Like I said this is the chapter where I'll be going through my problems. So about 6 or 5 months ago I found out that my father was cheating on my mom. He lied about it for about 2 months always changing the story. And when my mom got a picture of him getting into a car with another woman and asked him about it he kept lying to her and changing the story of "O I hang out with her at work a little bit" or "we just go to get lunch together sometimes". So one night they went out for a drive and didn't come home tillclose to midnight, me and my other siblings didnt know what was going on until they came home. My mother was in tears my father was crying as well and started packing crap. The hardest thing for my mother was that she had to tell us what he did and why he was leaving. She told him that he would have to tell us, his kids, what he did so we would know what's going on but he didn't. This hurt my family and me so badly. My mom stayed home from work and cried all day in her bed my sister did not want to go to school, but I did cuz I didn't want to let this affect my grades. The thing is though, on my way to the library I passed by my friend he didn't come up to talk to me because he said I had the look on my face that if someone were to cross me or get me angry that I would kill them without hesitation. I never realized that instead of being sad, I got angry. And now that I look back on it if someone were to have said the slightest thing to me that got me even more angry, I probably would have hurt them because of what my father did. A few months after he left, my mom was crying, and my siblings are also crying because of what was going on with our family. They were arguing about my father, the thing is though hearing them cry because of him just got me angry. I was filled with so much anger so much hate that I punched through my closet door and basically had an anxiety attack. I laid down on my bed my fists were clenched, I was breathing hard and deeply, I was cut off from outside world, and I locked up. My mother had to call an ambulance, because she was afraid I could essentially kill myself because of the state I was in. Luckily I had calm down by the time I got to the hospital. But I was in that state close to an hour. By the time the paramedics arrived I had woken up from that state but was still locked up, although my body wouldn't move and was convulsing, my eyes were able to look around but I couldn't do anything. I tried to slow my breathing down but I couldn't, I was trapped in my own body. When the paramedics showed up in my room and we're asking me questions I looked at them pleading with my eyes to make it stop, I was afraid. Even now I still have this pent-up anger that I keep it in because I don't want my mom to worry about me, but it scares me, I'm afraid what I would do to someone if there were to say something that got me angry, if that were to happen I don't know what I would do to them. Right now I'm in boxing so it does help, I also play video games to relieve that anger but that rage, that wrath, will always be there lingering. This is why I made this book, even though people go through different problems we all react in the same way. We keep things in, we don't talk about our problems, and we bottle it up. If you are going through some other problems were you're holding your true feelings in and your bottling up those emotions, you need to talk to someone. The suicide hotline isn't just for people who are thinking about committing suicide, you can call them and just say you want to talk and you can talk about your problems to them. The reason why I know this is because I called them cuz I needed to talk to someone. After I did that I felt way better it felt like I had this huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I may not be much but I'm still here for people that need someone to talk to. So if you are going through problems, if you need someone to talk to, then look no further than me. You don't have to give names you don't have to be descriptive, just vaguely tell me what your problem is, and I'll try to help as best as I can.
Leo_king_24  out.