ok so this is gonna be kinda rambly so sorry in advance

I wrote 150k words on colorblind, and thousands more that are not online

For some perspective, a standardized book has 250 words per page on average?? so I've written abt 600 pages

For more perspective, it's about the the same size as the half blood prince - and if twilight is your poison, (dunno why it would be lol) it's currently the size of eclipse

i just think that it became a lot more of a challenge than i had counted on? And it's so funny, but when the end wasn't in sight, it was easier to write guilt free imo i just

It's getting hard despite my best efforts

Everything is getting hard and i don't want anyone to think I'm flaking lol bc i literally can't flake,, i don't have the ability to

When you write a novel three times over, you don't go "whelp that's good enough,,, clocking in"

But imma be real i read over some of my stuff and I'm like "boy howdy! i hate this!" and it makes it that much harder

And i love writing to death but i have hit a wall and it's just so frustrating

I read stuff i write and it looks just disgusting and I'm like "who wrote dis? not me" and i can't sit down and get shit done but i want y'all to know that I am trying really hard to get to a better place so the words come a little easier

I wouldn't say that "utopia" was my glory days, but i do know that i wanna go back to the quality and right now I'm like

😐 helphelphelphelpehelelp

NOTHING SOUNDS RIGHT

IT'S SO HARD

IT'S SO RUSHED

believe me i wrote the next chapter 3 times over and it's not that i haven't written it's just so fucking bad and i think i am Dying pls donate to my gofundme omfg

Anyway im. Strugglin so pls lol forgive me thanks i will try to stop being bad thanks thanks thanks bye