Hehe, I know your hearts are beating😂, oya take cold Zobo🥤and chill

Welcome to Batch one of the

And in this stage we will be having the following contestants;

003 DEWDROP

004 MAETH_AH

008 NUTCRACKER

009 HUMBLEPEN

014 BEMA

Comment if you favourite is among any of these Pen masters🤭

Ahbi dem don evict your fave😂😂

Let's welcome the first Pen master 😌.

004 DEWDROP

My heart hung in my mouth as I drew the door forward,  squeezing my eyes shut. When the door snapped shut softly, I exhaled shakily in relief, clutching my bunny slides to my chest.

I spun around, tempted to flick on the lights in the passageway, but I relied on my senses and how well I knew my way around, tiptoeing to the living room.

The living room was eerily dark with no one in sight, but it felt like I could feel Mommy and my sister's judgy and intimidating eyes following me around the room in a way that made the hair on my skin stand erect.

I rammed my toe into a wooden stool, eliciting a loud yelp from me. And almost at the same time, the lights in the living room came on and I stopped breathing for a second.

"Sneaking out to go see the boy Mom warned you about? That's such a bad girl move, Simisola," Ireti's bored voice had my eyes flitting over to her frame that was leaning on the door frame of the kitchen.

The dark-skinned girl had one of her dark brows arched at me in question, causing me to blink repeatedly.

I sighed. 

"Ireti, please," I whispered. "You know how important this is. I am not going to stay long, I swear. I just really need to see him," I pleaded.

"Don't care," she deadpanned.

"I'll take any punishment Mom dishes out when you tell her in the morning. I don't even care if she hits me, but Ireti, please. If I don't see him tonight, I. . .I wouldn't be able to live with myself," I choked out, teary-eyed.

"Young love, I'll never understand it. Fine, knock yourself out. But, I didn't know when you left the house. Got that?" she asked flatly.

"Got it," I smiled at her.

The moment I raced out of the compound, all I could bring myself to care about was the tall boy standing a few feet away from me with his back turned towards me. The wheeze-like breath that rolled out of me was thick with so much relief and it felt like I could finally breathe for the first time in days.

As though he could sense my presence, he whirled around to face me and a sob laced with laughter eluded me.

"Amir," 

"Hey, baby," those two words were all it took for me to toss my manners in the trash can, and I was racing over to him in no time. 

He gathered me in his arms and I wrapped my legs around him, allowing myself to get lost in his smell, his warmth, and his essence. I released a sob and cupped his face, pressing my lips against his.

It ought to be unreal how much I could be so consumed by him, lose myself in him and still feel so alive, but it wasn't. The connection of our lips left me a breathless mess, speaking in deafening volumes and expressing our hurt, longing, and burning attraction towards each other. 

I slowly broke the kiss, pressing my forehead against his while fisting his curly black hair.

"God, I missed you. How are you even here right now? Does anyone know you are out? I thought you'd be gone by now. I didn't even know you'd text me. I hope you won't get into—"

"Breathe, will you?" the light-skinned Fulani boy laughed, his honey-brown eyes twinkling with softness.

I hadn't seen Amir in weeks. He missed Prom and graduation, and saying it's been hell without him was understating it. When he sent me a text a few minutes ago, telling me he was out here, all that gloominess had crumbled into dust.

"You didn't think I'd miss your birthday, did you?" he grinned. "Happy eighteenth birthday, baby," he whispered and a smile stretched on my face.

"This is the best birthday gift ever. I don't even know how you are here right now, but I just want to keep holding you like this," I told him.

"Well," he kissed my neck softly and I giggled, "to answer your question, Kingsley let me out. He might or might not get fired for that. And speaking of birthday gifts, there's something I need to show you," 

"Babe—"

"Do you trust me?" he asked me, watching me with a tenderness that made my heart flutter.

"Of course,"

"Good," he said huskily, leaning in to kiss me.

                                           •••••

"Watch your step,"

"Aren't we there yet?" 

"Relax, we are almost there,"

I strained my ears, hoping to catch anything that could hint at where we were, but the only sound I could pick up was the chirping of crickets.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes!" 

"In three," 

"Two," I chipped in.

"One," he added and the blindfold came off.

We were in our favourite spot in my estate. The Greenland Park. 

There was a pink chequered blanket spread out on the lush green grass, adorned with cute little lanterns and surrounded by a variety of junk and food that were all huddled up in different baskets. There were fluffy throw pillows propped against each other on the surface of the blanket.

The cute setting of the night picnic date was bathed in the silvery glow of the moonlight.

"Do you like it?" his voice came up behind me and he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"It's perfect," I whispered, gobsmacked at the simplicity it held.

"Come on," he urged me, grabbing my hand.

"How did you even pull this off?!" I practically screeched.

"Kingsley," he grinned.

Kingsley was a bodyguard turned brother. He has been working for his Dad since Amir was a little boy and when I think of it, he was the only one who was in support of Amir and me, unlike Mom and Ireti who think this whole thing was pointless. In Mom's words, "Rich boys don't have hearts. In six months, he'll meet a new girl, one that suits his father's taste and he'll forget all about you."

According to his Dad, Amir had everything all planned out and I was the one who waltzed into his life and changed everything. He dared to dream of doing what he has always wanted—Art, just like his late Mother—but he chalked it up to him making decisions under my influence. I was the one who made him stray off course.

I was the weed his father was desperate to uproot. To keep him away, he was determined to whisk him out of the country to get a business degree at Harvard.

Amir's hands brushing against mine was enough to snap me back to reality and I flashed him a faux smile, taking a seat on the blanket. 

"Food!" I squealed, my tummy growling in sync.

There was so much mouth-watering junk and food to eat, and I didn't even know where to start, but I dug in any way because in no time, I was munching on any snack I could get my hands on.

I paused mid-way when I got conscious of his gaze on me, swallowing the crumbs of the cupcake in my mouth. I tucked a braid shyly behind my ear, biting back an embarrassed smile.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"I miss you too much to care," he dismissed my awkwardness with a smile. 

I proceeded to continue eating, but then, I dropped the cupcake, suddenly losing my appetite when reality kicked me in the gut. 

"So. . ." I trailed off in a whisper and he scooted closer, tilting my gaze to meet him.

"Simi, I only have a few hours left with you. I don't want to spend it talking about him or dwelling on the fact that this is momentary," he countered me gently.

His words only pricked my tear ducts and my eyes soon welled up with tears as I grabbed his hand tightly.

"It's not fair," I whined shakily.

He brought his thumb to my face and wiped a stray tear.

"I am still here, aren't I?"

"Yeah, and you'll be thousands of miles away from me in the morning. I don't know how to accept that. I don't know how to live with that," my voice was cracking bit by bit and he leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead before releasing me with a shaky sigh.

"A thousand miles or not," he paused, his glistening brown eyes locking on mine. "You have all of me, Simisola and nothing is ever going to change that. I'll always find my way back to you." His words were laced with promises that struck the perfect chord in me, seizing my breath.

"Amir—"

"Kiss me," 

He didn't even have to ask because I was grabbing him by his nape in no time, pressing my lips on his and a moan slipped out from me when he fisted my braids, kissing me back with equal intensity that I allowed myself to drown in.

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLING

This was such a refreshing read.❤️ I wish I had a full book about Simisola and Amir. The fact some Wattnaija fictional places were referenced here like the Greenland Park was so beautiful. Loved this piece, DewDrop. Got me all smiley. And it perfectly showed the beauty of Young Love. I know the whole ‘sneaking out to go and meet a Lover’ was shown in the Plot, but you made it so much more beautiful and showed how hard teenage love can be in a world where other adults and guardians believe that Young World is a waste of time. Beautifully written!

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

God! You're such a beautiful writer. Where's my own Amir?😭 but really, everything was on point. I felt the emotions, the depth of their feelings, every single thing ✨ well done and thank you for reminding me of my absolutely singlehood. 

JUDGE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

What a quite quaint entry, dewdrop!! t hadst me awwing ear and lief.  Kudos to youu!

What a beautiful entry, Dewdrop!! It had me awwing ear and dear.  Kudos to youu!

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

You nailed the theme given to you, Dewwy, well done. You also didn't deviate from the original story and added jara on top, in a very beautiful way. No, when it comes to romance teen fiction, you're good. Seems you love it.

However, you still have something you need to get rid of in your writing. I can't say it because it's something you need to find on your own. If you know and get what it is, and finally choose what is you, you'll reach perfection.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

To be very honest with you, Mummy Dewdrop, you finish work for this story. Love how you transformed the story given to you. Honestly, while reading, I forgot there was some cringe story given to y'all in the first place. I'm proud of your growth. Fr. Only thing I'd like to point out is your mistake with dialogue punctuation. I think that's the only thing you haven't yet mastered. Note: except there's a tag at the beginning or end of your dialogue, you should not end your dialogue with a comma. Understood? Think that's it. Applaud yourself, Pen Master. You've done well.🌚🔥🔥

JUDGE JANE COREY

In Ireti's voice 'young love'. I love the entry, it was… I don't know, fascinating. I love your execution very well, Amir going to a faraway kingdom and leaving poor Simi here broke my heart 😔, imagine say Amir fine, IMAGINE! 😫

JUDGE DANELLE LORI

This was so breathtakingly sweet, I could cry. The descriptions, the emotions, Ireti and Simi's interaction, Simi and AMIR'S interaction 😍 gosh! Hearteyes! Your characters felt so real, I could feel their starcrossed love, despair and hope for the future. Everything was on point.

COMMENTARY: Woah! That was intense. Let's see what the next Pen master have for us.

004 MAETH_AH

Tsola knew that her sisters would report to their mother if they knew that she escaped the house to see Jason. And the last thing she needed was to get locked up in her room again. She had to be careful as she jumped the fence as quietly as possible. She couldn't risk waking anyone up. 

She winced under her breath, curses slipping past her lips at the sudden sting in her palm. Her hand scraped the metallic zinc of the fence. 

Tsola sighed to herself, wiping her palm against the rough fabric of her jeans. It only hurt more, but at least there wasn't blood. 

Besides, after tonight, she wouldn't have to concern herself with the issues of having to jump over fences anymore. She was finally moving in with Jason after waiting almost four years. 

Not that anyone knew. She deserved this, not to mention she was becoming an adult in a few hours. Who would stop her? 

She looked around suspiciously, making sure no creep was secretly watching her, before knocking on the door to the home of her beloved.

"Who is it?" She heard from the other end and she couldn't help but smile to herself. 

She took a deep breath, more determined than ever to spend the rest of her life with him. 

"Jay, open up already. These bags are heavy." she complained, whining a bit for extra effect. 

She heard a little gasp before the door swung open, revealing the same dimpled eye smile she had fallen so in love with.

He took the bags from her, the weight bringing his arms down as he stepped aside and let her pass. 

"No one knows you're here, right?" 

"Of course not. I'd never compromise our future like that."

Jason planted a gentle kiss against her lips, as if to act as some sort of reassurance. She savoured the feeling, only letting herself be drawn back to reality by the voice that spoke behind him. 

"Guy, have you seen my-" 

Tsola flinched, shoving her boyfriend away at the sudden interruption. She stared over his shoulder, her gaze landing on what looked like a younger version of the man she was with. 

She stared back at Jason, who looked more annoyed than stunned. 

** * ** * **

The silence that followed after that was deafening, Jason leaving Tsola to attend to his "younger brother". She didn't find it in herself to argue, and instead settled for arranging her stuff in his room in a calm rage. 

This wasn't the plan. 

It was supposed to be just the two of them. She already ran away from home, and honestly, she didn't even hesitate. Then she and Jason were supposed to move away when they had enough money. 

Together. Alone. Without some third party. 

Maybe the news wouldn't have hit so hard if she was told beforehand, but it's hard to tell now. 

She winced, feeling a sharp pain from the centre of her palm. She glanced at it, remembering the earlier events of the night and how she had scraped her hand against the fence trying to escape. Only to settle with a man that wouldn't give her his all. 

The Jason she fell in love with would've noticed and insisted on treating it immediately. But apparently, he was too busy. How pathetic. 

"Tsola…" an all too familiar voice called out behind her, clearly laced with a hint of guilt. Good. 

She threw the shirt she was folding on the bed, whipping her head around and setting a determined face. 

"He has to go, Jason."

He sucked in a breath, the sound of his full name passing her lips affecting him more than it should. 

"I can't just-" 

"He's interrupting our plans and intruding on our space! Clearly, your attention is now divided." she scoffed, rolling her eyes dismissively. "It's him or me."

"What? I can't just kick my brother out. That's not how it works. You're being unreasonable."

"And you're making a mistake!" Tsola snapped, seemingly done with the conversation. "Kick him out. Or I'll handle it myself."

** * ** * **

Tsola was in deep sh*t. 

She never meant for it to come this far, she had only retaliated. Maybe let her mind filled with jealousy cloud her judgement a bit. But it was her intention to go this far. 

The week had gone by really quickly after their argument. Although, it was more of both parties just being ridiculously stubborn and forcing Jason's brother to act as a middleman. 

Nothing eventful had happened, and Tsola rarely did anything. Jason had a job, so he would usually leave in the mornings and come back really late. Nothing too out of the ordinary. 

Tsola preferred to stay in her and Jason's room, more than eager to avoid the latter's relative at all cost. As long as they didn't see each other, she could pretend he wasn't there. 

But that didn't work out. At all. 

If anything, it made his existence obvious and she got more and more impatient by Jason's refusal to do anything. 

She couldn't let herself be bothered by such a trivial matter, so she took matters into her own hands. 

She saw the way he looked at her, and knew exactly what he was after. And the very first confrontation they had when Jason wasn't home, ended with both of them on his bed, defiling the innocent furniture. 

The feeling of another man's hands on her was disgusting, but she needed to bear it for a while. 

The days rolled by, and it became a routine for them anytime Jason left the house.

Soon enough, the younger started to relax around Tsola. Of course though, that mistake was what landed him where he was now; covered in his own blood as he lay lifeless with Tsola towering over him. 

It wasn't supposed to escalate like this, but it had. Tsola was fed up with trying to hide her disgusted face. And now she just had to do what she did best. 

She washed her hands, moving to her bedroom to grab her phone and speed dialing Jason's number, her hands shaking with anticipation. 

"Babe, I-" she took a deep breath, pausing to steady her voice so she could deliver the good news. "I did it. He's gone. Come back home and help me before the neighbour's can see anything."

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLING

Um, where do I even start? Okay so first, you’re an amazing writer and no matter what happens after this stage, that fact won’t change. Nonetheless, I feel  terrible having to say this but this story didn’t do.😪 I know you could have done much better than this, Maeta_ah.

JUDGE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Yond ending is not f'r me.  Absolutely not f'r me. 

That ending is not for me. Absolutely not for me.

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

Hmmm. That was definitely not a dark romance. 

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Your theme execution was executed—in the good way. Maeta, you impress me. I'm so proud of how far you've come in this competition and how mature/well written your write-up is at times. This was a neat work. I was a bit surprised with the call though, the convo at the end was weird. She calling Jeffery to tell him what had happened, the tone was odd. If you had made her cry that she found him dead or let Jeffery come home and let her scream as if she was assaulted by his relative and she killed him by mistake or in self-defense, you know just playing the victim card. Then let Jeff probably hug her or try and placate her then she'll smile to herself over his shoulder. Something more sinister. You get? I'm sure you do. But you put effort in this, I suppose.

Anyway, the story took a new turn, so that's nice. And I'm still impressed by you. I hope you make it to top five and even if you don't, you go Maeta! Keep writing! Keep shining. ✨:-)

JUDGE ACTON BELL

Mehn. Maeta, I expected so much from you, but I'm sorry, you story didn't have me.🥲 Honestly, I'm tired of pointing out to y'all the same thing about dialogue punctuation mistakes. And apart from that, I didn't see how you transformed the story to something spectacular. You tried, but it was not dark romance.

JUDGE JANE COREY

First of all, Tsola is useless, cause you don't want your man's brother to follow you, you had to kill him, KILL HIM! Well sha, all these love children. Do you even know what is paining me? She freaking ass slept with him first. God abeg oo.

JUDGE DANIELLE LORI

I'm a hardcore dark romance lover fan and I can tell you this wasn't dark romance. In any shape or form. It's more of psychological thriller. Tsola is a psycho. I don't think I enjoyed this.

COMMENTARY: The reviews is getting wesser😂. 

Let welcome our next contestants

008 NUTCRACKER

Title: Crime Scenes and Birthday Candles

Somadina knew that her sister's would report her to their church-bound mother if they knew where she was going. Although she didn't care, she needed to see Jeffreyery. 

She moved carefully towards her fence as she lifted her body over it.

She made her way to his front door as she knocked. It pulled open to reveal a dimpled Jeffrey. He grinned, pulling her into a hug.

“Your mum went to church didn't she?” He mused.

“She thinks I'm in my room studying like a good Christian girl,” she chastised with an eye roll. 

She loved God with all her heart but she often felt as though her mum tended to overdo it.

“Well I'm glad you could make it because... I have a surprise for you,” he grinned.

"I hope it isn't another original mixtape,” she giggled.

He brought out a blindfold before pulling it over  her eyes. 

“Where are you taking me, Jeffreyery?” Somadina asked.

“If I told you, it would not be a surprise anymore," he said, pulling her through the door.

When her father had abandoned them, her mother had grown cold and her once loving sister sought constant validation from their mother. Jeffrey had soon become her solace. 

They reached the bottom of the stairs, Jeffrey pulled open a door.

“In 3," he said.

“2," she whispered.

“1..," Jeffreyery finished.

Her blindfold came off in one swift motion and So gasped at the sight.

There was a large party setup and loud booming music.

So’s  excitement soon turned into confusion as she noticed a few strangers.

"Do you like it?" Jeffrey asked.

“It’s amazing but who are these people?" She asked.

"These are your friends from  volleyball, Chineye and Amaka," he  said.

She didn't play volleyball. But she wasn't about to bring it up as she returned their wave.

Jeffrey sat next to a boy he called Chizom.

"Guys, let's start with playing truth or dare," Chizom said. Somadina was hesitant but agreed.

"That isn't fair, you know Somadina is willing to take on any dare,”  Chizom said.

"No I'm not. I don't even know you,” Somadina questioned.

"Rude! We have been buddies since primary school." He said halfheartedly.

Somadina decided to question Jeffrey about it later.

"I dare Somadina to tell us what happened to her sister,” Chineye fired back.

"She's at home. What do you mean?" Somadina asked.

"Tell us the truth-,” Chizom egged.

Suddenly the lights went out.

"Nepa!!!" Amaka groaned.

Just then a loud scream rang through the room

As the lights came back on Chizom was gone.

"What? Okay what happened?" Somadina yelled. Jeffrey seemed concerned as well.

"I'm sure it is fine." Chineye said.

"Person come vanish, you say make I calm. You want go next?!” Somadina exclaimed. 

"Maybe he went to the bathroom" Jeffrey muttered. 

Reluctantly So agreed.

"Let's play charades next." Chineye called out.

...

"Its Ebola! No  Corona!” Jeffrey yelled at Chineye’s strange movements.

"It was soursop!" She exclaimed.

"You just aren't good-" Jeffrey mocked.

"I will-" she started as the lights went out again.

"NEPA!!"  Jeffrey yelled as the lights flickered on moments later.

 Chineye was gone.

"Okay that wasn't a coincidence," Somadina hissed.

Jeffrey seemed to agree. "I can't do this. I have to leave," So said.

"Wait no. We have to cut the cake. We worked all day on it and you love cake!” Amaka begged.

So, always did have a soft spot for cake.

"Fine," she muttered.

“Aren't you enjoying yourself, So?” Jeffrey asked.

"I was until people started doing shoki for my front," she said.

He chuckled as they watched Amaka come back downstairs with the cake.

"Nepa better-,” So started saying but was cut off by the lights going out.

She held tightly onto Jeffrey as the sound of something dropping was heard.

As the lights flickered on Amaka was gone.

The cake a splattered mess on the floor.

"What is that?" Jeffrey asked.

So furrowed her brows as her gaze fell on something on the floor. 

A KEDCO ledger book.

…

Somadina was careful as she slowly picked it up. 

"We have to stop this," So said.

Jeffrey furrowed his brows reading through it.

"Come look at this,” he called out. She stepped closer and to her shock she found Chinwe, Amaka and Chizom’s names in there.

"What does this mean? " she asked.

"I don't know but whatever it is it has something to do with NEPA,” he muttered.

"Maybe check your meter?" She suggested. 

"That's ridiculous," he said but she shrugged it off.

"We have to try. I have a feeling NEPA is behind this," she muttered. Reluctantly he made his way out of the basement. 

Moments later the lights flickered off as he shot off the meter. She grabbed a discarded candle from the cake and lit it.

She gasped as a loose board on the floor shifted. As the lights flickered back on. She noticed it fall back into place.

Jeffrey returned into the room moments later. "Did you see anything?" He asked.

Her gaze moved to the floorboard, "I think I got it." She was quick to pull back the board and gasped as it revealed a tunnel.

"Are you really going in there?” He asked shakily.

"We have to find them,” she said to him as she gripped the  ledger.

"Where do you think the tunnel goes?" He asked.

At the bottom of the ledger was an address. A KEDCO office on Kafanchan Street, Surulere. She had never heard of it before.

"I have a theory," she muttered as they made their way into the tunnel. 

Soon enough they came to a stop in front of a metal door.

 "3,”

"2,”

"1…”

As she pulled the door open. The sight they were met with left her in complete shock.

She was standing in what appeared to be a power center. There  were a few seats around the room.

"Where are we?" Jeffrey asked as he stepped through. Their gazes falling on the figures tied up on the couch.

"NEPA office," she whispered. 

"We have to untie them," she rushed out as they hurried to remove their restraints.

"We have to go-,” So, started to say.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you!" A shrill voice said.

They all took hesitant steps back as a veiled figure made her way into the room.

"Mother?" So asked in shock.

"You kidnapped them? Why?" She asked desperately.

Her mother cackled as she pulled out a knife, her eyes wild as she stared between the six of them.

"You aren't going anywhere. So be a good girl and sit down." She ordered.

“Now! Olodo! Why you dey do like mumu!" So flinched as she rushed to sit down. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Mother, what is all this?"

"You never listen, why can't you be a good girl like your sister? Stay in doors, that’s all I ask. But you have to go and meet a boy for a birthday party even. What did we say about parties?” Mother yelled.

"They're the devil's playground. Mother, where are we and why are you doing this. They are innocent,” she pleaded.

"They are far from innocent. We are standing in what used to be a sanctity church. Until their parents-,” she started, staring between the children.

"Decided to sell our worship ground to turn it into a Kedco office for entertainment. But I wouldn't let them. Each time they try to rebuild it I tear it down. Now when they find your charred bodies. They will leave this place of worship alone,” she roared.

"You did all of this for revenge. But they are innocent. Jeffrey is innocent,”  So cried out.

"Jeffrey was in on it too. He was the one who helped me gather them for the party. Why do you think you dont know them? He is a devout child of God and he believes I'm God's vessel," she said.

Jeffrey grinned, coming to stand beside mother as he grinned at So. "Sorry, So. But it had to be done. You must be cleansed," he chanted.

"What are you-,” So started to say. She watched as her mother pulled out a can of gasoline as she began to douse the room.

So cowered away as her mother drew a match. 

Before Somadina could the room engulfed in flames. Their screams ringing through the abandoned building.

...

Detective Mayowa made his way past the yellow tape where five bodies lay.

"Talk to me," he said to the lieutenant.

"Older woman, her teenage daughter and two missing children," he said.

"Was there anyone else?" Detective asked.

"No, the nightmare is over," He sighed in relief.

Jeffrey stood to the side dressed in thick overalls as he helped clear the crime scene. He glanced towards Chineye’s sister who had come to identify her body. She was delicate - soft.

Who knows... maybe they would fall in love, runaway and he could even...

Throw her a birthday party.

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLING

This is so creative, christ! Where do I start? The pitching in of NEPA into your work and making it super creative, each time NEPA offs, one person dissapears. That’s so cool! And the end too where Jeffery says he could get Chinenye and maybe throw her a surprise party, it was so ironic yet so nice. The end was ending-ing!😂🔥

However, Nutcracker, your work’s execution did not match the creativity. It seemed too vague and a bit messy. Some punctuations were out of place and we have have been warning against this (!!!) and you still used it. It’s just one exclamation mark in writing, no matter how loud or jumpy the character’s voice is supposed to be. Just one. One. Nkpuru Otu. Please don’t make this mistake again. 

The reveal with the NEPA office and the Mum was MEH. I thought at first it was just bad plotting, but it was just the execution. Try to take your time while writing, you’re not in a rush. Don’t be in a haste. You could have done a better presentation of this creative idea you had.

JUDGE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Valorous st'ry, po'r execution. 

Good story, poor execution.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

I promised myself that I won't say anything harsh or demeaning in my  reviews in this stage, but, guy, I'm very close to breaking that promise because of what I just read that you submitted as your entry.

Nutcracker, you did not try. I don't want to compare but I know a writer who was evicted in the last stage that would have written better than what you wrote if they were in this stage. You had the opportunity, the chance —You're a pen master for crying out loud— to deliver and secure yourself a spot in the top five by delivering powerfully well.  But...

Where do I start? Your story flow was shaky, choppy. The work was horribly punctuated. I cringed every time I saw this (!!!!). The dialogue was weird like mad. The plot was probably brilliant but didn't show in the way this worded or arranged. 

All I can say is congrats on making it to top ten, but we both know where it's going from here.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

Guy, your story was more dystopian in structure than mystery as a whole. What happened? Did you rush to write it? So many things went wrong, bro. And I can't begin to list them. This would have been a very good Mystery story if you had done one thing right: arranged your story properly. Nna, I no dey talk again. You had a wonderful idea, even added humor to it, but no, no, just no. You didn't transform the short story given to you, you merely increased the word count. And that, my dear, doesn't cut it. 

JUDGE JANE COREY

To be honest, I don't understand your entry, it was going well at the beginning oo, till Chineye disappeared. I definitely did not understand the rest of the entry, especially the ending. And please you mispelt some names. First, you changed Jeffrey's name to Jeffereyrey, guy I was confused. Abi you no edit your work? And that Chizom guy, is he really Chizom? Abit you made a mistake with Chisom? Hmm.

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

What's the meaning of chastise and the correlation to how it was used in fifth paragraph?

Your tenses too.   "... As though her mom tended to overdo it." I'm sure if you read that statement again, you'll know just how odd it sounds. 

And, is his name Jeffrey or Jeffreyery? If repeating the latter as many times as you did is a mistake, then you're not serious about this enough to proof read your story and get rid of mistakes. Once is understandable but more than three times? Come on.

So my general review is that you have a very good story idea but your execution is completely terrible. To start with, it seems like you have a problem with depth because your writing in this story is just surface level and so I felt nothing, nothing at all. The stakes didn't hit, the plot twists didn't bang, and everything was just there because you failed to execute the brilliant idea that you had. The only thing I like about your story is the last line. 

JUDGE DANIELLE LORI

At this point, I'm fighting back an eye roll. I know there was a raw story provided to follow but nothing anyone is coming up with really wows me. All in all, it's the same remark I have as the previous ones. Nice plot, bad delivery. There was no thrilling, gripping excitement, some things; the way Soma reacted to what was going on just wasn't making sense. Very poor and Lazy execution. Let's not even talk about the grammatical error and spelling icks along the way.

COMMENTARY: I have nothing to say🤐.

NEXT!

009 HUMBLEPEN

Sewa knew that her sisters would report her to her mummy, if they knew that she had snuck out to see Jeffery. They were already suspicious of him, the way he smiled at her and how he was constantly talking to her. But she didn’t care, really. Jeffery was definitely worth the risk. And he’d asked her to quickly come over so she wanted to see what was up.

There was a zinc lined fence that separated their compounds, one might think of it as a barrier that hindered their love. Sewa scaled the fence carelessly, caught up in her thoughts. She scraped her hand against the zinc and hissed in pain. Once she made it to the other side, she checked to make sure there were no injuries.

“Ouch, my hand!” She hissed. Her hand still hurt a bit but luckily, there was no bleeding. She attributed it to the harmattan, thinking that she was less likely to bleed since the weather was cold.

“Even the weather is on my side,” she thought. “Why can’t sister Jola and Dami see that Jeffery and I belong together.”

After walking for a bit, Sewa reached his house and knocked on his door. Jeffery answered and then came out to meet her, his signature smile on his face. His dimples were on full display and it was like his eyes lit up immediately he saw her. Jeffery opened his arms and she hugged him, a smile stretching across her face when she felt his arms around her waist.

“Are your parents aware that you are here?” he asked her. 

“No,” Sewa replied, “are yours around?”

Jeffery shook his head, a satisfied smile on his face. They were alone, just the two of them. Now, he could finally show her the surprise that he had blown most of his savings on.

“Actually,” he said, “I have a surprise for you.”

“But my birthday was last week,” Sewa said. “You bought me those Jimmy choo heels I’d been eyeing in the mall.”

“That was just the pre-surprise,” Jeffery smirked. “The real surprise is here, at my house.”

Sewa beamed in delight, trying but failing to contain her excitement. She practically skipped into the house while Jeffery walked calmly beside her. He always had the most amazing, mind-blowing surprises. 

“Use this,” he said, wrapping a blindfold around her eyes. Sewa giggled and smiled, giddy from excitement and anticipation. Jeffery’s surprises were iconic. He’d gotten her a new speaker, tickets to Ayra Starr’s concert and a louis Vuitton gown all to commemorate different occasions. She wondered what he had in store for her this time around.

“Where are you taking me, Jeffery?” Sewa asked as he moved carefully with her.

“If I told you, it would not be a surprise anymore,” he said, kissing her neck softly. Sewa shut her eyes beneath the blindfold, as little tingles and sparks made their way across her skin.

“You always do this,” Sewa laughed as Jeffery opened a door. “Why is this taking so long?” 

“Trust me,” He insisted, laughing heartily.

Sewa had always trusted Jeffery. He had always given her a reason to, ever since they first met in SS2. Jeffery and Sewa had planned that the night of their graduation, they were going to spend the evening at a house party. Then, she’d sneak back to Jeffery’s place, spend the night and maybe make love to him. His parents would be travelling after the graduation ceremony and Sewa had already told her parents that she’d be sleeping over at her best friend, Kelechi’s place—a blatant lie. 

 It wasn’t going to be Jeffery’s first time but it was Sewa’s. The idea of sex was scary to her and she’d only heard about it from her friends and read about it in stories. But she trusted Jeffery with everything she had; he was her confidante, her best friend, the one who knew her deepest, darkest secrets. She was young, but she was pretty convinced that she’d found the love of her life.

She only wondered what was so important that Jeffery had to take her in circles, around the house to show her the day before their graduation.

“Is it a surprise party?” Sewa asked Jeffery.

He laughed so hard at the question.

“Surprise party, ke?” He said, “you know that everybody is busy preparing for grad!”

“Haha! True! It’s me and Jeffery against the world!” She jumped in glee. He rolled his eyes playfully and caught her softly when she almost tripped over feet.

“We are almost there!” Jeffery announced.

Sewa could feel her body tingling with excitement. 

Was it cake?! Was it a bouquet of flowers? Was it a new iPhone?!

Jeffery stopped, his hands on the knot of the blindfold around Sewa’s eyes.

“In 3,” he said.

“2,” she said after him.

“1,” Jeffery finished.

The Blindfold came off. 

Sewa looked around. She was in his room. She noticed the dark blue sheets on the king sized bed and the posters of the weeknd on the wall. Then, she saw the big pink box with a purple bow on his bedside table. She looked at him, a question in her eyes.

“Yup, open it.” Jeffery said.

Sewa rushed towards the box, undid the bow within seconds and pulled the lid off. She gasped in awe as she pulled out the contents of the box. Her hands were shaky and her eyes watery as she held them in her hands.

“You got me hard copies of all my favourite books?” She asked.

Jeffery chuckled, “yeah, but that’s not all. Open them.”

Sewa did as she was told and her jaw dropped, shock written all over her face.

“You got me a signed copy of the seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo?” She asked, astonished.

Jeffery nodded, “my sister got invited to a big event last year, you know she owns a popular book club. So, I asked for a favour. Check the others.”

Sewa smiled, tears in her eyes as she checked the others. Purple hibiscus, the fault in our stars, and Yinka, where is your husband? were there too. And they were all signed by their respective authors.

“I’m so glad you like it,” Jeffery said. “I wasn’t sure if it would compare to the other…”

Sewa walked over to him and silenced him with a kiss. It was light, and soft at first because Sewa was still new to this whole kissing thing. But Jeffery kissed her back passionately, and damn, did it feel good. She felt his hands move underneath her shirt and the warmth spread through her body as the kissing got more intense and heated.

Eventually, they pulled away to catch their breaths. Sewa smiled, blushing really hard and Jeffery just looked at her with a “damn” look in his eyes.

“Honestly,” he said, “if I hadn’t promised you, I would wait till after grad, this would’ve ended in an entirely different way.”

Sewa blushed harder, looking away shyly. She was still caught up in the moment.

“Thank you though.” She said, looking up at him. “This was wonderful, really. Now, I can stop pirating books from Z library.”

They both laughed at that. Sewa couldn’t help but think that she was the luckiest girl in the world. The gossip blogs had been right; fall in love oh, but make sure you don’t fall in love with a broke boy.

Jeffery was about to say something, when they heard a knock at the door. They both stared at each other, fear in their eyes as the knocking went on and on.

“Jeffery!” His mother yelled. “Jeffery! If you don’t come and open this door right now, you’ll see what I will do to you.”

“That’s my cue to leave,” Sewa said as she placed everything back in the box. The house had a back door so she could easily slip out without being seen.

“Won’t your sisters see the box?” Jeffery whispered.

“No,” Sewa said, “the snitches are at their friend’s birthday party. They also snuck out.”

“Jeffery Odunmosi!” Jeffery’s mother shouted again. “Abi on wo headphones sori eti e? Tin ba mu e.” (or you’re wearing headphones on your ears? If I get you.)

“Damn.” Jeffery said, holding onto Sewa’s hand, “I have to go too. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Definitely.” Sewa said with a smile.

She rushed out of the house and through the back door as Jeffery made his way towards the front. His parents were uptight and so were hers. She probably wouldn’t be allowed to date until she was out of the university. But what she and Jeffery had was so special, she didn’t want to give it up. She couldn’t give it up, even if she was forced to. Sewa knew that she’d always be able to find her way to him and his heart would always gravitate towards her.

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLING

I guess it's safe to say that  this was an okay read

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

Well, it's a very light romance, it made me feel mushy mushy and it's really enjoyable.

JUDGE WILLIAMS SHAKESPEARE

Oh mine own marry! this is so quite quaint and v'ry heartwarming.  I desire the loveth of mine own life, acton bell is taking lessons from jeff'ry. 

Oh my goodness! This is so beautiful and very heartwarming.  I hope the love of my life, Acton Bell is taking lessons from Jeffery.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

There is something about this piece, I can't put my finger on it. It makes it a bit weird to me. You nailed the theme given to you beautifully, with the light romance and stuff. I guess light romance doesn't mean clean romance then. You described well. 

However, I noticed something and I was surprised to see it. Some of your sentences (in dialogue) didn't start with capital letter, why? No time to edit? 

Apart from that error and that thing I can't decipher, this was nice. ✨

JUDGE ACTON BELL

Cute story.🌚 Really cute. Can't begin to talk about dialogue punctuation again. O ti sun mi. But really, I liked your story.🥺 So cute. 

JUDGE JANE COREY

I'm speechless here😪

JUDGE DANIELLE LORI

This felt bland to me. I felt a lot of nothing and for someone that really likes romance, that's saying a lot. The entire story just fell short and the grammer errors here and there didn't help either.

COMMENTARY: Reviews Opoor😂.

Let's have our last Pen master for this Batch 🤭

014 BEMA

I knew that my sisters would report to Mummy if they knew I escaped the house. I was aware of the risks involved. Meeting Jeffery secretly posed a threat that could result in punishment or, worse yet, disapproval from my mother. However, I found myself unable to resist the temptation of his charismatic grin and alluring whispers.

It was my birthday, and the anticipation had been building for weeks. I wanted to see Jeffery more than anything. There was a sparkle in his eyes whenever he spoke of surprises, and my heart raced at the thought of what he had planned.

Under the moon's soft glow, I quietly walked through the dark streets, feeling a rush of excitement. As I got closer to Jeffrey's house, a rush of excitement and danger filled me

He greeted me with that same infectious smile. "Are your parents aware that you are here?" he asked, his voice laced with secrecy. 

"No," I replied, my own smile mirroring his. "Are you alone?"

Jeffery's grin widened. "Actually," he said, "but let's skip to the surprise I have for you."

My heart skipped a beat. His surprises were legendary, and I couldn't wait to see what he had planned this time. I followed him into his dimly lit living room, where a single candle flickered, casting shadows on the walls.

"Close your eyes," Jeffery instructed, his voice soft.

I complied, my heart pounding with excitement. I felt Jeffery's hands gently placing a blindfold over my eyes, heightening my sense of anticipation.

"Where are you taking me, Jeffery?" I whispered, my voice filled with playful curiosity.

"If I told you," he whispered back, his breath warm against my ear, "it wouldn't be a surprise."

As we walked, my mind thought of the possibilities. What could this surprise be? A romantic dinner? A hidden treasure? My imagination ran wild as I blindly followed his lead.

Finally, we stopped. I could sense we were in an unfamiliar place. "Are we here?" I asked, my excitement reaching its peak.

Jeffery's voice was low and seductive as he replied, "Yes, Somadina, we're here."

With a swift motion, he removed the blindfold. What I saw left me breathless and bewildered. We were in an abandoned warehouse, its cold, concrete walls echoing with eerie silence.

"What is this, Jeffery?" I stammered, a feeling of unease creeping over me.

He turned to me, his smile gone, replaced by a serious look. "Somadina, there's something important you should know."

Before I could react, he dropped a shocking revelation into our conversation. Jeffery wasn't the person I thought he was; he was involved with a dangerous criminal group, and I had unknowingly become a part of their deceitful world.

Fear gripped me as I realized the seriousness of the situation. I had put my trust in Jeffery, only to discover he had betrayed me in the worst possible way.

I had made up my mind to leave before he caught unto me and said, "You can't walk away now, Somadina," Jeffery declared, his tone sending chills down my spine. "You're aware of too much."

As panic took hold, I tried to move away, but he quickly understood what I was up to. He wasn't going to allow me to leave. In my desperate attempts to break free, he ended up tying me up. I couldn't forget that tense talk, the fear, and the betrayal I felt—it all stayed with me

My heart pounded with fear as I found myself trapped in the oppressive darkness of the night. I couldn't help but regret ignoring my mother's warning about going out after dark. Her words echoed in my mind, a haunting reminder of my disobedience.

I imagined my mom pacing back at home, worry etched across her face. What would she say if I didn't return soon? I pictured the excuses my younger sisters might come up with, trying to protect me. And then, I could hear my mom's voice, reminding me that even though I was above 20, I should still set a good example.

I was desperate to escape this perilous situation, surrounded by uncertainty. The weight of my actions pressed down on me, making escape seem impossible 

*****

As the days passed, I pretended to be under Jeffery's control while secretly plotting my escape. Unbeknownst to him, I had to uncover the truth behind Jeffery's actions and expose the criminal organization before they could silence me forever.

Every moment was a heart-pounding ordeal as I navigated a treacherous world of secrets. I knew I had to find a way to untie myself and outsmart Jeffery, who watched my every move.

With each passing day, my determination grew stronger. I was ready to risk it all to unveil the shocking truth that had turned my world upside down. But first, I had to protect myself. 

One fateful night, while Jeffery was away on what he claimed was an urgent meeting with his criminal associates, I seized the opportunity to investigate further. I had to free myself first, so I worked frantically to loosen the ropes that bound me.

After what felt like an eternity of struggle, I managed to free my hands. With newfound freedom, I rummaged through his belongings and discovered a hidden compartment in a dusty old chest.

Inside, I found a stack of documents, photographs, and a ledger filled with coded entries. It was evidence of the organization's illegal activities, including money laundering, extortion, and even ties to a powerful political figure.

As I meticulously documented the evidence, my heart raced with a mixture of fear and determination. I knew that exposing the organization could mean not only my own safety but also justice for countless victims.

I had to be cautious. I couldn't stay in one place for too long, knowing that Jeffery's return could be imminent. I packed the evidence and prepared to make my escape.

But just as I was about to slip out of the warehouse, the sound of approaching footsteps sent shivers down my spine. Jeffery had returned, and he was not alone. He was accompanied by two menacing-looking associates, their faces obscured by shadows.

I hid behind a stack of crates, clutching the incriminating evidence to my chest. I listened as Jeffery and his associates discussed their latest criminal activities, their voices low but filled with menace.

"They can't find out about this," Jeffery hissed. "We need to clean up our tracks, and she knows too much."

My mind raced. I had to escape, but I couldn't risk being seen or leaving the evidence behind. I watched as they approached the area where I was hiding, my heart in my throat.

Just as they were about to discover me, I made a daring move. I tossed a metal object across the warehouse, creating a loud clang that echoed through the space. The distraction bought me precious seconds, and I slipped away into the shadows.

Finally, I reached the door and emerged into the night, clutching the evidence tightly. No one told me twice before I made a race to my mother's house. 

JUDGES REVIEW

JUDGE JK ROWLING

Bema, you know I like you abi? You know, right? I’m trying to be really nice in my review, but I didn’t like this one o.😪 Don’t feel bad. You’re an amazing writer. 

However, I don’t feel this is your best work. In all honesty. Nonetheless, the plot had a direction and that’s fair enough. Wish you the best of luck in this stage. ❤️✨

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

Your story was so good until they got to the warehouse and you just had to ruin what'd have been a perfectly fine story by switching to a narration out of the blues. And you didn't switch to narration in any random place, you switched to it right when you were about to reveal the plot twist in your story. What the hell is that? 

There was a perfectly fine built up and then boom, “Before I could react, he dropped a shocking revelation...” I was so so disappointed. Show us the *shocking revelation*, don't tell us! That ruined the story for me and it didn't make me enjoy the rest of the story though I noticed that most parts were also narrated too. 

And even without narration or not, the rest of the story after Jeffrey was revealed to be a part of a criminal organization wasn't intriguing enough to be called a fine thriller. 

JUDGE WILLIAMS SHAKESPEARE

God saveth thee, somadina.  Next timeth, hark to thy moth'r.  Well, bema.  This wasn't very much giving enow thrill'r at all.  

God save you, Somadina. Next time, listen to your mother. Well, Bema. This wasn't really giving enough thriller at all. 

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Bema, you've come so far, to be here and that's wonderful. Congrats. I saw the theme given to you but I didn't really see your effort in executing the theme. It might read weird to you but it's true, to me, at least. I don't have much to say on this. Let's just see how it goes, yeah?

JUDGE ACTON BELL

Nawa. I'm not sure what you wrote was a thriller story sha. 

JUDGE JANE COREY

How will your mother feel, when she wakes up in the morning and doesn't find you? How will she feel, when she waits for you from day to day, week to week, month to month, and probably year to year and doesn't find you? This, is what you could have thought about before going to see Man in the Night, not even in the daytime oo, night! Midnight to be specific. Hmm, una dey take useless risk oo.

JUDGE DANIELLE LORI

Not gonna lie, you had me in the first half. I was so excited to see how things turn out after Jeffery revealed who he was, but after that point, you lost me. It was more anticlimactic than I had hoped. Nice plot but I feel you could have done more justice to it.

COMMENTARY: Omor, no reviews don sweet me pass this one 😂.

Anyways, y'all stay tuned for Judges review Batch Two😘.