask in her orbit.

A few seconds later, her voice broke through the quiet. "Spence?"

My hands remained in her hair, keeping a steady pace as I massaged her scalp. "Yes?"

"I don't deserve you," she whispered. "You should be with someone who's not so shut off and complicated and who pushes you away."

Typical Davina Harlow. I couldn't help smiling. "You can push me away all you want," I informed her. "I'm not going anywhere."

"But my walls are so fucking high," she mentioned softly.

I shrugged. "I know how to climb."

She took a shaky breath, her shoulders trembling. I suspected she might have been crying again, and my chest went tight with distress, but I stayed solid for her, my fingers keeping busy in her hair.

"Spence?" she spoke again a moment later, her voice more steady than I expected.

"Yes?"

Glancing at me over her shoulder, Davina's eyes met mine, holding me captive as she said, "I love you too."

🖤🖤🖤