Chapter Thirty Two
Primadonna

tw:
brief mentions of overdosing

A WEEK.  THAT's how long it had been since the school fight.  A whole week since the students at West Valley High went on a rampage. A week since Miguel fell from the second floor. He was in a coma. Sydney hadn't been to see him. She couldn't. She couldn't see him lying in a hospital bed with his neck and head surrounded a brace. She couldn't see him lifeless. Miguel Diaz was a larger than life character and now he was practically dead in a hospital. Sydney couldn't bring herself to see him just yet even though she was in the hospital herself.

She didn't remember waking up that day.  The last thing she remembered was crying her eyes out and taking her pills because her anxiety was high she felt like she was going to explode.  But then she took another one.  Then another,  and another.  Evidently they didn't work because Sydney's chest tightened and closed up,  along with her throat,  and she couldn't breath.  It felt like a fire was set off in her lungs and she was trying to claw her throat open to release the pain but she was stuck.  Then,  everything went black.

She ignored everyone's calls and texts.  The news of the school fight had reached television and it was on every news channel you could think of.  People were talking about it in the streets,  in stores,  and in their homes.  It was everywhere and Sydney decided she couldn't listen to it.  For a week,  she went to the dance studio and then came back home.  There and back,  Nowhere else.  She was almost killing herself with the amount of hours she was spending in the studio.  She even stayed after hours when everyone left with permission from Rosemary.

Sydney needed an escape.  Dance was the only thing she knew that would allow her to not think about what happened.  She poured her blood,  sweat,  tears,  and heart into her dancing.  All the anger,  sadness,  grief,  and heartache.  All the girls and Rosemary could see how bad she was struggling with the events that took place but they chose not to bombard her with questions.  Her dancing told her story.  It was sad,  beautiful,  and tragic.

It was 10:40 at night.  Dance ended at six and everyone had gone home but Sydney stayed back.  Rosemary had her promise she could stay just as long as she locked the doors and turned off the lights.  Sydney was dressed in her dance clothes and shoes.  Her phone was connected to the speaker and the song Reflections by The Neighborhood blared throughout the entire room.

"We were too close to the stars. I never knew somebody like you, somebody."

Sydney did a fast chain of chaine turns,  ending them very slowly and did a graceful spin onto the floor.  She pushed herself up with her toes and ran forward,  doing a high leap in the air.

"Falling just as hard.  I'd rather lose somebody than use somebody."

Sydney did five beautiful turns,  lifting her leg higher after each spin till her leg was high in the air and she spun around quickly.  Tears formed her eyes as she listened to the song.  The emotion behind the lyrics made her more emotional than she already was.

"Maybe it's a blessing in disguise (I sold my soul for you)
I see my reflection in your eyes."

She did a split leap in the air and dropped into a spin,  fan kicking her leg across her and she lifted her arms softly in the air.

"Where have you been?  Do you know if you're coming back."

She fell out of her turn and fell onto the floor,  landing on her butt.  "Dammit."  She hissed and brought her knees us,  leaning her elbows on them.  She felt her lip start to quiver.  "Don't cry.  Don't cry.  Don't cry."

"We were too close to the stars
I never knew somebody like you, somebody
Falling just as hard
I'd rather lose somebody than use somebody
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise (I sold my soul for you)
I see my reflection in your eyes."

Everybody and their mother tried getting ahold of Sydney. Sam called numerous times along with her family.  Aisha and Demetri texted her asking if she was okay. Moon told her that she loved her and she could always come over to meditate if she needed to. The only person she didn't hear from was Tory. Honestly, Sydney never wanted to see Tory again. She didn't want to see anybody again.

Caroline and Alexander kept their daughter out of school for the whole week. They let her make the choice on when she wanted to go back.  When Caroline walked into her daughter's room and found her on her bedroom floor,  her world stopped.  Then she saw the pill bottle and she screamed.  Her husband rushed up the stairs to Sydney's room and his heart stopped beating.  It was quite possible that their daughter overdosed.

They rushed Sydney to the hospital as quick as possible.  There were kids there already,  bruised and bloody from the fight.  Alexander sprinted into the hospital with his daughter in his arms and she was foaming at the mouth.  They rushed her into a room immediately.

She didn't overdose but she was very close.  Sydney's medication was a high dosage.  Though she hadn't had an attack in years,  her anxiety would always get really high.  Sydney didn't know what caused her to take so many.  Maybe it was because she didn't feel like they were working and she needed to relieve the pain she was feeling in that very moment.  She hated herself for doing that to her parents.

They watched her carefully for the past week and monitored when she took her medication. Though they didn't want to make her feel like they were overbearing, Sydney scared the shit out of them and they didn't want it to happen again. It was a strange sight to see them be around her so much considering they were always away. Both Alexander and Caroline made the decision to step away from their duties for a little while to spend more time with their daughter.

In all honesty, they didn't realize how bad her anxiety was. They felt like terrible parents.

Sydney soaked up every second of her time with them to try and attempt to keep Miguel off her mind.  Unfortunately,  it wasn't working because every night when she went to sleep,  she saw Miguel falling over the railing.  She heard the cracking of his spine and the snapping of his bones.  She saw the fear in his face.  She saw the way his body flung around on the steps.

She missed his voice so much.  She missed him so much.

Sydney considered calling Carmen. She couldn't imagine how she was feeling. Her baby boy was in the hospital in a coma. She had to go home and not see his cute smile and beautiful eyes. Miguel was all they had and now he most likely gone. But as hard as she tried, she just couldn't and she felt selfish.

That night Sydney laid in bed, fresh out the shower with a clean face and wet hair. She was swaddled in her satin sheets and thick comforter in the safety of her own home. But she didn't feel safe. She didn't feel safe anywhere. The bruises she gained from the fight were still etched on her skin. The cut on her lip was healing but her temple was bruised along with her cheek.  Her sides were covered in bruises from the multiple kicks and punches.  Every cut and mark was a reminder of what she got herself caught up in.  This was why she took no interest in karate.  Karate meant one thing and it was to inflict pain on people.  She never wanted to set foot in a dojo ever again.

Her room was pitch black.  She tried closing her eyes and forcing herself to go to sleep.  Slowly,  and very slowly,  she found herself slipping away into the darkness.

A face popped in her head.  A cute boy with tan skin and braces.  He had the most adorable brown eyes and smile.  An image flashed of Sydney and the boy standing outside,  him laughing at something she said.  Another imagine flashed of them walking along the beach hand and hand,  the wind blowing and the sunset glowing in the sky.  Another image showed up of them kissing.  It was their first kiss.  Then,  an image of them holding each other on his bed,  Sydney asleep and the boy smiling at her in a daze.  They were sweet and innocent images.  Beautiful images that she cherished.  But then,  she saw him falling in the air and then she heard a loud,  bone chilling crack.

"Miguel!"

A scream broke through the air and her door swung open.  The light turned on and Alexander and Caroline bursted into Sydney room,  seeing her hyperventilating and crying.  "Sydney."  Hr father spoke and they sat on either side of her. 

Sydney couldn't breath.  She held her chest and cried her eyes out, gasping for air.

"Sydney,  breath,  I need you to breath honey."  Her mother encouraged.

She shook her head.  Her face was bright red.

"Sydney,  baby,  breath.  It's okay.  You're safe."  Her father said softly and wrapped his arms around her,  pulling her into his chest.

Sydney bawled and held her arms close to her.  She choked on her sobs.  She wasn't okay.  No matter how tough she tried act or how much she said it,  Sydney wasn't okay and she wouldn't be okay for a while.

My poor girl :((

Of any of you remember back in the beginning of the story,  Sydney explains that she never cries.  She taught herself to always be tough and never let anyone see her upset.  I think her character development is amazing because she's allowing herself to be vulnerable and let people in