In the closed room, with a preoccupied mind, Nandini changed into simple clothes, and combed her hair quickly and then tied it loosely with a black hairband at the nape of her neck. She walked to the door of her room, then vacillated, feeling very reluctant to go downstairs. The reality of Priyamvada being in her house was becoming tougher for her to accept with every passing moment.

The brief distraction caused by her grandfather's entry into the house along with Sumer Singh had given her the chance to hurry upstairs to her room, to get some space to calm her nerves that had been jolted severely by the sight of Priyamvada. She had sat motionless for a brief while in her room, trying to compose herself. But neither space nor silence had been of any help, and she'd continued to feel shaken and disturbed at the scene that had met her eyes when she'd walked in. The way Priyamvada had spoken...her appearance...the things she'd said...

A shiver went through Nandini. The recollection was still sending chills down her spine. And once the initial shock had subsided, other emotions too had started to resurface. Cold dread...anger... hate...

And now it was making her sick to think of Priyamvada being in her house, interacting with her family members. Was the woman pretending? It wouldn't be beyond Priyamvada to put on an act for some terrible reasons, Nandini thought with a sharp spurt of fear and distrust. But no... that was not possible. If she was pretending, Prithvi would have seen through it. She wouldn't have been able to fool him.

Calming down a little, Nandini looked towards the door of her room.

She didn't want to go down. She wanted to stay holed up in here until things had returned to normal and Priyamvada had vanished from her home.

But Prithvi...

She despised Priyamvada but it had still horrified her to see the woman's condition, which, just as Prithvi had said, was almost like the one in which they had found her at the exhibition years ago. And Priyamvada had spoken about him like he was a little child. That would have brought up so many awful memories for him. It was painful for her to just think about it...

She had to go down...to help him if she could - and to watch over her family, though she didn't know how she was going to do either of those things. She didn't know what had made her talk so calmly to Priyamvada before. And as for her family, they would already have taken on the responsibility of Priyamvada's wellbeing, Nandini thought with a helpless frustration. She would have done the same if the person in question was anyone else.

Nandini left her room despondently, and then halted on the topmost step of the stairway. She couldn't hear any conversations below. That was strange. Had Prithvi taken his mother and left, she wondered with a sudden horror.

No, he was nearby...she could sense it...

Nandini hurried down to the ground floor and then stopped, with her eyes drawn to the guest room. Its door was open and the light was on, and she could hear Priyamvada asking something in a frightened voice and Prithvi responding in a comforting, reassuring tone.

She wanted to go to him, but her feet wouldn't stir. After a brief tussle with herself, she gave up and unhappily went towards the kitchen, where her mother was busy opening packets of savouries and sweets from a well-known shop in the area.

Sarojini paused in her activity and looked concernedly at her daughter. "Why did you come down?" she scolded in a low voice, walking over to Nandini. "Take rest until your headache is better. You look terrible. Do you have fever?" she asked worriedly, keeping her hand on Nandini's forehead.

Stumped, Nandini automatically mumbled, "I...err...no, there's no fever. How did you know I had a headache?" she asked warily.

"Prithvi told us," Sarojini answered. "Your grandfather was asking for you, and I was about to come upstairs to call you. But Prithvi said you had a headache and were very tired because of the long road journeys on consecutive days, and that we should let you rest. Is the headache very severe? I'll make ginger tea for you once Prakash brings the milk. Then you'll feel better," she said, caressing her daughter's head.

Nandini hastily blinked back the dampness in her eyes, her heart flooding with untold tenderness and remorse. She had told Prithvi she wanted to help him, and now she wasn't even able to tolerate seeing his mother. But he had understood her feelings and lied to her family about her headache so she would be given the space she needed.

"It's not very severe, I think I just need to rest for some time," she muttered to her mother, walking to the pile of snacks. "Who brought all this? And where is everyone?"

"I'd sent Prakash to the market to buy snacks, and he came back with these, but then he had to go back to buy milk and coffee. There was enough milk in the house, but it split when I boiled it. Then Priyamvadaji said she wants to rest. Prithvi is sitting in the guest room with her. Sumer Singhji had sat here for some minutes but he seemed uncomfortable in Priyamvadaji's presence," Sarojini said in a hushed voice, distressed and anxious. "So, your grandfather asked him if he would like to go to Ayodhya, and he agreed immediately."

While processing the information, Nandini absentmindedly took some of the snacks and placed them just outside the window. In seconds, two crows appeared to consume the food. Sarojini smiled at her daughter.

"Sit down and eat something. You must be hungry," Sarojini urged.

"I'm not hungry," Nandini muttered, then turned to her mother and gestured awkwardly to the living room. "What happened... with her?"

"Prakash saw her standing at the gate. He thought she had come to us for some help because she looked very sick. And she wasn't wearing any footwear. He asked her to come inside but she didn't budge and only kept looking at our house. He called me for help and I also tried to persuade Priyamvadaji to come into the house but it looked like she wasn't hearing our voices at all. Then she suddenly opened the gate and hurried into the house but stopped at the threshold. Your grandfather had come out of his room by that time. But she wasn't looking at him. She was staring at something in the middle of the room," Sarojini said confusedly. "And then she fainted. I got so worried but your grandfather was very calm. He asked Prakash to bring some water, and he splashed it on her face. She came back to consciousness then, but she was disoriented. Prakash and I helped her get up and she sat on the sofa. She told us she was Prithvi's mother and that she had come to Shamli to pay us a visit. But the poor woman was struggling to talk," Sarojini recalled with sympathy as she picked out the best cutlery in their modest collection.

"And then she asked us if she could sleep for some time. I helped her walk to the guest room, and I stayed in the room with her. When I was with her, Prakash said some women and men in uniforms came here in a fancy looking car. They are part of the group that accompanies Priyamvadaji when she travels," Sarojini informed her daughter in awe while washing the plates and cups. "They were very scared and they begged us not to tell her that they had come in search of her. They only wanted to know if she was fine. They wouldn't come into the house, and so your grandfather spoke to them at the gate, and he asked them to bring any luggage she had to our house, which they did after an hour. They gave their phone numbers and asked us to contact them if Priyamvadaji needed anything. Your grandfather didn't allow Prakash to listen to the whole conversation, but he said they were talking in a funny way, as though they had to think before saying each word."

"Priyamvadaji woke up some time ago, and I asked her if she would have lunch. She didn't respond. But I made Prakash sit with her and went to the kitchen and brought a plate of food for her, and she accepted it and ate everything in it. After washing up, she walked to the sofa and sat down and removed all her jewellery, and draped the pallu over her head. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't speak a word. She just kept silent until...until Prithvi came into the house."

Nandini heard the story silently, and then ran a hand over her forehead, which was actually beginning to hurt now. "I'm feeling very tired, Maa. I'll go upstairs."

"Oh, okay, you take rest," Sarojini encouraged. "I'll bring your tea and snacks up in some time."

*******************

Seated in a chair near the bed, Prithvi heard the light tread of steps coming down the stairs while responding to the highly anxious questions that his mother was asking him about the child whom she had left behind in Devgarh.

Those steps were unlikely to come towards this room. But he could understand Nandini's emotions, and he was quite certain that she would be feeling needlessly guilty at staying away. Every hour that his mother was here would take an emotional toll on her, he mulled contritely.

His mother turned quiet and peaceful eventually, and in the silence, he heard the murmurs of conversation from the kitchen, and could guess the contents. A while later, he heard Nandini's soft tread coming closer. He looked quickly at the door, and after a few moments, she was at the threshold.

They gazed at each other in an intensely troubled silence for a long moment. He unhappily noted the pallor on her skin and the distress etched on her features. Then he watched her eyes be drawn to the blanketed figure who was lying on her side on the bed, and he saw utter repulsion fill her face. Without looking at him again, Nandini turned and rushed away.

**********************

Bhoothnath, Sumer Singh and Prakash fell silent as Prithvi emerged from the guest room and closed the doors lightly.

Sumer Singh waited until Prithvi had sat down on the couch, and gently asked, "Did she have tea?"

"Yeah," Prithvi nodded. "She had some of the snacks too."

"Is she okay?" Bhoothnath enquired.

"For now, yes," Prithvi said, looking subdued.

Sarojini entered the living room with a fresh plate of snacks and placed them on the short table. "Prithvi, you have to finish all of this," she told him with an affectionate firmness, and then kindly asked, "Do you want another cup of coffee?"

"No, thank you," he smiled at her.

She smiled and kept a hand on his head, and then went to the kitchen to take a tray of tea and snacks for her daughter who was resting upstairs.

Bhoothnath looked at his grandson. "Prakash, go to your room and study," he directed.

Glumness spread on Prakash's face. He knew that meant interesting grown-up talk was about to happen. "Fine, I'll go," he grumbled.

Prithvi smiled amusedly, while Sumer Singh gave Prakash an affectionate glance. The adorable little boy had grown into a very lovable teenager whose nature reflected the beauty of his family values. He warmly said, "Prakash, I want to go for a stroll around this locality to refresh my memories. Will you be my guide?"

"Of course!" Prakash said enthusiastically. "Let's go."

As both of them got up to leave, Sumer Singh looked at Prithvi and ruefully said, "I forgot my phone in the car. Can you give me the keys?"

Prithvi handed the keys to him, and Sumer Singh left the house with Prakash.

Prithvi glanced at Bhoothnath. "Could you tell me what happened in the afternoon?" he muttered.

Bhoothnath nodded, and then narrated the same story that Sarojini had shared with Nandini earlier, albeit with much more details about the people who had come looking for Priyamvada, including the fact that he had refused to accept the bags of eatables that she had brought from Devgarh.

"I didn't mean any disrespect to your mother," Bhoothnath said keenly. "But it didn't feel right to accept the food, considering your mother's condition. Also, they could not tell me for sure if she had brought it for us."

"That's fine," Prithvi dismissed, without adding that he was glad that no food from his disgusting childhood residence had entered this house. "You said they've given you their phone numbers?"

"Yes, should I give them to you now?"

"No, it is fine. I'll take them from you later". Prithvi hesitated, then asked, "Did Maa say anything when she became conscious?"

"She didn't speak but she seemed to be searching for someone," Bhoothnath said thoughtfully. "Is it your father she sees in her hallucinations?" he asked Prithvi abruptly, peering at him.

Taken aback, Prithvi stared at him. "How did you know?"

Bhoothnath nodded austerely. "I sensed it. She sees him, and then she tries to follow him or find him. Is that why you were worried about her wandering away?"

Prithvi looked at him with a rising astonishment, then he warily said, "I am beginning to develop a healthy respect for your various talents."

Bhoothnath chuckled, and then he turned a little serious and said, "You have to tell me about this illness. When was the last time she had this problem?"

"About two years ago," Prithvi murmured. "When she becomes like this, she sometimes spends most of her time staring outside or she keeps crying quietly or she talks like she is in the past, usually back to the time when I was about six or seven, and sometimes back to the time when my father died. And she sees hallucinations of my father at times and tries to follow him without realising where she is going. But there have been different issues each time she has had this breakdown. So, it's difficult to predict how she'll behave each time," he shrugged. Then he casually said, "I'll leave with her tomorrow, and I'll take her to Ayodhya in some time."

Bhoothnath frowned at him. "Absolutely not," he said indignantly. "Your mother has to stay here for at least two days, and she will be staying in the guest room here. And you don't have to sit with her all night. Yes, Sumer told me you often do that when your mother is in this state," he told Prithvi with a sad but loving smile. "But today, you can rest peacefully. If she has any problems at night, we will let you know immediately."

Perplexed, Prithvi regarded him silently for a minute. Then he guardedly asked, "Why?", as a uniform question for all of the things that Bhoothnath had declared.

"I think I can help your mother," Bhoothnath said simply. "Yes, yes, I know you don't believe in such things," he said understandingly as an extremely cynical expression appeared on Prithvi's face. "And I'm not making any promises either. I need some time to understand the precise nature of the problem first, and for that, your mother needs to be here for at least two or three days."

Prithvi tried very hard not to show his thoughts on his face, and tentatively said, "I've taken her to the topmost specialists in the world, and they haven't been able to do anything."

Undeterred, Bhoothnath scornfully said, "Western medical systems cannot cure her of this illness. They can only treat problems at the gross level, if at all." Then he intently said, "Prithvi, you don't need to trust my abilities but you must have faith in my trust in myself and the ancient traditions of my family. And you must do as I say - at least for two days."

"You don't understand," Prithvi said patiently. "If she wakes up in the middle of the night and sees something and -"

"Sarojini will sleep in the same room as her, and we will also put a lock on the door from the inside, so there's no chance of her wandering away from the house," Bhoothnath said stoutly. "And if there is any issue, I will call you up and you can be here in a minute."

Before Prithvi could respond again, Bhoothnath kept a hand on his shoulder and concernedly asked, "Prithvi, when was the last time you had a good night's sleep? You need to get your share of rest, you know. You've been too disturbed. I noticed it the last time too. You have to take a break from all the stress. I can understand how worried you are about your mother. But you can put down your burdens when you're with us. You're not entrusting your mother to strangers. You're a part of this family and so is your mother. And that is how we will look after her," he said firmly.

Prithvi stared at him, and then solemnly said, "If you say one more word, I'm going to start crying."

Bhoothnath laughed aloud and slapped his shoulder.

Prithvi grinned at him. His arguments were going to fall on deaf ears as of now. And he couldn't possibly tell the sweet old man that the reason for his troubled mind last time – and even this time to a great extent - was the treasured granddaughter of this house. And apart from his rock-solid lack of faith in "alternative" healing techniques, it was for the said granddaughter's happiness and peace that he wanted to take his mother away at the earliest.

**********************

Nandini placed the empty cup of tea on the table, near the untouched plate of food. She'd hardly been aware of the piping hot tea that she'd gulped down, and she couldn't even think of eating anything. The sight of Priyamvada in the guest room had filled her with too much revulsion, and her insides were still feeling unsettled.

She needed to take her mind off the reality of the situation, from the feeling that her house was being contaminated...polluted by Priyamvada's presence...and from the heartrending sadness she'd seen on Prithvi's face.

Holding the wooden headrest of her bed, Nandini slid miserably to the floor, feeling overcome by starkly different emotions. She needed to do something to lessen this agitation before she went insane. She usually used knitting to distract her mind, but what she needed now was not a distraction, but something that would help her find some peace and clarity to deal with this bizarre and thorny situation involving Priyamvada. 

After about five minutes of her scrambled thoughts running in all  directions, Nandini remembered something that had helped her tremendously in the past. She stood up and opened her cupboard, and took out a small pile of sacred books, including the Bhagavad Gita.

Nandini sat down cross-legged on the bed, facing the temple, and began to read the Bhagavad Gita first. Gradually, a faint serenity descended on her, and if it felt as if the muddied waters within her were clearing up bit by bit.

She continued to read for the next few hours, only putting the books aside when she heard her brother's or mother's footsteps approaching her room, and continued to read after dinner, which her brother had brought to her room while grumbling about serving her like she was a queen.

By the time she reverently kept the books back in the cupboard, some amount of peacefulness and clarity had dawned within her. She climbed back on the bed and sat for some time with her back against the wall and eyes closed.

She would give herself time today to process her emotions, but she would try to be a different person tomorrow. It was going to require immense effort from her, and she didn't know how successful she would be. But this would probably be the only gesture of love that she would be able to offer to Prithvi before he left Shamli again, she thought miserably, her heart quavering in pain at the thought.

Prithvi...she had to meet Prithvi tonight, even if it was only for a few minutes, or she would lose her mind with guilt and anxiety by morning.

She had to apologise for her behaviour. And to promise that she would try to be more humane tomorrow. She would talk to her grandfather about Priyamvada's illness and do whatever she could to help him heal that woman. Her grandfather had not openly said anything, but based on what he had told her on the phone and the updates that her brother and mother had given her a short time ago, he seemed to believe that he could heal Priyamvada. Yes, she would tell Prithvi that - and say whatever else she could to help him feel better.

But what if he didn't want to listen to her feeble, lifeless excuses...

*********************

With a faint smile on his face, Sumer Singh walked through his room. He could scarcely believe how happy and contented he was feeling despite the complex circumstances. It didn't make any sense to his mind, but his heart was peaceful.

He'd felt inexpressible joy on beholding the weathered but heartwarming facades of Vrindavan and Ayodhya again, and then meeting Bhoothnath and Prakash and Sarojini...all of whom were still as innocent, simple and endearing as he remembered. It genuinely felt as if he had reunited with his own family. Having snacks and tea and dinner with them had been a comforting pleasure as always. Kadambari would love them, he thought wistfully. He would have asked her to come here, if not for the difficult circumstances related to Nandini and this new complication with Priyamvada, Sumer Singh mulled dejectedly.

He had not sat down in Priyamvada's presence before, and he'd done it for the first time in Vrindavan only because Prithvi had levelled a very sharp glance at him. But he had not been able to sit peacefully in the living room until Priyamvada was present, but thankfully, Bhoothnath had sensed his feelings and had brought him to Ayodhya, which had felt so welcoming. Many emotions had come up when he had wandered through the house...

Then Bhoothnath had asked him a few simple questions about Priyamvada's illness in private, and he'd tried to answer those questions to the best of his knowledge. He also had one question about Priyamvada and Nandini, but he wasn't sure if anyone would be able to answer it.

His face growing serious, Sumer Singh ambled out of his room and stopped in front of Prithvi's room, which was empty.

When he had unlocked the car to take his phone, he'd seen the basket of food, and had taken that also out of the vehicle. Prakash had brightly recommended that they could give the food to a poor vegetable vendor whose shop wasn't very far. The man apparently had a very big family, and was helped frequently by the Bharadwajs.

They had opened the box just to check the quantity of food, and that was when he had seen one empty packet of sandwiches and two empty juice bottles. The obvious answer to the mystery had astounded him. Prithvi had eaten something during the journey after he had categorically refused to do so earlier. And there was only person who could have changed his mind.

Sumer Singh gradually made his way to the living room, where he found Prithvi pacing the length of the hall.

Prithvi smiled briefly at him but continued to walk around the space.

"Prithvi, you don't have to be worried," Sumer Singh said caringly. "You know the queen is fine for now, and they are taking such good care of her. There is no cause for concern. And they will let us know instantly if there is a problem. I think you won't need to rush there tonight."

"I know, I'll just wait for a while longer before going to bed," Prithvi said casually, continuing to stroll. Sumer Singh had mistakenly assumed he was stressed about his mother. That would have been true in other circumstances, but he was feeling inexplicably calm about her condition for now. Possibly since she had been relatively tranquil and passive since evening. And though she had stopped talking after a point, she had listened to him at dinner time and eaten a proper meal in her room.  He had a feeling she would be fine for tonight and enjoy undisturbed sleep.

Still, he had not wanted the Bharadwajs to go to any trouble, and during dinner, he had tried to convince them again to either let him take his mother to Ayodhya or to let him watch over her till morning. But Bhoothnath and Sarojini had refused to listen to him, and the unadulterated love and care in their words had finally made him concede defeat. For tonight. He would leave Shamli with his mother tomorrow, which was one of the main reasons for his restlessness.

Looking undecided, Sumer Singh walked to an armchair and sat down. He usually abstained from discussing Priyamvada's illness with Prithvi, but he needed to express his opinion in this case, for Prithvi's own good.

He timidly said, "Prithvi, when I was talking to Bhoothnathji earlier, I got a feeling that he believes he might be able to help her. And if that's true, we could put our trust in him and give him time to understand the queen's illness, and it's possible he might actually heal her. I'd heard some compelling stories about him and the family when we used to live here, and Sankatmochan too had shared some interesting stories about Bhoothnathji," he said eagerly.

Prithvi evasively said, "Let's see how she's doing tomorrow morning. Then we can decide what to do next."

He had complete faith in the sincerity and goodness of Bhoothnath's intention. And that was where his faith stopped. But he didn't want to say so right now and disappoint Sumer Singh, who was plainly back under Shamli's entrancement, which he could understand since he had been under it himself since he had first stepped foot in the town years ago. But he couldn't let his mother stay here beyond tomorrow, for Nandini's sake. He couldn't stop thinking about her traumatized reaction to knowing that his mother was in her house...or the emotional torment she must have gone through for all these hours without expressing it to anyone. And the guilt that she must experiencing over not being able to help him.

Sumer Singh nodded with relief. It was a noncommittal response but it was a more reassuring one than he had expected. He didn't know if Bhoothnath would succeed when experts all over the world had failed. But he wanted it be true for Prithvi's sake. And moreover, he didn't want to leave Shamli soon, and he didn't want Prithvi to leave either...for more reasons than one...

On an impulse, he tentatively said, "Prithvi, earlier...when we had just reached, and the queen was becoming disturbed...she listened to Nandini and calmed down," he said in bewilderment.

Prithvi halted mid-step for a split-second, then continued walking. "I know...I don't understand it either," he muttered awkwardly. It was unheard of for his mother to listen to anyone else but him when she was in that agitated state...

"And Nandini didn't sound angry or upset with her," Sumer Singh said cautiously, trying not to sound excited. "And I know she stayed away for the rest of the evening, but it was a good sign that she could speak to the queen so peacefully."

Prithvi glanced warily at Sumer Singh. Nandini's serene tone and demeanour had startled him too, but right now he was more concerned about the direction in which the other man's thoughts were racing. He suddenly remembered the lunch basket in the car, the keys to which he had given Sumer Singh.

"Don't read too much into it, Baba," he said briefly. "She has been helping her grandfather do - whatever he does with people who are unwell. She must have gone into that mode automatically when she saw Maa," he shrugged. It was the only explanation that made at least a bit of sense to him.

"Oh, is that so?" Sumer Singh said, deflated.

"Yes. Baba, you should go to sleep now," Prithvi said firmly. "You look exhausted."

After Sumer Singh had left, Prithvi continued to walk around the room for some more minutes, then he resignedly sat down on the sofa.

His understanding of Nandini's emotional state wasn't doing anything to lessen his acute and sharp dejection at not being able to see her.

Tomorrow, he would leave Shamli. And after that, there was no telling when he would be able to see her again. He would need to be with his mother until she was back to normal, which could take any amount of time from a day to several months. And the Garewals were not going to be able to perform another magical trick again, since Nandini wouldn't obviously want to come to any place where his mother was.

He wanted to see her before leaving and talk to her tonight. To apologise for his mother's visit, and to tell her that he could understand why she had kept her distance all evening, and that she didn't need to feel any guilt about not being able to do anything to help him. It would be easy to give her a call or send a message with all these thoughts. Easy, yes...but it was not what he wanted, Prithvi thought with another deep sigh.

His restless gaze idly fell upon the glass of the cupboard opposite him, and he saw his reflection. And the angst and impatience on his features.

The view was a savage punch in the gut.

An icy coldness slowly spread through his insides as his mind generously replayed every thought and emotion that had passed through his head in the past few hours.

What was he doing...what was he thinking...

Some weeks ago, he had entered Shamli with an unassailable belief that the savagery of his anger and loathing towards her would protect him from the force of memories and old emotions. But after that, with every moment that he had spent with her and apart from her, he had learned that it was possible for him to feel the darkest bitterness and hostility towards her and still desperately want to be around her, to see her smile and laugh, to hold her close and never let go...

And it had ultimately come to this moment...this unbelievably humiliating and stomach-turning moment when he had been obsessing about the happiness and comfort of the person who had willfully caused him more pain than all the other despicable characters in his life combined. And he'd been doing this while sitting in the same place that had been a silent witness to the moment when she'd permanently extinguished the light in his world...

**********************

At around eleven in the night, Nandini walked out of her room and paused in the corridor outside her mother's and brother's rooms, both of which were shut. There was complete silence in the whole house. Reassured, she went back into her room and picked up her phone from the small table, and spend some time in a tormented confusion. Then with a thudding heart, she nervously called up a number. It rang several times but there was no answer.

Suffused by desperation and worry, Nandini looked through her windows at the other house

She sat down on her bed, and tried calling the number again. Then she stared at her phone with an increasing tension, and tried to think of what she could do.

Embroiled in an overwhelming mess of thoughts, Nandini lay down tiredly on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Sometime later, she started to become aware of a strange feeling...like that of an invisible string tugging at her, demanding that she go upstairs to the terrace. She tried to dismiss it as a trick of her mind, but the tugging was only becoming fiercer with each minute.

Nandini rose from her bed, and silently began to walk upstairs to the terrace, wrapping her stole tighter about her body. The night was colder than usual.

She opened the terrace door, and then prayed fervently before looking at the other side.

He was there...dressed in a white kurta and jeans...standing at the far end of Ayodhya's terrace and gazing at the moonlit view before him.

With a sweet smile of relief, she crossed over to the other house and began to walk towards Prithvi. But her steps slowed down automatically within seconds, and she paused while staring uncertainly at his imposing frame from a distance.

There was something different about him. Something that was cautioning her against going closer to him, telling her that she would run into walls of ice if she approached him.

Nandini heard the warning bells loud and clear but ignored them and started to move towards him again. If he was angry or upset, she was prepared to bear the brunt of it, and if it gave him some relief from his troubled mind, she would be grateful.

She was about five feet away when she heard him speak.

"I'm not in a good mood right now," Prithvi said unemotionally. "You should go back to your room."

The coldness in his voice startled Nandini slightly. She had assumed there were several reasons for his bad mood, herself included, but now, in an intuitive flash that made her stomach sink, she sensed that his anger was directly solely at her.

But trying gather her courage, she softly said, "I didn't mean to disturb you. I just wanted to...apologise. I hadn't thought her condition would be this bad. It was a shock. And later...with all the memories...I couldn't bring myself to be around her," she muttered.

"You don't need to be sorry about that," he retorted, without turning around to face her. "She's my mother, and even I can't stand her. But you won't have to endure her presence for much longer. I'll be leaving with her tomorrow."

Shocked, Nandini unthinkingly cried out, "You can't do that."

Prithvi turned to look at her. "I can't?" he asked politely.

Even without the bright light of the moon, she would have seen the blistering anger in his eyes. But its effect was nothing compared to her dismay at what he had said.

"You need to stay for at least some days," she said urgently. "Grandpa feels he might be able to help your mother. But you need to give him a chance to understand the problem first," she pleaded, internally ashamed that the main reason for her panic had nothing to do with Priyamvada.

"Why do you care about her illness?" he asked with pretend curiosity. 

She cringed at the mockery in his voice, but quietly said, "I want her to be fine because I want you to be happy."

"Happy? You want me to be happy?" Prithvi asked with astonishment, walking away from the wall as he spoke. "Oh...right. I get what you mean," he nodded with mock understanding. "You want me to be happy so you can get some relief from your guilt about what you did five years ago and continue to believe that you did the right thing for both of us."

Distraught, Nandini stared at him, the blood draining from her face.

"But here's some breaking news for you," he adjoined, his voice becoming harsher with each word. "The end of that relationship was probably the best thing that ever happened to you, but it didn't work out that beautifully for me. It's time you faced that truth, and you really need to stop pretending that it makes a whit of a difference to you if I'm fine or not. And if you have any integrity or genuine kindness in you, please leave me alone with my ******-up problems and go back to your perfect life," he snapped furiously as he looked away sharply, partly because he suddenly couldn't stand to look at her, but mainly because he couldn't tolerate to see the tears that were shimmering in her eyes.

Trying to rein in his temper, he tersely said, "You should leave right now before I say things that you wouldn't want to hear."

Nandini closed her damp eyes, lashed abruptly by memories that still made her want to die out of guilt. She knew what he would talk about if she stayed, and despite the years that had passed, she was sure she wouldn't be able to bear it. But if she didn't listen to him now, he would bottle up the pain again. And she couldn't let that happen no matter what it did to her. This was also the bare minimum atonement she could do for her sins.

Nandini took a minute to compose herself before speaking, and her voice was steady when she said, "You can tell me whatever you wish. I'm ready to hear it."

Prithvi was silent for a long moment, then he looked at her, "You're ready to hear me to say I don't believe you ever loved me?" he asked quietly. "Not for a day...not for a minute. You cared for me a little, and I guess I might have been slightly important to you. But it was not love from your end. It was never love. Because if even a fraction of the emotions that you put on display were genuine, you wouldn't have done what you did."

Struggling to breathe, Nandini bent her head as the venomous blackness of overwhelming guilt, anguish and self-loathing whirled around her. It was already costing her every ounce of her inner strength to avoid breaking down. But she had to get through this without going to pieces...for his sake. She would have to keep her emotions in check until he had finished speaking. Angry as he was, the slightest sound of distress from her would make him stop before he had expressed what he needed to...

Prithvi looked at her for some moments, eyes blazing with grief and rage, and then turned away.

"I'm sure you have excruciatingly clear memories of the kind of stubborn and single-minded ****** I was," he said harshly as he walked around the terrace with an angry, restless energy. "But in spite of being like that, do you know why I didn't try to get in touch with you again or make any effort to change your mind? It wasn't only because you lost my trust and respect. It was because you gave me the one reason that I couldn't forgive. You punished me for something that I hadn't done...for something over which I had no control," he said roughly.

He halted at a corner and stared unseeingly at the houses that were in the dark. "All through my childhood, I was hated and rejected by people who were supposed to love me - just because I was Adityaraj's son. There were only a handful of people who didn't care about that– Choti maa, some of the guards at Devgarh, and Mochi. Later, there was Sumer Baba ...I know he loves me like a parent, but he searched for me for months and gave me a loving and safe home as a child only because I was the son of Adityaraj. And then there was Indrajit who hated me because I was Priyamvada's son."

"You have no idea what it can do to you when you grow up like that," he said quietly. "Being hated or loved only for being someone's child. It makes you think you don't have any worth as a person. That who you are as a human being is of no value, no importance to anyone, and that you cannot be loved just for yourself. Because the only thing that matters about you is your bloodline. That was the most dominant theme of my life until I reached my teens. Then I gradually acquired that wonderful personality that endeared me to one and all," he said with a grim smile, looking at the moonlit landscape. "And I began to like being disliked for the kind of person I was. I enjoyed it when people judged me for the sweet things I would tell them to their face, not for my genetic identity. Some people still seemed to like me in spite of that, but their friendship or affection didn't matter to me," he shrugged. "I seriously didn't care if anyone liked or disliked me. I didn't care about life or death. I didn't care about anything."

He gazed at the outline of the temple, and then glanced at her with clouded eyes. Her head was lowered. He gazed at the profile of her shadowy features for a moment, then looked away.

"Then I saw you for the first time, and everything I thought I knew about myself...about life and the world...all of it went out the window in an instant," he said in a low murmur that was laden with emotions that were too potent to be expressed. "I couldn't understand how it was possible for me to feel that intensely about you before really knowing anything about you, and it was crazier that those feelings seemed to be reciprocated by you...even though you didn't know anything about me either."

"I could sense your feelings for me. I thought I could feel it all the time...around me, within me. And before I knew what had happened, you had become a part of my life. A part of me. The happiness you brought into my life...I was almost afraid of it. I could hardly believe something so beautiful had come into my life," he whispered. "It was both exhilarating and confusing for me that your feelings towards me were purely for myself. And that it was without cause, without any shared history, without any selfish motives, and that it didn't have anything to do with my family, my background."

"And even with all the conflicts we had, those months with you were the happiest I'd ever been in my life until then. While growing up, I had watched people leading normal lives, and they'd seemed very strange to me. But after meeting you, for the first time, I began to believe that kind of a life was a possibility for me too. I don't expect you to understand what that meant for me, because you grew up in a home where being loved was the most natural thing in the world," he muttered.

"And I genuinely didn't believe there was any problem that could keep us apart for long. I believed our bond couldn't be broken by anything or anyone. I was so confident about it that I would have bet my life on it a million times," he said with a humourless smile. "That was the kind of faith I had in you...that I had in our relationship."

He fell silent, and didn't speak for many minutes. Then, swallowing hard, he unsteadily said, "And one fine day, when I was already struggling with a very difficult situation, you plucked me out of your life like I was a poisonous weed and threw me into the darkest place I've been in since I was born. And you didn't do it because of my actions, though I'd given you plenty of good reasons until then. You did it because I was someone's son. I know there were other reasons, some of which you told me, and some of which you didn't. But the end result was the same – your decision didn't have anything to do with me."

"If you'd told me anything else - anything at all - I wouldn't have let you go. I would have done everything in my power to keep you in my life. But all that you said...and the look on your face...You were not seeing me. You were seeing Priyamvada's son. I'd thought I'd left that part of my life behind. But there I was again...being rejected – discarded - because of something that wasn't my fault."

"I would have forgiven you for anything and everything else. But you chose the one act of cruelty that I couldn't forgive or forget," he whispered, his tone reverberating with remembered pain. "My relationship with you became the worst decision, and the worst memory of my life so far. And I didn't just lose my trust in you. I lost trust in myself too, for not having realised you were capable of being so brutal – and for believing that what you felt for me was as strong as my emotions towards you. It was the one thing I'd not lost throughout my life until then - my faith in myself. But you destroyed that too..."

Prithvi took a harsh, uneven breath in the utter silence, dazed by the words that had poured out of him without a pause. He had not even been consciously aware of some of the thoughts and emotions that he'd expressed. He hadn't known they had been buried within him all this time, simmering quietly and waiting to explode. And he'd definitely not expected to feel this unbelievable relief...this lightness spread through him. It felt as if a portion of a dangerous, corrosive poison had been extracted from his bloodstream.

But that poison would have found its way into the person who had been listening to him silently, Prithvi thought with a ferocious stab of guilt. It should have been reassuring that he hadn't heard her crying...but he felt instinctively certain that it wasn't because she was feeling fine and composed.

With his guilt instantly escalating manifold, he turned reluctantly and looked at her in the  illumination of moonlight.

She was kneeling on the floor, face lowered and eyes squeezed shut. Her hands were pressed against her mouth, fingers tightly entwined, almost in an attitude of prayer. Tears were pouring continuously from her closed eyes. Her mouth was trembling as she strained with her entire being to prevent a single cry from escaping her lips until he had finished speaking.

He stared at her in stunned dismay. The intolerable heartache he had relived moments ago was nothing in front of the despair he experienced on seeing her silent agony.

He walked up to her slowly, and knelt before her for the second time that day. He grasped her upper arms gently, and at his touch, she gave a shaky gasp and then lifted her face and looked up at him.

Holding his gaze with tearful, pain-glazed eyes, she continued to kept her hands folded before him, silently expressing the indescribable force of every emotion she couldn't express otherwise...guilt, regret, anguish, and love.

Stricken hard, he couldn't respond for a moment, then he caught her hands and parted them, and pulled her into a fierce hug.

She collapsed against him with an agonised cry, wrapping her arms around him with a voiceless desperation, and helplessly burst into tears. The flood-gates that had she'd held shut with so much difficulty while he was speaking now opened with pent-up fury, and her body was racked by the force of her heart-wrenching cries.

As she wept brokenly in his arms, he continued to hold her tightly, utterly devastated by her grief.

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