Hello again lovely cribbers🤭. Welcome to the last faction ✨✨, I'm sure we're excited to hear what the Judges have to say about this Faction, without wasting much time let's get into it.

THE DYNASTY (TEAM MEMBERS)

Overseer: Dedun (DewDrop)

Contestants:
008 Smeraldo.
015 Wendy Black.
018 The Ink Fairy.
019 The Ascendant.
022 Man of Steeze

PROMPT: UNREQUITED LOVE

The walls reminded him of dew and morning mist, the crisp coolness of water, the soft smell of wet grass and damp leaves. He drew in the stale, coppery smell of their cell. That should make him want to leave, to end their months of suffering. But leaving would mean her going back to him, to Femi, with his ethereal smile and smoldering affection. He could imagine his straight, white teeth whenever she blabbed about him. The one-of-a-kind proposal. She'd go back to all that.

His eyes fixed on the wall, the grey gradually turning black along with everything else. His life outside was him in a little cottage near the Cameroon border. Three hundred days ago, that cottage might have been heaven with how desperately he had longed to return. But now, with her, the cell was more appealing.

Bumping lightly into a stone as she slept on leather, he hastened to her side, cushioning her head on his lap.

If only this moment would pause-him watching, her close by- so that he could savor the beauty of her essence. He heard more rustling, then she was sitting up, her morning face bright and beautiful.

"Morning," came her voice, soft and tranquil, without the grogginess of sleep. His heart seemed to drop to his feet before painfully trundling back in place. This might be the last time he'd hear her.

He turned to her, forcing his lips to spread. "Morning."

Her face beamed under the dim white light, radiating untamable joy that flushed her cheeks pink; she might burst from it. But that joy wasn't for him.

"Today of all days, a thought came to me. What if it's actually not morning? What if it's night now or afternoon and we're made to believe it's morning?"

"It's morning," he said, his words sharp.

"I know... It's just that thoughts-doubts-keep haunting me. Just this stupid feeling that we wouldn't pull through." She came closer, her hand hovering above his back before daintily touching him.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. He wanted to lean into her touch, to pretend that all her concern when they escaped would be solely for him.

He grunted. Not from pain. Maybe because he didn't have a response. Or because of the heaviness that sat on his chest, knowing that soon, barely hours from now, she would slip away from him.

He cleared his throat. "It'll be alright, he'll help us." He nodded at the guard behind the door, one of his old friends when he had worked there.

"Yeah."

A moment of silence passed.

"Will you miss this place?" he asked.

A frown crossed her face as she eyed him skeptically. "Are you serious? God, no! Why are you asking me this? Will you?"

He turned to the wall. "Absolutely not," he lied. "Will you continue chasing stories?"

"Journalism?" She chuckled, staring at the silhouette of the guard. "You might think I'm crazy, but I don't think all these will stop me from exposing these criminals. And I'll publish it when we get out."

"What if you get captured again?"

"Then God will send another you to help me escape."

He stiffened, his muscles tensing as if expecting a blow, as he braced himself for the question he was about to ask. "What if all this never happened? What if you were never brought in here?"

She smiled. "Well, I would have been married by now, pregnant maybe, but still a junior journalist. But I'll have you to thank, because when we get out, I'll try to get everything back in place."

He gave her a tight smile. The problem was he had expected this, but why was he feeling the need to launch off the bench and throw up everything in his gut?

"You see, he always warned me, Femi, and look where I am now; away from everything I've always wanted."

Femi, not him. He couldn't bear it anymore. He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest, as if to stop his raging heart. "We should get going."

When he had left the first time, it had been as a guard. He knew they'd never find him. The stakes were significantly higher now, with him as a prisoner along with someone else. They had wrenched out a tile in the middle of the cell with the knife they had stolen when he got into a fight with one of the guards. They crawled through a large pipe, the slimy interior scraping their bodies.

An hour had passed since they left the cell. It was only a matter of minutes before the guards would notice their absence. According to the guard, the pipe would lead them to an outlet where they'd jump into a palm plantation and make a run for the ocean, where a canoe was waiting for them.

Her soft pants filled the humid pipe, and he knew she was getting tired.

"We're almost there," he whispered, his voice reverberating. The high he always imagined when he thought about escaping again was gone. All he wanted to do was turn around and go back to their cell, so both of them would be together-forever.

"Is this it?" she asked, pointing at a concrete hatch. She moved aside so he could see. It was it. He could see the jagged edge the guard had pried open for them. This was it. A rush of blood surged through his veins, all his nerves on alert.

Should he lie? What should he do? She pushed the hatch with her legs, revealing swaying palms. He heard her sharp breath as she took in a lungful of the cool breeze. She stumbled out onto the cool earth, and he followed after her.

The look on her face was everything. Fear. Fatigue. Hope. Joy. She smiled so hard that he, too, smiled despite himself. "We did it?"

He nodded, heaving. Their ragged breathing seemed to compete with the rustling leaves and the distant caw of birds.

"Which direction do we go?" she asked.

The path was clear to him; they were barely miles from the ocean, but he pointed in the opposite direction. He didn't let himself think of anything else. This was the right thing.

"Do you think he would've moved on? Forgotten about me?"

He saw her face for the first time in broad daylight and made his choice. It was nothing close to betrayal. Rather, it was love. "No, he would not."

She hugged him. He lingered in the warmth of the hug, and for a brief moment, he thought of turning around and leading her to the canoe, to do what he was sent to do. But then the thought of her walking away, into the arms of Femi, made his blood run cold. They broke through the palm trees, and slowly the watchtower came into view.

His hand dropped to his side, and he took a slow, deep breath. Then, before he could lose his nerve, he turned sharply toward the watchtower and shouted, "Over here!"

He had done it before, and he knew the guards in there would do it too. Trespassers, anybody-it was one order. Shoot.

Commentary:Hmm, let's hear from our Judges..

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE NADIA SULAIMAN

Guys, I'm still shaking...

It's 8:31 am in the morning and here I was, lying on my bed and reading this piece only to shoot up from my bed in SHOCK. Wow! I did NOT expect that ending!

Now, I'm meant to give reviews, so I will leave the long talk and get on with it, yeah? Alright. On a general scale, this work was very nice. And I must note one thing, I am VERY impressed with all of you. One of the reasons that we do this teamwork exercise in Project Pen is because we always aim to make sure that everyone learns something new, while having to work together with other writers. And through this piece, I am confident that all of you involved in it just have learnt a thing or two. So, yes, I'm happy our goal pulled off.

The first thing I noted in your work that caught me was the Character Creation. Very amazing. Very demure. Love to see it. You didn't need to start narrating things about the girl and why they were the reasons why MC liked her so much, yet you told me SO MUCH about this girl. She has a very bubbly personality. She is a journalist with a passion for exposing criminals, and she is FEARLESS too. During this escape mission where she would be shaking in her boots, she can't help but contain her excitement. Yes, she loves Femi and can't wait to see him, but any other person would be filled with tension and fear for the length of the process of escaping... but she was so happy to do this. And her first plan when she gets out is to tell on criminals again, doing the exact same thing that got her in the cell in the first place. That's levels of fearlessness and passion, and I can see why MC loves her so much.

And for the MC, I see an attitude of never giving off. A bit rugged, but this is VERY low-key. Also very unpredictable. And, I have a feeling he could even have small temper issues, but this part if all conspiracies. Love the mystery to him too. And, I must say, you guys did an amazing job in their character creation. Very good one.

I felt something reading this piece. I can't explain what, but it calmed me... before it shocked me sha. It was something you could sit back and relax and read, line by line, and hope it doesn't finish anytime soon. So, yes, I would also give it to you guys for storytelling too.

I must say though, the ending should have been built up a little bit more... You did a good job, but I would have loved a part where they stopped and she maybe asked why they stopped, and he just smiled at her and told her she was beautiful. He analyses her beauty for a bit in his head and notes how slightly confused (yet, soft) she looked. Just show how much he loves this girl from the depth of his heart- a love that hurts and all. A kind of love you were willing to do anything for. Get the readers all mushy and pitiful before giving them a punch to the gut. Have the MF call out to the Watch House immediately after. You know? Something to make it stick more into the heart of the readers, before catching them off guard, instead of just going straight to the point, yeah?

But, you know, I loved this work in general. So much. And I am very proud of you all, Dynasties. Definitely my favorite one for this stage.

JUDGE OLAITAN DAVIS

Okay, this was pretty good and I really enjoyed reading it. I loved the cliffhanger it ended with, and now we don't know whether she was shot or she wasn't shot. Even though it looks like she was shot.

Men.

Chai.

Anywayyy, I'd like to point out spacing. Your work had good spacing alright, but there were some parts that were supposed to be put separately and not joined together.

The walls reminded him of dew and morning mist, the crisp coolness of water, the soft smell of wet grass and damp leaves. He drew in the stale, coppery smell of their cell. That should make him want to leave, to end their months of suffering. But leaving would mean her going back to him, to Femi, with his ethereal smile and smoldering affection. He could imagine his straight, white teeth whenever she blabbed about him. The one-of-a-kind proposal. She'd go back to all that.

My correction:

The walls reminded him of dew and morning mist, the crisp coolness of water, the soft smell of wet grass and damp leaves.

He drew in the stale, coppery smell of their cell. That should make him want to leave, to end their months of suffering. But leaving would mean her going back to him, to Femi, with his ethereal smile and smoldering affection.

He could imagine his straight, white teeth whenever she blabbed about him.

The one-of-a-kind proposal. She'd go back to all that.

Instead of it being all jam-packed together. You get my point? Now it looks very pretty to read.

Good job, Dynasty.

JUDGE NINA OGBEIDE

Well, where do I even start from? I want to believe that I like your story even though I'm not sure. Honestly, the story is just there to me; it's not bad but it's not good either. It's just okay. I must commend how you started the story, you went straight to the point. You didn't have to tell us this is this and this is that and you were still able to pull us in and get us invested in the story. The fact that we also didn't know the MC and FC's names throughout the story is also commendable. It's really creative and intriguing. About your "plot twist", I wasn't shocked, not because I saw it coming but because the twist wasn't delivered in a captivating manner. It was just stated, there was no amazing build-up to it that'd have made your readers go "What the fuck? How is this even possible?" but it was rather written in an "ahhhn, so that happened manner."

About doing justice to the theme; again my opinions are mixed. I loved the tweak to the unrequited love theme, I love how other things were brought into play but still, it didn't really hit for me. And this brings me to the conclusion; your delivery is the problem. Your story would have shone brighter if it had been delivered in a better way.

JUDGE UMAR HASAN

I liked the storytelling. It was solid. And I like solidity in stories. It adds depth to the writing style, letting you experience what the characters experience. Beautiful work with that.

The characters were a bit solid too. Even though we didn't get to know their names. We only knew Femi. And he wasn't exactly there with them. I like the way the emotions from the characters felt real.

Your work was also neat and nearly void of grammatical errors.

The only thing I'd like to point out here is that you need to work on clarity in your story. I got confused at some point, because some parts of the work didn't sync well. Work on that.

Overall, I think you did a good job, guys. Well done.

JUDGE GIWA FALADE

Hmmn

You guys had a significantly good story, so to say. For the theme you guys went with, this wasn't the kind of story I expected and I think that was what made it all the more shocking. You guys even incorporated a bit of cliffhanger in your story and I liked how you managed to pull in off.

Well done.

Now, one issue I had with your work was the spacing. I don't know if it's because of the people in this group who have had spacing issues of the course of this competition (you people don't used to listen ni?), but there is something about being able to space your work well that gives you a sort of edge, and I'm not even talking about paragraphing rules.

What do I mean?

The starting paragraph was too bulky and it was really going to mess up your opening line impression.

"The walls reminded him of dew and morning mist, the crisp coolness of water, the soft smell of wet grass and damp leaves."

This was the perfect opening line impression, and the other things that came after it should have been another paragraph entirely. Everything that came after the above almost watered down the effect of a perfect "opening line impression".

Also, there are some sentences that just need to stand alone so that their depth will be felt. Still first paragraph, the last two sentences- "The one-of-a-kind proposal. She'd go back to all that." should have been standing alone.

"The one-of-a-kind proposal."

"She'd go back to all that."

I don't know if you are getting me.

Same thing for the last paragraph. That word "Shoot" should have been standing alone. It gives the effect and gravity of the word, you know, or the "betrayal" behind it, so to say.

Like I said, this has nothing to do with paragraph rules. In fact, some people will say it is breaking paragraph rules, but let me be honest with you, some rules in writing can be bent. This is just about knowing how to make your story look neat, presentable and easy to read.

Also, I'd have really loved it if we saw the look of betrayal on the FL's face after ML outed her. It would have been a beautiful touch to the story.

Commentary:And that was the last faction,Anticipate the Overseer's review on the contestants✨