A/N: This is the beginning of the end. Sorry to have kept you waiting. Brace yourselves. The final wave of updates is upon us!

LORELEI

"How are you coping, Lorelei?"

I SWALLOWED the lump in my throat as I intently listened to Dr. Theresa Pierre's question. Huminga ako nang malalim at sandaling ipinikit ang aking mga mata. Hindi tulad sa mga classmate ko tuwing tinatanong ako kung ayos lang ba ako, hindi ko kailangang magpanggap na "okay ako" kahit hindi talaga. I could be transparent in front of her. There's no need for pretenses.

"I'm still in the process of trying to accept my dad's death." My eyes looked down as my fingers pinched the others, but not too hard that I would feel any pain. Medyo namula ang mga daliri ko. "Sometimes I lead myself to believe that his death is one of the passages in a book that I never want to read again."

"You're trying to avoid it?"

My eyes flicked up, looking at her. "I distract myself most of the time, lalo na kapag naaalala ko ang nangyari sa kanya. Pero alam n'yo ho ba kung ano ang mas masakit? 'Yong what ifs na mananatiling what-ifs na lang. I can't help but feel regret for those possibilities that did not and can no longer happen."

During my morning break today, I decided to pay a visit to the guidance and counseling office on the ground floor. Since there have been several traumatic incidents in Clark High, the school administration has decided to hire an experienced therapist who would lend an ear to students who need to cope with the situation.

At first, I was hesitant to schedule for counseling. Wala kasi akong tiwala na makatutulong ang mga ganitong session upang mapabuti ang nararamdaman ko. When I had a traumatic experience in my previous Alma Mater, my dad asked me to undergo therapy session to ease the trauma. I had no choice so I went to whoever his secretary chose as my therapist. And I was not impressed. He only pretended to listen to my stories and gave me generic advice each time we had a session.

Since then, I have always believed that I could heal myself. I could always keep my feelings to myself. At ngayong may mga kaibigan na ako, meron na talagang willing na makinig sa akin. 'Yong hindi napipilitang makinig sa kung ano ang pinagdaraanan ko.

But thanks to Alistair insisting that I give it a try, I found myself standing before the counseling office. Doon na ako nagsimulang magpa-schedule ng one-on-one session. To my surprise, my first talk with Dr. Pierre was quite liberating. I had low expectations when I came in, but her attitude kept me glued to my seat. She wasn't pretending to listen. She was actually listening. Slowly she unpacked the psychological and emotional baggage that I was carrying.

Today's my third session. Since our first memorable meeting, I started to warm up to her. Gently I brought my walls down and let her see my vulnerabilities. Hinayaan ko siyang masilip kung ano ang iniisip at nararamdaman ko. I had trust issues when opening up to people. But whenever I'm inside her office, I feel safe sharing my thoughts and feelings with her.

Nakaupo kaming dalawa sa sahig at may malalaking cushions sa paligid namin. Ayaw kasi niya na masyadong formal ang session namin kung saan nakaupo kaming pareho sa couch at seryosong nag-uusap na parang isang job interview ang pinasukan ko. No, she wanted me to feel comfortable, to feel at home. Pwede raw akong humiga kung gusto. Pwede rin daw akong mag-yoga habang nag-uusap kami. I could do whatever I'm comfortable with.

Dr. Pierre gently pushed her eyeglasses back. Her hazelbrown hair was tied in a bun. "When was the last time you grieved for your dad?"

My eyes looked up at the ceiling, thinking. I couldn't exactly remember when. Sunod-sunod kasi ang nangyari noon. "Within the week of his death, I think? But I still remember him every day. Lalo na kapag nakikita ko ang mga bagay na nagpapaalala sa akin sa kanya."

One of the things that remind me of him is my teddy bear who Loki aptly named Theodore. My dad brought it to our apartment the first time he went to visit me, though I wasn't around that time because we were solving a case in the White Hostel.

"And you're suppressing your emotions about it? Tama ba ang pagkakaintindi ko?"

I nodded slowly as I gulped. "I try to be strong. Every day. Because that's what he wants me to be. He wouldn't want to see me weak or too vulnerable. Just like my surname which means river, he would have wanted me to keep on flowing."

"But how do you reconcile your grief for your dad's death and the emotions you felt in the past few days? You've been through not only one, but three heartbreaking moments."

I squeezed my eyes shut as I slowly shook my head. "Honestly, I don't know, doc. Hindi ko alam kung namanhid na ba ako sa dami ng mga naramdaman ko o pinipilit kong iwasan ang mga bagay na magpapa-emosyonal sa akin. You can say that I've been through so much a girl about my age can handle. But if I cry every time I feel sad or miserable, how will I be able to move forward? I will only chain myself to these emotions."

Sandaling natahimik si Dr. Pierre na patuloy ang pagtitig sa akin habang pakurap-kurap ang kanyang mga mata. She excused herself for a moment as she got to her feet. Tumayo siya't pinuntahan ang kanyang desk. I heard a drawer being pulled and items being rummaged through. Nang makuha na niya kung ano ang hinahanap niya, bumalik siya sa kanyang puwesto sa sahig. She brought with her an uninflated balloon and a small air pump.

"Since every human is unique, each of us has our own way of dealing with grief," Dr. Pierre began. "Walang naka-set na guidelines kung paano tayo magluluksa at gaano tayo katagal tayo magluluksa. While your tenacity is admirable, depriving yourself the chance to grieve whenever it presents itself may become unhealthy for you in the long run. You might believe that by not confronting your emotions, you are doing yourself a favor. But sweetie, that might backfire on you."

"Backfire how?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing. I had an idea in mind, but I wanted to hear it from her.

"Think of this uninflated balloon as your capacity to contain your emotions." Dr. Pierre held it to her eye level. She plugged the air pump's tube into the balloon's lip and gave it one long push. Dahan-dahan itong lumobo hanggang sa halos kasing laki na ng kanyang kamao. "The amount of air that inflates this balloon is your emotions. Habang kinikimkim mo, palaki nang palaki ang lobo. You are well aware that your capacity to contain your emotions is limited. If you let more air inside, darating sa punto na sasabog ito."

I nodded, keeping an eye on the balloon that kept on growing. Inihanda ko na ang sarili ko sakaling bigla 'yong pumutok.

"Now you believe that by not confronting grief, you can stop the air from coming in." She pinched the balloon's lip and showed it to me. Kasing laki na 'to ng dalawa niyang kamao at nanatili sa gano'ng hugis. "But the truth is, your emotional burden doesn't stop from growing." Muli niyang ipinasok ang nguso ng pump sa lobo at dahan-dahang ipinush ang handle nito. "It will keep on growing as you refuse to confront it. And then..."

POP!

She gave the pump a sudden push, causing the balloon to explode. My shoulders jerked upwards as I was startled by the sound. Kaagad akong napahawak sa aking dibdib.

"When something big happens, it will quickly explode." She placed the burst balloon on her palm and showed it to me. "Gusto mo bang umabot sa punto na sasabog ka?"

Marahan akong umiling. May ilang beses na nakarating na ako sa gano'ng punto. Madalas ko kasing kinikimkim ang nararamdaman ko dahil iniisip kong dapat maging okay ako lagi. The feeling made me worse honestly. I don't want to experience it again.

"I'm not advising you to cry every time you feel sad," she went on, her eyes blinking. "But you have to release some air from the balloon to give yourself more capacity to contain your emotions. Remember, you're not only dealing with one issue. You mentioned in our previous session that you worry about your friend, right?"

Tumango ako. Naikuwento ko sa kanya noong isang araw kung gaano ako naapektuhan sa suicide attempt ni Jamie. Seeing her trying to take her own life, seeing the blood all over my blazer really shook me to the core. While she's safe right now, a very chilling possibility dawned on me. Something grim that I do not wish to see in my lifetime, if possible.

"My friends have been there for me," I answered, my eyes looking down. "I can't imagine myself surviving everything that I've been through without them. They helped me stand when I stumbled. They guided me when my legs felt weak. They've been my crutch. So if something bad happens to one of them..."

The next words got stuck in my throat. Hindi ko na nagawang ituloy pa ang gusto kong sabihin. Halos mangilabot ako sa idea na biglang sumagi sa isip ko. She let the silence reign in the room as I mustered my strength to look at her again.

"Lorelei, it's only natural for us to worry about the loss of our loved ones," Dr. Pierre said. "When I was young, I was worried about losing my parents without them seeing me succeed in life. But we must not let this fear consume us. The more we think about it, the more we rob ourselves of the chance to enjoy our moments with them. We cannot control what's gonna happen next. We cannot control the future. We must eventually accept that fact so we can appreciate what we have in the present. And you have your friends right now."

I got her point. Hindi ko lang talaga maiwasan na isipin kung ano ang mangyayari sa hinaharap. Gaya ng sinabi niya, it's only natural. But I don't know. If I were only living an ordinary student life, these thoughts that trigger my anxiety wouldn't pester me so much. I wanted to shut these thoughts away, but they kept on coming back.

Our session ended with a note that she's looking forward to talking to me again, as always. Paglabas ko ng counseling office, nakaabang sa labas sina Loki, Alistair at Jamie. Kahit may mga execom task kaming dapat gawin, sinamahan pa rin nila ako rito.

I forced a smile as I walked toward them. They all greeted me with stares.

"How did it go?" Alistair asked.

"I'm feeling better," I answered, maintaining the smile across my lips. "Parang mas gumaan ang loob ko matapos ang session namin. I must say that it's helping me. Dr. Pierre is still spot on in her assessment of my situation."

Thank God I listened to Alistair's suggestion. I might have felt differently if I didn't follow him.

Agad akong napatingin kay Jamie. I instinctively looked at her left wrist. Tila mas humaba ang sleeve ng suot niyang blazer kaya hindi kita ang self-inflicted na sugat sa kanyang pulso. Maganda na ring natatakpan 'yon para hindi na niya maalala. But who was I kidding? She has a sharp memory. She could easily recall what happened.

My eyes looked up to her face. Since that day on the rooftop, Jamie's sparkle dulled greatly. The once cheerful girl we've come to know has changed in a matter of days. Parang may switch kaming napindot na biglang nagpabago sa personality niya. Well, meron talaga. She still smiles once in a while, but the curve across her pinkish lips felt forced or half meant.

"It's my turn now," Jamie muttered, walking toward the door. Bago siya pumasok sa loob, she looked at us over her right shoulder and flashed a heart-hearted smile. "Wait for me, okay?"

I nodded at her, even Alistair and Loki.

We have been keeping an eye on Jamie since that day. Hanggang ngayon, nanunuluyan pa rin kami sa kanilang bahay. She repeatedly told us that she could manage herself, but we didn't want to leave her on her own. Alistair insisted that we should stay because people who tried to do it might attempt to do it again. We must make her feel loved. We must make her feel that we deeply care about her. And we do.

Aaminin ko, habang sine-share niya sa amin na alam niyang ang kanyang kuya ang original na Moriarty, nakaramdam ako ng galit. She's been with us for months and we've been trying to bring down that evil organization. Little did we know that the person who started this mess was related to one of us—to her. I felt nothing but total betrayal.

If I didn't let her finish her explanation, I would have slapped her in the face, left and right, until she begged for me to stop. But thankfully, I kept on listening. Natuto na ako sa mga nakaraang confrontation namin. She told us her side of the story, of how she tried to deceive herself by preserving the pristine image and reputation of her dearly beloved brother.

Hindi ko naiwasang maawa sa kanya. She created her own alternate reality where her brother did not have any blood in his hands. It's like she decided to stop reading a book at the part where the protagonist was still a hero, before he turned into a villain in the last set of chapters. It must have not been too easy for her.

Could she be lying to us again? Could there be something more in her story than meets the eye? Possibly. But I hope that she doesn't have anything to hide from us. Well, we can't be sure at the moment. Hindi pa namin siya nakakausap tungkol sa kanyang kuya. We tried to avoid the topic as much as we could because it might trigger her again. I don't want to put her in a position where she'd hurt herself.

She's been through a lot. We've been through a lot. The four of us had enough already.

"I hope the counseling helps," Alistair said, his eyes transfixed to the door. "Sana'y maibsan kahit paano ang mabigat niyang dinadala. I can hardly imagine what's going through her mind right now."

'Yon din ang hiling ko. Gusto ko ulit makita ang genuine na ngiti ni Jamie at ang pagiging masayahin niya. It felt strange to me na iba ang aura na ine-emit niya ngayon. She seemed like a different person to me. And that made me a little uncomfortable.

"Maybe it's somehow my fault?" I let out a long sigh. "I was the one who opened the vault that she sealed in her mind. Kung sanang hindi ako nagpadalos—"

"Don't blame yourself," Loki cut my words short as he tossed me a glance. "If there's someone who deserves the blame, it's not you. It's not Jamie. It's not any of us seeking the truth. It's his late brother who, despite being buried six feet under, still managed to cause us inconvenience. Our indignation must be directed at him, no one else."

His fists clenched. I could see his nails digging deep into his skin.

He's definitely right. It all started with Jaime Santiago's twisted sense of justice. He may have been dead for two years, but his so-called legacy still lives on. He may not be the one who stabbed Rhea to death, but her blood is in his hands. He may not have been the one who created the recent chaos in Clark High, but the blueprint of malice and murder followed his ideology.

Even in his death, the buck stops with him.

In retrospect of these revelations, it felt like we're fighting an enemy who has been out of the picture for years. The only way we can defeat him is to put an end to the madness that he started.

"I knew I'd find you here."

The three of us turned to our right when we heard that voice. I raised my guard as I saw the face and the gleaming eyeglasses of the person that I'd like to see the least in any day. Parang nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin sa tapat ng counseling office.

"Stein Alberts..." I muttered.

His malignant grin grew wider as I acknowledged his presence. He must be enjoying the attention. Ano naman kaya ang ipinunta niya rito? Nataon ba na napadaan siya? No, I don't think so. Every time we cross paths, he's always up to something.

We chose not to greet him with a "hi!" or "hello!" I personally don't think he deserves any pleasantries from us.

"I admire your friendship with Jamie, you know," Stein said, inching closer to us. He kept his hands inside his pockets. "Kahit na sinabi ko na sa inyo na espiya ko siya sa grupo n'yo, nandyan pa rin kayo at nakasuporta sa kanya. How touching!"

Nagkapalitan kami ng tingin ni Alistair. When Stein revealed to us that info a few days, I pretended to hear it for the first time. We already knew about it, but we had to pretend that we didn't know. It's for Jamie's sake.

Sinabi rin namin kay Loki kung ano ang ibinunyag niya sa amin. He also wondered why Stein decided to tell us about it. Was he already done with using Jamie as his chesspiece?

Dahil ayaw naming mag-aksaya ng oras sa kanya, hindi kami tumugon. Even Alistair did not bother to give any reply. Hinayaan namin siyang magbato ng palipat-lipat na tingin sa amin. It became awkward, so he felt compelled to say something.

"I heard about what happened on the rooftop." Stein heaved a sigh, clicking his tongue repeatedly. "It must be traumatic to see someone do that in front of your very eyes. You must have felt sorry for her. You have have felt some sort of guilt. After all, you drove her into a corner and left her with no choice but to do the unthinkable."

Still we did not reply. Hindi man kami nag-usap kung ano ang magiging attitude namin habang kaharap siya, gusto naming iparamdam na unwanted ang kanyang presence dito. He might just walk away if we ignore him completely. We also did not want to dignify any of his statements. He must be playing mind games with us, gaya noong sumabay siya sa amin sa cafeteria.

"What an excellent performance, don't you think?" Stein stretched his lips, almost reaching ears. "She shows you some blood and you fell for her trick again. No wonder why I can always be one step ahead of you. I'm starting to think that you are all losing your touch!"

Kahit gusto ko siyang huwag pansinin, hindi ko naiwasang kumunot ang aking noo. What the hell was he talking about?

"Oh, you three really fell for it?" Stein laughed, touching the bridge of his glasses. "If Jamie really wants to take her own life, do you think she's gonna miss an artery? No, she intentionally missed the vein that can make her bleed to death in a matter of minutes."

Lalo pang kumunot ang aking noo at sabay na napailing. Did he seriously think that Jamie would put her life at risk for the sake of a performance? Even if she missed an artery, she could have died! What if we didn't know what to do? What if we failed to act?

Stein must be becoming so desperate right now, making stories that don't have any sense at all.

"You think you can win by making us doubt one of us?" Loki couldn't take it anymore so he broke his silence. I would have said the same. "You better try harder next time. That strategy isn't gonna work."

"My God!" Stein gasped as he clapped his hand over his mouth. "I can't believe that your so-called friendship with Jamie has blinded you! I'm not making you doubt her. I'm telling you the truth."

"You think we're dumb enough to fall for your version of the truth?" Loki scoffed. "Try something more convincing next time."

"Oh, how about this?" Stein's smile faded, his face became serious. "It was Jamie's idea to join your club and spy for me. It wasn't mine."

q.e.d.

If you've enjoyed reading this update, share your thoughts or theories on Twitter using the hashtag #ProjectLOKI!