sac·ri·fice

/ˈsakrəˌfīs/
noun

》an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy《

》sometimes the most selfish thing you could ever do《

♢

It took everything in you not to leap from your chair and implicate yourself. You couldn't believe it, Ethan couldn't be doing this. But he did, and you looked at him through the tears welling up in your eyes. He had confessed to doing everything himself, and in all official records, you were exonerated. This wasn't fair, how could he?

"Very well," the King nodded approvingly. "Now for your sentancing. Guards."

You had to cover your mouth with a hand to catch the whimper that came out as three guards grabbed him by the arms. Ethan remained upright and strong as they ruffly led him out of the room. As soon as the doors closed behind the group and cut off your view of his brown head of air, you sank back in your chair in defeat. He was going to be executed. You failed.

"Well," the Queen chirped, clapping her hands together once. "I believe breakfast is ready for us. Come, Y/N."

You were frozen in horror, still staring at the doors Ethan had left through.

Leo came to your rescue, grabbing your arm gently. "She was awoken early, she must be tired. I'll escort her back to her room."

"Now that's a wonderful fiancee!"

The Young Prince gently ushered you down off the seating area and through a different set of doors than Ethan had departed from. The boy was silent as he dutifully led the way through the halls. At your bedroom, he opened the door with ease, you'd forgotten to lock it in your haste to get to Ethan's trial. The fallen guards were gone, probably left their post after they realized what happened. Not like you really cared either way.

Leopold sat you down on your bed, and kneeled down to take off your shoes for you. You were staring hollowly at the wall, not complaining as he set them aside and came back with the empty dagger case. "They were taken to the armory, I believe. I can fetch them for you, if the Doctor says you're fit to have them."

You knew that Leo was referencing the last time you were like this, and nearly ended your life. Now there really was no point, the child wouldn't survive once the Queen found out about your pregnancy. But could you run away by yourself?

In your distraught thoughts, you had instinctually set a hand on your stomach and rubbed your thumb against it, as if the baby needed reassuring. It didn't know what was happening.

"Are you hungry? I'll fetch you some breakfast." Leo misunderstood your actions, and leapt up out of the room.

You laid yourself down on the bed, on top of the blankets. There was no reason to find comfort in things if Ethan couldn't. Tucking your knees to your chest, you tried to imagine him here, with you. You could hear his gentle voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear at night when he thought you were asleep; you could feel his lips lightly press against your shoulderblades; most of all, your chest still swelled with the painful feeling of being loved with every fiber of someone's being.

"Y/N, I brought strawberry jam on pastries. I-I remembered that they were your favorite." Leo's voice called out from behind you, and you could hear his footsteps approach the bed. "I also brought Dr. McLoughlin, he wanted to check on you."

Turning over, you sat yourself up and shook your head when both of the guys tried to help you up. You weren't absolutely helpless. Leo set the tray acorss your lap, and you felt the tears rush back as you remembered the first day you met Ethan. He had mistakenly served Rachel a pastry with strawberry jam, but she was allergic, so you ate those instead. It used to be a fond memory for you, but now it was warped and searing your brain with the notion that both of them were going to be dead. The tears cascaded down your face, and the younger boy began profusely apologizing, reaching to take the tray of food away from you.

Sean sat on the bed in front of you. He still hadn't spoken since he arrived. Without a word, he set his larger hand on yours, giving it a comforting squeeze. You nodded to show your appreciation for your friend.

You were unsure of how long you sat there, just holding his hand as you sobbed quietly. When you were able to look at something other than your lap, you saw that Leopold had left the room at some point. Outside, the sun was almost at its highest point, beams of light illuminating some areas of your bedroom.

When you looked over at Sean, then at the door, he seemed to understand what you were wondering, "Leopold left to go to the sentencing. He said it will be over before sundown."

You wondered to yourself if 'it' was deciding the method of his execution or the murder itself. On your nightstand, the tray of pastries was still there, and you reached out for one. Biting into it, you knew that it was probably stale, but taste had no meaning to you. You were just so numb, all over. As if you'd used all your feeling up in the pain.

"Eat plenty and drink some water. You need to stay healthy, for more than just you."

Sean's words made you think of the life growing inside of you, and the one that was going to be finished outside of your control. If you could trade this for the sparing of Ethan's life, you would do it. You would do anything. But now, you weren't only eating for two, you were living for three. For yourself, for the baby, and most importantly, for Ethan. You knew he wanted you to keep living. After all, he had sacrificed himself.

The doctor didn't leave until you had finished all of the pastries Leo brought, and three glasses of water. He left with a few more kind words, and reminder that his doors were always open for you. Once he had disappeared through your doorway, you found yourself walking to the window.

This time when you climbed onto the sill of it, your intentions weren't the same; you just wanted to sit on it, to let your feet dangle and take in the crisp autumn air. It nipped at the skin exposed through your nightgown, and you relished in the sensation of feeling something in all of this nothing that existed in every cell of your body.

The tree that was near the window had its leaves changing colors, and you were just able to touch a couple with your bare toes. They fell to the ground, joining the others that were scattered like a patchy orange blanket along the grass.

You wanted to climb down and revel in the changing of seasons, but knew that it would be dangerous. Turning your body around, you hopped off the windowsill back into your room. Not even bothering to change or put on shoes, you left your room. You weren't quite sure where the sentencing was, and you also weren't sure if you wanted to see it.

Your feet led you down the stairs, and out to the gardens. Most of the flowers were withered away, and your fingers trailed over the barren branches and stalks. Your eyes were caught on a small flash of color underneath a bush. You kneeled down beside it, and pushed aside the brown leaves to reveal a small blue flower hiding away from the elements.

Its' petals were soft to the touch, and you gently caressed the curves of it. The blue made you think of Ethan's eyes when they would shift from a green to a clear blue. You weren't sure which shift was your favorite, every single one was just magical to you, especially when they'd twinkle whenever he laughed. You fully expected more tears to form in your eyes, but you found that you were all dried up, and you just sat for a while, looking at the surviving flower.

"My Lady!" A soft voice spoke up from behind you, and you recognized it as Maryana.

She insistantly helped you up by your arms, and brushed fervently at the gravel that had embedded itself in your knees. You had red dips and marks along your skin, and you ran your fingers over them, not really feeling the sting of the rawed skin.

"I had brought dinner to your quarters and was alarmed when I saw that you weren't there. Why are you out here in your night clothes?" She guided you inside by your arm, and you just looked over your shoulder back at the flower still hidden under the bush.

The brunette girl shook her head with disapproval as she saw how dirty your feet were from walking outside with no shoes on. "You should bathe, Lady Y/N."

She sat you down on a chair before walking over to the tub to draw a bath for you. You picked at your fingernails idly, watching the water fall as it poured in. When it was filled, Maryana turned to you and curtsied before leaving you to bathe. After dropping your nightgown to the floor, you stepped into the warm water, reveling in the feeling of it against your skin. You actually wanted nothing more than to search every room in the castle until you found Ethan, but Maryana, Leopold, and Sean were making sure you took care of yourself. It was sickening.

Knowing full well that Maryana would be waiting just outside your door, you laid your head back to started washing your hair. The least you could do was appear as if you were obliging. You could easily take out Maryana to get out, but you didn't want to do that. Besides, you would need to become more careful now, you thought as you rubbed your stomach.

You thought about what that baby would look like, if it would look more like you or more like Ethan. You hoped that it got Ethan's beautiful eyes and his endearing smile. Would it be a boy or a girl? What would you even name it?

The more you thought about the life growing inside you, the more despaired you got, this baby needed its' father. You couldn't let him go as easy as you were.

Standing up, you wrapped a towel tightly around your form and quickly tried to dry your hair as you threw on a dress with your holsters underneath. Rushing over to your vanity, you brushed out your hair and put on shoes. You realized you would need your daggers before you attempted anything, and had to figure out how to get by Maryana. Your eyes landed on the tray of food and drink, and got an idea. You quickly reached out to knock it to the floor, and the clatter caused Maryana to check in on you worriedly.

"Oh, My Lady! I'll clean this up and get you another serving. Wait here." She promised, picking up the tray out of the mess of soup and other food.

You waited for the servant to leave, then slipped out the door in the opposite direction of her. As you passed by rooms, you would peer into them to see if maybe Ethan was in any of them. He wasn't. You finally made it outside, and rushed to the weapons shed. Throwing open the door, you were surprised to see that nobody was in it; you thought that they would at least have one guard guarding all their weapons.

With a shrug, you saw your daggers glinting on the table beside the whetstone. Somebody had set them down haphazardly after they were taken fom you, and you wrapped your fingers around the worn leather hilt again. They were beautiful. You felt your strength flow back into you, you felt more connected to Ethan again. He had given you these, they used to be his mother's. They were so valuable to him, and now to you.

Clenching your fists, you steeled your nerves and left the weapons shed, daggers secured against your thigh. The familiar feeling of the hilt against your skin assured you of your capabilities. You could this. Whatever this was. You still weren't quite sure what you would do once you found Ethan.

Back in the castle, you saw a small flight of stairs leading downwards from the edge of the foyer. You'd never been down there or inquired as to what the stairs led to. It must be the jail, where they would hold Ethan before or after the sentecing. Creeping down the stone steps as silent as you could, you saw a dimly lit tunnel leading further underneath the castle. With one hand ready to unholster your daggers, you snuck down the tunnel and peeked around the corners. Finally, you saw a cluster of torches, and sat underneath them were three guards in front of a row of jail cells.

One cell was occupied, and once your eyes had adjusted, you saw that it was just an old woman talking to herself. She must be here for mental asylum. You heard footsteps from behind you, and frantically looked for somewhere to hide. At the end of the row of cells was a set of large boulders, large enough for you to hide behind. You just had to get there.

Two of the guards seemed to be getting into a heated arguement over the card game they were playing, once was accusing the other of cheating. The third was desperately trying to break up the fight as it got more heated, and you took this as your opportunity to dash behind the boulders. You weren't the most agile person ever, but you managed to get behind the rocks in time as the person who had been walking behind you entered the room.

The guards suddenly straightened up and stood at attention. From your vantage point, you couldn't see who exactly it was.

"Prince Leopold, it's a honor to see you, Your Highness." A guard said, and you were curious as to what Leo was doing down here.

Before you could quite figure it out, the old woman in the cell that was right next to the boulders threw a pebble at you through her bars. You looked at her in confusion.

"Hey you!" She hissed, foreign accent apparent in her voice as she pointed a shaking finger out at you. "What are you doing here?"

You didn't reply, instead casting her a look of disblief, still a bit miffed that she had thrown a rock at you.

"I could yell for the guards, right now. They would come and throw you in one of these cells, too."

Your look of slightly enraged disblief turned to a look clearly conveying 'oh really?'

She grumbled, you had clearly been right in your assumptions. They probably already thought she was crazy, she was talking to herself when you entered the dungeon. Turning your attention back to Leopold, you saw that he had finished his conversation with the guards and was walking towards the woman's cell. You hid yourself further behind the rocks, out of sight of everyone except the woman.

Leo sat down in front of the woman's cell, and you heard something metal scraping along the ground. You watched as the old lady picked up a tray of food. It wasn't much, just an apple and some bread. You imagined it was better than what she was normally fed, observing her ravenously chow down.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited lately, grand-mère." He said quietly, and you nearly gasped in surprise. Sure, you weren't fluent in French, but you could still tell understand that he had addressed her as his grandmother.

"It's okay, mon petit chou." She replied fondly, reaching one hand through the bars to place it on his cheek. Leo leaned into her touch, and you felt guilty for watching this clearly private moment.

Leo sighed, and his grandmother withdrew her hand back into her cell and looked at him with concern. "Tell me, what's bothering you?"

"So much has happened. I just came from Ethan's sentencing, and they're still unsure of the punishment. I don't want him to die, Ma-Ma." Leo's lip quivered as he spoke, and she stopped eating to hold both of his hands in hers.

"He won't, mon ange, your father wouldn't allow it."

"My father's changed, you know that. Just look at what he's done to you, his own mother."

Your heart ached for the boy, he was too young to have to deal with all of this. He should just be able to enjoy his childhood, but instead he's already engaged and dealing with a manipulative mother, aging father, and his siblings leaving him. Leopold had matured so much in these few months, too much. It was too much for such a little boy.

The grandmother had lost her few moments of lucidity, eyes glazed over as she stared at the wall behind Leo. "Grand-mère?" He asked, clearly concerned.

Her eyes snapped back to him, startled. "Brûle en enfer!" She growled, picking up the tray and preparing to throw it at the boy.

Leo stood up and backed away as she spat out more curses at him. "I'll visit you again soon, Ma-Ma." He promised, seeming used to her having fits like this.

Leo scurried out, with his grandmother still cursing at his retreating figure. She was definitely not completely well in the mind. Once Leo was out of her sight, she retreated to the very back corner of her cell, looking around at everything warily.

You couldn't believe that the king had locked his own mother up instead of trying to get the proper care for her. At least she seemed lucid sometimes when she talked to Leo.

The guards approached her with their spears out, and she continued to yell curses and hiss and growl at them. One entered her cell, and she cast a single look at you before leaping on him. She was giving you an opportunity to escape.

The other guards joined in on trying to get her off of him, but she was digging her unkempt nails into him tightly, and you could've sworn you even saw her bite him. Slipping out from behind the rocks, you nodded to her thankfully before dashing down the tunnel. Soon the sounds of the scuffle faded out from behind you, and you hoped dearly that she was okay. Leo shouldn't have to deal with another loss.

After making sure that Leo was clear of the staircase and room, you left the tunnel yourself. He didn't need to know that you were down there too; you felt like he didn't want to share his grandmother's state with others. You thought about stopping by Sean's room and querying about her health, but that would cause more questions for you about why you were down there. Your friend was already worrying about you quite enough.

But you didn't want to go back to your room. Surely Maryana would be waiting for you there, and would be asking where you had gone and why you had your daggers. She didn't need to know all of this, you had to do this by yourself.

According to Leo, they were still in the process of choosing Ethan's punishment. You could only assume he had gone back to the sentencing room after visiting his grandmother. Maybe you could track him down and follow him there, he couldn't have gone far. But there were endless corridors leading away from the foyer, you couldn't be sure which the Young Prince had disappeared down.

Resigned, you found yourself wandering towards the infirmary anyway. You didn't have to talk to Sean about Leo's grandmother, you could just visit with your friend.

The numbness was lessened when you heard the news that Ethan hadn't been sentenced to execution yet. There was still a chance he could live.

Your flats made a soft click against the stone floors, and you caught glimpses of outside as you walked by the large windows. Fall had almost completely taken over, life hadn't been completely choked out of nature yet. In the distance, you could just make out the glistening river that was normally covered by the thick canopy of trees. It was the river you'd had your first kiss with Ethan in. That thought brought the sorrow back, but you shook your head against it. You couldn't cry again, you had to be strong for him.

At the infirmary, you were surprised to see that the door was closed. Normally, it was wide open for everyone to walk in, but this time you had to raise your hand and rap your knuckles against it.

"It's unlocked!" Robin's voice penetrated through the door, and you opened it to see him carrying a large box of supplies over to a counter. "Oh, hello, My Lady."

He bowed to you, and you merely looked around the room curiously. Robin spoke up again, "Ah, uhm, the doctor left, he said it was an emergency."

You bit your lip, you had really hoped to find consolation in your friend. At your crestfallen look, Robin suddenly seemed to remember something.

"But, he wanted me to give you this!" Robin disappeared into the back room then reappeared, satchel in hand.

Accepting it from him, you placed the strap across your shoulders. You went to open it up to inspect the contents, but the phycisian's assistant stopped you. "Sean also said to open it when you really need it."

You raised an eyebrow at your friend's cryptic words. The last time he was like this, he had gifted you his journal, which led you to finding the herb that saved Ethan. Fastening the latch on it again, you nodded respectfully to Robin before leaving with a goodbye from him.

The satchel was a comfortable cloth, and the contents weren't too terribly heavy. Your thoughts were so preoccupied with what could possibly be in it, you looked up right as you collided with someone.

"Sorry." The person you had run into was Leo, and he just kept walking past you.

You wondered what he was doing here, his room was in the other wing. Strange. Upon entering your room, you saw that Maryana was gone, however the food was cleaned and replaced. The sun was about to set, so your eyes were able to competently scan the room. You caught sight of a piece of paper laying on your desk.

Walking over to grab it, you held it up against the sunlight to read the messy note scrawled across it.

'Ethan was exiled. He leaves at dusk with meager provisions.'

You didn't recognize the handwriting, but was thankful for the writer anyway. This had to have been a signal for you to do something. The only thing that came to your mind was to leave with him. You surely couldn't challenge the exile yourself, not when you were with child. Ethan would never let you. If you stayed at the castle, your pregnancy would be found out and you didn't know what the Queen would do to the baby. Nothing good.

Your first instinct was to pack a bag of necessities, but you already had the satchel from Sean. Another bag would only slow you down. Patting your thighs, you were relieved that you still had your daggers. The only thing you did was rip off your dress and hurriedly change into your riding pants and shirt. The change of clothes would allow you more mobility.

Throwing the satchel back across your chest, you strapped the holsters on and held one dagger in your hand, just in case. Giving the room one last glance, you felt a mix of emotions. Sure, this was where you had basically been imprisoned awaiting your marriage to a child, but you had so many fond memories with Ethan here. These grounds had been the origin of your love.

But now it was about to become the demise, so you shut the door quietly behind you, and walked away without a second glance over your shoulder.

♢

The forest was cold, and you shivered against it as the sun sank deeper into the horizon.

You were atop Milaana, whom you had commandeered for the greater good. She was one of Amy's horses, so she hadn't been ridden as much since she was married off. You figured the royal family of Gizmonia wasn't going to use her much, and they would notice your absence with or without a horse. At least this way you could fine Ethan sooner and escape faster.

Milaana whinnied as she gracefully leapt over some tangled roots. She seemed happy to be out of the stables as well, galloping along jovially. Your eyes strained to see through the trees for anything that seemed like it could remotely be Ethan.

You still hadn't opened your bag from Sean yet, it was resting against your leg as you rode on. Blinking your eyes furoiusly, you had to stay awake until you found him. You couldn't rest now.

The speckled grey mare beneath you suddenly reared back, and you had to rub her neck to calm her down. You warily looked down at what had gotten her startled. Laying on the ground in front of her was a vaguely human-like figure curled up tightly.

This had to be Ethan, you realized as you leapt down and the figure stood up.

Your stomach dropped to the ground and your heart leapt up to your throat as you came face to face with the person.

Even in the dimming light, you knew exactly who it was. Ethan. You could always recognize the handsome, caring features of him.

"Y/N." He breathed out in disbelief, pulling you into a tight hug.

You let out a breath of relief, trying to pull yourself closer to him. Here he was, your love. Ethan was okay, and you were together.

"Y/N." Ethan repeated your name, caressing your cheek as if he was checking that you weren't a hallucination.

"You selfish bastard." You choked out with a voice that hadn't been used for over twelve hours. Locking your lips on his, you let yourself cry again.

"I'm so sorry, my love."

"Do you know what you were doing to me? You promised you wouldn't leave us, not even for Heaven or death. How could you?" Your voice cracked as you chastised him, hitting his arm angrily.

"Y/N."

Just him saying your name with so much sincerity made you nearly collapse in solace. "Ethan."

He kissed you again, then held you firmly to him. Your heart ached with all the emotional turmoil you'd been through. You felt your shoulder get wet, and you knew that Ethan was crying as well. Guiding him to sit in the roots where he had been attempting to sleep earlier, you let him rest his head against you.

"I'm sorry, that this happened. I thought that sacrificing myself was what was best." Ethan blubbered, and you ran your fingers through his slightly knotted hair, working out the small knots gently. "I could only think about you two, and I didn't want to hurt either of you."

"We're all together now, Ethan. It'll be okay." You assured him, a few silent tears still dripping down your cheeks.

He suddenly sat up straight, and stood up quickly, hauling you to your feet. "The baby! We can't stay out here in the cold all night. And we need to keep moving, they'll notice you're gone by morning and definitely send out a search party."

"We should get on our stolen horse then, hm?" You swung your leg over the saddle, and gestured for Ethan to follow you.

He grabbed his own small bag and joined you on the saddle, arms wrapped around your waist. His hands were resting on your stomach, as if to protect you both. "I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, Ethan." You smiled to yourself as he kissed your cheek.

Maybe everything would be okay.