Hello, Cribbers!

Welcome to the second batch of

We will get to see amazing and mind-blowing entries from our Pen Masters.

The Pen Masters for this batch are as follows:

022 Sneaky Cougar
023 Aurelius
030 Zöe
032 Delphinium
034 Handsome

Without much further ado, let's begin.

JUDGES REVIEW

022 Sneaky Cougar.

Prompt title: THE VERACITY CHAMBER

Genre: Thriller.

Story entry:

Somadina knew her sisters would report to Mummy if they knew she left the house to see Jeffery. She made sure to triple the dosage of the sleeping pills she put in their milk.

Carefully, she climbed over the zinc fence surrounding their gloomy shack. Her hand scraped against the corroded metal, causing her to wince. She pulled her hand back and sighed when she didn't see blood.

Her heart raced as she sprinted away from their home, her feet crunching on shards of glass and brittle dead leaves. Rounding the corner of their desolate street, she spotted a hunched figure in the distance, unmistakably Jeffrey. She hastened towards him, crashing into his arms as he spun her around.

"So where are we going?" She said.
Jeff chuckled. He pulled out a black fabric from his pocket and wrapped it round her eyes.

Soma tensed a bit, but relaxed when he said he had a surprise for her. Her excitement doubled and she was almost jumping.

"Where are you taking me?" She asked again.

"You'll see."

***
Somadina felt the texture of the ground change beneath her feet, from the familiar cobblestone to sand. She knew they were out of town. She trusted Jeff enough to keep going even when she could smell the acrid scent of burnt debris, mingling with the pungent odor of scorched earth.

She paused when she smelt the faint metallic tang of gunpowder and explosives, "Jeff!" She called out, despite feeling his hands on her shoulder.

"We're almost there." Jeff planted a soft kiss on her neck, which calmed her. She tightened her grip on his arm as she walked blindly.

Finally, after what felt like eternity Jeff came to a halt. "Are you ready?"
Her pulse quickened as Jeffery gently removed the blindfold from her eyes, revealing a sight that left her utterly breathless.

Before them was a heavy metal door, weathered by time into rust. There were carvings on it-of skulls, bulging eyes, swords and more Somadina couldn't decipher.

She stepped back but got pulled back by Jeff. "What's this place?" She managed to whisper, her eyes darting between the door and the vast expanse of darkened, depressed terrain behind them. They had crossed the boundaries of the camp. She began to panic, "Jeff we can't be here...we can't be caught here. The army. It's not safe."

Jeff's grip on her tightened, both reassuring and firm. "Soma, I know this seems strange, but trust me."
She searched his eyes, waiting for him to say it was a lie and they'd go back home, but he proceeded to break the lock of the door with makeshift tool causing it to emit a high-pitched creak as he pushed it open.

"Come on," Jeff reached for her hand and pulled her in.

"My parents came here, mum told me a lot." Jeff said, pulling her through a narrow space.

"Can you tell me?"

"You'll see for yourself." He turned with a grin on his face.

They walked through a dark hallway where Jeff stopped. "It's called The Veracity Chamber."

What does that mean? She didn't ask, she nodded.

"People say it harbors spirits of truth."

They entered a dimly lit room which closed shut as soon as they entered. It's walls were adorned with symbols in blood-red and black. In the room's center, an ominous pedestal held an array of artifacts - tarnished daggers, ancient scrolls with indecipherable text, and small, intricate figurines, each more unsettling than the last.
Before the pedestal, a long table held two chairs on either side, with a bowl of purple liquid in its center.

"We'll make a cut on our hands and put the blood in the liquid then ask ourselves questions."

Before she could form a word, Jeff had cut his hand and was urging her to do so.

She desperately yearned to return home but chose to cut herself at the same spot where she had bruised it earlier, allowing her blood to mix with Jeff's as it dripped into the bowl. She'd do anything for him.

They sat on the chairs. "I'll start," Jeff said looking at her pointedly. "Do you love me?"

Soma chuckled out of disbelief, "I do."

Jeff looked around the room as if waiting for something to happen then turned to Soma. "Your turn."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Is that your question?" He asked, completely unlike the Jeff that brought her to this godforsaken place.

"I can't do this, no." She began to stand from her chair. Before she could fully rise, she was forcefully pushed back into it.

Her eyes widened as she accused him, "You did that. You made me sit down." Her body shook, heart pounding in her chest.

"Is that your question?" Jeff asked once more, maintaining a stoic expression, seemingly indifferent to her discomfort.

With no other choice, Soma nodded,
"Yes."

Jeff leaned back in his chair, "For love. My turn." He locked eyes with her as he continued, "Where were you during the rally point?"

Soma met his eyes, clinging to a faint hope that this might be a prank.

"At home." She replied her eyes fixed on him-a stranger-until it gets difficult for Soma to breathe.

Her throat felt parched, a sensation reminiscent of the smoke and ash that had suffocated her during the explosions. Yet, there was no explosion here, no smoke, only the desert-like dryness constricting her lungs, throat, and tongue. She clutched her throat, emitting hoarse moans, her eyes wide, almost bulging from their sockets, pleading for Jeff to do something.

"Soma, I don't want to see you hurt, just say the truth."
She couldn't believe her ears, but it didn't stop. She couldn't say the truth. No.

"At your street," she croaked out and slowly, she could breathe again. Viscous saliva dripped from the corner of her mouth as she gasped for air.
Jeff watched her, unfazed when he said, "Your turn."

Soma knew what he was doing, she won't let him ask her more. "Did your mum kill your dad?"

It was slight, almost unnoticeable but she saw it-his body going rigid, the twitch of his eye-and she knew she'd hit the right spot.

A beat passed. "Who told-"

"Yes or no!" Her voice was hoarse yet firm as ever. She didn't know if it was hatred or betrayal but she was determined to finish him off.

"No."

An eerie silence hung in the air after his words. She heard it before she saw it-a sound akin to a thousand fingers tapping on plastic, the rusted pins falling from somewhere piercing his skin.

His shouts reverberated through the room. Somadina couldn't help but smile as he struggled to rise but found himself immobilized. It baffled her how she had grown to despise someone she had sneaked out to spend her birthday with in just a matter of minutes.

"Yes, yes!" He screamed out and the pins stopped falling.

Jeff's eyes widened, he pulled the bloodied pins out his flesh staring at them in utter disbelief.

His eyes shot at her, Soma could feel his rage when he said, "What is between you and my brother?"
Goosebumps sprouted on her skin and she felt her heart stop. She tried not to stammer.

"Nothing! Nothing is between us." She said, suddenly feeling raw, awaiting what might come for her.

Nothing came. Soma could've sworn she saw disappointment cross Jeff's face.

"My turn," she said. "Why did you bring me here?"

"Because I love you."

Soma scoffed, "You call this love? You are del-"

The ground trembled, causing the lights to flicker, and then the earth beneath Jeff's feet crumbled and collapsed. He desperately clung to the table, shouting for Soma.

She hurriedly reached for his hand, but the dark abyss where the ground had vanished began to pull them both into the hole.

"I don't trust you. I think there's something g-going on between you and my brother that's why I brought you here." Jeff rambled, his words stumbling into each other. The force stopped pulling them and they both fell on the ground.

"Jeff let's just stop this and go home."

"I don't think it's possible. It's too late," he said. "Are you sleeping with my brother and why?"

"Yes," Soma said, guilt washing over her, but she couldn't afford to suffer anymore. "I needed money for mum."

"Ok."

"Can I go home?"

"Yes."

She heaved up from the chair, and trudged to the door. As she reached for the door handle, the ground suddenly began to shake. Startled, she spun around to find Jeff still lying on the ground.

He wore an apologetic smile, and she couldn't help but notice something like a pin in Jeffery's hand. A wave of dizziness washed over her. She desperately tried to believe it was the tremors causing it, not the object in Jeff's hand.

The ground collapsed and they all plummeted into the ground.

Commentary: That was quite thrilling, don't you think?

Let's see our Judges views.

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLINGS

Damn. This was such a solid story with perfect execution. And yes I'm toxic, the Jeff in this story is so hot.😪 Wow, Cougar, you really nailed this one.😪👏 I don't have complaints. This is a perfectly written story and Pen Master level something.🔥

The theme dived a bit more into Horror than Thriller, but it still had Thriller in it, having that Jeff is the one that brought them in there and had clear intentions for doing so. So yeah, you killed this. Either this or Dewdrop was my favorite read in this stage.

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

Brilliant entry actually, it's very creative but I think your story suit horror more than thriller. It could also be a horror thriller so well done, I really enjoyed it.

Judge Williams Shakespeare
Hmmm. Valorous job, sneaky cougar.

Hmmm. Good job, Sneaky Cougar.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Your story was very different. Yes, I get the theme assigned to everyone was different but yours was deep different. You took a new route, a crazy route, and I like when writers do something different. It was creative. Your story was neat and you described beautifully well. ❤ Your ending seemed to want to spoil your story though. It was a bit wobbly? I can't put a name on it.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

One word: confused. Okay, your story was good. But I didn't-still don't-get it. You lost me when they took a blood oath or something. And it felt like you added fantasy to this.

JUDGE JANE COREY

This. Was. SCARY! damn, you sneaked out of your parent's house just to go and die! Why don't you all sneak in the daytime? Must it be at night? 😭 Now you are dead, where do you think you'll go to?
Nonsense and ingredient 😪

JUDGE DANIELLE LORI

This. Was. WOW! I was gripped from beginning to end. I honestly loved this. Has to be one of my best submissions so far. Jeff's insecurity, Soma's confusion and pain, the ending. I loved everything!

Commentary: Let's welcome our next pen master.

The one and only...

023 Aurelius

Prompt Title: A minute to midnight.

Genre: Psychological thriller.

Story entry:

Abeni knew her sister would tattle on her to mama when she found her missing. She looked towards the main house. The windows were decidedly dark and a white curtain fluttered in mama's room. Mama was still asleep. That was to be expected it was a little past eleven.

The young girl breathed in the cool night air and readied to scale the tall walls of her prison. She set her feet in the familiar footholds. As she about to hoist herself she felt her flesh ripping on the glass shards that weren't there the times she scaled these walls.

Mama had them installed yesterday to prevent her escape.
Young girls have been disappearing from the town under mysterious circumstances since Independence day. Mama believed it was part of the ritual killings to thank the gods for this new country and to ask them to bless the land.

Abeni always scoffed at mama when she warned her about the situation. The girls and their lovers ran away to the capital with bright dreams to succeed under self governance.

"Ow!" Abeni whispered.
The glass had cut a long gash across her palm. Crimson blood was rapidly falling onto the floor in fat red drops that were quickly absorbed in the ground.

Abeni sucked on the wound. Cleaning it with her saliva. The metallic taste of iron made her wince.

Mama and her schemes were not going to deter the young girl from her rendezvous with her one true love, Jeffrey.
Jeffrey was a god to Abeni. A man of wit and intellect. A man sly as a fox and calculating as a wolf. Jeffrey was a whirlwind that rearranged her world the minute he stepped into it two weeks ago.

Mama didn't approve of him. She thought him slimy and weird. A cunning fox who came to steal her chick from the nest.

"He's pulled the wool over your eyes. Hoodwinked you into seeing only the nice side of him." She admonished her disobedient daughter after she was caught with him by the lake.

Abeni reached Jeffrey's house just when the cold was getting to her bones. She tapped on the door with their secret knock. A combination of sporadic and prolonged taps.

The door opened a few moments later. His broad shoulders filled the door frame, blocking all light and backlit him in a golden halo.

"Is your mother aware you're here, my love?"
Jeffrey asked, his voice teasing and pretentious. He knew Abeni's mother didn't approve of their relationship and their stolen moments.
It was intended to be a jape but the mode of delivery and the chilly night made his words hit right and true.

"Anyone home?" Abeni asked, trying to change the tides of the conversations.
She found an answer in his perfect smile.

He led her in. Abeni looked around the house. It always held a fascination for her. It was one of those houses built in the infancy of the colonial era. Abeni sat on a chair in the living room. A grainy black and white TV was broadcasting an address from Awolowo.

Bored, she looked around the room. Abeni's eyes settled on a ruby slipper peeking from beneath the yellow sofa. She rose from her seat to inspect the misplaced footwear. Something about it was very familiar. The creases on the toe box felt like something she'd seen created in real time. She's seen them around, somewhere.

Jeffrey rushed up to her, "What's up?"
He was slightly out of breath and there was a moist sheen on his forehead.

"I was investigating a slipper I found," Abeni replied.

Jeffrey cleared his throat and fidgeted with his fingers.
"What slippers?" he asked.

She looked at the place where the slipper once was. It was no longer there. Strange. There was definitely a slipper there and Jeffrey was hiding it. He had no mother and no sisters. Was he cheating on her?

Abeni checked her watch in the awkward silence that ensued. Half past eleven. She had to be home at midnight.

"I have a surprise for you," Abeni's lying lover broke the silence. Jeffrey reached into his breast pocket and brought out a swatch. He tied it around the young girl's eyes and plunged her vision into a field of red.

"What's the surprise, Jeffrey? I hate surprises," she giggled.
Abeni didn't like surprises but surprises from Jeffrey were an exception just as all of him was an exception in her life. Two weeks of dating and he had given her fourteen surprises.
"Do you remember our vows by the lake?"
Jeffrey led her out of the living room up a flight of stairs.

"Yes..." she whispered wondering where this was going.
She could never forget that evening where the sunset was perfect by the lake. She promised her eternity to Jeffrey, giving herself completely to him.

Their afterglow was ruined when Abeni's sister, Beatrice saw them and reported her to mama.
Mama came to the lake raging like a bear chased by a swarm of bees.

Her daughter saw her approach, "How I wish mama could just leave with my chatterbox sister so I can love you. I want to be free from them. I want to run away and be free with you by my side."
That was a week ago. Independence day.

"I have found a way of making us stay together without running away," he whispered into her ear. His warm breath sent cold shivers down her spine.

Abeni could smell it, her tongue could taste it. The metallic bite of blood hung in the air. She felt her wound for any bleeding but it was dry.

They entered a room. The blindfold came off, the world turned black.

When her brain could comprehend what she saw, Abeni collapsed. She felt her throat tear with the effort of a scream but there was no sound. Displayed with horrid morbidity and coldness was her family.

Mama was hanging from the roof with a rope around her neck. She was as naked as the day she was born. Mama's breast hung on her chest in flat flaps and her head was shone smooth.
Her face slack and ashen, rivulets of saliva streaming from her agape mouth, pooling on the floor.

A slash ran across both of her wrists, drops of blood falling on the ground each second and as the drops fell and splattered on the wooden boards all love for Jeffrey died. All hopes for life broke.

Beatrice was next. She was sprawled on the ground naked as mama was. Where her eyes should've been were dark holes that caved in. Her eyes were in both of her fist. Held like a pervasive chalice. Her lips and her tongue had been cut off and were placed above her navel. Beatrice's teeth remained exposed and white in a pained eternal smile.

Abeni could see the slippers belonged to Beatrice. The other pair clung on to her right leg, still in that horrible naked sprawl. The knife that was used to commit this desecration laid underneath her feet.

Jeffrey knelt beside her, "My love, I did what you asked. We're finally free from them and we can love each other without their disapproval looming over us."
His voice was gentle and kind like he was soothing a bird with a broken wing.

He held her as she shook and writhed in the blood and broken remains of her murdered family.
"Our love is a great love, one for the ages. We have to make multiple sacrifices to make it work."

"You monster! Devil!" she found her voice at last. Abeni rose up and tried charging at Jeffery.
He was faster than her. He stood up, grabbed her and pushed her to the floor.
Abeni fell hard, the wind knocked out of her.
"Just because I said I want to be free doesn't mean I want my family dead."

"You stupid heifer, I did all of this for us. How blind are you?" Jeffery screamed.
He shook her hoping to make her see sense in his actions.

Abeni crawled up to Beatrice and drew the knife from under her feet. She rose and rammed it into Jeffrey's stomach. She rammed it into him until her arms burned from exhaustion and her lungs ached for breath.

When she was done Jeffrey was a bloody mush on the floor. His blood flowed and mixed with Mama and Beatrice's own.

The house was plunged into an airless silence after she was done.
"Peace and unity for the good people of Nigeria," Awolowo's voice carried from the television.

She should've been on her way home.
Abeni checked her watch, it was a minute to midnight.

Commentary: Let's see what the judges have to say, shall we?

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLINGS

Honestly, I have to commend the way that you always deliver. Your work always shows a lot of professionalism and that is one thing I admire the most about you. Good job, Aurelius. The sky is only your starting point.👏

JUDGE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Well this shaked me to mine own bones. Fantastic job.

Well this shook me to my bones. Fantastic job.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Brother Aurelius with the English. You have come again. You have a unique way of writing. Your language in this piece was beautiful and the description of the corpses were very vivid. Instead of just saying one was hanging and the other was on the floor with her eye sockets empty, you painted a good image. It was thrilling, I suppose. But, brother Aurelius, do know that you can't whisper with an exclamation mark. They don't go. It's like oil and water, Indomie and sugar, pounded yam and pap. The combo just no make. Recall that when writing next time, biko. I can't change what you've written so I won't talk much but when going for psychological, don't be afraid to make the person as *sick or twisted* as possible while still making sure they justify their actions or reasons for doing stuff. Kay? Kay.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

O

kay, this story is giving Chinua Achebe. 😂🔥 You blended Historical fiction with this thriller. The plot twist was mad, ngl. But. . .Idk, man. I still feel something should have been added and something should have been removed. And your tense wasn't consistent. Overall, though, I think you did a good job.

JUDGE JANE COREY

The guy is a monster! Like, who kills someone like this? MONSTERS! who plucks out somebody's eyes and... in fact self. I don't wanna even think about the image 😭😭.

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

Your story is good, the plot twist was explosive but that's not a psychological thriller. It's a good thriller but there's nothing psychological about it.

JUDGE DANIELLE LORI

This was a breathtaking surprise because you managed to provide an exciting twist to the beginning and sustain it to the end of the story. I really enjoyed it.

Commentary: I'm sure we did not miss Judge Karen Kingsbury's review, because what the hell is pounded yam and pap😂😂

Anyways let's welcom the third Pen master🔥

030 Zöe

Genre: Comedy

Story entry:

I knew that if my sisters found out I had escaped to see Jeffrey, they'd snitch to Mummy faster than you could say "Jack Robinson."
Now that everybody was observing siesta, I had to meet with Jeff.

Stealth was my ally as I leaped over the fence with zinc beside it, trying to channel my inner ninja. But just as I landed on the other side, my ninja skills failed me.

"Ewo! My hand!" I yelped.

I inspected the hand I'd scraped on the zinc, wiping it on the hem of my shirt, relieved to find no blood. It was harmattan season, after all, the time of dry air and cold. Which apparently meant that even my hand had decided to go on holiday.

I just crossed the first street when out of nowhere, one Benz just flew past me and gave me a very free, unsolicited, and public afternoon shower under that hot sun.

Before I go on, my name is Somadina Adimma, a second year anatomy student at The University of Lagos. My mother recently got remarried to an oil mogul. It's forbidden to leave the house without our parents' permission, but they would never accept that I date any man right now.
In the words of my mother, "After your school gives you back to us with your degree, only then can we give you to a man."
*****

I met Jeffrey two months ago on a very cold Monday morning.
Every Monday, two things are true about me; I have a virtual ten am meeting that could last between one to four hours, and I always wake up late.
The night before, I had decided to work from a cafe.
However, as per my style, I was up late again.

I rushed to a nearby restaurant.
A waitress came to my table and I asked if I could work there. She said yes, as long as I ordered something.
She showed me the menu, and when I saw how much they were selling breakfast, I closed it back, because how much is Mai Shai bread and egg at my junction?

"If I give that man 1k, I know how much I will collect." I thought to myself.

I was still asking the girl how much it would be if I bought my own bread from outside when a man walked in.

God! My head first scattered.

You know outfits that have weirdly unique colours?
Colours that regular people can't find in the market? Colours your eyes can't really place.
It is green but not really green because each time you blink, the colour confuses you.
Colours they don't sell in Yaba.

Good Lord.

As soon as I saw the suit, I immediately understood what it meant for an outfit to be tailored.

You know how Iron Man would step into his suit and it would fit itself perfectly to his body? That was how this suit looked on this man. Every crevice was appropriately catered to.
It was almost regal. He was dark-skinned with a beard. And he was short. I don't even like short men but it was like this one just came to shatter my standards.
He undid a button effortlessly, and sat.

He ordered the breakfast. The same breakfast I was doing calculus for is what one short man just came to order like that.

God abeg.

"Ma, sorry you can't remove the bread. It is a package," the waitress said.

I frowned because must she be shouting in front of my future husband?
Because of small bread I wanted to buy outside, she was broadcasting.

I realized that I had loosened my jeans button for food to see space to enter, so I quickly did that one back.

In the middle of his meal, he looked up and our eyes met. I looked away shyly.
When he was done eating, He stood up!
To pay and leave. He was about to leave me there!

Walai, I was just looking like mumu with sausage in my mouth. The thing about this restaurant was, it has a clear ceiling-to-floor window, so you can watch the love of your life walk away in HD.

I looked down at the breakfast and saw that it was two slices of bread they gave me.
When Mai Shai will give me one full bread and squeeze egg inside for me.

"Lagos restaurants should just bring out a gun." I muttered.

"Who should bring out a gun?" Someone asked.

I looked up, and the man from the other side of the restaurant was staring down at me.

"I'm Olusegun Jeffrey. Call me Jeff." He said, extending his hands for a handshake.

"I'm Somadina Adimma. Soma."

We spoke for what felt like an eternity.
I missed my meeting.

*****

Reaching Jeffrey's house, I knocked softly, and the door creaked open, revealing Jeffrey's smiling face. He greeted me with a bear hug.

"Are your siblings aware you're here?" He asked.
"No," I giggled.

"Actually," he said, gently pulling me inside, "I have a surprise for you."

My excitement bubbled.

"Use this," he said, blindfolding me.

"Where are you taking me?" I inquired, my heart racing as he guided me.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise," he teased, planting a soft kiss on my neck.

My mind raced with anticipation.

I couldn't fathom what was so important that Jeffrey had me wandering in circles.
"Is it a surprise party?" I asked.

Jeffrey laughed. "Surprise party ke? Somadina, you know we don't have any friends!"

"True! It's just us against the world!" I exclaimed, almost tripping in my enthusiasm.

My body practically sizzled with anticipation. Was it cake? Flowers? A new iPhone?

Jeffrey halted, his hands on the knot of my blindfold.

"Oya countdown," he said.

"Three," I began.

"Two," he followed.

"One," we yelled..
The blindfold slipped away, revealing a with dinner for two on a blanket flanked by pillows.

"That's not the real surprise yet. Come with me." He said, leading me to the blanket.

We drank and ate a lot. A whole lot.
Barely sober, I asked him, "Baby, what is the surprise?"

"What is your goal this year, Soma?" He replied.

I howled, "Sorry for the laugh." I said, clearing my throat.

"The goal is to get a car," I paused, looking straight at Jeff. "Since I and my siblings have twelve thousand Instagram followers combined, if the followers contribute one thousand each, it will be twelve million Naira. The car I want to buy is actually ten million, but we can use the remaining two million to do party."
Jeff stared at me, unblinking.

"You may want to ask me how much I have. I will thank you very much for that question. I have 3k."
Jeff started to giggle.

"Now, it may seem small to you but if you know how hard it was to stop myself from looking at the shawarma spot today, you'll know I am very serious about this car. I can never ever ask people to buy something for me without telling them the reason. So, why do I want a car?" I continued.

"I want to be able to splash water on my neighbor when he is going out. I want to show him that we are not mates. I want to be able to drag road with people in this Lagos. I too want to be able to roll down and abuse people. Right now, I can't drag road with people because I walk. They can use car to jam me, and I don't want to die. However, I think if I had a car, the playing field will be levelled." I stopped to look at Jeff, in a full blown laughter fit.

"There is one Lastma that I hate at Ogolonto. I want to use car to chase him away from the road. As in, I'll park my car, wait for him to enter the middle of the road before I start my engine, and press accelerator. I won't injure him. I just want to use bumper to touch his leg small." I said gesticulating wildly.

"Lastly, I want to chook my head out of a car and eat corn, on the way to my village, so my enemies can know I have arrived. With these few points of mine, I hope I have convinced you, and not confused you that you should donate and help me buy car." I ended, bowing.
Jeff was hooting and cheering.
I sat beside him and he pulled me into a hug.

"I got you the perfect surprise gift." He whispered.

He got on his knees and pulled out a small box.

Was Jeff proposing?!
My God!

He opened the box. I was dumbstruck.
I wasn't sure if it was by the cheeky grin on the face of the man on his knees in front of me, or by the fact that the surprise was a red toy car.

Commentary: This was quite different. Don't you think?😂

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLING

No, Zoë, you ATE this up!! 😂👏Do you understand?! Five plus three?? ATE!! Man, I absolutely loved this story. It made me laugh so hard and you nailed the theme so well. I loved this! There were a few errors in mechanics, punctuations were hitchy here and there, but not enough to ruin your work, but I will give this slight hint - Ellipses are meant to be three, not two. Like this (...). Kapish? Nonetheless, I loved this and I love you!😂❤️

JUDGE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Zoe the comedian! yond r'd toy car at the endeth wast sooo unexpect'd. Quite quaint w'rk once again zoe!

Zoe the comedian! That red toy car at the end was sooo unexpected. Beautiful work once again Zoe!

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

This story was funny or should I say the tone was humorous. I think that's basically saying the same thing in two different ways. You took another turn in your story, making her meet her 'jeffery' before knowing him. Cool, cool. I was wondering how you were going to go about your story, but you seemed to have it under control, Soursop would be proud.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

Iron Man.😂😂😂

Oh My God, Zoe! 😂😂😭 First off, permit me to tell you that you're a good kind of abnormal person. What the heck?😂😂😭😭 Toy car? May we not be pranked like that in Jesus name.😭😂 God abeg. This story looks like The Mechanics of Yenagoa by Michael Afenfia. Okay, okay. Let's get some things out of the way. Your tense use was inconsistent. Work on that. There was a certain kind of disarray, too. Let your story come together and stuff. That said, you did well, Zo. Nice.

JUDGE JANE COREY

Why don't you go for standup comedy, cause you are a born comedian. But I noticed one mistake sha, how can her neighbour splash her water during harmattan, think about it. It's harmattan, so everywhere is supposed to be so dry and dusty, Or maybe na dust dem poor you. Apart from that, you try, you gave me a good laugh 🤭. Especially after listing out he ran and earth on what she wants, at the end was given a toy car, TOY! Jeff is sha mean oo 😭.

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

It's Harmattan and a car that drove past her splashed water on her. How?

And you're one mad-ass funny writer I enjoyed your entry, it's really funny even though some parts sounded dumb and not funny but generally, it's good and that end got me.

JUDGE DANIELLE LORI

From the beginning to the end of your story was hilarious. I can't- I'm actually wheezing. I love the twist at the beginning, so that the story didn't start the same as the others. There were a few punctuation errors and there were times Soma kept going on and on and on in her dialogues, I'm thinking for a comedic effect, but besides that, I really enjoyed this.

Commentary: Now, give it up for our very own...

032 Delphinium

Genre: Thriller.

Story entry:

Somadina knew that her sisters would report to Mummy if they knew that she escaped the house to see Jeffery. She scaled the fence, landing on the other side with a thud.

Her teeth barred as she stood up, wincing due to the pain in her hip. She ignored it and limped down the walkway.

It hadn't been a minute since she started walking when she became aware of footsteps which seemed to mirror hers. The moment she stopped, the footsteps seized.

She glanced over her shoulder but there was no soul on the street. She turned back, feeling a weary knocking in her chest.

She increased her pace as much as her fractured hips would allow. Over the past few days, she had been feeling like she was being followed.

But whenever she turned, she wouldn't find anybody. Sometimes, she would be certain that she wasn't mistaken.

There were telltale signs: footsteps, breathing which continued when hers stopped, and sometimes a shadow flickering quickly out of sight. Just like the one which appeared on the walkway, at that moment, right next to her own.

She turned again, and this time when she didn't see anyone, she ran. She was almost out of breath by the time she stood on the threshold of Jeffrey's mansion.

She wanted to press the bell but stopped when she remembered that Jeffrey was home with his brother-Vincent.

Since they were both alone at home, Vincent had a big chance of opening the door. She thought of calling Jeffrey but realized that she had forgotten her phone in her hurry.

Not that it mattered. Jeffrey hadn't picked any of her calls since he called to wish her a happy birthday in the morning.

She took in a deep breath before pushing the bell. She hoped Vincent wouldn't get the door. She really disliked him. Whenever they hung out with him, he made sexual innuendos about her which Jeffrey always waved aside as harmless jokes.

He had also phoned her a few days ago, with an unknown number, claiming to be Jeffrey and asked her to meet up with him at an unknown location.

She had figured out he was the one because he mentioned something about Jeffrey-something only a family member would know.

She had told Jeffrey about it and he doubted her, saying that they both had been together when she got the call and Vincent couldn't have phoned her without his knowledge. They even had a fight because of it.

She pushed the bell again and waited but no one came out. She was about to give up when someone covered her eyes from behind. The suddenness of the action and the fact that she hadn't heard any footfalls made her scream.

"Relax," the person whispered into her ears, causing goosebumps to dot her skin, "it's me."

"J-Jeffrey?" she called, unsure.

The voice was too low to catch.
"Yes, I have a surprise for you. But you have to keep your eyes closed."

She nodded. His voice sounded slightly different but she couldn't tell for sure since he didn't speak above a whisper.

He fastened a piece of cloth around her eyes before he led her into the house.

He pressed his lips against her neck, causing her to shift away slightly. She let out an uncomfortable laughter to cover the action, muttering something about him being impatient.

She couldn't understand why she reacted that way. She tried to calm herself.

"How long is it going to take?" she asked when his silence became unnerving.

"Trust me, So."

Hearing his nickname for her calmed her a bit and without the apprehension, she found herself anticipating the surprise. She wondered what it could be.

Cake? A bouquet of flowers? A new iphone? She'd have to wait to find out.

Soon, they stopped.

"In 3," he whispered.

A smile played on her lips as she joined in the counting.

"2."

"1," Jeffrey finished.

The blindfolds came off.

But just like when they were on, all she saw was darkness.

"J-Jeffrey?" she called, unsure of what was happening.

She didn't get any reply. She could feel her pulse pounding in her temples as she called out his name again.

This time, the lights came on. An almost imperceptible whisper followed, causing her to shiver.

"Happy birthday."

The sight she beheld caused her heart to drop into her stomach.

Jeffrey lay in a supine position, a knife lodged in his chest. Her hands covered her mouth to stop her scream as she stared at the body. Tears blurred her vision, sobs tightening her throat.

Just then, a noise from the lobby caused her to jerk around just in time to catch a retreating shadow. She rushed to the door and looked around the lobby.

It was empty. She returned to where Jeffrey's body lay and that was when she noticed the body was already discoloured.

Dried blood clung to the knife in his chest and she realized that he had been dead for a long time. And that left her wondering. Who led her into the house?

Her heart slammed into her chest and she found herself looking over her shoulder again. She was relieved when she found no one. But she was certain the killer was still in the house.

Blinking away her tears, she ran out of the room. She got to the front door but the moment she twisted the knob and it didn't move, she knew whoever killed Jeffrey had no intentions of letting her leave.

She looked around the house. All the windows had protectors and the back door was perpetually locked. That didn't stop her from deciding to give it a try.

She started heading towards the back when a sound came from her right, causing her to stop. Dread rooted her to a spot and she turned slowly, hoping it was a random object.

The kitchen lights came on, distracting her from the noise. The first thing she noticed was a cake on the kitchen island before she saw Vincent searching through drawers. She quickly hid behind a wall and watched him sample knives.

Her breathing became heavy. If Vincent could easily kill his brother, who knew what he would do to her? Probably force himself on her before giving her a sadistic death.

If only she had her phone.

Her heart stopped when Vincent looked up from what he was doing and their eyes met. Her body became still, stiffer than rigor mortis had rendered Jeffrey's body.

"So?"

His voice was enough to send her limbs into action. She scurried up the stairs, ignoring his voice coming after her.

She ran into the room where Jeffrey's body lay. Vincent's footsteps became closer and she glanced around, trying to think fast.
Her eyes landed on the knife still in Jeffrey's body. It was her only hope.

It was a hassle to free the knife but she got it done just in time to hide behind the door before Vincent barged into the room.

He had a serrated knife in his hands and his eyes first landed on Jeffrey's body. He had his back to Somadina and she took the chance to drive her knife into his back.

He turned slowly, his eyes wide as he stared at her, before he fell on his back, driving the knife further into his body.

Somadina could feel her heart beating out of control as she stared at Vincent's body.

"Freeze!"

She glanced up to find a cop pointing a pistol at her. Her jaw almost dropped to the floor. How did the police get into the house?

"I didn't-"

"You have the right to remain silent," the officer said, interrupting her.

They ended up dragging her into their van despite her screaming and begging. She was drained by the time she sat at the back of the vehicle, staring out of the window.

This wasn't how she had expected her birthday to go. Just when they were about to drive off, she caught sight of a figure staring at her through the window of Jeffrey's room.
Her heart skipped at first before she recognized him as Jeffrey's cousin-Chima. They had a fling a while back when he lived with Jeffrey's family.

He became obsessed at a point and wanted her to leave Jeffrey so she had to call it off. He threatened to tell Jeffrey about the affair but ended up leaving the country. She had even forgotten about him.

It was a bit surprising for her to see him. And why exactly was he waving at her?

He was smiling too. His lips moved but she couldn't understand him.

It wasn't until the van started moving that she made out his words.

"Hope you enjoyed your birthday gift."

That was when it hit her. They were never alone in the house. Chima had an actual motive to want Jeffrey dead. And now she had an innocent person's blood on her hands.

Commentary: Now to the Judges review.

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLING

I love what you did with this. I feel the end could have been done better with a more powerful revelation, but that aside, you did a good job, Delphinium. I love how you didn't even need to change up the narrative of the messy story to make yours interesting. That was very impressive. I was glued to my screen from the beginning to the end.

Judge Arundhati Roy

Her teeth barred sounded so much like she's a vampire or a werewolf.

Ceased not seized and you also made a couple of spelling mistakes that I'm sure are pretty much noticeable.

So generally, you did quite well for your story and I enjoyed it. It was fast paced and the plot twist was quite shocking.

Judge William Shakespeare

Del baby, valorous w'rk. T wast at which hour vincent did get yerked in the backeth yond i did start to bethink yond that gent might not actually beest the killeth'r. That gent wast only trying to warneth h'r and defend himself too. Valorous job, delphinium.

Del baby, good work. It was when Vincent got stabbed in the back that I started to think that he might not actually be the killer. He was only trying to warn her and defend himself too. Good job, Delphinium.

Judge Karen Kingsbury

I LOVE the fact that you carried hammer, carried nail and just hit the theme right on the head. You are good. Let me say it again, you are good. At first, I didn't like the fact it was too simple, the culprit obvious, so you have no idea how I was very glad on seeing the twist at the end. Poor Vincent. You left clues that added up perfectly into one lovely story. I also liked the way the tone of your story conveyed what it was meant to convey right from the beginning. Kudos, Delphi. 💯

Judge Acton Bell

Gripping. Omo. I like the twist. And honestly, you did this well. I felt it.😩😫 Just that I felt you could have stopped at "They were never alone in the house." That would have been enough to tell us what needed to be said. Anyway, Oracle of Delphi, I liked your story. You made us think Vincent was the killer-and it happened to be someone else. Welldone, Pen Master!🌚🔥

Judge Jane Corey

Who would agree with me that this entry was a blast?! I actually hated Somadina for jumping into conclusions and killing Vincent. Dude was trying to help you! But you ignorantly killed the poor soul 😔😔.
Now you've seen your mistake, but it's too late and there's a blood in your hand. 😔

Judge Danielle Lori

I feel like your delivery didn't do enough justice to the plot. It wasn't enough to provoke much excitement for me, but I love the general idea and plot twist of the story where Vincent wasn't the killer like we thought he was.

034 HANDSOMELAD 42

Genre: Thriller.
Story entry:

Somadina knew that her sisters would report to Mummy if they knew that she had escaped the house to see Jeffrey. But she couldn't resist. The allure of forbidden love was too strong, pulling her towards him like a magnet. They had been secretly dating for months, hiding their relationship from her strict and overprotective mother. Jeffrey was the only person who truly understood her, and she couldn't bear the thought of being separated from him. There was only one thing she didn't understand about him-his psychotic behaviour.

As she slipped out of the back door, Somadina's heart raced with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. The moon cast an eerie glow over the silent neighborhood, adding an air of mystery to her clandestine adventure. She made her way through the dimly lit streets, careful to avoid any suspicious eyes. Every creaking branch or distant sound sent shivers down her spine, but she pushed forward, determined to see Jeffrey.

Finally, she arrived at their secret meeting spot-a secluded park nestled behind a row of tall trees. The park was deserted, save for a few flickering street lights that cast long, distorted shadows on the grass. Jeffrey was already waiting for her, his face illuminated by the soft glow of his phone screen.

Somadina rushed into his arms, feeling a sense of relief wash over her.

"Happy birthday my love," he said, smiling at her, "I have a surprise for you but you'll have to wait a bit."

They sat on a bench, talking and laughing, their whispers mingling with the night breeze. But their stolen moments of happiness were abruptly interrupted by a piercing scream that echoed through the darkness.

Startled, they turned to face the direction of the sound. Somadina's heart pounded in her chest as she saw the silhouette of a figure stumbling towards them. It was her younger sister, Chidinma, her face contorted with fear and tears streamed down her cheeks.

Somadina frowned on seeing her.

"Dimma, did you follow-"

"Mummy and Amaka are in deep trouble," Chidinma interrupted her, gasping for breath.

"What's going on?" Jeffrey asked, his voice filled with concern.

Before Chidimma could even say anything, three men who looked like rogues ambushed them. They rendered the two girls unconscious almost immediately.

Jeffrey at this point was almost relieved.

"I gave you fools one job, you had just one task! Yet you couldn't pull it off, wastrels!"

"Oga, we no know say the other girl don comot already," replied one of the men.

"It's alright, let's take them to our meeting point, there's bigger fish to fry," Jeffrey retorted.

On regaining consciousness, Somadina found herself tied up with her mum, sisters and some other women in some kind of shabby warehouse.

Jeffrey came out at that moment and she began to question him.

"What's all this Jeff? What's going on my love?"

"Shut up!" Jeffrey shunned her and started laughing hysterically.

"Are you so stupid that you can't see what's going on? And don't call me that again!"

Somadina wept bitterly and wondered how she could have been so foolish.

"That's exactly what I've been telling you. This your mumu love will kill us one day but you won't hear, now see the result. . ."

Chidimma's saddened taunts were instantly interrupted when Jeffrey received a phone call.

"Yes, we'll be bringing the women soon. . ." That was all that was heard of Jeffrey's conversation.

"Who knows what'll become of us?" their mum cried.

Trying to inform the police or anyone at that moment was almost futile because nobody even knew where the warehouse was located and from the looks of it, they were going to be sold off to some foreign men.

Five minutes later, they were all put in a truck and taken away.

At this point fear gripped everyone but then an idea struck Somadina which she instantly shared with Chidimma. They began some sort of commotion in the back of the truck which irritated the driver and goons.

"What's going on there? Don't you dare provoke me right now or I'll kill you all!" one of them yelled.

"Please help us, my sister fainted," replied Somadina timidly.

She thought that if they could stop the truck to come and check them at the back, one of them could sneak out to at least get help.

"This might be a trap, they might be planning a way to escape," one of the goons suggested.

"Let me just go quickly, just in case, you know they're supposed to be in good condition as the boss suggested, and besides what's the worst that can happen? Stop the truck quickly!"

The truck halted and on opening the back, he found Chidimma lying unconsciously.

"What happened to her?"

"I don't know, she just fainted out of anxiety and please she needs urgent attention," she added hoping to create a distraction.

"Do I look like a doctor to you?" he replied furiously. "We'll sprinkle some water on her and she'll wake up. If she doesn't, I'll shoot your mum right here."

"No! Please don't kill her," interrupted Chidimma who was pretending all along.

Somadina covered her face in agony to show how their plan flopped.

"Ahan, he exclaimed. Your little tricks won't work on me and if you pull a stunt like this again, I won't mind killing you all," he said, sounding ever threatening.

"Make we continue, time no dey," he instructed the driver as they drove off.

On reaching their destination, a foreign man who looked quite like an Arabian was already waiting.

"We have done our part of the job and now you have to pay us," said one of the men.

"I know, this is a very risky venture so I'll need to get accurate facts," replied the foreign man.

"What facts?" he asked.

"I need to know how many women are in that truck as I had paid for fifteen of them, so I need a headcount."

"That's not a problem as I assure you that they're complete. I can even count them in front of you."

"You better come down and don't act smart with me," he instructed as he brought out his gun to frighten them.

Immediately, police sirens were heard. . .

The three goons all made to escape but were tracked down instantly by the police and cuffed.

The foreign man was also apprehended.

*** *** ***

Somadina immediately narrated all that had happened to the police.

"What did you say the man's name was?" The cop asked again.

"His name's Jeffrey," she replied abruptly.

"But how can that be? He's with us here and he was the one who reported the whole trafficking incident and that's why we were able to get here in time," explained the police as he pointed to Jeffrey who was coming out of their van.

"He's lying to you. He planned this whole incident," snapped Somadina.
I think you need rest as staying in that truck has affected you a lot," he retorted.

The police left there with the criminals afterwards.

"Why would he do all this? What does he have to achieve?" Somadina asked herself all these questions but was instantly interrupted by Jeffrey. . .

"How do you like your birthday surprise my love?" Jeffrey laughed harder than ever.
"Just know that I actually spared you today for a reason so it'll be best for both of us if you just stay away from me".

Somadina at this moment, was more confused than ever.

"Maybe he's unstable," Amaka added as they all left for home.

COMMENTARY: Nice read.
But the Judges has to tell us their mind

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLING

There is something very attractive about your writing style, I can't explain it. It's hot and all, but not gonna lie, something felt wrong with this entry but I can't pin it down. Maybe it was the execution. I liked and hated the execution at the same time, I have no idea how you pulled that off. Don't know how you did it, man. But, in the sense that I hated it, the actions seemed too fast paced and sudden, but I liked it in the sense that it delivered a pycho effect in a way, with even the pace of narration and the descriptions of the actions of Jeffery from the MC's point of view - the fact that I was warned in the beginning that he was psychotic even made the rest of the rollercoaster I was thrown into quite creative. Still, something felt missing. Nonetheless, you tried with this. More grease.👏

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

I'm not sure what to make of your story. I enjoyed it, then I did not and I'm just confused. I'm sure I like the plot twist though.

JUDGE WILLIAMS SHAKESPEARE

Thee hath lost me at the endeth. That gent did plan all yond so somadina couldst stayeth hence from that gent 'r...

Anyways, i did enjoy thy st'ry. Especially the plot twisteth

You lost me at the end. He planned all that so Somadina could stay away from him or...

Anyways, I enjoyed your story. Especially the plot twist.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

Ah? I uh. . . don't get it. Nope.

JUDGE JANE COREY

Another blasted entry! Your plot twist really plot twisted, you actually knew what you were doing and at the same time, you didn't really know. I dislike the fact that Chidimma spoilt their plan, but look at the bright side, they didn't die 🤭🤭. Even though Jeffery needs to be taken to a psychiatric hospital. Jeffery actually seems like on of those guys that can do that disgusting Twitter thread 'When you start hating your girlfriend' cause he just proved it. BRAVO THE LAD THAT IS HANDSOME 😌😌😌🤭

JUDGE DANIELLE LORI

You used chatgpt in the beginning and no one can convince me otherwise. That aside... 🧍what? What did I just read? I'm so shocked, the plot twist... I really liked the twist at the end. Jeffery should be put in a mental facility please. What kind of expensive birthday gift was that? I didn't hate the submission after all. It was meh. Not bad, it just didn't wow me.

COMMENTARY: COUGHS

Audience how are y'all feeling?😁

Judges Verdict is tomorrow 😌, and I am so happy because your favourites will be evicted😁.

So y'all anticipate 🔥🔥