Hello, Cribbers!!!

We are here again with the last batch of the

And our picture prompt

And the contestants for this batch are;

032 DELPHINIUM

033 MYYOBO

034 HANDSOMELAD

035 AANG

Let's have the first contestant for this stage.😌

032 DELPHINIUM

TITLE: TRAVESTY

Nauseating. That's one word that can describe the cycle my life has fallen into, the only thing I can term this routine.

I pull the blanket closer to shield my face, increasing my pace. I ignore the way people dart away their eyes the moment it comes in contact with mine, ignoring the echoes of their unspoken thoughts. Freak, witch, monster—nothing new. The same old names, the same old people. 

The wind batters me from all sides. The reality of what I just did bears down on me, threatening to crush me with it's weight. 

I glance back at the wooden building I left behind. I had always known escaping the prison wouldn't be a task given my powers but I never bothered to do so. 

I was imprisoned because of what people made me out to be. It made no real difference. Prison cell or not, I'd forever remain in bondage. 

The cold gush of air gets me moving again until I sight the reason I took this step. A smile graces my face as I stare at him. 

"Ade!" I call out, unable to fight off the smile. 

He turns impulsively, his eyes colliding with mine. He looks away immediately, causing the smile on my face to fall. 

I had expected this but in my moment of ecstasy, I was quick to forget. After all, he had been there the last time someone was unfortunate enough to stare into my eyes; back when I couldn't control my powers. 

Her bleached eyes and laboured breathing was enough to make any sensible person weary. 

I was born with clothed eyes, the thick grey 'curtains' blocking out the part where my pupils and irises should have coexisted and even stretching further till there was little white left to see at the corners. 

Such occurrences are rare but not unheard of. A woman had once existed with clothed eyes but details about her are a blur. 

My grandma had told me that she left the kingdom one day, to save them from her—her powers. Situations like this only arose because of the people's fear of the unknown. 

Rather than trying to find out more about things they don't understand, they treat them as forbidden. I'm human like any of them, the only difference is that I can do what most of them can't: I can stun someone just by them staring into my eyes. It's no real wonder such powers are considered a threat. 

"How are you?" Ade asks, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

I shrug, forcing the smile back up before deciding to get to the point. 

"You needed my help?"

Ever since I got his call, curiosity has been biting away at me. 

"My sister is very sick. The doctors have tried everything, nothing is working. My last option is to get herbs from the Oles."

He stares at the ground as he speaks and for a moment, it seems like he isn't just trying to avoid eye contact because he's scared of my powers. My doubts are confirmed when he turns to me and I notice his glazed eyes. 

He looks straight into my eyes now and my heart breaks for him. 

"Can you help me?"

My head moves on it's own, jerking up and down in a robotic motion. I don't bother asking how I come into play here. The Oles is the most guarded place in the kingdom, containing the one thing that gives the kingdom it's life. He could only be able to get in with the help of my powers. 

A small smile appears on his face and he slips his fingers through mine. I try to ignore the buzz in my belly as we begin our journey. 

It's a bit hard to believe that this is happening. Back in school, there was no way I would have been walking hand in hand with him. I would have never even dreamt of talking to him. 

I glance around in order not to focus too much on the effect of our proximity. Nothing seems to have changed much.

Wooden houses still stand around, forcefields bordering them. 

I try not to think about the consequences of breaking out. Someone's life is on the line and besides, what's the worst they could do to an eighteen year old? 

In no time, we get to the Oles. My heart pounds as we get nearer but Ade's hand wrapped around mine keeps me from bolting. 

I paralyze each guard I come in contact with and soon, we're inside the Oles. Ade hurriedly gathers the herbs. I stare at him while he's at it and look away when he looks up to find me staring. 

It's a bit odd since the roles are usually switched and people look away because of me. 

"What's that?" he asks suddenly, causing me to look back at him. 

I follow the direction he's pointing at to find a glowing orange crystal mounted on a pedestal. The life of the kingdom. 

We'd learnt about it in history class but this is the first time I'm seeing it. 

"Are we allowed to check it out?"

No! 

That's the answer to the question but it doesn't stop me from following him the moment he intertwines our fingers again. 

I can feel the energy it emits coursing through me when we step into the room. We move on until the sound of Ade yelping halts my movements. 

Our hands break away from each other at the same instant and I almost whine at the loss of contact. I turn to find him rubbing his nose. 

"I think there's a force field here," he says, still holding his nose. 

I nod but a thought strikes me. 

"You passed through it." He echoes my thoughts. 

I shrug, making it look like it isn't a big deal. I had no idea my powers were this strong.

"Can I see it?" he asks when I'm close to the pedestal. 

I hesitate before picking the crystal. I half expect the whole building to collapse. When it doesn't, I head towards the forcefield.

I don't expect the crystal to pass through the forcefield when I stick it out for Ade but it does. He snatches it from me, causing me to scrunch my face. 

I try to pass through the forcefield but it rebuffs my movement, even repelling me. My brows furrow as I see Ade walking out. 

"Where are you going?"

I can't help the alarm seeping into my tone. He only throws me a glance before walking away. 

Panic sets in as it dawns on me what I just did. That crystal is worth millions. On cue, parts of the building begin to disintegrate. A chunk of the ceiling falls in front of me, causing me to jerk back. 

I ignore the rumbling sound as I try to think back to what my history teacher had said. If Ade manages to get out of the building with that crystal, then the whole kingdom would be dead in a minute. 

My eyes water as I glance between the pedestal and the forcefield, my mind unable to process anything. Then a thought strikes me. It feels absurd but it's worth a shot.

I walk towards the pedestal, my teacher's words flashing through my mind. Someone had once stolen the life of the kingdom in the past and replacing it with something equally powerful restored the kingdom. 

I stop in front of the pedestal. The rumbling underneath me doesn't give me the time to second guess my decision. The last thing that flashes before me is my grandmother's face before I place both my hands on the pedestal, feeling the life seep out of me. 

COMMENTARY: wow, wow. Judges let's know what you have to say.

JUDGES REVIEW.

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

Great story even though I feel that with how good your writing is, you could have done more justice to the prompt. Like I said earlier, your story is actually very great, I love everything about it, your character’s power, her relationship with Ade, the whole story flow-Ade playing dumb just to get her to do something for him and just everything about it except the ending of course, I'm quite confused with that so please, try to be more definite with how you end your stories.

JUDGE JK ROWLINGS

I like the fact that you decided to take a more modern approach to the prompt. It shows you’re not thinking in a box. It’s always important to exercise your mind and see how far your creativity can span. I enjoyed the story too, very much. The dynamic between Ade and the main character is cute and so is their friendship. However, the end seemed to throw me off course a bit; your writing style is very nice, and it has this light hearted, yet exciting feel it gives the readers, so dabbling into sudden action just seems a bit, um, out of place.

Now, I am not saying that you should be stuck in a box, okay? Being a writer is all about challenging yourself. Just work on your transitioning as a writer, how you can change the atmosphere more brilliantly and cleverly. I’d advise being subtle. When you are writing a piece that will contrast your writer’s voice a little and deviate from the chillness, let your undertone be clear and sharp, so that when you morph into tense scenes like this in future, it won’t look off point or weird.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

Hm. Oracle of Delphi. I liked your story, actually. But Idk, something's still missing. Anyway, I'd like to see you shock us in the next stage— if you make it in.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Alright. I like your opening. It was quite gripping. But Delphi darling, questions. Damn, I have questions.

Why would the life of the kingdom just be there? Why did Ade or whatever the useless goat's name is take the crystal? What will he use it for? Is he a diviner? He has no reason to take it ba? The crystal is worth millions in which sense? It is valuable or it is actually worth millions? And why did her grandmother's face flash when she wanted to do that?

Am I meant to be asking this questions Delphi dear?

I see you made the image given to you your Female lead. No problem.  Also, look at the comma placement in the statement below.

"...Wouldn't be a task, given my powers, but I never bothered to do so."

In your work, there was no comma in that sentence.

You're lucky I did not yawn when I was reading your story and I actually liked your opening.

COMMENTARY: Let's move to the next.

033 MYYOBO

TITLE:THE TAKEOVER

The internet served as an eye-opener for  Maeve, revealing different views of Nigeria. Its glamorous waterfalls and high-peaked mountains. She was determined to visit these places at all costs.

Maeve traced her fingers over Kunmi's chest, hoping to persuade him. "Babe, let's go just once. I want to experience our country, even if it's just for a day."

Kunmi hesitated, "It's not safe enough for you. The environment screams insecurity," he said. 

Maeve persisted, and after much debate, Kunmi agreed to take her on a three-day trip.

 Little did he know that this decision would lead to a terrifying experience that would haunt him forever.

On arrival, Maeve walked to the terminal, feeling proud in the Ankara-printed one-button blazer and loose flared-leg pants that Kunmi had gotten her for Valentine's Day.

As she waited for Kunmi, she reminisced on the moments she begged her father to bring her here - his homeland. He vehemently refused - something she never fully understood. She was black and should feel like one.

As Kunmi pushed the trolley carrying their luggage out of the airport to board a cab, his phone beeped continuously.

He ignored it as he put the luggage in the boot of the cab.

 As they moved through the streets of Lagos, Maeve was star-struck by the noisy and busy environment. She brought out her Polaroid camera, taking snapshots of different scenes.

They finally left the busy road for a different route, which was lonely asides  passing transport buses and trailers. 

A heavy downpour began as they moved on.

"Oga, this rain will slow us down o," the driver said as he maneuvered potholes.

"We have to hurry," Kunmi said, already agitated.

Maeve kept taking pictures, excited at the aesthetics the rain gave.

They finally saw a sign-post saying 'Welcome to Osun State,' which was supposedly green before but had become an ombré of hues due to being exposed to fluctuating weather.

After moving for a while, the car began jerking uncontrollably, the driver was able to get the vehicle out of the road.

They tried moving again, but the car was adamant. 

The driver got down accompanied by a worried Kunmi to check the issue.

 Boin! Boin!, a gong-like sound was heard, like a leather drum being hit. 

As Maeve continued taking pictures, she noticed a dark figure glistening in the rain. As it came closer, she noticed it was a masquerade - she had seen a lot online.

"Kunmi!" Maeve screamed

Kunmi ran into the car, already soaked from the downpour.

"I s-aw a m-asquer-ade," Maeve said

Kunmi looked around and saw nothing, so he patted her back, comforting and assuring her of their safety.

In a swift second, A figure jumped out of the bush. Kunmi was about to check it out when they heard the driver scream. The hood blocked their view, so they couldn't see. Kunmi central-locked the car.

After a while, they heard nothing and  mustered courage to come down. As they approached the car's hood, their eyes were drawn to the gruesome sight before them.

The driver's head had been violently torn from his body, and his blood had mixed with the rain to create a macabre scene. Claw-like scratches covered his body. His white and blue striped polo now stained a deep crimson as blood oozed out of the injuries. The only sound was the soft pattering of raindrops as they fell on the car's hood.

Maeve was terrified, her body shaking uncontrollably. Kunmi quickly covered her mouth, preventing her from screaming.

As Maeve turned, she saw the dark figure again, Kunmi's eyes confirmed her fears.

They turned to run in the opposite direction, but the masquerade was closing in on them.

Drenched from the heavy rain, they were already weak. 

As they ran, they saw a toyota camry from afar. They screamed and frantically waved their hands.

The car came to a stop, and a dark, slender lady with neatly braided cornrows urged them to come in. 

As they got in, she sped off.

"I'm Omí," the lady said quietly, as she moved with a dangerous speed. 

"I'm Kunmi, this is my fiancée, Maeve." Kunmi replied, as Maeve was mute.

Kunmi told Omí about their journey and she listened with rapt attention.

She glanced at the back seat and noticed the camera slung over Maeve's neck.

"Are you a photographer?" She asked Maeve.

"Uhmm, no- not really,I only g-ot them f-or the t-rip," Maeve said shivering.

"Well, it is a taboo to take pictures of any masquerade in this locality. I think that was what angered it initially, but it's alright now," she paused

 On rainy days, travelers are usually found dead on that particular road, I guess the driver was a novice." She concluded.

They were both shocked at the revelation.

Maeve was in awe of the beautiful construction before them. They followed Omí into the house, feeling the warmth of the living room.

"Make yourselves comfortable, I'll get you fresh clothes - for Maeve, of course. I have no male clothes," She said with a small laugh.

As Kunmi searched through his pocket for his phone, he realized it was missing.

"Babe, I can't find my phone, and I want to call mama," He said worriedly

"Damn, let's ask Omí for hers," Maeve said admiring the hanging pictures.

She marveled at the art, ranging from a minimalist white hologram sprinkled with drops of red paint to a beautiful, huge frame of Omí. Adorned with gold jewelleries, Omí was clothed in a two-piece adíré, with one piece covering her upper body and leaving her lower belly exposed. The other piece wrapped around her waist, stopping above her knee. Her long, dark braided hair glistened as she held a clay pot filled with citrus fruits.

Maeve's disappointment was palpable as she realized that water had gotten into her camera.

Omí came downstairs holding a flowing bubú, she gave it to Maeve, directing her upstairs to change her clothes. She thanked Omí wholeheartedly and went  upstairs.

"Mr. Kunmi, you look worried," Omí said as she handed a cup of hot tea to him.

"Yes, I want to make a quick call to inform my mom of our whereabouts," he replied.

"Correct yourself, you want to inform your wife and children of your whereabouts," Omí said as she walked over to the dining table.

Kunmi rushed after her, looking upstairs worriedly. "W-hat, h-ow did you know?" he whispered angrily

"You are a wicked and manipulative man, you will pay for toying with an innocent woman," Omí said angrily.

"You know nothing, so keep your mouth shut. As soon as Maeve is done, we'll leave your house." Kunmi thundered

Omí let out a hearty laugh and immediately straightened her face, devoid of any emotion.

The sound of thunder was heard, lightning could be seen as the window blinds kept on swinging in the air, the window glistened with drops of rain reflecting tiny sparks.

Out of anger, Kunmi tried to go upstairs to get Maeve but he couldn't move or speak.

At the snap of Omí's finger, the lights in the sitting room went off. Omí's glowing eyes became the only source of illumination in the sitting room. 

She walked over to Kunmi, sliding her fingers along his face, and she laughed again.

"I would have pardoned you, only if you had regrets, but sadly you don't," she said with disgust.

Omí stepped back and began twitching her fingers. Every time she rotated her fingers, Kunmi's head turned in the same direction. Slowly and slowly, she turned her fingers in a 360° direction breaking the bones in his neck. She enjoyed the pain in his face as he struggled, unable to utter a word before squeezing life out of his veins.

She released him as he crumbled to the ground.

Smiling, Omí went to the sitting room as she met Maeve coming downstairs.

"Thank you so much for your kindness," Maeve said

Omí smiled.

"Where is Kunmi?" Maeve asked as she looked around. 

"He's in the dinning." Omí replied

Maeve walked over to the dinning and let out a loud scream that shook the foundations of the house before leaving reality.

As she opened her eyes, she found herself on a bed with Omí hovering over her.

When she tried to speak, Omí put a finger on her mouth.

She brought out a wallet Maeve recognized as Kunmi's. 

She dipped her finger in as she brought out a picture giving it to Maeve.

Maeve stared blankly at the crisp paper that showed Kunmi with his hands across the waist of her plump, dark woman. Three handsome, little boys at their front.

"Why would he do this to me?" Maeve said as she broke down weeping

"For selfish reasons, to get his green card of course." Omí replied in pity

"Who are you?, how did you know and why did you kill him?" Maeve inquired.

Omí got up, walked over to the window.  Maeve sat up.

"I am a goddess of the sea. I watched over this village for a long time before the men decided that a woman was beneath them, they overthrew me and worshiped my nephew, a lesser god. They gave him my day of worship." Omí told sadly as thick golden tears flowed down her high cheekbones.

Maeve walked over to console her but she was still confused about what was happening.

Omí laughed and said;

" I will finally get my revenge - with you," 

"What do you mean with me?" Maeve said

"Fate brought you here, I have sought after women with bravery, courage and determination but found no one, Eleduà brought you to me. You shall be my priestess." She concluded.

Maeve thought about how her life would change. Surprisingly, her mind agreed to it.

"Alright, how do we go about this?" She questioned.

Omí turned, putting her hands on Maeve's head. They began spinning, her eyes turning white showing tiny sparks.

Maeve raised her head up and noticed they had teleported outside, but she could feel no drop of rain.

Omí raised her hands to the sky, which were covered in dark tattoos that were now visible. She handed a thunderbolt- an enchanted lightning bolt over to Maeve.

Maeve hesitated but took it.

As soon as it landed in her palm, she shook uncontrollably as she felt electrified.

She finally got a control of herself, she felt strange but also weirdly excited.

Omí smiled.

COMMENTARY: Wow that was beautiful. The fact that it talks about photography.

Judges, let's hear from you.

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

I'm not even sure I have the right words. Your entry seems to be an okay one but it's really hard to tell because... I'm not really sure but the execution was poorly done. The description and every other thing are all over the place and you did not really build up tension when you already revealed to us that “...little did he know...”

The whole story is kind of rushed, it could have been better, way better.

JUDGE JK ROWLINGS

I liked that the starting came off light-hearted. It was different and very much a different opening line approach compared to the way most contestants started off theirs. Although… you kinda ruined it when you jumped into the ‘Little did he know it would haunt him…’ line. It was a huge contrast to the mood that you pulled me in with and if you wanted to transition into this, there are more clever and brilliant ways to do it.

There is a way I would have suggested that you do this next time, while retaining your form of narrative; you could start off with this tone of lightness and all, but let there be a solid undertone in your work. For example, sure, it's just a girl asking her boyfriend for some quality time to learn about Nigeria and all, but you can always drop some side details about the girlfriend, details that may be a tad bit uncomfortable, like how she always had some kind of weird ‘luck’ following her; it was either very good or very bad, nothing in between. Now you don’t need to throw this in out of nowhere, you could mention that part of her enthusiasm to go out that day was because last time she went for sightseeing, she won a souvenir… but then sprained her ankle on their way back home. Now see not only have you connected this little detail to the matter at hand – her begging her boyfriend to come with her for sightseeing _again_ – but you have successfully created a subtly uncomfortable undertone in your work, one that makes it clear that there is a little ‘twist’ to your narrative… but very little, very subtle, but enough grounds for you to introduce that even if mishaps with his girlfriend were generally very little, it was all the more reason to never suspect something so big, so haunting, that they were going to face on their next adventure.

See how much build up can switch up an entire narrative? And make your story telling more powerful? Work on this for a better execution next time.

And now for what I think about your general plot? To be honest, I still stand on the notion that this story would have been written with better execution. The plot isn’t bad. Execution? Could have been better.

JUDGE WILLIAMS SHAKESPEARE

Thy w'rk wast did rush.  Then yond thing thee didst at beginning wasn't behoveful at all.  Thee very much didn't needeth to alloweth us knoweth yond something lacking valor wast going to befall in the st'ry as early as yond.  Subtle hints wouldst has't been the most wondrous in 'rd'r to buildeth up tension.  but thee just did dump ev'rything at the beginning.

Your work was rushed. Then that thing you did at beginning wasn't necessary at all. You really didn't need to let us know that something bad was going to happen in the story as early as that. Subtle hints would have been the best in order to build up tension. but you just dumped everything at the beginning.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

I'll say this again: y'all need to learn how to write flash fiction. Learn how to end your stories. And oh, you broke dialogue rules here, too.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Yobo, you have to note something. When posing a question, you do not put a comma after it.

E.g "Where you there?, I saw it." ❌
"Where you there? I saw it."        ✔

And the ending of your work reads weird —The line before ‘Omi smiled’. Again, when writing, make your story as clear as possible. Is Maeve a white? A biracial? A black that lived abroad? I'm not meant to be asking all this question. Be careful.

 COMMENTARY: over to the next😌

034 HANDSOMELAD

"How can a possessed queen rule our kingdom?" Arinze, the oldest of the 16 counselors, asked in obvious rage.

The princess at that time was the subject of the matter. The counselors were certainly not happy as they contemplated. None of them dared look the queen in her fiery eyes, all except Arinze and Obinna who were now arguing.

"My queen, there's no way a demon-possessed queen will rule after you, the people will revolt. It's a complete abomination and a disgrace to you, to the Palace, and the kingdom. Our enemies will laugh at us," Arinze said, now calmer.

"Obinna," the Queen said, "won't you talk now?"

Obinna, now also bowing his head away from the queen's gaze said, "My Queen, all I'm saying is that we can't dispose of the girl. Her situation is salvageable. At least we know how she was possessed and when her attacks came. We can manage her while we find a solution to her—"

"That's where you're wrong!. We don't know when her attacks come. It can come anytime. Exactly why she can't be queen, not in this state. We can't hide this from the people forever," Arinze interjected.

The Queen was silent, she'd reached a dead end. Not only did she no longer have a royal family, her only daughter was considered unfit for the throne. The only option was Nnamdi, the wizard. He considered himself the wisest of all the sixteen counselors. And the only one that wasn't in this meeting.

"Where's Nnamdi?" 

"Nnamdi doesn't attend our meetings. He never does," The other counselors commented in the queen's silence. 

"Let him be, he's attending to the princess," The Queen said, "at least someone is being useful to me. You are all dismissed"

With that, she departed, her departure suddenly giving the other counselors their ability to speak and move.

"Now the queen's no longer here, I'd like to hear all your opinions, starting from you, Okwuego," Obinna said, "You always have something to say."

"I don't, this matter is beyond me. A possessed queen? Eyes and ears are everywhere, we all know the only option. Let's not act like we don't. But our queen won't have it. She loves her daughter too much to let her go," Okwuego said. Every one of them knew the only reasonable option was to kill this royal abomination.

But the Queen won't let it happen. 

Odumegwu, the seer had put so much pressure on the royal family to dispose of the girl as soon as she was confirmed to be possessed. "The land is cursed by this abomination, the gods are not happy" He would tell the King.

The royal family would protect the princess from the pressure from the counselors, Odumegwu and the knowledge of the people for many years. No one outside the palace knew she existed. And a very small number of attendants interacted with her at all.

Soon, Odumegwu's pressure stopped. He no longer made his periodic visits to the palace, he no longer talked about the royal abomination and the danger she brought. It seemed like he was no longer trying to convince the king and had finally accepted that the princess was not going to die.

Odumegwu disappeared. 

Very much to the delight of the king. He could have easily had Odumegwu hanged for treason but didn't, for fear of a revolt. Now he is gone. Good riddance indeed.

Six years later, the King got very ill. He quite literally was withering. His limbs began rotting, rotting inwards towards his chest. He sought Odumegwu but he was nowhere to be found. No one had seen him anywhere.

After two agonizing months, the king died, leaving the throne to his equally stubborn wife. There was no way she was letting her daughter die.

The counselors knew all these.

"Leave this matter alone, the queen won't listen. As for me," Okwuego said as he rose, "I have better things to do".

A servant rushed in almost immediately, almost breathless as though she'd been chased a great distance, "The princess… the prin–" she wheezed as she fell unconscious before them. 

They looked on in terror as four more servants rushed in, all out of breath and terrified. Following them was the princess, holding two bloodstained knives. She had cut and stabbed her attendants. Her possession was characterized by pupil-ridden eyes and an unquenchable thirst for destruction.

No one needed to be told the meeting was over as everyone scampered for safety, counselors, servants and guards alike.

No one could hold her except Nnamdi who'd just walked in after her holding up red leaves on a stick, instantly calming the princess down and restoring her consciousness. 

Upon seeing the knives in her hand and the bleeding people, she knew all too well what had happened. She was a monster, but she could no longer feel anything but numb. This wasn't the first time, nor the tenth, nor fiftieth. 

"Thank you," she said to Nnamdi as she turned and left.

Leaving the scared, the angry, and the wounded wounded.

"She must lose her sight."

The Queen sat with Nnamdi under the shade of the large verandah of the palace. 

Nnamdi was her friend before she even knew royalty and in this matter, her only comfort. But this, she wasn't having. 

"This kingdom can't have a blind queen, Nnamdi," she said. 

"Would they rather have a possessed one?" Nnamdi replied. 

It wasn't the first time they had such a conversation and it always ended with Nnamdi being threatened with treason charges. But the Queen was getting old and her protection charm was wearing off. The curse was going to affect her too

"This is the only way My Queen, it's for your safety and the sanity of the princess. The demons must go or the curse will take you both, and who knows who it'd take next," Nnamdi begged "please". 

Now the queen was quiet, the only way out was the loss of her daughter's sight. It was a small price to pay for redemption, so it seemed. One person's sight for the lives of many to be killed by the curse. 

"Ok," she almost whispered. 

"Ok?" Nnamdi asked, "Can we go through with it?". 

"Do you want to be hanged! Go ahead, take her. Do it before I change my mind," the Queen said now with tears in her eyes. 

"Yes, my Queen," Nnamdi said, rushing out of her presence.

"It's been sixteen years, my mother let you take me. I didn't resist. I thought you'd kill me. Now look at me, I don't know what you look like now" the blind queen joked to her old guardian, Nnamdi. 

COMMENTARY: Judges, over to you.😌

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE ACTON BELL

Bro, I don't think I get your story. Totally lost me at the end.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Oh, hey, okay. So, don't worry, I would put in effort in your review, since, compared to your last work, you put effort into this.

Okay, note that when writing numbers in relation to an item it should be in words. Like, the 16 in your write-up should be "Sixteen".

Take note of the comma placements.
The princess(,) at that time(,) was the subject of the matter.

Commas help to break down large sentences and they make a work easy to read. And try and make your writing colorful. You kept on using 'said,' 'said'. This is why Adverbs come into play. They make your work beautiful and they still carry out the action.

I noticed that you used a period and exclamation together. It's wrong. ❎

You either use a period or an exclamation mark. Also, your period is outside the speech mark and it shouldn't be so.

And whenever you want to switch scenes, use something to demarcate it.

" It's been sixteen years, my mother let you take me. I didn't resist. I thought you'd kill me. Now look at me, I don't know what you look like now" the blind queen joked to her old guardian, Nnamdi."

👆🏽That paragraph should be locked in a chest and thrown to lay at the bottom of the Pacific ocean. Because, what? What is it doing here? You went from B to X between the paragraph preceding it and this. Whatever you were trying to achieve, I can tell you, wasn't achieved.

COMMENTARY: NEXT!!

035 AANG!

The sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the lush landscape of Agbor land, a typical Igbo town. Urimma sat by the glistening stream, her smooth ebony complexion glowed under the waning sunlight, reflecting the warmth of the African land she called home. Yes called, because she could never consider the hell hole trench her home. Her nimble fingers rhythmically scrubbed the clothes it held against the smooth rocks. The soothing sound of rushing water filled the air as she lost herself in a trance-like state, a radiant smile playing on her face and illuminating her dark beauty which many stopped to stare at occasionally, the thoughts in her head turning the radiant smile to a rather devious one.

A gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the tall palm trees nearby, creating a soothing melody that blended with sound of Adanna’s low voice as she sang out an old tale their grandmother love telling them; ‘the tale of two brothers’ as she washed her own set of wrappers a short distance from her sister Urimma. She discarded the water and stood to join her sister, her hips swaying and bring to life the colorful beads adorning her waist. Uri was wearing the other pair, Ada had always known Uri as the more beautiful twin, with her long lustrous dark hair packed up in six knots adorned in colorful beads and dark eyes, the color of rich earth, holding layers of deep wisdom and unmistakable mischief, her long lashes enhancing them. However, Ada stopped short when she saw her sister giggling while beating the clothes lightly and conversing with no one in particular. It wasn’t her giggle or the conversation that appealed to her but the eerie intensity Uri’s eyes flickered with. Ada joined her immediately, squatting beside her as she scooped up water into the calabash she held

“Uri, unless you’ve gone mad and no one knows, there’s no other explanation to why you’re talking to yourself” she said, observing the environment around them.

“Ada, don’t you think life is boring here?” Uri asked without looking at her

“In this village? I don’t think so?it's fun for me” Ada replied

“I think it’s time to make this village fun don’t you think?” she asked, Ada did not understand anything she was saying, she stood and shook her head

“I don’t understand you, hurry up let’s return before the sun sets fully, you know the myth of being by the stream by this time, moreover mother would soon be back and we’ve not gotten firewood, just catch up with me at the market square” she said but got no reply from Uri before deciding to leave her dramatic sister. Urimma smiled as she left. A few minutes went by and as the sun rays finally dipped over, withdrawing its illumination, Uri burst into a loud laughter.

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A loud shrill cry came from a distance as Ekemma, Uri’s mother burst out of her hut in alarm, her eyes widened in alarm, Ada ran in, in tears and fell to the ground as different women ran past them, most carrying limp bodies, running towards the market square.

“What is going on? Why are you crying? What's happening?” the woman asked Ada who was flailing her hands wildly on the floor where she was

“Mmachi and Ezinne! All the second daughters of… they’re all dead, they’re gone”

“What do you mean? Uri, where’s Uri?” the woman asked as she dashed to the back of the hut to see Uri who sat on a low stone, grinding vegetables on the stone with a smile as she watched a couple at a far distance, mourn their dead daughter who lay on the floor.

“Urimma! What are you doing?” she asked shocked when she saw her daughter unfazed by the whole scenario.

“Everywhere is noisy, it’s been long we had such fun” she said as she stood up and walked to the front of the hut. She saw her sisters still rolling and grieving their friends as she scoffed and walked into the hut.

The town crier’s voice sounded not long after as the whole villagers of Agbor community were summoned to the market square. Ekemma had run to the square with their neighbor who had also lost a daughter while Ada stood with tear stained eye wondering why her sister was not coming along with her to the square.

“What happened yesterday at the stream Uri? You came out after the sun went down and you’ve been behaving strange since then” Uri giggled as she dropped the clothes she was folding and stared at her sister, her eyes glistening 

“Strange? How am I acting strange? I am just making things right”

“What do you mean by that? What has come over you? Let us go out the market square, the village is in a huge dilemma now, people are suddenly dying, the village stream we left yesterday is suddenly dried up so why are acting so normal and yet strange?” Ada asked before Uri stood finally with a frown

“The market square you say? Let’s go then” she said as she walked past her sister and out of the hut.

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Under the vast expense of the open sky, the normal square that bustled with activities and laughter as people went by their normal day, traders calling out their wares and travelers stopping to bid farewells was now filled with wails of bereaved people and mothers rolling on the sand. They were whispers everywhere with a few people clapping their hands in astonishment. Elders stood at a corner shaking their heads, a few spitting on the floor as they all waited for the village seer to arrive. The Igwe (king) of the community sat in the middle with a deep frown as he and the Onowu; his right hand man conversed in low tones. The guards stood at a considerable distance, staring into space like they had no idea what was going on. That was when Ada and Uri walked in. Uri glanced round with a smile as she relished the wails of everyone. To her there was finally some drama. She stood beside Ada who had burst into tears again at the sight of her best friends’ dead body in the middle of the square.

“Why are you crying? You are not the one dead” she said as Ada looked at her in bewilderment

“You…you don’t have anything to do with this do you?” she asked, Uri was about to reply when the familiar sound of rattling tins filled the air and everywhere was suddenly silent. 

 Everyone looked in the direction the sound was coming from as a man came into sight. His face was covered with chalk white dust with only one eye spared of the terrifying color. Only a red and white wrapper adorned his waist and his chest was also covered with white chalks.

“Okarammadu,  Okarammuo!” half man, half human he yelled as he stood before the Igwe  and stamped his staff into the ground.

“I only see despair! A wronged goddess” he shouted into the sudden  silent space. To Uri, nothing could be more dramatic. She stifled her giggle as the seer turned sharply to her with narrowed eyes, dragging the stares of other villagers to her direction.

“Who could be responsible?” the Igwe finally spoke up as the seer shook his head and started walking towards Uri.

“A wronged goddess, a wronged goddess” he kept on chanting as he approached her. Ada turned with fear to look at Uri who was still smiling as the seer stopped in front of Uri. They both stared at each other, Uri not losing her smile before the seer shook his head and looked up at the sky. They was a large thunder strike and he looked down immediately and turned to Ada, his one chalk covered eye blazing blue as he took two steps to her and stamped his staff into the floor in front of her.

“Why are you here?” was his only question and  her mom let out a wail while Uri’s smile dropped immediately.

COMMENTARY: I'm saying it again, This contestants did not come to play oo😁
Judges, what do you think?

JUDGES REVIEW.

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

What in God’s name is how messy and muddled up your entry is!? I could not even enjoy it because everything was just running into each other.

JUDGE JK ROWLINGS

I am really not impressed by the box that most contestants lock themselves in, in this stage. The aim of this stage is to think outside the box. Oh well.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

So, Avatar Aang, you didn't learn anything from the last reviews? You want me to keep repeating the fact that you have to work on your dialogue punctuation? Ehn? Edit your work thoroughly before you submit oh. Your story didn't have an end. Sighs. You've got a lot to learn, young Avatar.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Mistakes danced tango with your work. There are too much, so I can't list them all out.

But here's an example:
"Her hips swaying and bring to life the colourful beads"

Take note of that word 'bring'. Read the sentence out loud. Does it make sense? It's either the swaying becomes 'sway' or bring becomes 'bringing'. That's the only way the sentence would read correctly.

I'm not sure, but I want to hope it's what I use to read your work that made it appear clustered.

Because I don't know how you would submit a work and not leave space in between.  When it's not as if they are charging you for the space. If that's how all the works you read are, would you enjoy it?

Also, a lot of period and commas where missing in your work. Where you dozing off when you were writing? Mmh?

Aang, your story was interesting. It felt like I was going on a roller coaster and then abruptly, it jammed. The ending of your work was extremely disappointing and I did not see the reflection of the picture prompt.

COMMENTARY: And yess, this is the end of our JUDGES REVIEW!!!

Tell us which made you laugh?😂

And which prompt really captured your heart?🥺

Waiting for you comments!

Stay tuned for our Diary night and judges confessional!

CIAO!!😘