I say that it's all over, and that I've been through everything and now I'm super strong and confident and brave and secure but

deep inside I know that sometimes I'm as strong as a spiderweb and as secure as how one feels in the eye of the storm and I hate myself for that because

everytime I sit in class after studying I just sit there suffocating with scare and insecurity even though I know the answers and I'm scared and

everytime I travel alone I feel millions of eyes piercing through my soul and I can't even stare back at them because I'm filled with shame because I'm not enough and all at once I turn into this three year old lost at a carnival and

everytime someone (I) jokes about my physical stature I laugh it out but I hate myself for not being able to pick myself up and actually not freak out about it internally

- //just take a look at my near finished nails//

(disclaimer : this was written like really long ago and I'm not in that much of a dark place anymore. i'm grateful for that. if you'd told me that I would reach the place I am now then, I would have laughed in your face. it took me a literal year to recover and this was written way in the early stages. I literally faked it till I made it. my nails look good too.)