Hello, people of God😌😁

We are here again with the Fifth Batch of...

And having that this is a picture prompt, we have this as our prompt...

And, for this stage, we are going to be having the following contestants;

025 Tsuki

026 ThatGirl

027 Phoenix

030 Zoë

031 PeanutButter

Now, let's move on to the first contestant.

025 TSUKI.

"Bring the what now?"

"Of the who now?" Jared did not lower his gaze even when the god was glaring at him. There was tension in the air. "You expect us to sacrifice ourselves for your selfish cause?" The other deities in the room frowned. "At least give us a map."

"Kanu." Amadioha's voice was like the rumbling of thunder. Jared did this best to show no fear. "When I give an order, I expect immediate execution, not questions."

"Yeah, till we die. Because we asked no questions, and because y'all are selfish and lazy." Paschal spoke with anger. "Why the eff am I here, man? Give us a bre-" He wasn't able to complete his words as a large python materialised, swallowed him whole and disappeared.

The other three teenagers did their best to stay quiet, but there was fear in their eyes. "Mmili, stop scaring them," Ekwensu said with a laugh that made the children tremble. Jared wished he could disappear from there.

"Return our friend and we'll do your bidding," he said, mustering some courage.

"Do our bidding, and we'll return your friend." Mmili's smile reminded Jared of the Grinch.

"Where's this "person" we're to find?"

"Anyanwụ, is her name and Anị has her."

___

Jared had many regrets in his life, but none was as great as his decision to follow his parents back home this December. He wished he was in a dream and he could wake up, but he knew he wasn't. He sighed. A month ago, if someone had told him that the gods of his forefathers were real and very much active, he would have laughed at their faces and shouted, "On colos!" But now...

Amadioha had ordered him to head East to Anyanwụ's place of birth. That was where she was being held captive.

"Jared oo, I think we're here," Olaedo spoke. He looked ahead, expecting to see some sort of dense forest like their first adventure, but all he could see was scorched earth. There was a thin transparent barrier demarcating what he saw from where he was. "It looks so dry."

The three crossed the barrier. "Dry? More like deserted." Aku, who hadn't said a word since her boyfriend was swallowed by eke, finally spoke. She was right. They didn't see any sign of life, just a large expanse of red earth. "Did those guys deceive us because I don't see shii."

"Aku, calms. Let's just keep going. We might see some people." And so for an hour and half, they did not see anyone. The air became was dry and they had difficulty breathing.

"Keep going, right?" Aku asked. "Oga I'm tired oo. Amadioha, where's the place nu? Onweghi ihe m fụga here oo." She spoke to the sky. She got no response. She hissed. "Where's the Anị goddess, nu? Hey biatch, show yourself and make this journey shorter."

"Um, Mmiliakụ, you should not be that rude to a goddess," Jared spoke, a chill going down his spine. He looked around but he didn't see anything but he felt watched.

"That biatch is the reason Paschal was taken. What beef does she have with the sun anyway?" The next thing the three knew was that they were falling into a chasm. They landed somewhere far and dusty. After a fit of coughs and groping to find a hard surface other than the ground, they steadied themselves.

"Is anyone hurt?" Jared asked.

"Where are we?" It took a lot to not scream profanities at Aku. She was most likely the reason they were buried alive. Jared did a quick count to ten. "Hello!"

"Girl, shut the eff-" Jared was interrupted by another voice.

"Onye?"

"Um, can you help us? We're kinda lost."

"Walk straight."

"What if that's some kind of evil spirit? Can't you shut up?" Jared whisper-yelled. Olaedo, whom he felt was beside him, shuffled her feet.

"I have a bad feeling. Let's not go."

"If it's dangerous, we can run away. At least it's our only chance at not staying lost." She had a point, Jared had to admit.

"Fine then. You girls hold each other; stay close to me. Mmiliakụ, na-emechitụ ọnụ gị. Stay quiet."

"Yes sir." He could tell the girl rolled her eyes. He missed Paschal. He knew how to keep her docile and quiet.

The trio walked forward, slowly but for what felt like an eternity. As they walked, they knew they were coming to a source of light. They squinted as they got closer. Suddenly, light was all they could see. It was like it flooded their senses. They felt it, they could taste, hear and even touch it.

Jared thought back to a Physics lesson a few months ago and sighed. Who knew particles of light could be held. It was quite light, featherweight. Its sound was like humming, very low humming which was barely audible. It reverberated all around them. "Unu abịala." The direction from which the voice came from was not certain. "Have you come to save me?"

"We can't see you." Again, Jared wished Aku would shut up. "Please show yourself."

The light around them dimmed, but they could still see. They finally looked around and saw that they were in some kind of throne room. Almost everything was made of gold. What didn't have gold had ivory and marble. The most striking feature of the room was the large cage at the middle, close to where the teenagers were. Inside the cage was a woman. "Ị fụgonu m. You've seen me now."

The children walked towards the cage carefully. To Jared, she was a beautiful woman, which truly she was. Her face was sculpted, to near perfection. Her dark skin wouldn't look better on anyone than it was on her. Her eyes were nearly white. He wondered if she was blind. "I see perfectly," she spoke, reading his mind. He shivered uncomfortably but couldn't get enough of her. Golden freckles? Heck yeah!

Apart from her skin, black cornrows, her eyes and her lips, she was covered in gold clothing and ornaments. They complimented her colour. "Thank you, dear." He looked at her in shock. "I can hear your thoughts. I apologize but it's not something I can help."

Olaedo, meanwhile, was trying to shake off the feeling of familiarity she felt or the urge to get on her knees. Every fibre of her being was screaming, "Bow to her."

"You carry my blessing. Do I know your family?" Olaedo knew she was being addressed but didn't know where her voice ran to.

"Are you Anyanwụ?" Mmili asked making the other girl sigh in relief.

"Yes, I am." She noticed Jared's silent exhale.

"How can you be the eye of the sun with no eyes?" Darkness fell, instantly. The only source of light were two pair of eyes glowing white and tiny dots which looked like stars in the darkness. Her freckles.

"Damn this cage." The voice was nothing like the calming hums heard earlier. It sounded like crackling flames. She roared and trashed about making the children scramble away. The air heated up and they felt their skin start to boil. "How dare you disrespect me?"

"She didn't mean to offend you, ma."

"I will boil her. Disrespectful brat," Jared pleaded on her behalf but kind of wished she could teach the loose-mouthed girl a lesson. But not to their detriment though. The room brightened but it wasn't the same as earlier. He couldn't see a thing. He cursed even more when he felt himself fly across the room. He heard a bone crack and a newcomer's voice.

"Intruders, have we?"

COMMENTARY: Is the fantasy fantasying?🌚

Let's hear from the judges.

JUDGES REVIEWS.

JUDGE ARUNDHATI ROY

"Bring the what now?"

"Of the who now?"

What's this opening line?😂 I'm laughing because it's so funny and the rhythm is just ridiculously funny. I mean this in a good way though.

I like your entry, I really do. It's funny and playful and I love that it's about teenagers but it doesn't really do justice to the prompt and I don't really get that ending. I believe you can do better and I want you to do better.

JUDGE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

I very much did enjoy thy st'ry and the bits of humeth'r and playfulness thrown into t. The endeth wast a did bite confusing though. But i liketh t.

I really enjoyed your story and the bits of humor and playfulness thrown into it. The end was a bit confusing though. But I like it.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

For starters, what in the name of bananas is this? Why you go dey throw dialogue for our faces? Honestly, it took God's grace for me to finish your story. Because my ori began to fo mi. You did a mid job of combining modern civilization with fantasy. And you ended with what you thought was a cliffhanger? Lmao. Biko, try dey read. And learn writing stuff.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

I like the way your characters were speaking but the English ehn?

*The air became was dry and they had difficulty breathing*

Did that read right to you? You wrote some things in Igbo. What do you want people that are not Igbo to do? Ehn, Brother Tsuki?

Note: When asking a question, end it with a question mark.

E.g. Who knew particles of light could be held?

You ended yours with a period. It's wrong.

And, is that the end of your work? Do you know I re-read your work with another app? Scrolled through it more than once, thinking it was a glitch, but no. That was the ending. What were you thinking? No, what did you write? Who was the new comer at the ending? What is his purpose?

Look, you only described the image given to you well. But was she reflected in your story? I will not answer this question for you. There was no Title. Yes, it's not compulsory but it will be part of the reasons why you will get the ruling I will give you.

JUDGE JK ROWLING

There's nothing I will say here that I have not said before. In summary, this work is not IT material yet. You're a good writer, Tsuki, but I think you can do much better.

COMMENTARY: Alright, let's move to the next contestant.

026 THATGIRL

Somadinma swung her legs from side to side while humming to herself. This was her own way of suppressing the growing anxiety inside her; pretending she wasn't scared. Mother was to pick her up from school since afternoon but here she was five hours later, still waiting on a park bench with her bags beside her. She had woken up this morning full of life and also a little sense of foreboding. Her birthday was the next day and she was finally going to become a teenager but then, there was a major condition to be met.

'Mother should've come by now.' Soma mused worriedly to herself. She knew how important it was for her to get home today and perform the necessary rituals. These rituals had to do with her life, her very existence hung on to it. It was the only way to guarantee if she would live past the age of twelve, if she would ever enter teenagehood. She had finally decided to show her family where her 'Iyi uwa' was buried after much persuasion, that would cut off any connection she has with the spirit world. It would also keep her alive so she wouldn't have to die on her thirteenth birthday as foreseen. Mother would never joke with her only child's life, she knew this.

So where on earth was she?

She could feel it. Soma could smell death, her death in the air. It seemed miles away and at the same time, near. It felt like whoever was in control of her life was tossing it up in the air and then catching it, teasing her with what was hers. Death seemed almost inevitable, like it was patiently waiting for time to clock midnight before striking. There might just be no saving her at this point.

Suddenly jumping off the bench as if poked, Soma began to pace about in fear. Her hands were shaking badly as she tried in vain to control her palpitating heart. There was no way she could get to Benin this night, she had no money on her and even if she did, no driver would be willing to take her there by this time. She didn't know her way around Lagos and might just end up in a ritualist's den if she tried moving around. Her case seemed helpless, almost hopeless even.

The night seemed like the typical Lagos night as people and cars went around their normal businesses. No one did so much as look towards her direction let alone inquire why she was out here by herself at this time of the night. Absolutely no one cared. Maybe, just maybe if she tried her luck with one of the numerous passers-by walking past, she might just find somewhere to spend the night. At least she would die in a place that wasn't the roadside.

"Excuse me s-" Her words were cut short as the man she tried talking to walked on like she was breeze, like no one was talking in the first place. Her mouth hung open in shock but she closed it almost immediately. That was strange.

'He probably didn't hear you, try someone else.' Her subconscious suggested. She nodded in agreement, that could be the reason.

Only when she tried talking to two other people with the same thing happening did dread creep up her lungs. Cold sweat broke out on her skin in an instant.

What the hell was happening?

There was no time to process her confusion though, things escalated pretty fast. Everything around her began to spin, her vision started to blur, the voices of people and honk of cars ran into each other. A raven cawed from the distance with a piercingly loud voice, it sounded like sirens in her ears. Soma suddenly felt herself suspended in the air, she was floating far away from her immediate environment. This also did not take time as the same force holding her up threw her down. She landed on the ground with a thud and the impact of the fall was so great tears began to run down her face. The searing pain was indescribable. Heavy black dots formed in her vision and soon enough, she blacked out.

Soma slowly peeled her eyes open but then immediately sat up in shock as soon as she noticed her environment. She was no longer by the roadside but somewhere else entirely. It was a forest, a very dense one at that. Trees were practically everywhere and their shadows seemed to loom over her, their branches reaching out like grasping hands. Everywhere was damp and cold with the smell of rotting leaves heavy in the air. The moonlight was hazy and dim, casting odd shadows and making it hard to see more than a few feet ahead. Everywhere seemed quiet at first but then, creatures from nowhere began making agonizingly loud noises which did nothing but creep her out even more.

Was this the afterlife she'd always heard of? Her Religious studies teacher told her heaven was beautiful and had streets of gold, what was this place? The heaven she'd heard about had no putrid smell nor was there any obnoxious noise.

'If this place is not heaven, then it should be... hell?' Her mind skipped a beat at this thought. But then, there was no fire anywhere. What was happening?

"You're awake." She heard the voice before seeing the shadow before her. Gazing up, Soma could not help but swallow audibly at the sight in front of her. She felt complete awe and dread, both at the same time. The figure before her was tall, extremely tall and dark-skinned. Her hands were adorned with golden bands from her wrists down to her elbow, her neck also with gold adornments and a strange looking beaded necklace. There were also little brass pointed bits at the end of her super-long braids, her presence screamed aura, intimidating and dread all at the same time. She literally filled everywhere. A group of horrible-looking creatures stood beside her like guards.

"Where am I?" Soma asked, snapping out of her daze.

"Benmuo." She slowly nodded her head in realisation. "This is the land of the spirits." One of the idiots flanking her added like she didn't know, it was hard trying to suppress the urge to roll her eyes.

"And who are you?"

"I am Anyawu, the guardian of the spirit world." The creatures behind her started to snicker and Somadinma could not help but wonder what was funny. Anyawu gave a sickly sweet smile her way before crouching to her level. "And no, you're not dead. At least not yet." Goosebumps sprouted out on her skin as soon as she heard those words. What was that supposed to mean?

"Y-you are a guardian here, a-aren't you meant to protect the inhabitants h-here?" She stuttered, scared out of her mind.

"Of course darling, I protect spirits, not humans." Soma understood almost immediately. The peice of information heightened her fear even more. If only Mother had come to pick her up, all these would not have happened. She wondered where she was.

You're worried about your mother, right?" She could read minds too? Just great. "She's lying unconscious somewhere as I speak. You should be happy I didn't even kill her." Tears gathered in Soma's eyes as soon as she heard this. She glared heavily at the being before her with so much hate and bitterness.

"Where is mother and what did you do to her? You're so pathetic and wicked!" She screamed at Anyawu, pure anger coursing through her veins.

"I will not have you speak to me in such a manner, child." Anyawu stood up abruptly, making the idiots behind shriek backwards in terror. They were trying to avoid the sharp metal at each tip of her hair cutting them. "Besides, your mission on earth has been accomplished." Her voice sounded oddly calm, the type before a storm.

"And what is that?"

"Your parents' separation." Soma vigorously shook her head in denial. No, that was not any of her doing. Father had brought home his Mistress and Mother could not continue with the marriage. He was to blame, not her. "You're an Ogbanje, why else do you think you were sent to earth?"

Soma thought of her 'Iyi-uwa', her stone and where she'd buried it. No one knew where it was at least.

Anyawu wordlessly tugged at the strange looking necklace around her neck as if in response to her thought, feeling each stone one at a time. Soma's eyes keenly followed that action. "Behold the newest peice in my fancy little collection." She was smiling now.

The whole situation finally dawned on Soma, Anyawu was no spirit land guardian. She was sent by Adroa, the Enemy. And as if reading her thoughts, Anyawu transformed from the beautiful being before her to an horrendous beast with jagged horns, bulging eyes and glinting fangs. Soma screamed in great terror, moving backwards as fast as she could on her behind. She was beyond terrified, scared to her very bones. Two of those disgusting creatures around the beast began advancing towards her and she shrieked even more. The pain from dropping down earlier had crippled her feet so she could not stand, let alone run.

They reached her in no time, forcefully grabbed both of her arms then began dragging her towards their master. Their claws dug into her skin and drew out blood but Soma's dread overshadowed the pain. This was her end, she was going to die in the hands of the Enemy. There was truly no saving her.

Closing her eyes, Soma surrendered to the hands of fate, her own fate. Death.

COMMENTARY: Is the story giving??🌚

Over to the judges!

JUDGES REVIEWS

JUDGE ACTON BELL

When describing stuff, use less adverbs and more strong verbs instead. Avoid things like "...a piercingly loud voice..." Abeg. Goan learn the rules of writing dialogue and, for the love of cheese, don't let me repeat myself.😑 It's *a* horrendous beast, not *an.* Biko, no dey make this kain mistake. I'm not sure how your story relates to the prompt, hanty. I only wish you had a chance to rewrite it.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Your writing was neat. Your descriptions were simple and on point.

"Her presence screamed aura"? That statement is not correct. The English is not proper. A speech mark is missing somewhere in your work too.

And poor Soma. There was no way out for her anyway. Sigh.

JUDGE JK ROWLING

Fair plot with absolute zero development.

I knew this girl was dead on the first page; it was too obvious. I think build up is something that a lot of contestants have some issues with. There are clever ways to present things like this without giving away the bombshell before its time. Be subtle. Be smart. Don't just throw it in. Little things such as having bits and pieces of her surroundings being altered is a good way to hint that something is off without throwing a cliche narrative that makes it clear that the main character is dead. (Read up this anthropology thing from WNI's page, story #7 written by Lovetori_xo and AddictiveRose, and watch how an effective build up to a bombshell can literally raise hairs on the skin of your readers.

I would love to see you being smarter in your dispensation and execution next time. I hope you do stay in this competition after this stage for me to witness some improvement.

COMMENTARY: Let's move on to the next contestant.

027 PHOENIX
TITLE: WHO KILLED THE KING?

"You know it can't be changed, mother" I tell the woman sitting cross-legged across from me adorned with beads and gold jewelry that glistened in the sun on her dark skin. "But we will find a way," I reassure her and lean across the mat to hold her dry palms. It does nothing to ease her worry. She retracts her hands from my fingers and stands up to leave. I thought the visions were meant to help my people, to help us be one step ahead, knowing the outcome of every situation. How am I supposed to stop my father's death? Regardless of what I do, the king will die. He must. And the rest of my family along with him.
I can't say when the visions started. I've had them for as long as I can remember and it has helped me and the people of Lakisha to know which war is worth fighting and which would lead us to our graves. I'm the only seer of my people. There's always one every five generations. That's how it has always been. Some could hear and talk to animals while others were witches, like my close friend Jemima. Performing incantations and spells and also creating deadly potions. Maybe the killer's one of them.
I hurry to the king's chamber and stand by the door. "No one is to see the king today. Tell visitors he's busy," I order the guard standing watch and dismiss him. My father has served this small kingdom with equality and fairness. Who would want to kill him in cold blood? I'm disrupted from my thoughts when I hear a horn being blown. It signals the return of the warriors headed by my uncle himself, Prince Lateef. Normally, I'd welcome him and spend the entire day with him, but today isn't any other day.
"Khadija, your uncle has once again returned victorious," Jemima says with a proud smile.
"We thank the gods," I reply, suddenly becoming uncomfortable that she's standing beside me. If I know Jemima, which I do, the news of my vision will spread round the kingdom the minute it leaves my lips. "Do you need something?"
"Why are you standing watch instead of the guard? Did something happen?" she whispers like we're sharing a secret.
"The guard is inside the chamber. I'm waiting for my mother," I lie flawlessly.
"I brought you wild berry juice," she says, shoving a wooden cup in my direction.
"Thank you," I say wearily, subtly checking the contents of the cup when she turns around to leave. The image of the graves of I and my parents flash in my memory and I set the cup on the floor. No one is to be trusted.
"There's my favorite niece," a familiar voice yells and encloses me in a hug. I wrap my arms around him with a laugh.
"I'm your only niece," I remind him again and pull back. I notice he's still wearing his full armour with his shield strapped to his back and his side bag on his arm.
"Which is why I brought your favorite milk cakes," he says and brings them out of the bag. They're tiny and circular so, I quickly pop one in my mouth.
"They taste odd," I say and peer at them again. There's definitely something wrong with them. When were herbs added to the recipe?
"I didn't think you'd taste it. I guess you're smarter than I thought," he says and throws the cakes on the sandy ground.
"What's in it?"
"Potion of human control and wolfsbane, courtesy of Jemima. That girl would do anything for me," he says with a laugh.
"What do you want?" I ask, trying to cough out the rest of the cake.
"You'll know soon enough," he says and leans against the wall of the chamber.
"It's time for new leadership, don't you think so?" he asks and just then, I hear whispers. They're all chanting the same thing. Kill him. Kill the king. I cover my ears and scream, in hopes of them going away, but it gets louder and louder until it finally stops.
"Use the sword in the room," Uncle Lateef says as I walk into the chamber to meet my father sleeping soundly on the bed. I grab the sword from its place on the wall and unsheathe it. He wakes up from the noise and asks what I'm doing, but I don't answer. I can't. He stands up and moves toward me and I drive the sword through his abdomen, reveling the way the blood gushes out and pools on the floor. I push it deeper and twist it before I pull it out. His dying word was my name, but I don't acknowledge it. I walk out and and the sword to Uncle Lateef.
Slowly, the potion wears off and I realize exactly what I've done. I killed the king. Not the witches or a rival from another kingdom. It was me. I wipe my crimson colored hands on my royal attire and hurry to inform my mother that the kingdom of Lakisha is no longer safe. I stop short when I see Jemima by the door.
"What have you done?" I ask, already fearing the worst.
"Says the girl who killed her own father," she replies with a laugh and steps into the chamber. I follow her inside to find my mother laying in bed unmoving. It didn't even look like she was breathing. "You came a little late," she says.
"What did you..." I don't finish that sentence when I taste something metallic on my tongue. I dip a finger in and bring it out. Blood. I look up at Jemima in fear.
"I was wondering when the wolfsbane would kick in," she says, watching me with a devilish smirk on her face. "You're my friend and I can't bear to stand and watch you bleed out from the inside so, I'll take a seat" she says sitting down on the bed and crossing her legs.
"How could you?" I ask, feeling the blood run down my chin and I fall to my knees.
"How could I not? He's going to make me queen. Witches have been segregated to the background for far too long. I'm going to change that," she says with a shrug.
I look at her in disbelief and clutch my midriff before falling to the floor. Just as I'm about to succumb to the darkness, I hear someone scream my name.
"Khadija!!" Jemima yells again and I turn to her. "Was it another vision?"

COMMENTARY: Beautiful! Beautiful! Let's hear from our judges.

JUDGES REVIEWS

JUDGE ARUNDHATI JOY

Wow. The ending got me like Oh My God!! And my mouth dropped open. I did not see it coming at all.

To be candid, the entry did not really pique my interest. It's just an okay one and I was reading, not because I was interested in knowing what will happen but because I wanted to get it over and done with but that last sentence just changed everything and it went from 10 to 70 real quick.

Now, my advice, not all readers will have the patience to wait until the end of a story to be mindblown. They want to be shocked and intrigued and captivated right from the beginning and I believe you can make that happen. You already have everything it takes, you only need to learn how to raise stakes more, build more tension and suspense and you're good to go.

JUDGE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

V'ry int'resting st'ry. Eke w'rk on thy spacing. Tryeth not to maketh ev'rything jumbl'd togeth'r.

Very interesting story. Also work on your spacing. Try not to make everything jumbled together.

JUDGE ACTON BELL

Okay, I think I see what you did with your story. Could have been better executed, though, but I guess this is just good enough.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Okay, wow. If the ending is what I think it is, you wrote this quite well. Although, in the beginning, a punctuation mark is missing in the speech mark. And I like the way your work reflected the title.

Good job.

JUDGE JK ROWLING

😑

You made me put on my glasses to read your work. Please space out next time. Don't stress me like this next time. But let's talk about your plot...

Phoenix? You are actually the first contestant to wow me on this stage, so far. Now, before others feel bad, the works were sent in scatteredly so I actually did not judge serially... but so far I judged, this is the best. The plot is solid. Very strong. And very creative. The fact that all along, it was a vision is chilling. Reminds me a bit of something I had written in the past, but quite different lol. I liked this very much. Just space out next time and you're good.

JUDGE MAYA ANGELOU

Amazing!

COMMENTARY: Next Contestant!

030 ZOË

TITLE: Onye na-abia na-aga (he that comes and goes)

"Mummy, what are these marks on your back?" Ada asked, going in soft circles as she applied the cream to her mother's back.

Turning to face her, Binye softly said "You know when warriors come back from a battle and they're rewarded with gifts that they carry home? Consider this a form of gift my people gave me for returning from a battle."

"Which kind of gift is this one?" Ada, eight years old, scrunching her face asked.

"Ada'm, not every warrior is appreciated. Some are feared." Binye said, turning to face her daughter.

"Did it not pain you when they were doing it?" Ada asked, a pained expression on her face.

Binye, laughing, cupped her daughter's face and answered, "How will it pain me when I didn't even know when they did it?"

"Ehn? How? These big big marks will pain you nah. See how I use to cry when you just touch me cane, talk less of big big marks like these." Ada retorted.

Putting on her shirt, Binye answered her daughter "Oya sit down, have you heard of ogbanje before?"

"No." Ada answered, looking at her mother, eyes wide in interest.

"Let me tell you a story."

**************************************************

It was that time of the year for the people of Owu-naama - The night of the blood moon.
On this night, gifts of yams, vegetables, first fruits, and harvest are given to the goddess Álá and the god, Amadioha, as thanks for protection and good harvest.
It was rumored that whoever got to drink from Álá's chalice would receive unimaginable power and immortality, and whoever got the kiss of Amadioha would birth an immortal child.

Parents hide their children from the ceremony as Álá and Amadioha make their appearance in human forms, inspecting the offerings.
On nights Álá and Amadioha are displeased with the offerings, they take one male child from the village.
Nobody knew what became of the children taken by gods.

The ceremony was in full swing, the offerings at the village square, the titled chiefs circling like vultures above a prey.
Eze mmụọ, the mouthpiece of the gods, the conduit between the people and their deities, chanting the praises of the gods, signaled the villagers of the arrival of the deities.
The square fell into abrupt silence, the air growing colder with every passing moment.

Álá was the first to arrive, her golden crown glistening in the moonlight, her brown skin freckled with gold dust, her eyes glowing white and empty, her hair in tight braids pulled back. The ihe mkpuchi wrapped around her waist and chest, white and spotless. Her golden chalice strapped to her waist. Her golden bangles jingled, her waist beads clanked, and the mgbaji on her ankles rattled, all together announcing the arrival of the supreme goddess of their land.

Amadioha followed, built like the men that wrestle at the Iwa-ji, chocolate skin oiled to perfection, emanating the aura of a god. Adorned with golden jewelry and eyes as clear as Crystal, he donned the red Ihe mkpuchi only on his waist, feet bare, save for the single mgbaji on his right ankle. The Mmaagha Kamalu glowed red in his right hand.

The villagers remained tensed without knowledge of the gods' satisfaction or distaste.

The silence was broken by the piercing scream of Ojiugo, the mother of two teenage girls, Olamma and Olachi.
Olamma was gone.

The rumors spread about the first time the gods took a female child.
The event was soon forgotten, until Olamma was found almost eight moons later, washed up at the river, with no recollection of how she ended up there, pregnant.

It was a taboo for young women to indulge in any sexual activity before marriage and here Olamma was, heavily pregnant with no husband.

The village was abuzz with rumors, the town crier having a field day with news, both hearsay and assumptions.

"Nnem, the new story at the stream today was that sister Olamma was impregnated by the gods." Olachi said, laughing as her mother helped her drop her pitcher from her head.

"Don't mind them. Biko, go and call Eze mmụọ. Your sister is due today." Ojiugo said.

"Okay, ma." Olachi said, running off.

Olamma delivered a baby girl whom she named Adaugo.
Eze mmụọ had cut a line on Adaugo's back, taking her blood as an apology to the gods for Olamma's promiscuity.

Shortly after Adaugo's birth, the village was plagued with sickness and suffering.
Livestock dying, fields parched and yielding no harvest. Farms inflicted with drought, and farmers sinking deeper into debt.

Eze mmụọ consulted the gods, and with the blessings of the village head, decided that Adaugo would be given to the gods during the next blood moon as one of the offerings since they believed they were being punished for Olamma's sin.

After the thirteenth moon, the villagers were preparing for the arrival of the red moon.
The anticipation was watered down by the shrieks from Ojiugo's compound.
Adaugo had slept and not woken up.

A sobbing heap in the corner, Olamma clutching her dead child to her chest, screamed to the gods.

The red moon never came that year.

Olamma soon got married.
The night her first child, Adanna, was born, a long horizontal scar was on her back, similar to the cut Eze mmụọ had made on Adaugo's back.

Olamma buried Adanna five moons later.

After Olamma birthed her second child and saw the same scar Adanna and Adaugo had, she decided to make a new scar on her daughter's back to assure herself that it was a different child and not a reincarnation.
This child, she named Oluchi.
Oluchi lasted longer, but passed away in her sleep when she was two years old.

Olamma had grown sick of birthing and burying her children and fell into depression. Olachi had birthed three healthy children already, while she had none to her name.

On the night of the blood moon, Olamma returned to the river she was found washed up at, laid on the shore, and wept.
Silently imploring the gods for an intervention.

Álá appeared to Olamma, gifting her a drink from her chalice.

When Olamma birthed her third child and saw the two horizontal scars on her back, she named her Binyelum, a plea for the child to stay with her.

Growing up, Olamma would say Binyelum looked like the woman from the stream.
"Brown skin, like it was polished with gold." Olamma would say while applying coconut oil to her daughter's skin.

Her people would gather to get a glimpse of the child they termed an ogbanje, meaning 'he who runs to and fro'.

**************************************************

"So where did the first baby come from then?" Ada asked, confused.

"I don't know too. Some say Olamma got Amadioha's kiss." Binye shrugged.

"So mummy, are you Binyelum? Are you an ogbanje? Is that why you have those marks?" Ada asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Yes, my dear. So you know how those cuts didn't hurt me when I got them." Binye answered.

"So if I heard you right, then you're Adaugo, Adanna and Oluchi too?" Ada asked, looking even more confused.

"Yes, Ada." Binye laughed.

"When grandma comes, I have a lot of questions." Ada laughed and ran out of the room.

COMMENTARY: WOW! I Love this! Bravo!

Now, lets hear from the judges.

JUDGES REVIEWS

JUDGE JK ROWLING

This is not bad. Again, like MadamFieryLove, I noticed effort in your work. You added in better punctuations and beautifully spaced out, making your work look organised. I am not much impressed by the story, but I am impressed by the effort to do better.

JUDGE WILLIAMS SHAKESPEARE

I loveth the moth'r daught'r moment. T's so cute and heart warming. But th're wast a did bite of confusing with the whole first issue thing. Adaugo wast Olanma's first b'rn, so how didst t changeth to adanna? i hadst to readeth this parteth ov'r and ov'r again, just to beest sure i wasn't making a mistaketh. Apart from this, i did enjoy thy piece

I love the mother daughter moment. It's so cute and heart warming. But there was a bit of confusing with the whole first child thing. Adaugo was Olanma's first born, so how did it change to Adanna? I had to read this part over and over again, just to be sure I wasn't making a mistake.
Apart from this, I enjoyed your piece.

JUDGE ACTION BELL

Um, tales by moonlight? Maybe if you had told it better, it would have made me smile.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

While it shows you did a bit of research with the ogbanje reference, I didn't really feel anything from this story. In the second paragraph, there should be a comma after the word "said".

Example
She asked(,)"Run away."

When I reached the ending, I was even surprised it was the ending because of how it came to be. It seemed slightly abrupt.

You tried sha. However, you still have a long way to go to get to where you're meant to be.

COMMENTARY: Let's have the last contestant for this batch.

031 PEANUT BUTTER.

Calmness pervaded the city of Aponbepore. In the quarters of Olowolagba, the branches of the golden leafed tree swayed in rhythm with the wind. In the streets of Ajobiewe, where the shacks of wizards abounded, the pungent smell of potions floated about with the wind; in Kelegbemegbe Street, - where the Ologedes resided - children were seen playing and dancing naked. Every breath of air was somewhat fresh. Thoughts strayed as time moved in its silent and endless way.

"Eyitomilola, the time has come," the lady said to her daughter. "Life, for you, begins from this moment."

Eyi frowned in confusion. "Ma, what do you mean?"

"Get dressed, we are going to Olowolagba."

Eyi's confusion doubled. Commoners - the Ologedes - were not allowed to enter the Olowolagba quarters. The only ones allowed there were the wizards of Ajobiewe Street. Olowolagba, from the stories Father told her, housed the Agbas who were regarded as the 'gods' of Aponbepore. The city was one that prided itself on hierarchy.

At the beginning of the city sat Olowolagba Quarters, with mansions that represented just how powerful and wealthy their owners were. Right in the heart of Aponbepore, the shacks of wizards littered about Ajobiewe Street. They were the bridge between the Agbas and the Ologedes. At the end of the city, the Ologedes could be found in Kelegbemebe Street.

The rules forbade the Ologodes from going past Ajobiewe - except they were servants of the Agbas - so why would Mother want to defy the rules that had been in existence even before her? Eyi had never met the Agbas but rumor had it that they were Onikans - demigods. That they were fierce and never overlooked disrespect which is what breaching their territory would be.

"M'ewu ko wo. We have to make it before the festival begins," Ma said to Eyi.
{Get a dress to wear.}

"What festival, ma?"

"Eyi, your questions are too much," Ma paused and smiled warmly. "Don't worry, you'd get your answers as soon as the sun sets."

Ma was up to something, Eyi could tell. She had never smiled since the day Father died, seven years ago. Instead of pressing further like she wanted to, she let it go and searched through her bag of clothes before settling for a presentable dress. She was going to Olowolagba after all.

"Ma, how does this look?" She asked.

Ma smiled. "It's perfect. Come here," She closed the distance between them and stood before Ma. "I have something for you." She reached into the small drawstring pouch that she was holding and brought out a gold necklace. "My mother gave this to me. I was to keep it for my first daughter."

She turned Eyi around and clasped the necklace on her. "Arewa mi, see how perfect you look."

Eyi stared at her reflection in the small mirror they had. She fingered the necklace. "Thank you Ma. It..." A faint glow from the necklace interrupted her. "Ma, the necklace...it's glowing."

Ma smiled. "It's almost time.

Eyi's confusion must have played out on her face because Ma smiled for the nth time. "Eyitomilola, don't fret. You'd have your answers soon."

Soon, they started their journey. By the time they got to the gate of the Olowolagba Quarters, Eyi was completely exhausted and the glow from the necklace had become even brighter. The only thing that kept her going was the fact that she'd be getting her answers soon. It was almost sunset.

As they crossed the gate, the atmosphere shifted and she could feel it. "Welcome home," she heard a voice say behind her and when she turned, there was no one else close by. Not even the fearsome men that were rumored to be guarding the gate.

"Ma, did you hear that?" She asked cautiously.

"Hear what?"

"Never mind. I was just imagining things."

"No, you're not," came the voice again.

She jerked around in fear. "Ma, I'm hearing voices!"

Instead of being worried like Eyi expected, Ma smiled. "What are you hearing?"

"They said welcome home. Ma, what's going on?! Please tell me."

"Eyi mi, this is your home."

"Ma, what do you mean?"

Settling in a nearby stool, Ma beckoned unto Eyi. "Let me tell you a story." Ma exhaled and began her story. "Once upon a time, there lived a god. As mandated by the Supreme being, gods were to come down to earth and oversee on his behalf for a certain period of time. This god came down to earth, fell in love with his maid servant and married her. She went on to have a female child for him.

"When it was time for him to return, the Supreme being insisted that the child return with him but the god and his wife pleaded. Touched by their tears, the Supreme being allowed the child stay on the condition that the god's powers would not be with the child but with the child's first daughter."

Eyi had a feeling that the story was about her grandfather who they never talked about. She remained quiet, nonetheless.

"They agreed and the god bade his wife and daughter farewell. Just before he began his ascent to the other world, he gave his wife a set of jewelries instructing that she kept it for their future granddaughter and also the signs of the right moment."

"Ma, is this story about us?"

Ma stared at Eyi. "I've been watching you since you turned a score, two years ago. The signs have been evident but now is the right moment for you to return home. Olowolagba is home to thousands of Onikans just like you," Ma went on her knees and bowed. "It was an honor to birth and to guide you." She stood up and presented another drawstring pouch. Still in confusion, Eyi reached into the pouch and retrieved a handful of golden bangles. "Put them on."

As soon as Eyi put the bangles on her wrists, a cacophony of voices rose in her head and she closed her eyes.

"Ma! What's going on?!"

"Your powers...you're becoming one with them."

She was about to yell again when she felt a stirring in her. Her eyes popped open on their own accord and she saw herself surrounded by a large number of people. One thing was distinct, however - they were all wearing the necklace and bangles.

"Welcome home, daughter. We've being waiting for you," an old woman said.

"Eyitomilola, I have to go," Ma stepped forward and - surprisingly - walked right through some of the people. She held Eyi by the shoulders and closed her eyes. "I will miss you but you have to fulfill your destiny." Eyi heard within her even though Ma didn't utter the words. Ma pulled back and smiled. "Go on. Your grandfather awaits you."

COMMENTARY: Nice.✨ Let's hear from the judges.

JUDGES REVIEWS

JUDGE JK ROWLING

The flow in this piece was quite good. I have to give it to the writer. They have a good way of keeping a story progressing and that's good. Another thing I liked was the neatness of this work, one of the most organised I had read, so Inappreciate the writer for avoiding giving me a headache like a lot of other contestants did. The plot? It was alright. However, again, to be the last man standing... we need more than just 'alright'.

JUDGE ACTION BELL

Um, okay? Demigods are cool, but there's no rising action. You gave a beginning with no middle and no end. You're a good writer and I liked your story, to an extent, but you lost me at the end.

JUDGE KAREN KINGSBURY

Thank you for translating the Yoruba. And for translating it professionally, neatly, you did well. I like your story. Your work was well punctuated and your description was lovely.

The only downside was there was no spacing between your paragraphs.

But the good outweighs the bad.

COMMENTARY: Phew!

We have come to the end of the Judges Reviews Batch 5. Anticipate Batch 6, the Diary Night, and Judges Confessional! Stay tuned for more updates, Cribbers!