Nandini tried to light the lamp with unsteady hands, but the matchstick slipped between her fumbling fingers, fell onto the ground and was extinguished. She looked at it feeling a foolish sense of guilt. Then she drew out another matchstick from the box and tried again. When its end was lit, she quickly held it to the wick of the lamp, not wanting to waste another one because of her clumsiness. Once the wick was aflame, she made the customary three rounds around it and then stood praying before it, trying to ignore the fact that her hands were shaking slightly….

Nandini tried to control the shivering in her arms, but couldn’t gather the mental strength for it. Her whole being was overwhelmed by dismay, guilt, panic….She felt frightened….but even more than that, she felt appalled at her own behaviour. Had she gone completely insane….how could she have just stood there silently….what if grandpa hadn’t called her….

She shuddered at the thought of what might have happened.

And Prithvi…how could he….and why….

After so many days of quietly enduring his taunts and callousness, she had gotten angry with him for the first time, and had said some things in resentment. This must have been his way of getting back at her, she thought with eyes stinging with tears of pain and humiliation….a new way to torment her…that was all it had been. It was the only possible reason for what had happened ….

She was still standing, staring unseeingly at the picturesque scene outside the gate when the silence around her swiftly seemed to become overpowering. And without even turning around, she knew that he had joined her and was standing at a distance from her.

Prithvi hadn’t made a sound as he hobbled into the courtyard from the back of the house and stood far behind her, but she sensed his presence as surely as if he were standing before her.

A fresh surge of anger passed through her.

“Nandini, I -” he began hesitantly.

“Don’t! Please don’t talk about it,” she cut in urgently with her eyes closed tight, wanting nothing more than for him to go away and leave her alone.

“You’ve taught me my lesson,” Nandini continued bitterly, “and I wont ever come in your way again.” And then, without waiting for a response or looking at him, she turned around and rushed into the house.

Prithvi stood motionless for a long time after she had gone….and the dusk slowly enveloped him in darkness…

**********************

Nandini splashed water on her face and looked again into the mirror over the sink in the bathroom. She saw despondently that her face still looked swollen and her eyes were red. What would her mother think….

At least her grandfather wasn’t there at home. After calling out to her about the tulsi pooja, he had gone to the temple as some people from a nearby city had come to the temple for a havan. So he would be late in coming home. She and her mother had frequently tried to convince him to keep someone to help him with the duties of the temple. And last year, grandfather had kept a young man for that purpose, but he had not been happy with his assistant and so had reverted to doing everything by himself.

Nandini gave herself a final hopeless look and came out of the bathroom. She couldn’t stay up here any longer; she had to go downstairs and face her mother.

And then, as if taking pity on her, the lights went out.

Power cuts were very frequent in Shamli and she was only surprised that it had happened after so many days. There was usually at least one power cut every week; sometimes they would last only for a few minutes, but often they would continue for many hours.

But this particular power cut had been very timely….her puffy and red eyes wouldn’t be obvious in the light of the candles. Grateful at this stroke of luck, she sent her thanks up to the heavens.

“Nandini,” her mother’s voice came floating upstairs, “Is there a torch in your room?”

“There isn’t a torch in my room, ma, but there are two in the living room,” she answered on her way downstairs.

When she came down, her mother had already gathered all the candles in the house and had kept them on the table, and was taking out the candle stands from the cupboard.

They lit some candles, placed them in the stands and kept them around the living room, until the room had adequate warm light. Nandini took one candle to try and locate the torches.

“Why are your eyes looking red, Nandini? Were you crying?” her mother asked, frowning anxiously in the light of the candle.

“Oh no ma. I was cleaning up Prakash’s room and some dust went into my eyes,” Nandini said quickly. “By the way, where is Prakash? Hasn’t he come back after playing…..It’s already so dark outside,” she added worriedly

“Manish’s mother had called. Prakash will be having dinner at their place today. They will bring him home after that,” Sarojini responded and took another candle to keep in the kitchen.

They turned around at a noise and saw Prithvi coming in from outside. Nandini stiffened when she saw him, though a small part of her wondered uneasily if he had been standing outside in the darkness all this time.

“Prithvi, your uncle had called just some minutes ago to ensure that you’ve had your medicines,” her mother smiled.

“I’ll have them right now,” he murmured in response, though his eyes were on Nandini, who had determinedly turned her back to him and was searching in a corner of the room for the torches.

“Alright. Nandini, have you found the torches?”

“Yes, ma. I’ll just go to the temple and leave one with grandpa, just incase the electricity doesn’t return before he comes back.”

“I’ll go and give the torch to your grandfather. Go upstairs and lights candles in our rooms. There should be some light there. Prakash will come and just run upstairs in the dark and he may fall and get hurt.”

Nandini nodded and gave the torches to her mother, who left the house for the temple.

Then she walked over to the table, picked up three candles and held them in her free hand. And feeling the need to be as far away from him as possible, she began to hurry up the stairs.

“Nandini,”

Half way up the steps, Nandini came to a halt but didn’t turn around to face him.

“What do you want now?” she whispered in despair. “Haven’t you done enough….or do you still want to humiliate me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Nandini, who had been waiting for him to say something harsh, heard the words in disbelief. She slowly turned around on the steps to gaze down at him, shocked and unsure of what she had just heard.

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I really am sorry,” he said in a low voice. “I didn’t mean to….I don’t know what I was thinking that I…” he muttered, suddenly sounding very uncertain of himself…. like he himself wasn’t sure what had just happened…and why….

Nandini looked at him with increasing astonishment. Even in the candlelight, the uncomfortable colour on his face was unmistakable and he looked genuinely repentant.

“I’ll leave….I’ll move to Ayodhya tomorrow morning,” he continued uncomfortably, “I would leave tonight but I have to speak to your grandfather first and it looks like he may be late in coming home.”

In all the time that she had known him, he had always seemed very self-assured and infuriatingly arrogant….But there was no sign of that manner now…. At this moment, she couldn’t see anything of his typical cool and composed demeanor. The sincere remorse and desolation he was feeling was plainly visible in his eyes and Nandini looked away as something close to compassion began to take form in her heart.

Prithvi waited for a moment, then swung around and limped away towards his room and went inside.

Feeling curiously discontented, Nandini turned around and went up to the first storey. After lighting a candle in all of their rooms, she didn’t return to the ground floor, but made her way to the terrace.

It was her habit to come up here whenever there were power cuts. There would always be a cool breeze blowing, and the nearby areas looked very pretty with candles lit in the dark households. But tonight, she didn’t really notice any of it, and she simply walked along its length in the dark, restless and uneasy.

She had been wrong in thinking that he had tried to…tried to…just to get back at her. There had been sincere regret in his eyes just now. And back in the garden, hadn’t he had looked as stunned as her when….as though he himself had not been thinking…had not realized what was happening.

And what about her own behaviour….

Nandini cringed as her mind cruelly replayed the scene…she hadn’t uttered a word of protest, hadn’t tried to stop him, push him away or reasoned with him….

She could neither identify nor understand the emotions that were tearing at her…and she didn’t want to either…

She was too afraid…

*************************

The colossal room was relatively empty at present. The members of the royal family had either retired to their respective wings of the palace after lunch or had ventured out for idle pursuits.

Every inch of the room, which could have comfortably contained the entire population of the town, suggested unlimited wealth and opulence.  Huge crystal chandeliers adorned the ceiling, which was painted with breath-taking murals of scenes from mythological stories, the finest quality marble in the world made up the floor, every bit of furniture in the room was a masterpiece – many of them were hundreds of years old, while others had been purchased just a couple of weeks back. Each of the sculptures and paintings that decorated the area could by themselves have fed a family comfortably for years.

The 5-year old boy cautiously peeked around the side of the enormous, gilded chair to check for any potential threats. He had been moving from one furniture to the other in the gigantic and luxuriant hall, ducking behind some costly furnishing every time a servant walked past.

Finally finding the coast clear, he grinned and scampered into the huge kitchen of the palace. There were only a few servants in the room at the minute, as the only remaining task was that of disposing the surplus food.

His goal was a big box that held the leftovers, which had been placed near a door that served as the entrance and exit route of servants. One of the servants had the responsibility of disposing it off. This was rich, delicious food from the table of the royals and no one else, not even the servants who cooked it, was supposed to consume it. The food would simply be thrown away.

The boy sneaked past everyone, and was only a few feet from his objective when he found his way blocked by a sari. He gradually looked up to see a young, stout woman blocking his way and looking down at him very strictly.

“Yes, little Lord. What can your servant do for you?” she asked without smiling.

He did some very quick thinking.

 “I only came to see you, choti ma,” he answered with greatest sincerity, his round, black eyes widening innocently.

“Sssshhhhhhh, little Lord,” Kadambari silenced him hurriedly, “Haven’t I told you….you mustn’t call me that. If the elder monarchs or anyone else were to hear you, I would be thrown out of this palace.”

“But I like calling you that, choti ma,” he smiled sweetly and then moved forward and hugged her around the knees. It was the perfect finishing touch.

Kadambari melted, as the boy knew from the deep sigh he heard from above. He grinned to himself.

She gently detached him from her knees and smiled lovingly into his cherubic face. She knew perfectly well that he had another reason for this visit….but at this moment she couldn’t care less for his purpose. She was just happy that he was in front of her.

She looked affectionately at his fair chubby face, and stroked away the silky hair from his forehead. His cheeks were still as pink as they had been when he was a baby….and he had been such a beautiful, happy baby. She and the other servant women would find excuses to go into the room that had his cradle, just so they could gaze at him. And if that wasn’t enough, he had a mischievous, endearing smile that could soften the toughest of hearts.

And for the umpteenth time she wondered how the other members of the royal family could treat him like this….had they no heart, no compassion at all….

“You do know, don’t you, that you are not supposed to come to the kitchen area?” she asked, trying to sound strict but failing. She couldn’t be stern with him for more than a minute…neither could the other servants.

“The accountant’s assistant is here, he is waiting outside. And he wants to know the kitchen’s account for last week.”

Startled, Kadambari looked up at the royal guard waiting at the kitchen door. Luckily, he had not seen the boy, as a kitchen cabinet blocked him from view.

“I’ll come outside with the accounts,” she said and the man left.

She looked down at the boy again. “I’ll be back in some time, little Lord. Wait here till I come back. I’ll leave you back to your room safely without anyone seeing you. Alright?”

He nodded seriously, and she gave him a small stool to sit on and left the kitchen to get the accounts.

He would be here when she came back, but he had a small task to complete first. Once she was out of the kitchen, he looked around at the other servants. Only three of them were present and they were all at the other end of the vast room, engrossed in clearing the huge marble platform. He jumped off the stool, ran over to the box and opened it. There were many packages inside. He picked up as many as he could carry in his little hands, looked backwards again to check for any spies and then quickly ran out the servants’ door. He had to hurry….his friends would be waiting for the food…

And then he stopped abruptly, and a food packet fell down from his hands.

Two palace guards were standing in front of him, their hard faces looking at him with a mixture of guilt and pity.

“Please come with us, my lord,” one of the guards said softly.

The other guard silently held out his hands for the food packets, and the boy handed them over fearfully. He knew what was coming and where he would be taken. He wanted to be brave and not cry, but already his legs were quivering a little.

Deferentially walking a step behind him, the guards led him out of the kitchen, across the living room to a stairway that was almost hidden behind floor-length velvet curtains. They climbed up the staircase and finally came to the door of a big room. In the centre of the room was a huge table, where five men were apparently having a conference.

The guards bowed deeply to the old man who was seated in the center on the biggest and most ornate chair, and then to the other men.

They were beckoned inside, and the three of them walked into the room.

“So you caught him,” one man said. And then he turned to the man seated in the middle.

“Your Majesty, yesterday two villagers said they had seen him running from the gate at the back of our palace grounds and entering the nearby woods. They followed him and discovered that he was taking food from the kitchen and giving it to some filthy gypsies who are camping in the forest. So today I had asked the guards to keep an eye on him.”

“Well…Well,” a young man seated on the right drawled. “How lucky those foul creatures are….they are forbidden to come any where near our walls…and yet, they can enjoy the food from the royal kitchen.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” the boy said in a small voice, not daring to look at any of the men in the room. “That food was being thrown away, and those people were very hungry. They hadn’t eaten anything for many days.”

“Perhaps, we should ask His Majesty what he thinks. And if he approves of his grandson’s afternoon activities.”

“He is no grandson of mine, Manohar. Don’t ever refer to him as being of my blood,” the old man said in an icy voice.

“How was he managing to leave the palace without being seen by servants or the guards? And how did he meet these lowly people? He is not allowed to step out of the palace, isn’t he?” another man frowned.

“He can go anywhere he pleases. The further away from this palace and this family, the better,” the aged man said slowly, and the boy trembled under his chilling gaze and voice. “But if he thinks I will let him destroy the name and reputation of this family by mingling with trash like those gypsies, then it is time he is taught another lesson.”

The old man got up from the chair and strode over to the boy. The guards rapidly moved back many steps, but the child didn’t budge, knowing that the punishment would be worse if he did.

“Bring me my whip,” the aged man said calmly. One of the guards walked over to the wall, took down a nasty looking implement and then held it out with respect.

“The whip!” Manohar repeated in shock, immediately looking like he was regretting having told the king what he had seen. “But…Your Majesty…it was only last week that you used it on him…he is only a child….and I believed you would only give him a warning.” 

“Words are not of any use. He will only understand the language of pain,” the old man sneered. And then he raised the whip over the shaking boy and brought it down.  

Manohar made a tiny gesture to one of the guards and he made a slight bow and left the room.

Once. Twice. Thrice. The whip came down again and again.

The boy remained standing, his little body shuddering with force of the beating…. His eyes were shimmering with tears of pain, but he adamantly refused to let them spill over. And then one cruel blow made him cry out and he sank to his knees. Tears finally fell from his eyes, but he wiped them away frantically. Mother had told him he should be brave, and so he would be. He would not cry….

“No! Stop!” a woman’s anguished scream rang out in the enormous room.

The boy turned around and saw his mother, looking at the scene with horrified eyes. One of the guards who had brought him to this room was standing behind her.

Even though his legs were shivering so badly, he somehow managed to stand up. She went down on her knees….he stumbled across the room into her open arms. She embraced him tightly, and he finally burst into tears.

“Let him go, Priyamvada,” the old man said coldly. “His punishment is not over as yet.”

“Please,” she requested, weeping softly, “please don’t hit him any more. He is only a child. He didn’t know what he was doing.”

“If you won’t let him go, you can endure his punishment with him,” he warned.

But she only held her son, whose small body was shaking with sobs, closer to her heart.

The old man then walked to them and raised the whip again. By this time, all the men in the room looked very unnerved and agitated. Three of them averted their eyes.

The flogging began again, but Priyamvada shielded her son from its brutal strikes, taking the blows on her own thin and weak body instead.

“Don’t hit my mother!” the boy shouted through his tears, and tried to pull out of her arms so that he could protect her. But she continued to hold him securely…shielding him from the whip….and from the cruelty of the world he had been born into….

Prithvi awoke with a start and sat up on the bed…breathing hard and drenched in sweat….he only remembered a jumble of things...they were hitting her...hitting until she bled...

But it was only a nightmare….only a nightmare….they couldn’t hurt her anymore….

He reached out to the stand near his bed, poured out some water into a glass and drank it in one go, and then sank back onto the bed tiredly. He was used to the nightmares….he had been having them every night for more than a decade now….

For some mysterious reason, the nightmares had reduced after he had arrived at Shamli….but he knew for certain they would never cease to haunt him...…

*****************************

Nandini was putting shirt to dry at one end of the terrace when she heard the sound of the door opening. She half turned to see Prithvi come onto the terrace. He stilled when he saw her, but she pointedly turned away and picked up another piece to clothing to hang on the clothes-line.

Nandini felt immeasurably angry and frustrated. He had climbed up all those steps with his leg in that condition…..what was his problem…was it so difficult to just accept that he needed rest like ordinary people who have had an accident…. how Sumer uncle expected her to take care of his obstinate, reckless nephew was a mystery….once uncle returned from his trip, she would tell him every irresponsible thing Prithvi had done, she thought resolutely.

Yesterday, he had eaten dinner in his room and her mother had not insisted, perhaps assuming that his injuries and lack of rest the whole day had drained him. She had somehow managed to casually tell her mother about the medicines he had to have, and her mother had ensured that he eaten all of them.

When she looked around again, he was only a small distance behind her, and was praying in the direction of the sun. She recalled that he was used to doing the Surya Namaskar in the morning. He couldn’t do it in this condition, so he must have come to just pray to the sun god.

But still, was there any need to exert so much and climb two stories with a fractured leg….

Before she could look away, he turned around.

Nandini was shocked to see how exhausted he looked....as though he hadn’t slept all night. The electricity had returned late in the night…perhaps he had not been able to sleep until then because of the heat.

Without saying anything, he began to walk past her. She struggled with herself for some moments….then the words burst out of her.

“Aren’t you feeling well?” she asked anxiously.

Prithvi halted and looked at her with an oddly defeated expression.

“I’m alright,” he answered tiredly. “Is your grandfather back from the morning worship at the temple?”

“Yes, he is. Why?”

“I need to tell him that I’m moving out.”

“And what reason will you give for that?” she asked coolly.

“I’ll think of something,” he answered and began to walk away.

“And what about Sumer uncle,” she enquired. “How will he feel when he comes to know that you’ve moved back in this condition?”

Prithvi stopped in his tracks. “Don’t worry about that,” he said quietly. “He’ll understand.”

After then he was gone, leaving Nandini alone with her mind churning with a million thoughts.

*******************

Prithvi walked towards the armchair where Bhoothnath was hidden behind a newspaper. He sat down on a nearby chair.

“I need to speak with you about something,” he said tersely after a pause.

The old man peered at him from the side of the paper, disgruntled at being interrupted in his morning routine and still displeased with the way the boy had made fun of his sacred thread the previous day.

“Yes…what is it?”

“I was thinking I should -”

“You need to take this tablet before breakfast,”

Prithvi looked up to see Nandini holding out the medicine in one hand, and a glass of water in the other. He frowned at her, looking very puzzled at the gesture, as though he wasn’t sure what it meant.

Nandini was seeing him look so bewildered and wrong-footed for the first time since they had met. He had almost seemed like a little boy who had accidentally done some mischief and wasn’t sure if he was being forgiven or not, she thought absurdly, and had to fight back a smile at the thought.

“You mustn’t forget to eat your medicines, Prithvi,” grandfather said censoriously.

Prithvi looked from Nandini to her grandfather. “I know…and I’m sorry,” he murmured after a minute, giving Nandini a quick glance as he said it…..as if to ensure that she knew whom he was apologizing to.

He took the medicine and the glass of water from her, taking special care not to touch her hands even by accident.

“So what did you want to tell me, Prithvi?” grandfather asked.

“I was -”

“He wanted to ask for your forgiveness for what he said yesterday, grandpa.”

“I - what?” Prithvi snapped, looking up at her with something of his normal attitude.

“Isn’t that what you wanted to say, Prithvi?” she asked innocently. “That you didn’t intend to make fun of grandpa’s sacred thread and powers, and that you are feeling very bad that you did.”

Prithvi sat stubbornly silent for a minute, and just when she was beginning to think it was a lost cause, he spoke.

“Yes, that is what I wanted to say. I - I was only joking yesterday, and I am sorry for saying all that,” he said morosely.

Grandfather beamed at him, all annoyance having vanished. “That’s alright, my boy. And now that you’ve realized your mistake, I am willing to share more of my stories with you.”

“That sounds very exciting,” Prithvi replied gloomily, looking a lot like someone had just sentenced him to death.

“I’ll just finish reading this paper,” grandfather said animatedly. “And then I’ll tell you about the time I defeated a demon that had possessed the banyan tree outside our temple.”

Prithvi chose that moment to take his medicine and drink the water, and so succeeded in answering with only an irritated nod. And grandfather cheerfully disappeared behind the paper again.

Prithvi kept the glass on the small table in front of him, and picked up the supplement paper that had come with the main newspaper. Nandini picked up the glass and started to walk away.

“Thank you,” someone grumbled behind her.

She swung around.

“Did you say something?” she asked, surprised.

“Yes,” he said shortly, “You are blocking the light.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Nandini said solemnly, and spun around again. And the small smile she had been fighting for a long time, finally blossomed on her lips.

*************************