It was pitch dark when I woke up, slightly discombobulated in an unfamiliar bed. I had no idea how long I'd been asleep. I didn't even know when I'd passed out. Everything after Spence's explanation in the car was kind of a blur.

It was so much. Almost too much, all at once like that. But I couldn't deny how many holes had been filled in and how many questions he answered.

All the vague conversations, the dodging details...the constantly looking around like something was waiting around the corner. It all made perfect sense.

Something was waiting. And all he'd tried to do was protect me from it.

We still had more to talk about. I still wanted information about some things we didn't get to. But it would seem my exhaustion caught up to me.

After we'd gone inside, Spence got to work on making the cabin livable for the night. He had to turn the water on and restart the generator to kick on the electricity.

Given the ramshackle state of the outside, I hadn't expected the inside to be as nice as it turned out. Though a little dusty, the place was pretty clean, things were in good shape, and all the furniture was covered by protective sheets. The place started to look kind of cozy as Spencer pulled them up and wiped everything down.

I wasn't much help as my head was still spinning and I didn't know what to do with myself. Spence brought my bag into the little bedroom at the end of the hall and told me to shower, saying he'd come in and help me dress the wound on my head when I was done.

I managed to use the bathroom, and then wiped most of the dried blood off my temple. But as soon as I went back into the bedroom to grab my backpack, I sat down on the bed and fell asleep. It had all caught up to me.

Spence must've come in at some point, considering I woke up at the top of the bed with the covers carefully placed over me, instead of at the foot of the bed where I'd passed out. But as I felt around for my phone, I found myself alone in the bed.

It was such a norm for me, but in that moment, being alone had never felt quite so lonesome.

Sitting up, I found my phone on the end table. It was 4am. My eyes traveled through the cracked door, out into the hallway, and my chest ached with need. All for him. It was both foreign and familiar. Foreign because I'd spent so long pushing him away, but I was done with that and leaned heavily on the familiar.

I needed to be near him.

When I pushed the covers off of myself, I winced at the jarring sight of yesterday's clothes. If chaos clung to fabric, it was no wonder I felt a mess, but at least the pain in my head had subsided to a dull ache. I didn't want to worry about yesterday right now. I just wanted to see Spencer.

Letting my heart lead my steps, I slipped out of the bedroom and crept down the hall into the living room.

It was bathed in darkness, but a single night light plugged in by the door provided a general glimpse of the space, outlining the sparse furniture and Spence as he laid on the couch. His gun sat on the coffee table, within easy reach.

Content to let him sleep, I kept my steps light and careful as I approached, but a creaky floorboard gave me away.

With a sharp inhale, Spence jolted up and quickly grabbed his gun, his head shifting back and forth to survey the room.

"It's me," I muttered, my voice choked, breath stolen as I watched his reflexive movement.

When Spence's eyes found mine, the spooked look on his face slowly faded. But all it did was make room for the exhaustion and distress. The last several hours had done a number on him as well.

"I'm sorry." His shoulders sank with a heavy sigh. "I forgot where I was for a second."

"It's okay." I took two steps in his direction, indicating that I'd like to join him on the couch. He shifted over to give me plenty of room, but the gun was still in his hand.

I froze, my eyes plastered to it like it might spontaneously go off.

"Shit," Spence muttered under his breath, dropping the pistol on the coffee table as he apologized again, "Sorry. I'm just...on edge."

"I get it."

Situating myself on the other end of the couch, I tucked my legs up and took a cautious glance around. Despite believing we were safe wherever Spence brought us, my brain stayed alert to the unfamiliarity of our surroundings and the events that got us there.

The danger we had fled was fresh in my thoughts, the coppery smell of blood still lingering in my memories. Was Alex still on my floor or had someone really come and taken care of it last night?

Was his brother looking for him?

Was he looking for me?

I shuddered at the thought.

I'd lived so much of my life acutely aware of the hazards that surrounded me in Fairhaven. The whole town was full of so many shady people doing shady things. Especially lately, with all the visitors from Chicago, Alex being one of them. His death would be someone's concern. The list of hazards had grown.

I reminded myself that if someone had followed us here, we'd probably know it by now, but I couldn't help thinking of the worst case scenario.

I took a deep breath. I needed to calm down. To trust that everything was going to be fine. When I looked around the cabin again, I forced myself to take it in with different eyes, regarding it not so much as my current safe haven but as the general refuge it was.

The fact that Spence's parents had a safe house was a wild concept, though not entirely outlandish if I really thought about it. I guess when you need a place to hide here and there, a spot in the middle of the woods where no one could find you comes in handy.

A memory tapped on my shoulder, pulling my gaze over to Spence.

"This is the place, isn't it?" I asked him, watching his eyebrows dip together in confusion. He looked lost in his own thoughts, so I kept going, bringing him back into the past with me. "After prom...you said we could go somewhere tucked away from everyone, where no one would find us."

Understanding shone in his eyes as he stared back at me, not answering with words, his expression softening with the memory.

I swallowed the ball in my throat, remembering that younger version of the man now sitting across the couch from me. The one with wild eyes and even wilder plans, holding my body close to his and asking me to run away with him. We'd just had sex for the first time.

I figured he wanted to grab a hotel room somewhere, a place where we could have a few repeats of what we'd just done. But of course, now that I had some backstory, I was sure it was probably more than that.

"Is this where your family really went for spring break that year?" I asked him, pushing through the hesitation that riddled my chest. I wanted more answers. Even if they didn't feel very important anymore. "I kept telling Dalton it didn't make any sense that you guys would hit the beach house at the last minute."

Spence nodded. "Yeah, we were here. We left home in the middle of the night on Easter Sunday." He looked around, eyes lingering on the walls and the furniture. All the memories they must've held, the conversations they listened in on. "It was my first time finding out about this place. And about all the shit my dad was really doing. The kind of shit that had us in hiding for two weeks."

I shook my head as the pieces started coming together. Chief Lovejoy had just led the Fairhaven and Brighton police departments on a joint mission that resulted in a major drug bust. David Scofield was the guy at the top. I remembered because he had the same first name as my dad. At the time, before I knew for sure that Mr. Lovejoy's work had a separate agenda, it seemed on the up and up.

"What really happened with that case?" I asked. "Did he actually take that David guy down or was the whole thing a lie? Who were you guys hiding from?"

"Oh, he took him down," Spence answered with an edge to his voice. "But he was working with Giovanni Amato to get it done. It was a turf war, like everything else. It lined my dad's pockets, like everything else. Scofield didn't appreciate being the loser though. His guys on the outside were the reason we had to take off in the middle of the night."

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath, feeling my heart pick up an anxious beat. They were details I'd asked for, but that didn't make them any easier to hear.

I had doubts about that impromptu "vacation" they took back then, but hearing that Spence and his parents were hiding out in this...safe house the whole time made things a little too real.

It sure explained everything that happened afterward, though, when his mom went into a deep depression. Alongside the constant chatter of blood money and crooked leadership, rumors of a separation started around town, the gossip of a marriage in turmoil.

People had always talked, they still did. I tried to ignore it, the same way I did now. It felt like adult stuff to me. But by the time prom came around, Spence had grown up far more than he was supposed to.

It was no wonder he wanted to run away.

"I should have gone with you," I muttered softly, picking at a loose string on the couch cushion, needing something to do with my hands.

From the corner of my eye, I watched Spence turn to face me. His voice was whisper soft when he asked, "Why didn't you?"

His tone was full of such a genuine curiosity, muffled by a pinch of hurt. The question unraveled a string of vulnerability in my stomach, and I lifted my eyes to meet his. "I was scared."

He tilted his head, eyebrows stitching together with concern. "Of what? Me?"

"No," I blurted out. "Well, not you exactly." I looked away, feeling too much under the spotlight of his gaze. "I was scared of us. Of myself. I was scared of how I felt about you. And then, just..."

"Just what?"

Glancing back at him, Spence's expression hadn't changed much. If anything, he looked more concerned. I wanted to spare him the truth of that time, especially since none of it seemed to matter anymore, but I couldn't keep it in. I'd put him through so much. I'd dragged him along in my neverending battle of hesitation for so long. He deserved to know what I was feeling.

"There were all those rumors about your dad. They'd been around for years, and I'd always just ignored them." My explanation started rolling out like word vomit as my stomach spun with dread. "Thanks to my dad, the adult world was a scary enough place, and I didn't want it infringing on my life anymore than it already had. But when he got arrested, everything sort of...fell apart. My mom wasn't herself and Dante kept telling me about your dad's ulterior motives and how you were no different because you'd just joined the Academy. Even Dalton had his reservations, and he was your best friend. At some point, something in me just...shut down. I didn't believe in anyone anymore. I couldn't trust anyone."

"Not even me?" Spence asked, his voice picking up a notch of defense.

"No," I answered, tears welling in my eyes. The truth was the truth, even if it hurt. "I didn't want any part of that world. And like it or not, you were in it, Spence. Especially when the truth came out about your dad a couple years ago. I didn't know what to think, I couldn't sort through everything I was feeling. I just knew that I didn't want to be like my mom. I still don't."

"You aren't like her," Spence offered, the softness returning as he shifted closer to me, his hand landing on my knee. The contact was too much for my already overloaded emotional state.

"But I am..." I turned away from him, not willing to look him in the eyes as I admitted the truth to myself out loud. "I'm scared just like her. Sad, just like her. My family is torn apart, it's like my whole life is on pause. I miss my brother every fucking day, and I think I miss my dad, too. After all he's done, how fucked up is that?"

When my voice cracked on that last question, a few tears started falling, and Spence closed the final distance between us. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close as I adjusted my position on the couch, relaxing into him and his warmth and the smell of cinnamon.

I could feel my heart slowing down to a normal pace again, but wrapped in Spence's arms, that was nothing new. His energy always had a calming effect on me.

Outside, the sun was just starting to rise, the night sky letting up as bright rays of orange replaced the dark blue hues through the barred windows. The forest was waking up, too. I'd never heard the birds singing so loud.

Spence kissed the top of my head, his voice low when he broke the silence between us. "It's not that fucked up when you think about it. I mean, he is your dad, after all. And Dalton's absence hasn't helped matters. Not with your family and not with us." He inhaled a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I let his words and understanding sink in. "I don't know where you get the strength."

"I could say the same thing for you," I said, looking up at him. As the energy in the room simmered down, I was eager to acknowledge the fact that he hadn't exactly had it easy these last several months either. And certainly no thanks to me. "How's your dad?"

He shrugged like it was the last thing he wanted to discuss. "All they've got so far is early onset dementia."

"Do they think it's Alzeheimers?"

"Maybe. He hasn't exactly been agreeable when it comes to doctor visits. He refuses to get an MRI or do any other testing."

"I'm sorry."

He shrugged again. "It's fine."

"It's not." I shook my head. "You could have told me that something was going on when I mentioned how weird he was acting at the coffee shop, Spence. You should have told me why you were working with him"

Spence's hold on me went rigid. "You wouldn't have understood."

"You don't know that." I turned in his arms and leaned back a little, putting a few inches of distance there so that I could look him right in the face for this part.

"Yes, I do," he insisted. "You said so yourself. You don't want anything to do with this world. You might have been wrong about my involvement at first, but I can no longer deny it. I may hate it every step of the way, but I'm in this shit. I've done things for my father that would make you hate me."

"That is not true," I gasped. The look on his face, the defeat in his eyes. I couldn't handle it. In a matter of seconds, his whole demeanor had shifted, and I wasn't sure how to get us back to where we were just a moment ago. When he was holding me close and everything felt okay. "I could have come to terms with it, under the circumstances."

"I doubt that." Spence scoffed, shaking his head as he pulled away from me entirely, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. Come back, I wanted to scream.

"Why?" I argued instead.

With a humorless laugh, he turned to face me. "Davina, you won't even eat at Sully's Diner because the mayor owns it. Your actions speak loud against the corruption in Fairhaven, they always have. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But you'll have to forgive me if I find it hard to believe you would have given me a fair chance." Looking away again, he stared down at the floor, muttering under his breath, "You gave up on us without even knowing what I was doing. All you heard was my involvement and you made up your mind."

His words struck deep, pulling on an everlasting ache in my chest, twisting and turning like a knife.

For all the evidence I'd stacked against Spence over the years, he had his own to stack against me, too. If I put myself in his shoes, I had to admit that I wasn't the most agreeable person when it came to The Amato Group and all the other corruption in our hometown. That was the truth.

He was right. I hadn't given Spence a chance, that was his truth. And it hurt. Just like mine hurt him.

"It wasn't for lack of wanting to know," I reminded him softly. "I asked you what was going on. With your dad. With Parisi. You wouldn't tell me."

"I couldn't tell you." His wolf gaze drifted back to me. One brown, one black. They both held so much darkness, so much pain. "There are eyes and ears all over Fairhaven. I couldn't risk information getting into the wrong hands. People's lives were at stake, some still are. I was just trying to do the right thing. I was just trying to protect you."

"I know." I nodded, my heart solemn and lost as everything came together, only to fall in a heap on the floor.

We'd both said our piece, and it didn't feel like there was a winner. The only thing left to do was look at the big picture. Reaching out, I placed my hand on Spence's forearm, rubbing circles into his skin and trying to smooth some of the hurt.

"You really have been one of the good guys all along, haven't you?"

He swallowed hard. "I don't feel like one of them right now..." The words fled his mouth on a choked whisper. His hands formed into fists before he spread them out, palms up as he stared down at them in a daze. "I keep looking at my hands, and I don't even recognize them anymore." His gaze lifted to the gun on the coffee table in front of him. "Never in my life have I ever been so fucking scared of myself."

"Spence–"

"I've never fired my service weapon. Did you know that?" When he turned to me, his eyes were wide—haunted, I was sure, by the same memories I had of Alex on my kitchen floor. "Since I became a cop, I've never shot anyone on duty. I've never used my department-issued glock. But my personal one, that fucking thing..." He tipped his chin at the coffee table. "I've fired it four times in the last three months. And last night, I killed someone with it."

I froze in my spot, unable to move a muscle. My stomach turned, over and over. But it wasn't just the memory of it happening. It wasn't the image of his body and the blood and the fear I had in those moments leading up to Alex's death.

It was the weight of Spencer's selfless act and what he'd done for me. It was the consequence of pulling the trigger, and the impact that event would have on him for the rest of his life. I would never understand that, and I felt helpless in getting him through it.

I was trying to come up with the right thing to say, but Spence spoke before I had the chance. "My mother always says a good man has the capacity for violence but the strength of mind to exercise self control. To only use it for good. But I fucking killed someone, Davina. I killed that motherfucker in cold blood."

"You saved me," I interjected immediately.

It was the only right thing to say. The only truth that mattered. It resonated in the silence between us as the sun finished coming up and the fresh start of a new day offered a touch of solace to all the confusion we'd let into the room.

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat, you know." Spence's eyes met mine a moment later, less haunted but still full of emotion. "I'd do anything to keep you safe. Just like I promised."

I felt the power of that statement through every nerve ending in my body. "I know. I can see now that you've kept every promise." A soft laugh escaped my mouth. "After all the shit I've put you through, I don't even know why."

Spence's shoulders relaxed with a sigh, his eyes traveling over my face. Soft and slow, like he was beholding something precious.

"Because I love you, Davina," he said with a smile. "Haven't you figured that out yet?"

***

From the author:

Hiiii. 💕 That last section of dialogue right there was the very first thing I ever wrote for this story. I just wanted to tell you that haha. 🥰

This whole book was dreamed up on that exact moment, and it feels like it's taken forever to get here. I do hope it's been worth it. Something sweet and emotional is coming up next.

Thanks for being here. 🫶🏼