A/N: more angsty johnlock schluck unfortunately 😏😏😏

I LOVE SHERLOCKS POV EUEUEHDJF

ew

and like tbh reading it over its low key hannigram with all the fucking eating but whtever

Do you think 

it would have been easier on me

if you shoved your fingers into the spaces between my joints and pulled the ligaments like gummy worms until they snapped from the tension

Do you think that would have been easier on me than thumbing my lip, my palm

in the dark and telling me you loved me in abbreviated chunks on the telephone

I find it difficult, this sort of stuff

you said

You didn't need to say it

Because

Do you think that I wouldn't have changed for you?

Do you think I wouldn't have peeled away my dead skin and cut my tongue off and dyed my hair pitch black to make it easier

I want to be

Easier

I want to be vulgar in your mouth

Call me baby, call me sugar, call me anything that bastardizes your emotions for me for the sake of feeling detached - my skin is soft and salty sweet, like warm caramel, and I will allow you any opportunity to melt me down in your palms

I open my mouth and bend my head back; I could offer myself up to you on a silver platter, glistening and ready to be sliced down the middle if you would just

Agree not to lick the taste of me off your fingers until morning 

Do you think it would have been easier on me if you hadn't kissed the base of my palm and listlessly made your way up my pulse

and

Did all those nights where I tried to say that I needed you in cryptic, aborted half messages

feel like cancer spreading inwards?

and

Do you think it would have been easier on the both of us

If you used me like a cheap whore to satisfy your vanity instead of batting your darkened lashes like some Irish Aphrodite and kissing the perspiration off my upper lip - I think that maybe there was intention

in your pretense

And I killed myself for you

Wasn't that enough?