chanmi stares blankly at the wall across from her bed as she tries to rack her brain as to why she had to deal with her parents. nothing felt like it was going right, and she felt like she was continuously falling down a hole and she could never grab onto a ledge to stop from falling. an endless feeling of nothingness consuming her. it was never about her, but always what she could offer.

a knock snaps chanmi out of her daze, and she stays in bed with her eyes glued onto her door. she had no intention of getting up and going to her front door, instead planning to leave whoever is there to get tired of waiting and leave. at least, that is what she wanted until her phone began buzzing constantly accompanied by louder banging at her front door.

with a sigh, chanmi picks up her phone, "hello?"

"answer your door," chan answers on the other side, his banging on the door subsiding.

"not in the mood," chanmi answers honestly, "i'm tired."

"you have been m.i.a," chan's voice grows softer, "i heard someone came to your place, was it your mom?"

a silence falls upon the call as chanmi bites her lips. she feels guilty for feeling the way she does, especially seeing how chan came all the way to her place to check in on her, but at the same time she just wants to be done. she has lived enough to be satisfied with where her story would end. she just wanted peace and quiet.

"i'm here for you, chanmi, you don't have to be alone," it sounded like chan was holding back tears as he spoke.

chanmi continues to not answer as she gets up and opens the door for chan, her eyes lingering on him as she watches tears fall from his eyes. he was acting as if he would never see chanmi again if he didn't get to see her in this moment. in all honesty, that is exactly what chan thought, so he came quickly and pulled chanmi into a tight hug, the tears flowing from his eyes.

in that moment, the door to the right opens, and a girl and boy come out from it. chanmi looks over to see the girl from earlier and changbin coming out of minho's apartment. the girl looked tired, and almost lifeless like chanmi herself. as they walk out, they stop, looking towards chanmi and chan since chan was crying rather loudly. with a confused expression, minho comes out and sees chan hugging chanmi, so he just ushers the other two out and towards the elevator.

"just come in you crybaby," chanmi shuffles her feet backwards as chan continues to hug her, "why are you even crying?"

when chanmi kicks the door closed, chan finally lets go of her, "you never talk to us about what's going on, but every time some thing about your mom comes up, you close yourself off. i'm always worried about you."

chanmi just nods as she sluggishly walks towards her couch as chan follows closely behind her, "you're making it seem as if i'm on a watch or something."

chan doesn't answer as he awkwardly looks for the remote, and chanmi ignores this as he picks a random comedy movie to watch. that is, she ignored it until jaehyun came over and chan promptly leaves. the entrance to her apartment become a revolving door as different boys began coming in as the one with her would leave.

she truly did feel like she was on a suicide watch, which felt odd seeing how she did not talk to any of the guys about her inner thoughts. it was almost night time, and the boy with her now is felix who decided to bring baking things to make brownies for chanmi. the brownies had freshly come out of the oven and felix was happily prancing around the kitchen talking about how good they have come out.

"felix," the boy stops in his tracks as he slowly turns his head to chanmi, "why are you guys sticking with me today?"

felix awkwardly laughs and leans against the counter, "what are you even talking about? i didn't even know the other guys were here. i was surprised when i saw jeongin leaving when i came!"

"honestly," chanmi sighs as she gets up from the couch and walks over towards felix, "i don't know what you guys are thinking, but it's more tiring having to entertain guests all day. it's getting late, and i just want to sleep."

"wait but-" before felix could defend himself more, chanmi pulls at felix's arm and pushes him out of the front door.

with a sigh of relief, chanmi kicked out felix and turns her back to the door as she pushes against it and slides down. it was funny to chanmi how she hated being alone, yet here she was pushing away those trying to be with her. the human mind works in odd ways.

one moment she is drowning in the feeling of isolation and despair while the next she is begging to be left alone. all she wanted was time to process her thoughts, but then what would happen after? the thoughts would just consume her and she would be left where she started, wanting to be seen. a ruthless cycle which only left chanmi demoralized.

a knock on the door scares chanmi, and she groans at the thought of felix still trying to stay with her, "go home felix, i'm fine."

the knocks only become stronger as she yelled for him to give up, but then she notices the pan of brownies on her stovetop. she assumes felix came back to atleast get some for the other guys, so she gets up and cuts up most of the brownies to put it into some tupperware. the banging only continues through this whole process, but chanmi does her best to drown out the heavy noise.

"i'm coming!" chanmi shouts as she prepares the brownies for felix, "stop hitting the door, you're going to break it!"

chanmi roughly opens the door and holds out the brownies with a frown on her face until she realizes that it wasn't felix at her door but minho, "brownies? just for me?"

with wide eyes, chanmi brings the dish of brownies closer to her as she stares up at minho, "i thought you were felix, sorry."

"so you're taking the brownies back just because i'm not felix, kind of cruel don't you think?" a playful smirk plays at minho's lips as he looks towards the brownies in chanmi's hands.

chanmi rolls her eyes, "what are you doing here?"

"i'm the last one on patrol for your little suicide watch," minho pushes past chanmi and sits down on her couch.

"i don't need to be babysat, and what do you even mean. the only one who knows about that is you," chanmi huffs as she brings the dish of brownies in front of minho.

minho glances at chanmi, "well little mister channie asked them to watch over you."

"you included?" chanmi raises an eyebrow as she stands next to minho.

"i was the one who told him about it," minho pulls on chanmi's arm so she sits down, "i told him keep you company until i could talk to you, but it looks like you had a bunch of your buddies coming over one by one."

"why?" chanmi sinks into the couch, unable to make eye contact with minho.

"you made a promise to me," minho closes his eyes, "i was afraid you forgot about it."

⇽♥⇾

an update ! most i've updated this book in 3 years isn't that crazy lol. i had too much information crammed into those earlier chapters and don't remember how i wanted to go through it all, but i am SLOWLY working towards it. this is being written and planned as we go so if it's messy or has plot holes just remember i started this in high school and now i'm in graduate school LOL