how time passes

three of my friends that used to be obsessed with Sherlock aren't anymore and they don't really talk to me

I miss them but they've changed and they're different now and that's okay

You think you're going to love someone until you're ninety

You think your parents will be alive for the rest of your life

You think that time will stop once you graduate, like the years will span lifetimes

Something that actually secretly scares me a lot is that I'll be forgotten

I guess this juxtaposes my previous chapter

Someday no one will read these

The read count is going to be stuck on that number for the rest of fucking time

And what if I finish colorblind and no one is there to read it? What if I finish colorblind, something that I've put my lifeblood into, and it doesn't get any recognition?

I tell myself I don't do it for the reads - and I don't. Reads are hardly my motivator. If that were the case, it would be posted right now. If that were the case, I'd be writing stucky or some shit.

But notifications are, you know, nice. And this is terrible of me to say because I'm one of the more popular johnlock authors on this site, but here it goes, I'm saying it.

On the same token, some people create to affect others, and some people create to express themselves. I'm far past the point of doing it to gratify myself. So, yeah, I'm doing it more for you than for me. I crave making people feel. It's not the writing that truly gets me, it's the people I'm writing it for. Take the people out of the equation, and the action feels hollow. Probably why I've never been able to write a diary, because no one except me is ever gonna read it.

What if I post colorblind, and no one fucking likes it?

It's way different than everything I've written, idk, it's polarizing, and i feel like of the people that still remain in the sherlock fandom, even fewer people will want to read it

Idkidkidk what if this sucks and I'm doing this for nothing

IF MOFFTISS ACTUALLY UPDATED ONCE A YEAR THEN THIS WOULDN'T BE A FUCKING PROBLEM BUT INSTEAD I'M UP AT 12:00AM FREAKING OUT ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT PEOPLE WILL PAY ATTENTION TO ME

I SUCK GUYS I'M TERRIBLE SORRY

on a completely different note i got really bored this weekend and decided to print one of my stories up B) you may or may not be seeing me hold a paperback of one of my fics soon idk it might all go to hell

But if it doesn't go to hell it'll be really fucking sweet k

Anyway i love each and every one of you gn i must sleep