Chapter Seventy Two
Primadonna

AFTER LEAVING THE spa with a fresh face, Sydney was still on edge after her panic attack. She was on edge like she couldn't get herself to relax. She didn't discuss it with any of the girls because she was trying to forget about it. That's usually what she did after having an attack, she just chose to forget about them. When she got back home, she walked inside her house and saw her father sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper. "Dad, I'm home." She announced.

Alexander lowered the newspaper and smiled at his daughter. "How was your girl's day, honey?"

"It was good." She answered and walked over to the fridge. She reached inside and pulled out a bottle of water. "I, uh, I definitely needed a day to myself."

"Well good, I'm glad. Makes me happy to see you forgetting about Michael." He went back to reading his paper.

Sydney rolled her eyes. "Miguel, dad."

"He broke my daughter's heart. He's whatever I call him."

She smiled slightly and walked over to sit with him at the table. "Where's mom?" She asked.

"She went to the store. We were thinking of making Bouillabaisse." He told her, the subtly French accent rolling off his tongue.

She released a heavenly sigh. "My favorite."  She brought her nails to her mouth and started gnawing at them.

Alexander looked up again and narrowed his eyes.  "You only chew your nails when you're anxious."  He pointed out.

She immediately dropped her hand.  "No,  I don't."

He gave her a look.  "Yes,  you do.  That's why you always have your nails done."  He put the newspaper down on the table.  "What's going on,  amour?"

"Nothing.  I'm fine,"  she quickly dismissed and looked at her hands.  "Just noticing that I'm in desperate need of a manicure.  I'll ask Sam if she wants to go."  As she was texting her friend,  she didn't get a response.  She lifted her eyes and saw that he was still looking at her.  "What?"

The corner of Alexander's mouth turned up.  "You think I don't know the signs?"  He inquired.

"Signs of what?"

"Your tense,  your hands are shaking,  your biting your nails. . ."  He listed off.  "Y'know,  when I was in high school,  I got panic attacks all the time."

Sydney's muscles stiffened even more than they already were.  "Dad—"

"I played basketball. I was shooting guard, which meant I always had pressure on me. I couldn't mess up because if I did, then the whole team would mess up."

The familiar feeling of dread came back as she listened to her father's explanation. Her expression withered.

"I remember when I missed the last shot of the game, I went to the locker rooms and had a panic attack on the bathroom floor," Alexander continued. He laughed slightly. "I thought my team hated me. I thought my coach hated me. I thought my whole world was crumbling down."

"What happened then?" His daughter asked, her voice small.

"After everybody left, coach pulled me aside to talk. He said that my mistakes don't define me and that all I could do was try again the next time." He recited like it was yesterday. He reached over and grabbed her hand, holding it firmly. "I know how hard thing's have been for you since what happened at the All Valley and I know you've been trying to hide how you're feeling. But Sydney, you're mistakes don't define you. You're not a failure. You're always a winner to me."

She longed to hear the words from somebody besides herself.  She didn't believe herself when she said it.  She thought about her dream in the pod and all of her friends around her saying how much of a let down she was.  It wasn't them but it was her own self conscious because Sydney didn't believe in herself.  She was constantly worried about messing things up.  Her loss at the All Valley costed them a lot and she blamed herself.  All she wanted to hear was that it wasn't her fault.

Sydney squeezed her dad's hand and smiled.  "Thanks,  daddy.  I really needed to hear that."

"I'll always be here to tell you,  ma fille."

Sydney decided that she was done being sad. It was Summer and she was tired of wallowing around in her own self pity. She was better than that. The was Sydney Benoist. Life was too short to be depressed.

Upon the invitation, Sydney traveled with Sam, Yasmine, and Moon to the water park. It was the first day of opening for the Summer. Normally she didn't like going to the water park because it was always crowded but Sydney thought it was a good time to be social and not isolate herself like she was.

She laid flat on the beach chair with her arms stretched over her head. A pair of black Prada sunglasses protectors her eyes from the very hot sun.  She blocked out the noise of screaming kids.

"Ew,  Anthony,  can you not stare at my friends!"  Sam scoffed after catching her little brother practically drooling.

The other girls turned their heads and Anthony's eyes went wide. "No, no, no, I wasn't, um, uh, staring," he stammered with a nervous laugh. When they didn't say anything, he quickly took with an embarrassed look on his face.

Sydney grimaced. "Gross, he's like my brother."

"Oh please, he's had a crush on you ever since he accidentally walked in on us changing in my room." Sam ridiculed.

Moon smiled. "Aww, that's so cute!"

Yasmine leaned up from her chair. "He's starting high school in the fall, right?" She asked with a smirk. "Let's torture him. Tell him later I asked if he's been working out."

The girls laughed but Sam looked grossed out. "Ew. You guys are so gross and I want no part of this." She went back to reading her book.

"I'm so glad we're doing this," Moon spoke with a happy smile. "Ocean, how are you feeling since the spa?"

Sydney sighed and turned her head to look her way. "I feel. . . Like I want to scream." She answered truthfully. "But I also want to move on and stop feeling like a damn tragedy. I'm losing sight of who I am."

"You're Sydney Benoist, since when do you not know who you are?" Yasmine questioned with a slight laugh.

It was obvious that the blonde had no idea who she really was, the girl who she used to be friends with. To Yasmine, Sydney was just another popular girl with money in her pocket.  They were just alike in her eyes.  Recently,  she could see that she was very much wrong and they were actually completely different.

In a way,  Yasmine envied her.

"I think it time I go back to who I was before."

"Minus being a bitch."  Sam said and laughed after.

"I liked when she was a bitch!"  Moon defended with a giggle.

Sydney grinned.  "So did I."

"Hey babe!"

The girls looked over and Sydney's smile dropped when she saw Miguel and Eli walking towards them.  Her stomach dropped slightly.

"Oh no."  Sam mumbled.

Moon waved at her boyfriend with a happy smile until she realized.  "Oh,  shoot!"  She looked at Sydney.  "I'm so sorry,  Syd.  I totally forgot they were coming."  She spoke regretfully.

The British girl faked a smile.  "It's okay,  Luna.  I'm here to have fun.  Not dwell on the past."

"Are you sure?  Because I can—"

"It fine."  She repeated,  the smile on her face very tight.

Eli and Moon shared a kiss and Miguel stood there awkwardly,  not knowing what to say because his ex girlfriend was there.  "H-Hey,  Syd.  Hi. . ."  He uttered and mentally cringed.

Sydney looked at him from the top of her sunglasses.  "Hi,  Miguel,"  she responded uncomfortably.  She sat upright in the beach chair.  "How are you?"  She tried to start a conversation.

"Me?  Oh,  I'm good – I'm great!  Yeah."  He stammered.  When it got quiet again,  he cringed again.  He pointed to the empty chair next to Sam.  "Sam,  is,  uh. . ."

Sam's eyes widened slightly.  "Oh,  yeah,  sure.  Take a seat."

Miguel quickly sat down and the brunette now felt extremely awkward sitting between the ex couple.  She quietly went back to reading.

Sydney felt her muscles tighten and she raised her sunglasses over her eyes again.  Her arms stretched over her head again and she tried to go back to her relaxed state.

Miguel tried to keep his eyes from wondering to her very long and tan legs which appeared even more tan with orange bikini she was wearing.

The others could feel the unresolved tension between them.

After a while of awkward silence and the constant giggling from Moon and Eli, Sydney needed to take a walk. "I'm going to the snack bar. Does anyone want anything?" She announced and stood up from the beach chair. She grabbed her white see through bathing suit cover up.

They collectively said no and she quickly walked away to avoided more of the awkward tension.

Miguel watched her walk away with a sad frown. She could barely make eye contact with him.

Sam looked up from her book and noticed the sullen expression. She felt bad. "Y'know, she's not mad at you. She's just trying to figure things out." She said quietly so the others wouldn't hear.

The boy shook his head. "I know, but, I can't stop thinking about how it's my fault. If I didn't leave then none of this would've happened."

Sam frowned.

"I just wish she would talk to me. I want to at least be friends." No, I don't. I want to be more than that.

"Why don't you go catch up with her?"  The girl suggested.

Miguel's eyes shifted and he saw the British girl standing in line at the concession stand.  He was hesitant.  They hadn't talked since the day he showed up at her house and the tension between them was still fresh.  He knew she was mad even if everyone tried to tell him otherwise. 

Miguel didn't want to push her but at the same time it was painful to not be around her.  He nodded at Sam's words and stood from the beach chair.

Sydney stood in line with her arms crossed over her chest in boredom.  She titled her head side to side until she saw Miguel making his way to the line.  Then,  she froze.  Oh,  shit.  She said in her head.  She dropped her arms back down to her side.

"Hey,  Syd. . ."  The boy greeted with a slow smile.

"Hey."  She responded simply.  She cleared her throat.  "Uh,  what are you g-getting?"  She asked and pointed to the concession stand.

"Oh,  uhhh,"  he trailed in thought.  "I heard they have really good pickle pops."

She narrowed her eyes.  "What?"

"Pickle pops."

She only stared at him,  her eye brows raising like she wanted him to clarify.

His mouth dropped.  "You don't know what a pickle pop is?"  He nearly gasped.

"You make it sound like it's the best thing in the world!"  She defended herself.

"Cause it is!"  He said with a scoff.

"No,  Bouillabaisse is."

Miguel only blinked his eyes.

She pointed at him.  "See,  you have that same look!"

He cracked a smile.  "Okay,  you have to try a pickle pop.  I know you like pickles."

Sydney shrugged slightly.  "I do,  yes."

They got closer to the front of the line and she wrapped her arms around herself.  She couldn't shake the awkwardness.  It was hard to look at him but it was also hard to not smile at him.  She figured it she avoided eye contact that it would make things easier.  "So, um, I'm sorry for not responding to your texts. I really needed a day to myself." She said to him.

Miguel instantly shook his head. "N-No, you don't have to apologize. I get it. Take all the days you need." He spoke quickly.

The brown eyed girl stared at him, her mouth gaped open slightly. He still looked at her with that sweet expression on his face, his eyes light and full of love. It caused her chest to start hurting.

"What can I get you?" The woman working the concession stand asked.

Sydney snapped out of it and quickly looked at her. "Oh, uh. . . T-Two pickle pops, please." She responded.

"$2.00 please."

Before she could give her the money, Miguel had already given her the money. Sydney shook her head at him. "No, Miguel, you don't have—"

He interrupted her. "It's fine, Syd. I got it." The woman came back with two of the snacks and she handed them to him. "Thank you." He smiled.

Sydney quickly thanked her and they stepped out of line. She instantly inhaled the smell of pickles and she looked at the icy snack he was holding. "So it's just a frozen pickle?" She questioned oddly.

"It's frozen pickle juice that they mold into the shape of a popsicle," Miguel elaborated and held out the cup with the snack inside. "Come on, try it."

She gingerly took the cup from him and picked up the frozen pickle juice. Her eyes examined it before cutting to him quickly, seeing him give her a smile. Sydney pressed her tongue to it and her eyes widened slightly. "Wow, that's really good."

Miguel's smile widened. "See, I told you!"

"Who knew pickle juice could be so life changing." She uttered and continued to lick it.

They began to walk back to their friends. "I guess we're even now."  He said with a small grin.  He ate his pickle pop.

She looked his way.  "What do you mean?"  She questioned.

"Well,  you introduced me to crab cakes and lobster and I introduced you to pickle pops,"  he elaborated.  "Now we're even."

She vividly remembered the day she and her parents took him to the country club.  He had never eaten any of the food they served before and he was overwhelmed.  He eventually did try the crab cakes and he loved them.  The memory made her smile.  Then,  her chest hurt again and the smile vanished.  She didn't look at him again.  She couldn't bring herself to think about anymore of their memories.

the progress they're making 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼