Prithvi unseeingly surveyed the darkness, not feeling the cool wind or the peacefulness that the night offered.  When the terrace door opened with an almost imperceptible squeak, he turned around sharply, a faint spark of hope lightening his eyes for a moment.

But it was only Sankatmochan. The shutters fell again on his expression and he turned back towards the darkness.

Sankatmochan limped towards him warily, nervous about approaching Prithvi when he was possibly in a foul mood, but also feeling unable to sit silently for another hour.

When he had reached within comfortable hearing distance, Sankatmochan stopped and abruptly said, “You shouldn’t have done that. You will say I’m being ridiculous, but it was a very inauspicious act.”

“You’re right, I do find you ridiculous for believing that kind of superstitious nonsense,” Prithvi said distantly.

Sankatmochan bristled in indignation.  “You may be forgiven for that, but your bigger sin is that your broke an innocent girl’s heart and faith along with it. That idol had been with her for 15 years. She had given it to Sumer Singh for your good -”

Astounded, Prithvi looked at him. “Who told you that?”

“She herself did!” Sankatmochan lied. Well, she hadn’t specifically said anything about her reason for parting with it, but it was certainly a logical assumption. Experience told him that a woman would never part with something so precious unless compelled by love.

“She wanted it back just so that it could be sanctified again for your benefit,” he continued on the courageous impulse. “And you destroyed it in anger. How could you have done something so terrible, Prithvi? It was unforgivable!”

“I know,” Prithvi muttered uncomfortably.

“How can you still not accept your – eh? What did you say?” Sankatmochan asked, bewildered.

He had come prepared to slug it out with his friend for hours if necessary, even if it ended in his hospitalization. But the unexpected confession knocked the wind out of his sails.

“I know I shouldn’t have done that. I – I just lost my temper,” Prithvi said, very subdued. “I’ll apologise to her tomorrow.”

Sankatmochan felt almost dizzy with relief. He couldn’t believe his ears. In ecstatic frenzy, he rushed head on into detailing the next step of reconciliation.

“Mere apology is not going to help this time. I have vast experience with women, and know innumerable tricks to calm down the foulest of feminine moods. But the rage and hate – I mean errrr pain,” he rectified hurriedly, “the pain I saw in Nandini’s face was far too deep! You may have to -”

Prithvi turned to face him directly and shook his head in obstinate refusal. “I’ll apologize, but only for breaking the idol. Not for anything else.”

“What? But that won’t be enough!” Sankatmochan yelped.

“It will have to be,” he dismissed flatly, and walked away.

Sankatmochan sighed heavily. It had been too much to hope that Prithvi would let go of his adamancy that easily.

But maybe this small apology would help lessen Nandini’s fury….it could be the first step towards mending the broken relationship….and soon everything would be back to normal.

Now if only he himself could believe a word of it….

*******************

Cleaning up the kitchen platform, Sarojini looked at the timepiece in the kitchen. Prakash had already left for school, but Nandini hadn’t even come downstairs as yet. She picked up some vegetables peels and dropped it into the dustbin, washed her hands, and hurried out of the kitchen, intending to wake up her daughter, only to see her walking down the stairs.

She felt surprised to see Nandini wearing one of the dresses she had purchased recently, as her daughter usually tended to reserve new dresses for special occasions. In the striking dress of maroon and black, she was looking prettier than usual and even younger than her 18 years. Soon to be 19, Sarojini reminded herself. But as she came closer, vague thoughts gave way to sharp concern.

Something was very wrong….

She knew Nandini had been feeling downcast for a couple of days now, but she had lightly brushed away all worried questions. This morning, however, something had changed drastically - for the worse. She was sure of it.

Nandini moved her clenched fist back slightly and tried not to look at her mother. No pretence of cheer would fool her. Sure enough, the instant her feet touched the floor, Sarojini came towards her, frowning slightly.
 
“What’s wrong?  Are you feeling sick?” her mother asked anxiously, thoroughly inspecting her pale face. 

Desperate to move away before her fragile armour broke, Nandini shook her head and smiled. “I’m fine….Just need my tea.”

She swiftly walked past her mother into the kitchen. Sarojini followed, refusing to be put off so easily. She watched in bemusement as Nandini walked over to the dustbin in the kitchen and threw something inside. Then the young girl moved to the gas stove and kept the kettle on the gas to reheat the tea.

Sarojini walked up to her and turned her around firmly by the shoulders. Her uneasiness deepened. There were faint shadows under Nandini’s eyes. But that didn’t upset her half as much as the instinctive awareness that a light had been extinguished in their depths.

“Nandini, what is wrong?” she asked with sharp concern.

“Wrong? Nothing’s wrong, ma,” Nandini said lightly. “I couldn’t get much sleep last night, maybe that’s why I look ill,” she said convincingly, catching hold of her mother’s hands and squeezing them reassuringly before releasing them.

Then she turned to the gas stove and busied herself in pouring tea. “I’ll go to the temple and see if grandpa needs help.”

There was a very slight pause as Sarojini reflected that the topic was being changed deliberately. Now none of her questions would be answered, she accepted resignedly from experience. She’d just have to wait until her daughter approached her.

“But don’t you have college?” she asked.

“I do…but I – I don’t feel like going today,” Nandini said awkwardly.

“You’ve missed quite a few classes in the past few months,” Sarojini said seriously.

“I won’t from tomorrow onwards!” Nandini promised quickly.

“Hmmm…okay. Breakfast is kept here, have it right now. And I’ve made the curry for lunch.”

“I’ll eat later, ma” Nandini said evasively. “You can leave for school. I’ll prepare rotis after some time.” Sarojini smiled and pat her cheek.

When Nandini had left with the cup of tea in hand, she gathered the remaining kitchen waste and went to drop it into the bin, but then halted.

A red thread that had definitely not been there a few minutes ago lay on top of the rubbish…. 

********************

Nandini saw him the instant she stepped over the threshold.

Prithvi seemed to have just stepped out of the house himself, and was standing frozen in the act of slinging the college bag onto his bike’s handles.

In a chill, tense silence, they stared at each other, then in an oddly simultaneous move, they walked towards each other, still not uttering a word.  She broke the eye-lock first and turned her attention to the bag by her side.

But he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. In the morning light, there seemed to be an unusual vulnerability, something almost heartrending, in her loveliness. But the difference went beyond her looks, he realized with sudden unease. He had always been able to effortlessly read her emotions on her face and in her beautiful eyes. But now, there seemed to be a dense barrier between them, shutting him out….

He moved uncomfortably, irritated with the trail of his thoughts. This wasn’t why he had approached her. He only meant to apologise for breaking the idol. He’d just get it over with and leave for college. 

“Nandini, about yesterday,” he began hesitantly. “I wanted to - ”

But she cut across him like he hadn’t spoken at all.

“I'm glad I met you here itself," she said calmly, "I wanted to give this to you as soon as possible." Even as she spoke, Nandini opened the bag by her side and extricated a small pouch.
 
Prithvi stared at her in puzzlement, momentarily forgetting the words he'd planned to say.  A small, confused frown creased his brows. 
 
He hadn't known what to expect after that showdown yesterday….and so had resigned himself to facing any kind of outburst. But there were no visible strong emotions on her exquisite face, only an unusual reserve that cloaked her like a thick veil, masking her emotions, putting her beyond reach…..
 
Beyond his reach.
 
Something twisted restlessly inside him, causing him to shift uneasily on his feet. But he immediately dismissed the pang, feeling annoyed with himself for the stupidly sentimental thought.
 
And yet, there was something unsettling in her overall calmness.
 
A puzzled question was just reaching his lips, when Nandini drew out a thin chain of gold from the pouch. Without holding it out to him, she kept the chain on the plinth of the wall between the houses.
 
In an instant, Prithvi turned utterly still. Incomprehension gave way to shock. He stared at the chain wordlessly for a moment, then his eyes flew sharply to her serene face, and there were a million questions raging in their turbulent depths.
 
Nandini's gaze did not waver an inch as it countered the disbelief on his hard face.  "If you're still worried about its security, you can give it to my mother or grandfather for safekeeping," she continued quietly, replacing the pouch in her bag. And then she silently turned away to walk towards the gate.
 
The bewildered agitation in Prithvi's gaze vanished, and a dark aggressive anger flashed to life on his stunningly handsome face.
 
"So you accept that you're incapable of being trusted with anything," he said roughly, reddening with ill temper.
 
Nandini paused and turned around, bitter rage pulsing on her features, but she quelled the anger determinedly. And a ghost of a smile curved her lips….but it was cold….wholly devoid of any humour.
 
"No, I accept that I am incapable of feeling anything more than hate for you," she said softly.

As she turned away again without waiting for any response, a blaze of anger and hurt clouded his brilliant black eyes and his face turned ashen. 

 “Two times in two days. You enjoy saying it that much?” he asked with a grim quietness.

Nandini stopped with her hands on the gate. “My upbringing won’t let me say anything worse, because I’ve been raised like a human being, unlike you,” she said acidly, and walked into the scorching heat without a backward glance.

********************
Sarojini quickly picked up her bag, gave a sweeping glance across the living room to ensure that all was in order. Then she hastened outside and locked the doors, turned to walk into the courtyard, and then came to a halt.

Prithvi was standing in Ayodhya’s courtyard. She watched as he looked at something in his palm, and then his gaze flew up in the direction of the shrine. The angst and confusion on his young face was heartbreaking. In a curious way, he looked almost….forsaken. 

“Prithvi?” she called out softly.

When he didn’t respond, she raised her voice slightly and called out to him again.

Startled, he looked around at her.

“Is everything okay?” she asked gently.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he said with a swift smile.

But the instant he swung away towards Ayodhya, she saw raw strain return to his face. Before she could ask him if he hadn’t been heading to college, he strode inside the house.

First her daughter….and now Prithvi. What on earth was going on…..

It couldn’t be just coincidence, she mused with increasing dread. All of a sudden, without any effort on her part, a few more odd associations that she had ignored in the past surfaced in her mind with alarming certainty.

She couldn’t put it off any longer, nor would she allow Nandini to evade her questions. She needed to know for sure before deciding on any course of action.
 

***********************

Sumer Singh stood outside the door, still wondering whether he could risk talking to Prithvi. But he had to….he couldn’t bear to see the boy in such a miserable state.

It had to do with Nandini. That much he had become sure of after having been briefly caught in the crossfire yesterday. But what on earth had gone so terribly wrong. He was confident that Sankatmochan knew everything, but that useless lump was sitting gloomily in a corner, refusing to divulge anything.

He gently pushed open the door and saw Prithvi sitting in the plush, reclining armchair, loosely holding a book in his hands. But his gaze was fixed far above the pages. He was looking out the window, appearing so utterly lost that Sumer Singh’s heart constricted painfully in his chest.  

He was about to say something, when Prithvi sighed deeply and then irritably flung the book across the room into a corner. He rose to his feet sharply and began prowling across the length of the room, radiating a turmoil and restlessness so powerful that it reverberated in the atmosphere and caused Sumer Singh to back away unconsciously.  Perhaps, it wouldn’t be very wise to raise any disturbing topic now, he reflected nervously, and quietly walked away.

*****************
Prakash walked confusedly from room to room.

Where was his sister?

He had hardly seen her since morning. In the afternoon, she had hurriedly come from the temple, served him lunch, and then gone out again. She hadn’t even asked him about his class test, nor had she tried to coax him into studying for the next day’s exam, all of which was very very unlike her. Well, it was just drawing and craft. But still…

Perhaps she was on the terrace, it occurred suddenly. He swiftly ran up the stairs to the top of the house. The door was open. He quizzically walked into the open air and looked around, and then grinned on spotting Nandini who was sitting in a corner of the terrace.

He scampered towards her, but slowed down as he neared her.

His sister was staring blankly into space, and silent tears were flowing continuously down her cheeks.

“Di!” he exclaimed.

Nandini gave a visible start as her brother’s concerned voice cut into the strange stupor that had enveloped her. Struggling to pull herself together, she looked at her brother and saw him sitting on his knees, regarding her with very anxious eyes.

“Di, why are you crying?” Prakash asked, alarmed.

“Crying?” she repeated confusedly, and touched her face to find it wet with tears.

Aghast that he had found her in such a state, she rapidly wiped her cheeks dry. From the time Prakash been a baby in arms, he only had to see her tears to start sobbing himself. And one look at his already reddening face told her that she had to do some urgent damage control.

Trying very hard to smile, she said, “Don’t be worried…I was just thinking about something and...was just being silly,” she mumbled past the painful constriction in her throat.

Prakash edged closer and kept a small hand on her shoulder, wanting desperately to do something to make her feel better. He simply hated to see tears on her face. They always made him want to cry himself, which was very disgraceful for a man. Thankfully, unlike those silly girls in his school, his sister cried very rarely. And there had been a common reason for her tears on all those occasions.

“Were you thinking about papa?” he asked shakily.

At his words, fresh tears flooded her eyes.

He inched ahead and sat down next to her. Nandini hugged his small body close, and to her surprise, instead of objecting to the cuddling like usual, he hugged her back.

“But you only cry when anyone talks about him,” he said croakily, now definitely sounding like he was about to cry himself.

She tried to answer, but her throat ached too badly. She shook her head mutely.

Prakash desperately asked, “Did someone tell you something bad? Tell me! I’ll – I’ll beat them so badly they won’t ever hurt you again!”

“No one made me cry. It’s just….I’m not as strong as you!” she wept softly.

“I am tough because I’m a boy, but you are strong enough for a girl,” he consoled, rubbing his eyes frantically to keep the water away.

 She only cuddled him closer in answer and kissed the top of his head.

After a few minutes, she tearfully mumbled, “Pikku, don’t tell anyone you saw me crying,”

“I won’t, if you don’t tell anyone that I was crying too,” he whispered, and she hugged him tightly.
 
Neither tried to restrain their tears anymore. A cloud covered the sun, as though even the heavenly body couldn’t bear the sight of a child’s innocent grief.

*******************
 
Prithvi paced through the confines of his room, trying and failing to rein in the violent frustration pounding through his veins.

While in school and college, he had been habituated to daily hours of extremely brutal training on horse riding, fencing and boxing. Archery and shooting had also been part of his idle pursuits. Sumer Singh had been perplexed by his utter indifference to the unending stream of awards and recognition that had come his way, and he knew Sumer Singh and all those who knew him then had been even more disappointed by his disinterest in continuing his pursuit to gain greater fame. No one had ever really understood that all of those endeavours had only been meagre outlets for hellish grief and rage. When every inch of his body had been ablaze with pain, at least for that short while, the disturbing screams of the past had diminished to faint echoes.

With time, he had learnt to harness the pain into more intellectual quests, but still driving himself mercilessly to excel at everything he took up. There was no competition...no enemy...but himself. While it seemed impossible that he would ever come to terms with the past, he had at least learnt to deal with it with the ruthless self-control that was ingrained into his very skin by life itself. 

But now, for the first time in years, the present was proving to be a far more dangerous threat to his hard-earned resilience. Sleep had never come easy to him, but he hadn’t been able to even shut his eyes for moment from the time she had walked out of the house, clasping the crushed pieces of the idol. The sick tension that was raging through his blood was a feeling so alien that it had taken a while for him to even understand it. 

The image of her flushed face looking at him with corrosive hatred seemed to have been burnt viciously into his eyes. The sheer loathing in her voice and gaze was devastating enough, but it was the genuineness of the loathing that was ravaging his thoughts. 

He ran angry fingers through his hair. He needed to get out….to get his mind off this mess before it….

Swearing badly, he turned and strode towards the door.

    
*******************

Immersed in troubling thoughts, Prithvi walked along the lush road that led to the old temple. After restlessly wandering through godforsaken spots in the town for hours, he had been returning home in exhaustion, when his steps had turned towards the little path, instinctively seeking the peace he had always found in its mystical charms. But when the temple came into view after the slight curve in the path, the vision he came across surprised him into immobility.

Nandini was walking along the walls of the ancient temple, running her palm caressingly over the old stones that made up its walls. She looked preoccupied, wistful and enchantingly beautiful.

He hadn’t known the extent of the crushing tension inside him until it evaporated at the captivating image.  Every trace of isolation in his eyes vanished. For a minute, it was easy to believe that nothing had changed between them. After what seemed like eternity, he would be able to rest his eyes on a vivacious face glowing with life and warmth for him and he’d feel the softness of a hand encased in his own.

The subconscious fears and uncertainties began dissolving, and a faint ripple of hope lightened the air. For a fleeting moment, he was swayed by it, and had just started moving towards her, when she stilled suddenly and looked around the area until her gaze collided with his.

There was no warmth in her lovely eyes, only stark condemnation.

Without saying a word, Nandini withdrew her hand from the walls. She had been drawn to this peaceful spot an hour ago and had been wandering around it since then. She hadn’t strayed too much from its immediate surroundings, and had deliberately avoided going near a familiar tree, repelled by the sight of its flowers. But even this temporary peace had been destroyed the instant she had sensed his presence. Not looking at him, she began walking towards the path that led to the outside world

When she was about to walk past him, he quietly said, “We need to talk.”

“We don’t,” she answered bluntly, not bothering to pause in her stride.

“Nandini!” he muttered impatiently, and reached out to grasp her wrist.

She instantly wrenched her hand out of his gentle hold and drew back sharply to put some distance between them. 

“Don’t touch me! I feel sick enough as it is,” she spat vehemently.
 
Prithvi stared at her in silence, taken aback by the aversion in her eyes. Then something hardened in his expression and overall bearing.

 “If you walk away I’ll come over to your house and have this discussion in front of your family,” he said grimly.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” she snapped. 

“That’s shocking,” he said dryly, “but I’m not giving you an option. We can talk right now in peace or we can have your family as an audience. Take your pick,” he said indifferently. 

Anger surged within her but she didn’t try to challenge him over the point. He was conceited and uncaring enough to carry out the threat.

“What do you want to talk about?” she enquired curtly.

He relaxed slightly at the capitulation, then drew in a deep breath as if steeling himself, and hesitantly said, “I’m sorry about what I did yesterday.”

Nandini smiled frostily.  “Don’t be sorry. Thanks to everything that happened yesterday, I’ve finally understood that you are inhuman and rotten on the inside and I -.”
 
 “That’s enough,” he bit out, with a dangerous glimmer in his eyes.

“But I’m only trying to show my gratitude, and to prove how much I’ve learnt from you,” she answered, completely unmoved. “You always speak your mind, and do as you please, no matter who gets hurt. From now on, I’ll do the same. I’ll speak my mind and do as I wish. Not with everyone else, because they may not be able to bear it. Only with you...because you are very strong, aren’t you?” she taunted softly.

Fury roared in his black eyes at the derision in her tone, and though he didn’t retort immediately, the pale and clenched features clearly spoke of a huge internal battle. 

Moments passed in rigid silence, but then he muttered, “Look…I told you I’m sorry. I’ll buy you a thousand idols if you’ll just forget about this and let it go,” he offered impatiently.

Nandini looked at him in amazement, and then shook her head slightly with contempt. “I can’t believe I cared so much for you once. But there is nothing between us anymore. Aren’t you happy and relieved to hear me say it? After all, you’d been trying so hard to explain that to me for long.”

Angry exasperation shadowed his fair face. But when he spoke again, the slight uncertainty in his voice betrayed the vulnerability that his hard features had concealed.

“How many times do you want me to apologise? What do you want me to do?” he asked quietly, as his intense gaze raked over her lovely face.

“Your apologies mean nothing to me,” she hissed, “No matter what you say or do, I will not let you step into my life again!”
 
But when she sought to move past him again, his fingers clamped around her upper arms and he yanked her back with infuriating ease. But despite the viciousness of the grasp, no expression of shock or pain crossed her features. There was only livid hostility on every inch of their fragile perfection as she struggled to wrench away from the bruising clasp.

“Let me go,” she burst out.

“You really think it is going to end that easily?” he demanded, searing frustration on his visage.

“It ended yesterday.  I’ve never meant anything to you. And now, you don’t mean anything to me,” she snapped, feverishly striving to tear away his fingers from her flesh, but failing miserably.

In her already battered emotional state, the desperation to free herself and her inability to counter his brutal strength proved to be too much to handle. And to her dismay, tears began to brim threateningly, blurring her vision.

Troubled on seeing her eyes grow damp, he loosened his hold and gently pulled her closer. His fingers let her arm and tenderly captured and stroked a damp cheek. 

“Stop testing your strength when you can’t even get angry without crying,” he murmured unevenly. 

Appalled, Nandini reared back in his arms, as her hatred intensified to a level that she hadn’t thought possible. 

 “These tears are not for you. I’m crying over my own foolishness,” she said bitterly. “For wasting so many days of my life on someone who didn’t deserve a second of it. But I won’t waste any more tears on you. Not even if you die at my feet,” she lashed with cutting sincerity.

He froze, and for a split second, he looked so devastated that it made something catch in her throat. But she stifled the twinge and pointedly looked away from the shattered disbelief in his gaze. Then suddenly she was free. Prithvi moved back unsteadily from her, still surveying her damp face in lingering shock. 

Numbly, she turned her back on him and started to walk away, feeling assailed by very strange emotions.

After what seemed like eons, she was stepping back into her old world - a familiar, comforting place, with people who loved her without restraint or demands.

But that world was as wholesome and untainted as always. She wasn’t.

There was only a chill emptiness in her chest where her heart had been. She felt like a shadow of her former self….incapable of smiling, laughing and loving. Something had been destroyed inside her. Something so fundamental that it would never let her feel whole again…

*********************