AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please don't read this special chapter if you haven't finished Project LOKI Volume 3. The following content contains heavy spoilers.

LOKI

"Wake up, sleepyhead."

I SLOWLY opened my eyes and rubbed the sleep off. My vision was kinda blurry, but I could see the face of a young woman whose braided hair was hanging on her left shoulder. Was that Jamie?

I cast my gaze around the area. While my vision wasn't in high definition yet, I could deduce that I was in the comfort of the QED clubroom. The long wooden table. The bookshelf beside me. The corkboard on the wall. I couldn't be mistaken.

My eyes looked down. I found myself seated in a swivel chair. My hands were clutched tightly on the armrest, as if I had been in a rollercoaster ride and braced myself for the thrill. Then I felt a stinging pain in my head.

"Masakit na naman ba ang ulo mo? Sabi ko na kasi sa 'yo na matulog ka nang maaga. That's not good for your health."

I was slouched in my seat, so I sat upright and reclined on the backrest. "Thank you for the concern, Jam—"

My jaw almost dropped as my eyes widened at the girl in front of me. I could clearly see her face now. Initially, I had thought she was Jamie Santiago, but I was wrong. She was someone so familiar. Someone whose face I haven't seen in person for quite some time.

"R-Rhea?" I called her, my eyes blinking and my voice cracking.

She looked at me and gave me that trademark glowing smile. "Bakit ganyan ka makatingin sa akin? Parang nakakita ka ng multo, ah?"

I was dumbfounded for a minute.

In a sense, she was a ghost. She's... dead. So her appearance before me couldn't be anything but a paranormal experience. Did she come here to visit me? Do ghosts—which I still didn't believe in—have that kind of power?

"O, bakit hindi ka makakibo riyan? Para kang laptop na biglang nag-freeze. Hello? You still with me?"

I slowly reached out my hand to her until my fingers felt her face. She was staring at me, bewildered by what I was doing. She was solid, my fingers didn't pass through her. She was warm. Her cheeks were soft. She's alive.

"Hey, Loki? Bakit ang weird mo ngayon? I know you're already weird, but this is definitely on a different level of—"

I cupped her face with both of my hands as I leaned closer to her. My eyebrows furrowed deeper as I maintained eye contact with her. She averted her gaze for a second, but she returned mine a moment later. We were squinting at each other: Me wondering if she was real, she wondering what's wrong with me.

She was real. She was really there.

This was getting awkward already so I let go of her face and reclined myself again in my seat. She stood there stunned, her eyes blinking as they kept on staring at me.

"Ikaw ba talaga si Loki? O naka-disguise ka lang bilang siya? He wouldn't touch my face the way you did."

"I-I'm sorry." I hung my head as I looked way from her. "Confused lang ako sa ngayon. I didn't intend to freak you out."

What on earth was going on here? This wasn't possible!

Wait a minute. Holmes once said that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains however improbable, must be the truth. I could be dreaming right now. Of all possible explanations that I could think of, only the dream possibility would explain what's happening.

Since her death, I've been dreaming about her, reliving the moment where I could have saved her. I tried to do something. I tried to change the course of actions that I had taken. But my dreams always ended the way I knew. I delayed her death for a day or a week, but she still ended up dying nonetheless. It's as if her tragic fate was inevitable.

I was trapped in a nightmare and tried to escape from it. I had hope that once I exited the labyrinth, the reality would have changed. But I was mistaken. Nothing would ever change. And I would live out the rest of my life carrying the shame and regret.

That's the reason why I always stayed up late at night. It's not because I abhor the concept of sleep. It's because I was afraid—no, I was terrified that I would be dreaming about her and my failure again.

But as months went on, I started to dream of her less. Maybe it had something to do with distractions. Maybe my mind was slowly attempting to move on from the tragedy. I found temporary solace at the thought that I would wake up the next day without having to go through the maze of despair.

So was I trapped again?

I pinched my cheeks as hard as I could until I groaned in pain. I had to wake myself up before I relived those moments again.

"Loki! Ano'ng ginagawa mo sa sarili mo?"

She held both of my wrists, stopping me from further hurting myself. That pain should have been enough to snap me out of this dream! Why was I still here?

"Why are you acting so strange?" she asked, letting go of my hands. "Masama ba ang panaginip mo? Iniisip mo bang nananaginip ka pa rin hanggang ngayon?"

"Pasensya na." I looked at my wrists and saw the marks that her hands left on them. I felt her tight grip. She could touch me and I could feel her. She was real.

Maybe I wasn't dreaming. Maybe I was hallunicating. This wouldn't be the first time that I experienced talking to her even if she's not really around. But what would trigger my hallunication? I didn't drink any bella donna tea. I didn't take in any hallucinogens—

I guess the most important question right now was: what happened before I woke up here?

I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to recall the events that led me here.

"LORELEI, LET GO!"

"NO, I WON'T!"

"LET GO!"

"AYAW KO!"

"PLEASE!"

"NO! HINDI KO KAYO BIBITAWAN!"

My head felt another stinging pain. Now I recalled! I was at that cruise ship for the final act. I confronted Stein and my friends managed to corner him. Jamie sprang upon him and rendered him unconscious. She later revealed herself to be one of the Moriartys—

Ugh! The pain was getting so strong. But I must recall!

What happened next...? Jamie jumped off the ship, but I managed to grab her hand. However, I wasn't strong enough to pull her up so my body almost slipped from the railings. Lorelei caught my hand just in time, but she alone couldn't handle the combined weight of two persons. Alistair responded, but even his physical strength wasn't enough to save us all.

"LET GO, LORELEI!"

"SABING HINDI! HINDI KO KAYA BIBITAWAN!"

"AT THIS RATE, THE FOUR OF US WILL FALL FROM THIS SHIP!"

"NO, I CAN'T—"

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Trust me." I remembered telling Lorelei before I forced her hand to let go of mine. Then Jamie and I fell into the sea. After a huge splash, everything went dark.

That's all I could remember.

I opened my eyes once again. Rhea was still there, staring at me. She wouldn't leave me alone. She would stay until she knew that I was truly okay. Typical Rhea.

Whether this was a dream or not, I chose to play along and find out what's going on here and why she's here.

"Where's Lorelei?" I asked her.

"Lorelei?" Her eyes squinted at me, tilting her head on one side. Her wondering facial expression was enough to tell me that she didn't recognize the name. "Classmate mo ba siya? Ngayon mo pa lang na-mention ang name na 'yan sa 'kin."

"She's also a member of..." My voice trailed off as I cut my gaze away. "Nevermind. How about Jamie or Alistair? Kilala mo ba sila?"

"Alistair? No. But I know someone named Jamie Santiago. She's a member—"

"—of the QED Club?"

"—of the repertory theater," Rhea finished. "Teka, sumubok ba siyang mag-apply sa atin? Bakit hindi ko alam 'yan? Did you hide her membership application form kaya hindi ko nakita?"

So Lorelei and Alistair didn't exist here? And Jamie wasn't a member of the club too? Was I in a parallel universe where our paths didn't cross? What else could explain this phenomenon?

Or what if they didn't exist at all? What if the events that I recalled—everything up to the cruise ship incident—were only part of a long dream? What if Lorelei and Alistair were just figments of my imagination? What if Jamie didn't have any intention to join the club?

I stared blankly at the corkboard. I couldn't say which scenario was more terrifying. Rhea's alive but I didn't meet Lorelei, Alistair, and Jamie? Or I did meet the three but Rhea's still dead and she's just visiting me in my dream?

"Alam mo, gutom lang 'yan," Rhea said, snapping me back to my consciousness. "'Di ka na naman siguro kumain ng breakfast kanina kaya medyo confused ka ngayong umaga. How many times must I tell you to not skip your meals?"

My lips began to move. I couldn't help but chuckle. I tried to hide it by turning my head away.

"At ano'ng nakakatawa sa sinabi ko?" she asked, hands on her hips. "Do you think na nagdyo-joke ako rito?"

"That's not it," I replied, the smile across my lips still not fading. "I probably just miss you acting like a big sister to me."

"Miss? Halos araw-araw kaya kitang i-remind! Ikaw, ah? You're starting to act like a different person."

"Maybe I'm a changed person now," I said, my eyes looking down.

"Well, at least, napangiti kita," she replied. My eyes raised their gaze at her. She was smiling. "Seeing you with that curve on your lips is rare, you know? I want to see more of that. You look better kapag nakangiti ka. Try to wipe off that grim look on your face."

Wherever I was at this very moment—whether in an alternate universe or in a dream—I found delight in seeing her with that cheerful smile. I wasn't fond of positive expressions as I had always indulged myself in stone-cold and mostly harsh outlook. But this moment made me want to appreciate something so simple and light.

"Are you... crying?" Rhea asked.

My eyes went wide as my hands touched my face. I felt traces of tears along my cheeks. I had no idea where these came from. I was just looking at her and appreciating that smile on her face.

Rhea took out her handkerchief and gently pressed it on my cheeks. "Ang weird mo talaga today. Parang sinaniban ka ng ibang espiritu. What if pumunta tayo sa cafeteria? Baka kailangan mo nang kumain. Mamaya baka mahimatay ka pa riyan sa gutom."

"Sure, let's go."

She gave me another curious look. "Aba, himala? You hate going to the cafeteria. Kinakailangan pa kitang i-drag palabas ng clubroom para sumama sa 'kin. Pero ngayon, parang game na game ka. You may be acting strange, but I like what I'm seeing."

I chuckled as I recalled what seemed to be a recent memory. "I used to go there with Lor—" My tongue froze midway.

"Hmm?"

"Don't mind me. Let's go?"

I USED to go to the cafeteria with Lorelei, Alistair, and Jamie. Like Rhea, they sometimes had to drag me out of the clubroom. Most recently, I had no choice but to go there because of our job as members of the student executive committee. We had to tell students to fall in line properly and to follow the "clean as you go" protocol.

"Hey, can't you read the sign over there?" I told a male student who was about to leave his table without bringing his tray of an empty plate and soft-drink bottle. "Hindi ka ba nakakaintindi ng English?"

"Sino ka ba, ha?"

"Can't you see that I'm a—" I touched my collar and showed him what I thought would be there. Oh, yeah. I wasn't an execom member in this world."

"Loki!" Rhea hissed at me. She then turned to the student. "Excuse me? May 'clean as you go policy' kasi rito sa cafeteria. Pakidala na lang 'yong tray n'yo at ibigay roon sa may side window. Thank you!"

The student hesitated so I shot him with the piercest of my stares. That must be enough to scare him. I could use the power of words to make him do what he should have done, but Rhea was watching me. He lifted the tray and brought it to the window on the side.

"I didn't know that you care about the rules," Rhea commented as we went to the back of the line. "You hate them as much as you hate going here. Ano nga ulit 'yong sinasabi mo? 'We don't need to break the rules, we just need to bend them.' Pero napa-bilib mo ako roon."

"Old habits die hard, they say."

"Maybe you're right about what you told me," Rhea said, making me turn to her. "You're a changed person now."

WE SPENT half of the morning break in the cafeteria. As usual, Rhea forced me to order food and actually eat it. She bought me a sandwich and orange juice. When we sat down, her eyes didn't leave me alone. She watched me take a bite until nothing's left of my food. I had no option but to finish my sandwich as fast as I could.

She asked me to go to the library. I hesitated because I was unofficially blacklisted there. But she insisted and dragged me to that place. To my surprise, though, a book didn't fly to my face as soon as I entered. The librarian saw me come inside, but she didn't pay me any attention at all.

"That's strange," I muttered.

"Ang alin?" Rhea asked. "Na hindi ka binato ng book ng librarian?"

"Yeah. She was hell-bent in making sure that I shall not step inside the library again."

"Maybe she has moved on. Maybe she realized na may mas importanteng bagay pa siyang kailangang bigyan ng pansin. Throwing a book at you won't make her life any better. Baka pa nga masisante siya."

"So she decided to let go of her grudge on me?"

"Holding grudges isn't healthy," Rhea remarked, looking at me. "Mas bibigat ang loob mo kapag nagkimkim ka ng galit sa isang tao. Daragdag pa ang stressors mo sa buhay."

My gaze lingered on her for a moment. "You do have a point."

"Since you've claimed that you might be a changed person now..." she began, balling her right hand into a fist. "Are you still keeping grudges? Or..." she unclenched her hand. "...have you finally let go of the grudges that you keep?"

My lips parted as I was about to answer, but no words came out of my mouth. That was just a yes or no question. Still, I couldn't choose between the two.

"Food for thought!" Rhea exclaimed, smiling at me before marching toward the counter.

THE LAST spot for our morning break trip was the rooftop. Surprisingly, the railings were nowhere to be found. They installed them here after the attempted jumping of a student. Well, that probably didn't happen here.

Rhea and I stood next to each other. She closed her eyes, held her chin up, and took in a deep breath. I also did the same. And as I inhaled, I felt calm. As I exhaled, I felt lighter. I felt as if I was unburdened.

I haven't appreciated a moment of peace like this in a long while.

"I really enjoy being with you, Loki."

I opened my eyes and saw Rhea looking at me with a faint smile.

At first, I didn't know what to say. So I took a moment to think of a response. I didn't expect her to tell me something along those lines.

"I also enjoy your company. Always," I replied, still keeping that eye contact.

Her eyes began welling up with tears. Did I say anything wrong? Now she's the one acting strange.

"But you don't belong here," she said, shaking her head gently. "At least, not yet."

"What—"

"Sorry, Loki."

My heart almost jumped out when she pushed me toward the edge of the rooftop. My eyes went so wide, they almost popped out of their sockets. Before I fell straight to the ground, my hands managed to grab on the ledge. That scene at the cruise ship where I was also hanging quickly flashed on my mind.

"W-What are you doing?!"

"Huwag kang mag-alala. Hindi ka mamamatay kapag nahulog ka riyan," she answered, looking down on me. "Magigising ka lang mula sa mahabang tulog mo."

So this was just a dream after all?

"Have you considered the possibility that I don't wanna wake up? That I want to stay here?" I asked. My hands couldn't hold on any longer!

"You want to stay here? Are you sure?"

She knelt and her hands gently touched mine. My fingers were slipping from the ledge. For a second, I thought she was gonna pull me up, but she only held them.

"Maybe someday, you can stay here. With me. With the people that we care and love. But not now. Not today."

"No!"

She pushed my hands off the ledge.

"It's always nice to see you, Loki."

"NO!" I extended my right arm as far as I could, hoping to grab on her hand or on something. But I couldn't reach her anymore.

I was falling.

I was falling fast.

I was falling really fast.

My last sight of Rhea was her looking down on me. I didn't cut my gaze away from her until my body hit the ground.

Everything faded into black. Was I dead? There was nothing wherever I looked at. But I could hear a familiar voice. A familiar, female voice... that was reading a story?

Then I saw a small flicker of light that grew bigger and bigger.

I finally opened my eyes. Three young people were on my bedside, their faces filled with delight and eyes brimming with tears.

QED