Yes, we are back again for the fifth batch of contestants. The contestants in the this batch include:

023 KAI
024 Anointed Scribe
025 Rene
026 Yellowrose

Let's have our first contestant then. Fingers crossed.🤞🏽

023 KAI

Prompt: "I hate you, but..."

Genre: Light Romance

Story:

‘I hate you but….’

‘But what kambili?’ Kennedy asked.
‘but..’
‘But you love me so much that you're scared to admit it’ he said.
‘you hate me because I made you fall in love with me’

I looked at him, he's the finest man I've ever seen. Understanding, young, charming, humble, caring…name it.

‘Argh! Kambili, what's your problem? This is ninja nobody would allow you date a man that's ten years younger than you’ I scold myself.
‘you’re still on that topic Kambili?’ my sister asks from the other side of the bed. She knows me, she knows how I've struggled with love, the pain and the torture. Sleepless nights, soaked pillows, broken hearts and dreams.

‘Babes don't deep this thing. This nigga loves you, accept it and be happy’ Kamsi my younger sister, our last born says. She lives with me now and even she has a boyfriend. HA! My life.

‘Kamsi, how old are you? Twenty-five? Yeah. That's why you think like this’ I say, the aroma of the ofe akwu(banga soup) kiama is cooking filled the bedroom me and Kamsi shared. My mother gave birth to three girls, I the first, Kiama the second and Kamsi the last born. Kaima is already married with a baby on the way, she's twenty seven, five years younger than I am.

‘Kiama is really serious about this cooking ooo, is nri mara nma’ the food smells nice, I say changing the topic, I leave the room for the kitchen before kamsi starts with her wahala.

‘why are you looking so sad?’ kaima asks me chopping some onions, her eyes releasing water from the effect of the onion.
‘noth_’

‘She's thinking of Kennedy’ I didn't even hear Kamsi come into the kitchen.
‘kamsi it's enough” I say annoyed.

She shrugs ignoring me, ‘i told her to not deep it. This guy clearly likes you, so what if he's years younger than you. Ninja no care again ooo’

‘Kamsi allow Kambili make her decisions, she's old enough to do that’ my phone rings, the caller ID shows Kennedy's name. My heart does an involuntary leap in my chest.

‘Pick!’ Kamsi chants.
I leave the kitchen, ‘hi’
‘Hi babes, I was praying you'd pick, guess my prayer got answered’ his voice came from the other side, it still has the same effect on me as it did months ago when we first met at the airport. He was traveling for a holiday and I was traveling for business. It was my first time outside the country and my first time on a plane. He had been my seat partner, ‘you seem nervous’ he has said when the plane started taxing, I couldn't hide it anymore.

I nodded slowly, my stomach was doing a thousand stunts. He held my hand and passed an ear of his air pods to me. It helps me relax. It could help you too’ Céline Deon’s “that's the way it is”

After the flight we hung out, I was new to London so he helped me out. I was so ashamed, I was a thirty two year old woman with social problems. After my meetings he would be waiting for me outside, we would go to the mall, he would make me dinner, we would re-watch Twilight, listen and dance to Céline Deon, Micheal Jackson and Bryan Adams. He was my younger sister’s peer yet I felt so connected to him. The best part was him singing Céline Deon’s songs to me.

On my last day there, he made me dinner. He loves intimate situations unlike his generation of show off and high life. He appreciated the beauty of intimacy. "I love you Kambili’ he confessed. We hadn't even kissed talkmore sex, yet he said he loved me.

He dropped me at the airport the next day, still smiling. When he confessed his feelings I choked. I wasn't a child to confuse my feelings for something else, I knew I liked him and I didn't hesitate. We had sex, good sex and I was happy and content.

Coming back to Nigeria made me realize how stupid I was to think our relationship would work. I'm thirty two, he's twenty two. Who am I kidding? It's not going to work, his parents won't let it happen, no way!

‘how are you?’ I ask
‘meh! I'm good now though, after the whole talk yesterday I feared we were over' He admits, he's never scared of admitting his fear of losing me.
‘I…I guess I overreacted’ I shrug, hugging my knee.

‘It's alright to feel that way babe. I feel the same too, you know? Fear of losing you to someone your age, someone who would take better care of you. I just want to know I love you so much and your age isn't a problem because I see past that and you do too. You respect me like I am older than you and I appreciate that alot. So what if society doesn't allow us? You're applying for a job in London, I already have a spot. We can move and start a happy life’
I sigh, ‘I’m really sorry Kennedy, I act like a baby sometimes’

‘of course, you're my baby' he says, I can hear him smile, ‘so? No more thoughts about age?’
‘No more’ I confirm.

‘Do you still hate me?’ he asks.
‘of course, I hate you’ I laugh, ‘i love you’

“Don't surrender, ‘cause you can win in this thing called love”_ Celine Deon_that’s the way it is_

Commentary: The sweet and sour love life of Kamsi and Kenedy, let's hear what our Judges feel about it.

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE NADIA SULAIMAN

Before I start with all the long talk, lemme make some things clear.

Ellipses are not supposed to be more or less than three.

(.....)❌

(..) ❌

(.........) ❌

(...) ✔️

I hope I have made my point clear.

Now, onto my second note, learn to punctuate. This has been a long noticed problem with many contestants. Be careful to add punctuations in your work — AND the correct punctuations — so that it doesn't look unprofessional or disorganized. Your dialogues need to be punctuated too. Take note of these things, Kai.

Thirdly, one thing you should be able to do is learn how to get into your character's head and become them. This will help you to create a POV that is realistic. 

Okay. Your character is about 32, but sounds like a teenager in Ss2 B Class.  And now, I can tell from your work that you are young, you probably can only write in a point of view similar to your age. Nonetheless, you are a writer. And why writers are able to get more mature than the average person is because they can condition their mind to think in all ages. A good sixteen year old writer can successfully deceive someone over a chat that they are thirty years old, if they wanted to. My point is, know your characters. I'd commend what you did with the guy, how you pointed out a contrast between their generations and gave a hint to us about why Kambili probably grew to love him — his maturity, above his years. I only wished you hit on it a bit more, but subtly. We know why she is dating him, but at the end of the day, he is still much younger than her. He won't have the same childhood experiences or even the same experiences in general. For example, we were grown during the Lekki toll gate killing, a kid who was five at the time will not remember or experience it the way I did. Even though they grow and become the most mature people, I can't bond with them over the pain that me and my peers felt during that period. They can never relate to it. Likewise, a kid who was born in 2015 will never be able to understand or relate with me what shows like Hannah Montana and Wizards of Waverly place did for me. You get?

So, then, you could have also shown us the downsides. Like, what are the challenges they face due to their age gap and maturity? How does the fact that they are generations apart and have different experiences and stories to tell have an effect on their conversations, their likes and dislikes? All these, before telling us how, above all and against all odds, they have that one reason to still bond. All these go a long way to get you to understand your charharacters. The reason you could not write your Main character well is because you didn't even know her in the first place. When you really understand the character you created, you will see that their actions and thoughts will align. If they are older, they will think like adults, not jumpy and full of child-like elation like younger ones would (exceptions being it is a part of their character, despite their age). You did something at the end where Kambili apologized to Kennedy and said, “I act like a baby sometimes.” That makes me feel like you may have been going for making Kambili a bit childlike, but it's a thing of uncertainty for me. I feel if you were, there would have been some intentionality in your work. Maybe something about the arrangement of her room or her favorite meal or her sweet mouth persona or something could have made this clear. Nonetheless, it wasn't a bad story. It could have just been written better.

JUDGE OLAITAN DAVIS

KAI!! Don't try this again.

Punctuation, organisation and everything was just wrong. There were some unnecessary narrations in your work. They weren't necessary at all. There was no need for the long explanation of how the sisters are older than each other, and all of that no need at all. we would have gotten it without all of that.

Do better, kai. I know you can.

JUDGE NINA OGBEIDE

You need to work a lot on your punctuations. Right now, it is zero. We have sentences running into each other without proper punctuations separating them. This made it very difficult to understand what you were trying to write. Your paragraphing is also nothing to write home about. Even if you are telling a great story, lack of punctuations and your sentences, all clustered up made it difficult to read your story.

JUDGE UMAR HASSAN

wait wait. Mene na nan da fatan? You have a whole lot to work on your grammar. Your punctuation. Your plot. Your tense use. Your story telling- every single thing. There's lots of room for improvement eh? And pardon me, child but not everyone is a fan of the romance trope you used. Take note.

JUDGE GIWA FALADE

Stop using apostrophes instead of Quotation marks!
    (“) Quotation marks
     (‘) Apostrophe
Do you know their individual uses Or I have to spell it for you?!
    And where in God's holy name are your full stops! Don't you have them on your keyboard! Why on earth are you even starting a full dialogue with small letter!
What is the matter with you!

Commentary: Hmm, that was a lot to take in. Let's check out our next contestant.

   024 Anointed Scribe

Prompt: "I hate you, but..."

Genre: Light Romance

Story: Unequally Yoked

"I hate you..." he growled, his livid face so close to mine that I could see the bulging veins framing his temple. I could barely breathe at his  proximity. Backed up against the wall, I feared he would hit me.
"But, I'm going to plaster on a smile and pretend you don't disgust me."

"Jonathan," I rasped, unshed tears stinging my eyes.

"Don't think you can seduce me, Olivia," he snapped. "An arrangement of inconvenience—that's all this will ever be. If you're so desperate for an heir to your empire, you can make arrangements and have an IVF done in no time."
He wagged a menacing finger before my eyes. "Let this be the last time you'll ever attempt to climb into bed with me. Okay?"

With a loud hiss, he grabbed his personal effects and stormed out to the adjoining suite, slamming the door behind him.

I stood, frozen, in the middle of what was supposed to be my honeymoon paradise. Breaking out of my stupor, I slipped to the floor and allowed the brimming tears to flow.

Wasn't it just a few hours ago that we'd exchanged vows in the most lavish and 'romantic' wedding of the year? Not that he had seemed exactly pleased by our perfunctory nuptials.

Jonathan and I had been best friends as kids. In my teens, he was my major crush. Together with Jemima, his twin sister, we attended the most sophisticated high school in Lagos, thanks to the luxuries our parents' wealth afforded us. However, we got separated when I bagged a scholarship to Yale University for my undergraduate and postgraduate studies.

When I returned to Nigeria as the founder of Skylish, an afro-centric fashion brand, Jonathan was no longer the sweet boy I had known. Jemima's sudden death had wrecked him. I kept my distance, especially since his reputation featured him in the top Naija gossip blogs as the standoffish multi-millionaire CEO of JJ Inc., a startup fintech company.

Soon, his business hit the rocks due to a bad investment. Out of compassion and the nudging of God in my heart, I offered to help. We had to merge our companies to salvage the situation. The only way that would be legally possible was for us to get married, thanks to the strict policies the new government of 2036 had enacted. Jonathan had begrudgingly agreed and insisted we sped things up. I never knew he detested me so much.

I climbed into the bed, still wearing my after-party gown, wondering how Hosea in the Bible had survived. Unrequited love was the hardest thing ever. This was just a slice of the cross I had to bear for better for worse and I was already on the verge of caving in. All my fantasies of a romantic honeymoon and blissful marriage wouldn't come true. How could my husband say to my face on our wedding night that he hated me?
How would I tell the world that my husband, my ex-best-friend, had morphed into the iciest creature ever?
Exhausted, I drifted to sleep.

I woke up before dawn the next morning and I went out for a long walk on the beach, pouring my heart out to God, ranting and crying.

I waded through the day in a haze, attending to my virtual tasks in a bid to quell the boredom. Even though I didn't see him all day, Jonathan sent me a message that we must have dinner together, 8:00 pm sharp. Half-heartedly, I picked out a beige gown and silver-studded low-heeled sandals, internally praying that nothing would go wrong in public.

Our dinner was reserved in the Oceania Restaurant, the only five-star restaurant reserved for the elite and wealthy class of Lagos.

I arrived in time. Jonathan was already around too. I sat down and noticed Jonathan staring at me, an imperceptible look in his eyes. I was too terrified to say anything so I simply ordered Amala and Egusi soup when the waiter came. I bowed my head over my meal for a quick prayer but I could hardly concentrate. The tension and silence was scalding. 
Minutes into my meal, Jonathan stood abruptly from the seat and went outside.
I was beginning to think something was wrong with Jonathan. Did he have a secret mental problem, PTSD perhaps?

Not wanting to be the unaffectionate bride, I went after him. I found him standing like a statue by the private balcony overlooking a mega-sized aquarium, his hands grasping the railings.

"Why are you still here?" he asked, his voice gravelly.

"I am your wife, Jo. Where else do you expect me to go?"

"Away from me! Don't you see? I'm irredeemable. I just want to be left alone."

"Jonathan, I don't understand why you're like this. I miss the old you. What we had before.... before everything went sour," I muttered, my heart clenching, my fingers itching to smooth out the tense muscles in his forehead.

He gritted his teeth for a long time and blurted in a harsh whisper, "That old me died when Jemima died. Never told you this, Olivia, but I- I'm bipolar. I pushed Jemima in a rage into our swimming  pool. She died because of me. I'm toxic. I won't blame you if you decide to leave."

I gulped, realisation dawning on me. Gently, I reached out to touch his shoulder.
"I'm really sorry, Jo. I miss Jemima too. But, don't blame yourself. It was beyond your control. We can conquer this together, with God's help. But you'll have to let me in, Jo."

He looked at me for a long time as though I was a seraph. I had just gotten a glimpse of his inner demon but instead of repulsion, my compassion for him increased.

Impulsively, I placed my arms around him and hugged him until I felt sobs racking his muscular frame. As I stroked his back, I could almost sense the spectating aquatic creatures in the aquarium cheering us on.

Commentary: Love nwantiti. I wonder if the Judges can feel the love tonight. 🥰

JUDGES REVIEWS

JUDGE NADIA SULAIMAN

This one got me tingling.
A whole me, Nadia?
You people have finished me.

I love the writer's voice sha, it's intriguing and makes you want to go deeper into it. In a way, it reminds me of Stardust Wendy. The writer's voices are slightly similar. Nonetheless, the writer did a good job. Jonathan sounds hot, but what do I know, I'm toxic. But jokes apart, nice one, Anointed Scribes.

JUDGE OLAITAN DAVIS

Mhen! I had high hopes for you, really high. But oh well. I hope you do better in the coming stages.
Congratulations, anointed scribe.

JUDGE NINA OGBEIDE

I can't articulate well enough the kind of anticipation your first paragraphs built in me. I was so excited to know what's up. Was I disappointed? Yes. Your story had so much potential only for it to be watered down to the barest minimum.

JUDGE UMAR HASSAN

MR/MISS Anointed why is Jonathan growling the first thing that slaps me in the face? And your plot is all over the place. He's bipolar? Just like that? Wow. You need to understand what you are trying to tell us, child. You need to understand to be able to tell it and tell it Well. Feel me?

JUDGE GIWA FALADE

You went from 100 to 0 real quick, my dear.
The whole talk on mental illness, PTSD came out of no where. Too much was going on and then, nothing at all. You had a good start….but it fell off with the whole mental illness, bipolar thing.

Commentary: Now we know the Judges' taste in love! Let's see whether our next contestant in this batch was able to win their hearts.😉🔥

025 RENE

Prompt: "I hate you, but..."

GENRE: Light Romance

Story:

Amanda Edet is a book lover and everyone knew her for that. Since she was a little child, she always dreamed of having her own bookshop and as fate would have it, she did. She loves “love” so much so that she’s surrounded by stories of love and adventures but her love life was quite different.

As she was arranging the shelves one of these days,Amanda fell a stack of books. She tried picking them up when she felt a slight brush on her hand and looked up to see the most charming face she had ever seen. His dark brown eyes drawing her in and she felt him brush her hand again which sent jolts of electric currents snapping her out of her reverie.

She quickly apologized for the mess,but the stranger, who he later introduced himself as Marcel Oyekansola said he was fine. His smile captivated her and before long she knew she was attracted to him.

Marcel became a regular at the bookstore. They bonded over the love and interest in books they had. And just like Amanda, Marcel also had a rough love life. The time they spent with each other each day seemed so short that they wouldn’t know it was time to close until her alarm rings.

With time,Amanda had developed feelings for Marcel but was afraid to to voice out due to her past. She was willing to give it a shot but her fear held her back. Marcel too had feelings for her but was also afraid. But unlike Amanda, he was ready to face his fears and tell her. Since he was a bit she shy, he decided to write a letter to her and place in one of the books she set out to read. Unfortunately, she didn’t read that particular book and it was already closing time and he had to leave urgently.

He wanted to tell her himself but decided against it and left. Amanda noticed Marcel wasn’t exactly like himself and decided to talk to him about it when she got home. On picking the book, the letter fell out. She opened it and it read thus:

I bless the day I met you Amanda, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Having you in my life has changed a lot of things for me and I have become a better person. I love how you smile, when you cry when you read something emotional, the way your eyes glimmer when you laugh and everything about you. Now I know you’ve had a rough past and so did I, but I’m willing to put that past behind me and look towards having a future with you. I like you Amanda. No scratch that, I love you. You may not feel the same way but I hope you do. I just thought to let it of my chest. I do hope to get a response from you.
Love,
Marcel.

Reading this, Amanda was elated and was very happy she wasn’t the only one feeling this way. She made up her mind to tell him the next day how she felt. And truly, she did. Their relationship grew and she felt really happy. She was really grateful to herself for opening the bookshop, where she has met the love of her life. Where they both share the same passion and interests.

As they settled down to read more books, Amanda knew she had found her happily-ever-after.

THE END

Commentary: Amanda is living the happily ever after dream. We shouldn't forget our judges are the ones to determine that happy ending.

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE NADIA SULAIMAN

Rene.

Rene.

Rene.

Rene.

Don't provoke me sha.

So, what happened to the theme that was given to you?

And why so many switches in tenses. For God's sake, pick a side. If you want to tell a story, you either tell it in present tense or in past tense and stay consistent with the tense. Didn't you guys learn Essay Writing in secondary school? This was literally a requirement.

Your first sentence:

Amanda Edet is a book lover and everyone knew her for that.

That was wrong.

You could have gone with either present tense, and presented it this way:

Amanda Edet is a book lover and everyone knows her for that.

Or with past tense, and presented like this:

Amanda Edet was a book lover and everyone knew her for that.

And, then, whichever one you pick, the rest of your story takes that tense structure. With all due respect, I don't want to see this mistake again. And kudos for disregarding the prompt given to you. 👏🏾

JUDGE OLAITAN DAVIS

Sighs loudly and rubs forehead.

Just take this as an opportunity to go back, and I don't know,  do better or something.

You're not writing for primary five students, Rene.
Better luck next time.

JUDGE NINA OGBEIDE

I was hyped with the way the story started. It's obvious you're a good story teller but I can't say the same for your writing ability. Your story had no tangible plot. I couldn't feel anything for your characters. You narrated the story to us, you didn't show us how it happened.

JUDGE UMAR HASSAN

Seriously, what is with you people and not following instructions? What happened to starting with the given prompt? When Writing Flash fiction, you do more showing than telling. You told a lot-too much in this entry, fam. Omo,  the prompt no even dey this entry fa.

JUDGE GIWA FALADE

Your story is a prank, right?

Commentary: The Judges aren't big fans of pranks. I don't know about you, but I'm taking notes.

026 Yellow Rose

Prompt: "I hate you, but..."

Genre: Light Romance

Story:

I hate you but, I still love you Tony.
It's crazy how that could be possible, how I could still love you after everything you put me through but seeing our journey so far, it is.

Everytime I see you with Inioluwa_ her raised up in the air squealing with delight and you with that smile on your face, my heart instantly warm up but I fear to admit you've changed even when you say so knowing how much that cost me in the past.

Even when you're gone and out of sight, you sneak into my thoughts.
I hate how, when I look at Inioluwa, I see you, her father, and I'm always afraid of hurting her because of it.
I hate how you look at me with longing mixed with guilt, how you assured me you're a changed man after your mysterious accident that forced you to make amends and to be in our daughters life even after everything.
I often wonder if you came back because you were scared of going to hell for neglecting your wife and child.

I've always wanted you to stay not only for Inioluwa but also for me but you've left her before, you left her before she was even born and I had to take care of her by myself with no one to help me and where were you by that time? You were patrolling Lagos with different girls, fair and slim was always your type, you spent money on them while I was trying to pay for my antenatal Tony.
You say all these are in the past but do you expect me to forget them?

Do you blame me for hating and not forgiving? You put ideas into my head when we were younger; you were going to pursue your life long dream and be a pastor, I was going to be the woman behind a successful man but you messed that up Tony.
Why did you do this? Why did you ruin everything?

If only you knew how difficult it was to stay with you when all you did was to look down on me, I wanted to leave you countless times but could not bring myself to do so and when I finally did, I discovered I was pregnant with Inioluwa, she was the one that made me stay despite everything, do you know how hard it was seeing girls in my DM begging me to keep my man In check or seeing you scrolling through their n**des like you weren't my husband or a servant of God.
But
Even after everything you've put me through, you are the only person that comes to my mind whenever I want to write about something just like now.
Here I am, still madly in love with my first love.

It's funny how I can hate you while also loving you like mixed colours, fully aware of the consequences of being in love with you.
How I crave your touch but avoid touching you.
How I want to talk to you not only about the well being it Inioluwa, I want to be your special person like before and to be held and kissed but like they always say
“Once bitten, twice shy”

Do you remember when we were newly married and you said these words to me
“Whatever happens Nne, I'll always be with you through thick and thin”
Then you kissed me and we made love, I guess I'm holding onto the past you before all those things happened.
Seeing how much you've changed, I miss the past you that saw me like a Queen, your queen and sometimes I blame myself for not being enough to you.

I'm scared you'll leave Inioluwa again like you did to me and that joint custody you're looking for, you'll never get it from me, I'm in love but not a fool.
I've stopped trying to move on from you, it's very hard and I hate myself for still being in love with a man that broke me once.
I could never love anyone like I loved you not even Samuel that keeps coming to see our daughter and giving me green light.

I see you trying everyday, how you got a new job and paid her school fees for the very first time so maybe I'll change my mind.
You're her father so please don't leave her again, it'll break her heart and I can't afford to let her go through what I went through.
We love you, never forget that.

Commentary: A bride forever in a stained white gown🥹💔 We should probably see what our Judges think about Tony, the white stainer.

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE NADIA SULAIMAN

Hello? What's going on?
This work lacked organization and direction. The lack of punctuation threw me off guard. And I failed to see where the story was headed. Or maybe it was my inability to read this piece that made me fail to get your point. That's the problem with a bad work organization. It creates a turn off from the Judges right from the beginning. Punctuate your sentences, punctuate your dialogues, space out your paragraphs when necessary and only when necessary. And why did I pick up a sad undertone in your work when it was supposed to be Light romance. Yellow Rose, this one no do sha.

JUDGE OLAITAN DAVIS

Better luck next time, Rose.

JUDGE NINA OGBEIDE

Hmmmm Hmmmm.

JUDGE UMAR HASAN

I don't understand what I just read fa.

JUDGE GIWA FALADE

I— *thinks deeply on where to even start, then opens mouth and closes it again*

Giwa Falade is speechless, and no, it’s not a good thing.

Commentary: Hm...

A/N:
Where are you going to? It hasn't ended, we still have Batch Six waiting patiently for you in the next chapter. The last one to get there is the rotten tomato! 😅